{"id":18588,"date":"2019-11-02T09:40:06","date_gmt":"2019-11-02T06:40:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18588"},"modified":"2019-11-02T11:48:56","modified_gmt":"2019-11-02T08:48:56","slug":"toate-modurile-in-care-pisica-ta-iti-va-da-trezirea-sambata-dimineata","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/toate-modurile-in-care-pisica-ta-iti-va-da-trezirea-sambata-dimineata\/","title":{"rendered":"Toate modurile \u00een care pisica ta \u00ee\u0163i va da trezirea s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 diminea\u0163a"},"content":{"rendered":"

S\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 diminea\u0163a e, oficial, perioada celui mai dulce somn din univers. A celor mai catifelate vise, a celor mai relaxante tr\u0103iri, a bucuriei de a dormi ne\u00eentors.<\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103 tu ai pisic\u0103. \u015ei pisica asta are de obicei deprinderi diferite de hr\u0103nire, acumulate \u00een timpul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii. Mai pe \u015fleau, dac\u0103 de luni p\u00e2n\u0103 vineri ai obi\u015fnuit-o s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce la \u015fapte, o s\u0103 vrea \u015fi s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce tot la \u015fapte, pentru c\u0103 animalelor le plac regulile \u015fi rutina, mai ales c\u00e2nd au de primit lucruri.<\/p>\n

Hell, \u015fi nou\u0103 ne plac regulile \u015fi rutina, mai ales c\u00e2nd avem de primit lucruri, altfel suntem deja cu nervii pe bigudiuri: Cut\u0103re\u015ftii n-au pl\u0103tit. Ce inten\u0163ioneaz\u0103 s\u0103 fac\u0103??? Pl\u0103tesc, sau…?<\/p>\n

Cam a\u015fa \u015fi pisica ta, c\u00e2nd tu dormi pe timpul ei de m\u00e2ncare. Uite, b\u0103, neru\u015finatul \u0103sta, are tupeul s\u0103 doarm\u0103 \u00een loc s\u0103-\u015fi onoreze datoria, mnez\u0103ii lui de nesim\u0163it \u015fi de porc.<\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103 pisicile au strategii prin care extrag din tine ce vor ele.<\/p>\n

A) S\u0103rutul lui Iuda.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Te pomene\u015fti, \u00een timp ce dormi, cu cel mai tandru, ginga\u015f \u015fi fin s\u0103rut pe obraz. Se zb\u00e2rle\u015fte pielea pe tine a emo\u0163ie \u015fi te \u00eentrebi cum ai cunoscut-o \u00een somn pe iubirea vie\u0163ii tale \u015fi oare cum arat\u0103.<\/p>\n

Apoi, s\u0103rutul se repet\u0103, la fel de tandru \u015fi de m\u0103t\u0103sos, \u015fi urmeaz\u0103 tors.<\/p>\n

La asta, tu tresari. De c\u00e2nd torc oamenii, \u015fi nu te referi la gospodine de la \u0163ar\u0103, \u015fi nici la fuioare?<\/p>\n

Logic, nu e vorba de niciun om. E\u00a0 doar pisica ta, care te treze\u015fte deosebit de iubitor \u015fi de afectuos, s\u0103-i dai \u00een mor\u0163ii m\u0103-tii s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce.<\/p>\n

B) Masajul thailandez.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103 tu, uneori, e\u015fti prea obosit \u015fi ignori s\u0103rut\u0103rile. Ce face pisica ta? Trece la body-to-body. Se \u00eentinde cu tot corpul peste tine \u015fi \u00eencepe s\u0103 se frece \u015fi pe lung, \u015fi pe lat, \u015fi pe oblic, \u015ffichiundu-te scurt cu coada \u015fi torc\u00e2nd din r\u0103sputeri, s\u0103 sune \u015fi de la vecini.<\/p>\n

\u00cen acest masaj, care merge \u015fi \u00een sus, \u015fi \u00een jos, \u00ee\u0163i bag\u0103 de cel pu\u0163in dou\u0103 ori capul \u00een nas \u015fi coada \u00een gur\u0103, s\u0103 te prinzi c\u0103 nu ai de a face cu ghei\u015fe, ci cu distinse doamne pisici, care \u00eent\u00e2mpin\u0103 o problem\u0103 \u015fi solu\u0163ia e la tine.<\/p>\n

C) Piatra de moar\u0103.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

S\u0103 zicem c\u0103 e\u015fti prea obosit \u015fi pentru masaj body to body. Sau e\u015fti prost, nu te prinzi c\u0103 e cu remunera\u0163ie, m\u00e2ng\u00e2i pisica pus\u0103 pe dr\u0103g\u0103l\u0103\u015fenii \u015fi adormi la loc.<\/p>\n

\u0102la e oficial momentul c\u00e2nd o s\u0103-\u0163i iei muia de rigoare, ca un cretin care nu se prinde ce are de f\u0103cut ce e\u015fti.<\/p>\n

De unde se freca de tine, u\u015foar\u0103 ca fulgul, pisica se opre\u015fte pe loc \u015fi se las\u0103 greu pe tine.<\/p>\n

