{"id":18569,"date":"2019-10-28T12:15:40","date_gmt":"2019-10-28T09:15:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18569"},"modified":"2019-10-28T12:15:40","modified_gmt":"2019-10-28T09:15:40","slug":"boala-in-mediul-corporatist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/boala-in-mediul-corporatist\/","title":{"rendered":"Boala \u00een mediul corporatist"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00centr-o diminea\u021b\u0103, Vasile se trezi cu capul c\u00e2t o bani\u021b\u0103, doldora de lichide de varii v\u00e2scozit\u0103\u021bi care se rev\u0103rsau sub form\u0103 de secre\u021bii pe toate cavit\u0103\u021bile. Se \u00eemb\u0103rb\u0103t\u0103 pe interior \u0219i se duse totu\u0219i la munc\u0103, pentru c\u0103 Vasile era genul responsabil.<\/p>\n

\u0218efa lui, feminist\u0103 din valul al treilea, genul tare ca piatra, care considera no\u021biunea de empatie uman\u0103 drept o n\u0103scocire odioas\u0103 a patriarhiei \u0219i un mod de a \u021bine femeile de alt\u0103dat\u0103 legate de calorifer, \u00eei arunc\u0103 o singur\u0103 privire din v\u00e2rful pr\u0103jinii cu care nu \u00eei ajungeai la nas \u0219i \u00eel \u00eentreb\u0103 pe un ton de procuror SS-ist:<\/p>\n

-Ce e cu tine?<\/p>\n

-Sunt r\u0103cit, r\u0103spunse scurt \u0219i lipsit de nuan\u021be Vasile.<\/p>\n

-De ce ai r\u0103cit?<\/p>\n

-Haaa?<\/p>\n

La o \u00eentrebare ca asta, Vasile se bloc\u0103. Ce era s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103? “A\u015fa a vrut \u0102l de Sus”, cum ar fi zis popa din cartier, de care se ascundea mereu c\u00e2nd venea cu t\u0103m\u00e2ia din bloc, la sfin\u0163it? “A fost un accident biologic.”? “Da, chiar, de ce omul e fiin\u0163\u0103 trec\u0103toare \u015fi supus\u0103 bolilor \u015fi mor\u0163ii? Profund\u0103 \u00eentrebare.” Primele cinci r\u0103spunsuri care i-au trecut prin cap ar fi fost interpretate de feminist\u0103 drept mostre de mansplaining, a\u015fa c\u0103 \u015fi le \u00eenghi\u0163i cu noduri. “Uneori, dac\u0103 nu vre\u0163i mansplaining, ideal ar fi s\u0103 pune\u0163i \u00eentreb\u0103ri cu sens”, \u00ee\u015fi mai zise el, desigur, tot \u00een g\u00e2nd.<\/p>\n

-Probabil c\u0103 m-am molipsit de la cineva, g\u0103si un colac de salvare.<\/p>\n

-P\u0103i \u015fi de ce nu iei \u015fi tu o pastil\u0103?<\/p>\n

“Cuntus apoteoticus, nu \u015ftiu cum func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 \u00een mintea ta pastila”, \u00ee\u015fi zise \u00een sinea lui Vasile. “O iei \u015fi, brusc, treci de pe settingul R\u0103cit pe settingul S\u0103n\u0103tos, cum treci tu de la setarea Espresso la Cappuccino pe cafetier\u0103?”<\/p>\n

-Azi m-am trezit r\u0103cit, g\u0103si el un r\u0103spuns safe. Sau trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103 doctoricesc \u00een fiecare zi, preventiv, pentru cele mai frecvente 30 de boli?<\/p>\n

Opa, tot \u00eei sc\u0103pase ironia. Acum, urma potopul.<\/p>\n

-Vasile, cobor\u00ee brusc tonul japi\u0163ei. \u015etii c\u0103 nu mai ai 20 de ani. La v\u00e2rsta ta, omul ar trebui s\u0103 ia vitamine pentru imunitate. S\u0103 umble des la controale. S\u0103…<\/p>\n

“Poarte protez\u0103 preventiv \u015fi eventual scutec pentru adul\u0163i”, complet\u0103 \u00een g\u00e2nd Vasile.<\/p>\n

-OK, mul\u0163umesc foarte frumos c\u0103 mi-ai spus cum s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc, z\u00e2mbi el deosebit de amabil. Acum, facem \u015fi noi ceva treab\u0103 sau…<\/p>\n

-Dar nu \u00eemi convine c\u0103 ai r\u0103cit. O s\u0103 ne molipse\u015fti pe to\u0163i.<\/p>\n

-Perfect. Trimite-m\u0103 acas\u0103. Nimic nu e mai tentant pentru un om bolnav dec\u00e2t un pat \u015fi un vin fiert, \u00eencepu s\u0103-l enerveze pe Vasile c\u0103, \u015fi \u00een contextul \u00een care el umplea de muci o batist\u0103 dup\u0103 alta, cuntus apoteoticus se g\u00e2ndea tot la ea \u015fi at\u00e2t.<\/p>\n

-Siiiigur. Cum ne e pu\u0163in r\u0103u\u0163. cum d\u0103m bir cu fugi\u0163ii, c\u00e2t de milenial.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
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\u00centr-o diminea\u021b\u0103, Vasile se trezi cu capul c\u00e2t o bani\u021b\u0103, doldora de lichide de varii v\u00e2scozit\u0103\u021bi care se rev\u0103rsau sub form\u0103 de secre\u021bii pe...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18492,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/syringe.jpg?fit=640%2C384&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18569"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18570,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18569\/revisions\/18570"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18492"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}