{"id":18725,"date":"2019-12-14T13:08:28","date_gmt":"2019-12-14T10:08:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18725"},"modified":"2023-12-11T21:02:44","modified_gmt":"2023-12-11T18:02:44","slug":"secret-santa-e-o-ineptie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/secret-santa-e-o-ineptie\/","title":{"rendered":"Secret Santa e o inep\u021bie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 companii de bun sim\u021b, care ofer\u0103 angaja\u021bilor prime, bonusuri, cadouri de Cr\u0103ciun. \u0218i exist\u0103 companii calice, cu manageri zg\u00e2rci\u021bi, care-\u0219i m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 de cum unghii. Managerii \u0103\u0219tia chitro\u0219i \u0219i-au zis \u00eentr-o zi: Cum facem s\u0103 NU oferim prime de s\u0103rb\u0103tori \u0219i s\u0103 ducem totu\u0219i prostul de nas c\u0103 am s\u0103rb\u0103torit? Ah, da. \u00cei punem pe pro\u0219ti s\u0103-\u0219i cumpere cadouri singuri. Cum? Ei lor \u00een\u0219i\u0219i? Prea evident. Nonono, unii altora.
\nOK, dar poate pro\u0219tii no\u0219tri sunt deja s\u0103tuli unii de al\u021bii opt ore pe zi \u0219i nu au chef s\u0103 se \u0219i cadoriseasc\u0103. Stai a\u0219a, \u00eei punem s\u0103 se trag\u0103 unii pe al\u021bii la sor\u021bi. \u0218i ca s\u0103 nu explodeze resentimentele, \u00eei zicem Secret Santa.<\/p>\n

\u00cen traducere din ebraica veche, Secret Santa \u00eenseamn\u0103 angajator chitros. \u0218i unicul mod \u00een care spui: “te v\u0103\u0103\u0103d, F\u0103nele, cum \u00eencerci s\u0103 scapi f\u0103r\u0103 prim\u0103 de s\u0103rb\u0103tori” este refuzul particip\u0103rii. Nu-mi impui tu mie spirit de s\u0103rb\u0103toare pe banii mei, pe care oricum m\u0103 munce\u0219ti ca pe ho\u021bii de cai, d\u0103-te-n sloboz de calic.<\/p>\n

1. Dac\u0103 te bagi \u00een jocule\u0163e de tip Secret Santa, \u00eencurajezi managerul chitros s\u0103 \u00eencerce s\u0103 te “ciupeasc\u0103” \u015fi \u00een alte feluri.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Recuno\u015fti un zg\u00e2rcit sadea dup\u0103 modul \u00een care caut\u0103 mereu s\u0103 se fofileze de la ac\u0163iunea de a scoate bani din buzunar, din modul \u00een care are impresia c\u0103 vr\u0103jeala proast\u0103 \u0163ine loc de $$$$ \u015fi din miile de mici tertipuri prin care caut\u0103 s\u0103-\u0163i limiteze \u00eencas\u0103rile.
\nAzi pui botul la o caliceal\u0103 de tip Secret Santa, m\u00e2ine te pomene\u015fti c\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i deduce bonurile de mas\u0103 din salariu sau te amendeaz\u0103 pentru \u00eent\u00e2rziere, sau alte oligofreneli similare.
\nNu vrei s\u0103 te fu\u0163i cu genul \u0103sta de zg\u00e2rcit, nici m\u0103car din punct de vedere profesional.
\nSecret Santa s\u0103 faci tu cu m\u0103-ta, F\u0103nele. E decizia ta s\u0103 nu-mi dai prim\u0103 de s\u0103rb\u0103tori, \u015fi vei sim\u0163i reversul c\u00e2nd o s\u0103 te miloge\u015fti s\u0103 fac munc\u0103 suplimentar\u0103 \u015fi eu o s\u0103-\u0163i zic plin de regrete c\u0103 aiem sori.<\/p>\n