Cine nu \u015ftie c\u00e2t de grea e o pisic\u0103 \u00een secunda c\u00e2nd se las\u0103 greu, s\u0103 \u00eencerce s\u0103 ridice o cutie de transport cu pisic\u0103 \u00een\u0103untru, c\u00e2nd pisica n-are chef de captivitate. Un sac de nisip de 10 kg de la Lidl e categoria pan\u0103 pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 cutia \u00een care e \u00eenchis\u0103 pisica nemul\u0163umit\u0103 de tine, care a hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103 se lase greu.<\/p>\n

\u015ei toat\u0103 aceast\u0103 greutate se abate peste tine, tu visezi c\u0103 zicem un accident \u015fi c\u0103 a c\u0103zut Notre Dame pe tine, iar tu nu po\u0163i s\u0103 te mi\u015fti \u015fi o s\u0103 mori acolo, captiv sub ruine.<\/p>\n

\u00cen cele din urm\u0103, te treze\u015fti. E doar pisica ta, \u00eenc\u00e2ntat\u0103 c\u0103 te-a readus \u00een via\u0163\u0103, \u015fi a\u015ftept\u00e2nd ner\u0103bd\u0103toare m\u00e2ncarea.<\/p>\n

4) Jaws\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103, uneori, tu dormi prea ad\u00e2nc, \u015fi ratezi \u015fi aceast\u0103 experien\u0163\u0103. Mori sub ruinele de la Notre Dame \u015fi te transformi \u00een zombi, \u00een acela\u015fi vis.<\/p>\n

Acest zombi al t\u0103u va avea, \u00een scurt timp, ni\u015fte furnic\u0103turi extrem de dureroase \u00een degetele de la picioare.<\/p>\n

De ce?<\/p>\n

Pentru c\u0103 m\u00e2\u0163a ta s-a prins c\u0103 nu merge cu bini\u015forul, \u015fi c\u0103 se impune trecerea la tortur\u0103 direct\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u015ei atunci, \u00ee\u0163i caut\u0103 picioarele sub plapum\u0103 \/ p\u0103tur\u0103, sau m\u00e2inile, s\u0103 te mu\u015fte de degete.<\/p>\n

At\u00e2t m\u00e2na, c\u00e2t \u015fi laba piciorului, sunt zone de maxim\u0103 sensibilitate, de unde o s\u0103 sari din vis de zici c\u0103 te-au proiectat cu arcuri.<\/p>\n

5) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103 tu, uneori…<\/p>\n

“Lorena”, sare deja comentac antihaz, “ce tip de om rabd\u0103 s\u0103 fie mu\u015fcat de t\u0103lpi.”<\/p>\n

Un om obosit, boss. Un om extrem de obosit.<\/p>\n

\u015ei atunci pisica ta va \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 e cazul s\u0103 scoat\u0103 artileria cu adev\u0103rat grea.<\/p>\n

O s\u0103 identifice un obiect de metal sau similar (cu\u0163it, furculi\u0163\u0103, ornament mai mare, whatevs) \u015fi o s\u0103 \u00eenceap\u0103 s\u0103-l tr\u00e2nteasc\u0103 cu furie prin toat\u0103 casa, produc\u00e2nd o g\u0103l\u0103gie sinistr\u0103, de zici c\u0103 treceau toate tradi\u0163iile populare rom\u00e2ne\u015fti de Cr\u0103ciun \u015fi Anul Nou la tine \u00een garsonier\u0103.<\/p>\n

G\u0103l\u0103gie de-\u0163i blestemi zilele \u015fi te lepezi de Satana. G\u0103l\u0103gie de faci avort spontan, chiar dac\u0103 n-ai mai f\u0103cut sex de voi ani. G\u0103l\u0103gie de \u00eencepi s\u0103 pl\u00e2ngi \u00een somn, \u015fi abia dup\u0103 aceea te treze\u015fti.<\/p>\n

Exorcismul lui Emily Rose\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

S\u0103 zicem c\u0103 nope, nu dai semne de via\u0163\u0103 nici la tr\u00e2ntit.<\/p>\n

“Lorena, dar cum…”<\/p>\n

Simplu. Eu c\u00e2nd sunt obosit\u0103, dorm, nu m\u0103-ncurc. Dorm de fac b\u0103lu\u0163e la gur\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u015ei atunci, motanul scoate ultima arm\u0103. Urletul cutremur\u0103tor de dincolo de morm\u00e2nt.<\/p>\n

La \u0103la sari, c\u0103 nu ai cum altfel.<\/p>\n

*Poanta final\u0103 e c\u0103, dup\u0103 ce a m\u00e2ncat, motanul se lunge\u015fte comod \u00een locul t\u0103u din pat \u015fi adoarme. \u00cen timp ce tu pl\u00e2ngi \u00eenceti\u015for \u00een col\u0163.<\/p>\n

Foto: pixabay.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
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S\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 diminea\u0163a e, oficial, perioada celui mai dulce somn din univers. A celor mai catifelate vise, a celor mai relaxante tr\u0103iri, a bucuriei de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18590,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/cat2-e1572646741836.jpg?fit=481%2C425&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18588","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18588"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18588\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18593,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18588\/revisions\/18593"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18588"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18588"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18588"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}