\u0218i pisica ta se urc\u0103 pe genunchii t\u0103i \u0219i \u00eencepe s\u0103-\u021bi pupe delicat degetele care \u021bin pensula. \u0218i s\u0103 se frece de tine. \u0218i s\u0103 se l\u0103f\u0103ie pe genunchii t\u0103i cu burta moale \u0219i bl\u0103noas\u0103 \u00een sus, s\u0103 toarc\u0103 r\u0103sun\u0103tor, alternat cu mieun\u0103turi scurte \u0219i alintate de bebe pisoi. \u0218i s\u0103 cear\u0103 insistent m\u00e2ng\u00e2ieri. Dac\u0103 nu \u00ee\u021bi iei inima \u00een din\u021bi s-o pui al\u0103turi, garantat \u00eent\u00e2rzii.
\n\u0218i dac\u0103-\u021bi iei numita inim\u0103 \u00een numi\u021bii din\u021bi, \u00een exact patru secunde e urcat\u0103 \u00eenapoi pe tine, f\u0103c\u00e2nd acela\u0219i expozeu de amor cu n\u0103b\u0103d\u0103i.<\/p>\n
Monstrul din solni\u021b\u0103<\/strong><\/p>\n Alt\u0103 tactic\u0103 e aia \u00een care te vede c\u0103 te \u00eembraci, \u0219tie c\u0103 pleci, \u0219i pleac\u0103 \u00eembufnat\u0103 \u00een buc\u0103t\u0103rie, s\u0103-\u021bi arate dezaprobarea ei legat\u0103 de acest gest. Iar \u00een buc\u0103t\u0103rie st\u0103 ce st\u0103, \u0219i c\u00e2nd vede c\u0103 tu ai treab\u0103 \u0219i te \u021bii de ea, decide s\u0103 creeze suspans.<\/p>\n \u0218i brusc, \u00eencepe s\u0103 miaune sf\u00e2\u0219ietor. V\u0103leeeeu, m\u0103 atac\u0103\u0103\u0103 monstrul din solni\u021b\u0103\u0103\u0103. Iar tu, f\u0103ptur\u0103 oribil\u0103, pleci \u0219i m\u0103 la\u0219i prad\u0103 monstrului din solni\u021b\u0103. Mvaaaaaau. Mvaaauuuuu. Dac\u0103 te duci s-o alin\u021bi, se cramponeaz\u0103 de g\u00e2tul t\u0103u ca victima unei mari nenorociri, salvat\u0103 \u00een ultima clip\u0103 de neagra pierzanie.<\/p>\n Sigur \u00eent\u00e2rzii unde ai treab\u0103.<\/p>\n Misterul cheilor pierdute<\/strong><\/p>\n Cumva, pisica ta s-a prins c\u0103, nu se \u0219tie de ce, nu po\u021bi pleca f\u0103r\u0103 buchetul \u0103la zorn\u0103itor de chestii de metal. \u0218i atunci, cea mai simpl\u0103 tactic\u0103 este s\u0103 se lungeasc\u0103 peste ea, indiferent c\u0103 e pe canapea sau pe mas\u0103, \u0219i s\u0103 adoarm\u0103 brusc, profund, cu b\u0103lu\u021be la gur\u0103. “Dar, Lorena, lor nu le e incomod pe ascu\u0163i\u015furile alea de metal?”<\/p>\n Nu \u015ftiu, fr\u0103\u0163ioare. Mi-am v\u0103zut pisica dormind pe elemen\u0163i de calorifer, \u015fi pe partea de sus a u\u015fii, deci cred c\u0103 trupul pisicesc \u00ee\u015fi produce singur airbag sau ceva. Ar putea dormi \u015fi pe cuie, ca fakirii.<\/p>\n To bag or not to bag, this is the question<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00cen ultima vreme, merg mai mult pe func\u0163ional dec\u00e2t pe epatat burghezia, drept care, geanta mea e o geant\u0103 de laptop \u00een care, desigur, am laptopul, ca dac\u0103 am timp mor\u0163i \u015fi a\u015ftept\u0103ri, s\u0103 mai lucrez ceva. Plus c\u0103 \u00een orice geant\u0103 de laptop \u00eencap \u015fi multe alte obiecte mici \u015fi mijlocii.<\/p>\n C\u00e2nd pisica vede c\u0103 pleci \u015fi, s\u0103 zicem, cheile stau ag\u0103\u0163ate \u00een cuier, urm\u0103toarea chestie pe care se poate \u00eentinde s\u0103 adoarm\u0103 ca \u00eempu\u015fcat\u0103 e geanta. Geant\u0103 de laptop fiind, n-o poate face disp\u0103rut\u0103. Ceea ce poate, \u00eens\u0103, e s\u0103 descrie un covrig perfect \u015fi m\u0103t\u0103sos cu corpul ei \u015fi s\u0103-\u015fi pun\u0103 cochet o l\u0103bu\u0163\u0103 peste fa\u0163\u0103, l\u0103s\u00e2nd s\u0103 ias\u0103 doar un botic inocent \u015fi must\u0103cios. Dac\u0103 o atingi, miaun\u0103 ofensat\u0103 la tine. Cum po\u0163i deranja ceva at\u00e2t de adorabil ca mine, vaco?