Cine plm e Rodica?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mie \u00eemi plac cadourile utile. Voi prefera \u00eentotdeauna ciorapi de dam\u0103, c\u0103 \u0103ia de calitate sunt scumpi ai dracu \u015fi indispensabili iarna, unui buchet de flori. Sper ca la moartea mea s\u0103-mi pun\u0103 lumea pe morm\u00e2nt jerbe de ciorapi de dam\u0103. Sau de tu\u015furi negre de ochi, c\u0103 \u015fi pe alea le consum ca pe semin\u0163e.
\nAl\u0163ii, dimpotriv\u0103, sunt ofensa\u0163i de un cadou util, \u015fi dac\u0103 le dai un parfum, se sup\u0103r\u0103 flea\u015fc\u0103: Ce vrei s\u0103 insinuezi, c\u0103 put?
\nUnicul mod \u00een care po\u0163i face un cadou ok e s\u0103 cuno\u015fti intim persoana \u015fi s\u0103-i \u015ftii ideile fixe \u015fi pe cele mobile.
\n\u00cen corpora\u0163iile cu mul\u0163i angaja\u0163i, exist\u0103 \u015fanse ca nu doar s\u0103 nu cuno\u015fri bine persoana ci gen s\u0103 n-o cuno\u015fti deloc. \u015ei acum s\u0103 stai s\u0103 te bagi \u00een seam\u0103 for\u0163at cu Rodica, s\u0103 \u015fi descoperi c\u0103 e proast\u0103 de bubuie, iar tu proastei \u0103steia trebuie s\u0103-i cumperi ceva \u015fi preferabil s\u0103 nu umfli t\u0103r\u00e2\u0163a \u00een ea a isterie.
\nNO. THANKS.<\/p>\n

Bugetul.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u0163ii la persoan\u0103 cu adev\u0103rat, nu-i dai un ciuruc. \u00cei dai ceva demn de ea, ceva pe care s\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 nu-l arunc\u0103 \u00een primul co\u015f de gunoi dup\u0103 ce s-a asigurat c\u0103 a ie\u015fit din orizontul t\u0103u vizual.
\nDac\u0103 un cadou pentru cineva e f\u0103cut la modul “ce se \u00eencadreaz\u0103 \u00een \u0163 lei f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 arate calic”, mai bine nu-i faci cadou.<\/p>\n

Deja avem suficiente cadouri de cump\u0103rat anyway.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Familie, prieteni, apropia\u0163i, chiar \u015fi parteneri de business cu care ai o rela\u0163ie mai uman\u0103. Chiar nu ai nevoie \u015fi de Rodica. Rodica nu sclavage\u015fte pentru tine, ci pentru muistul care a ini\u0163iat Secret Santa. S-o cadoriseasc\u0103 muistul.<\/p>\n

Inevitabila compara\u0163ie.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tu cumperi ceva decent \u015fi de calitate, c\u0103 \u0163i-e ru\u015fine s\u0103-i dai o sticl\u0103 de Premiat. Iar c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u0163i desfaci pachetul, consta\u0163i c\u0103 ai primit un pix \u00een form\u0103 de penis \u015fi o can\u0103 cu m\u00e2ner de penis. Cum ai venit, ai luat pula de dou\u0103 ori.
\nNu, mersi.<\/p>\n

Efortul de a mima bucuria \u00een fa\u0163a mul\u0163imii, c\u00e2nd ai primit un kkt.<\/strong><\/p>\n

La un moment dat, f\u0103ceam traduceri pentru o companie care, de s\u0103rb\u0103tori, oferea acela\u015fi pachet tuturor, angaja\u0163i interni \u015fi colaboratori externi: o pung\u0103 festiv\u0103 cu un Panettone \u015fi o \u015fampanie. Nu trebuia s\u0103 mimezi orgasmul la un Panettone \u015fi o \u015fampanie ca Meg Ryan \u00een When Harry met Sally.
\nDar c\u00e2nd se desfac cadourile unul c\u00e2te unul, tu vezi pixul \u00een form\u0103 de penis \u015fi cana cu m\u00e2ner de penis, lumea \u00eencepe s\u0103 aplaude, o reac\u0163ie de Grinch ar fi un party killer evident \u015fi tu ai deveni haterul number one. Se uit\u0103 n perechi de ochi la tine. Cine a fost f\u0103pta\u015ful??
\n\u00cenghi\u0163i \u00een sec \u015fi \u00eencepi: “Vaaai, ce tare. Mereu mi-am dorit s\u0103 scriu cu penisul \u015fi s\u0103 beau din penis. Mul\u0163umeeesc”.<\/p>\n

\u015ei, ca o chestie final\u0103: Secret Santa nu e niciodat\u0103 secret.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tu pe cine ai?
\nPe m\u0103-ta, de ce?<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 companii de bun sim\u021b, care ofer\u0103 angaja\u021bilor prime, bonusuri, cadouri de Cr\u0103ciun. \u0218i exist\u0103 companii calice, cu manageri zg\u00e2rci\u021bi, care-\u0219i m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 de cum...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18726,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/secretsanta.jpg?fit=778%2C607&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18725"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18725\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25776,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18725\/revisions\/25776"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18726"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18725"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}