<\/p>\n Baaaby, Iiiii’m yoooour pre\u015f\u015f\u015f\u015f\u015f<\/strong><\/p>\n Mbun. S\u0103 zicem c\u0103 e o zi c\u00e2nd tu \u0163i-ai ag\u0103\u0163at \u015fi geanta, \u015fi cheile \u00een cuier. Pasul final e s\u0103 se lungeasc\u0103 din to\u0163i r\u0103runchii de-a curmezi\u015ful u\u015fii. Like: Pleci numai peste cadavrul meu deosebit de mort. \u015ei c\u00e2nd tu dai s\u0103 calci peste, \u00ee\u0163i apuc\u0103 picioarele cu l\u0103bu\u0163ele. Fuga, fuga, prin porumb<\/strong><\/p>\n C\u00e2nd fiara bl\u0103noas\u0103 se prinde c\u0103 volens, nolens, tu pleci \u015fi asta e, alta n-avem, se face brusc glon\u0163 \u015fi o tule\u015fte la fug\u0103 pe scara blocului. \u015ei nu ai de ales, dac\u0103 stai \u00een bloc de cretini neprieteno\u015fi cu animalele: fugi dup\u0103 ea \u015fi o prinzi. \u015ei v\u0103 asigur, e o curs\u0103. Din toate punctele de vedere. ***<\/p>\n \u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n *** Exist\u0103 dou\u0103 moduri \u00een care po\u021bi avea un animal. Unii le au la modul proprietate – func\u021bionalitate, ai voie asta \u0219i asta, faci asta...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":17157,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/cat1.jpg?fit=640%2C425&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18636"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18636\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18637,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18636\/revisions\/18637"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17157"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nO vreme, m-am tot mirat de ce se dau disp\u0103rute cheile mele din secunda \u00een care m\u0103 preg\u0103tesc de plecare \u0219i le-am suspectat de rebeliune. Acum, \u00eens\u0103, dac\u0103 ele nu-s pe nic\u0103ieri \u0219i pisica e mult prea pasiv\u0103 fa\u021b\u0103 de plecarea mea, o iau \u00een bra\u021be. \u00cen cinci cazuri din \u0219ase, cheile sunt dedesubt.<\/p>\n
\nE greeeu s\u0103 pleci \u00een condi\u0163iile astea. Dar tu chiar ai treab\u0103. \u015ei atunci intervine \u015fmecheria final\u0103.<\/p>\n
\n\u00cenainte, c\u00e2nd st\u0103team \u00een bloc de pensionari cumsecade, care se cuno\u015fteau to\u0163i cu to\u0163i – dezavantajul fiind absen\u0163a oric\u0103rei discre\u0163ii \u015fi intimit\u0103\u0163i legate de via\u0163a ta intim\u0103 – o l\u0103sam s\u0103 se duc\u0103 \u015fi o recuperam la \u00eentoarcere de la babe. Era Pulic\u0103 al meu r\u0103zg\u00e2iat \u015fi umflat de r\u0103sf\u0103\u0163 \u015fi delicatesuri. Acum, c\u0103 stau \u00een bloc de garsoniere, cu singuratici auti\u015fti care prefer\u0103 s\u0103 a\u015ftepte urm\u0103torul lift doar pentru a evita interac\u0163iunea omeneasc\u0103, alerg cu pre\u0163ul vie\u0163ii s-o prind. Nu \u015ftii care din ciuda\u0163ii \u0103\u015ftia are o preferin\u0163\u0103 pentru friptur\u0103 de pisic\u0103 pe pat de cartofi dulci \u015fi morcovi sota\u0163i, cu un sos r\u0103coritor de limet\u0103.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"