{"id":18755,"date":"2019-12-19T10:22:09","date_gmt":"2019-12-19T07:22:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=18755"},"modified":"2019-12-19T10:28:33","modified_gmt":"2019-12-19T07:28:33","slug":"bully-enablers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/bully-enablers\/","title":{"rendered":"Bully enablers"},"content":{"rendered":"

Azi, iubit\u0103 comunitate, vom vorbi despre bully enablers. Pentru c\u0103 eu, \u00een via\u0163a mea privat\u0103, trec printr-o situa\u0163ie \u00een care m-a h\u0103r\u0163uit un bully, am \u00eencercat s\u0103-l trimit la cote\u0163 cu frumosul, mai mult l-a \u00eent\u0103r\u00e2tat, am \u00eencercat cu parada de mor\u0163i de mam\u0103 \u015fi \u0103la se d\u0103 acum mare victim\u0103. Iar al\u0163ii caut\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 scoat\u0103 pe mine vinovat.<\/p>\n

Taman de aceea, dragi cre\u015ftini, vom \u00eenv\u0103\u0163a azi cum s\u0103 nu fim noi \u00een\u015fine bully enablers.<\/p>\n

1. Vede\u0163i un om furios la culme. \u00centreba\u0163i-v\u0103 ce l-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 fie a\u015fa.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sigur, unii sunt furio\u015fi \u015fi iu\u0163i congenitali, dar pe \u0103ia \u00eei remarci din cum bufnesc \u015fi pocnesc f\u0103r\u0103 motiv, \u015fi cum au permanent ceva de repro\u015fat, ba c\u0103 ai \u0163ig\u0103ri, ba c\u0103 n-ai \u0163ig\u0103ri, ba c\u0103 n-ai \u015fapc\u0103.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd un om relativ rezonabil e \u00een spume, traseul corect e s\u0103 te \u00eentrebi care e piesa de puzzle absent\u0103. Cum de a ajuns a\u015fa.<\/p>\n

De aceea nu pun botul la “demasc\u0103ri” cu replici sup\u0103rate pe Facebook ale celebrit\u0103\u0163ii X sau Y, dac\u0103 nu v\u0103d \u015fi contextul. \u00cen 90% din cazuri, l-au provocat unii p\u00e2n\u0103 l-au f\u0103cut s\u0103 spumege.<\/p>\n

\u015ei cei mai mul\u0163i bullies n-o s\u0103 povesteasc\u0103 “\u015fti\u0163i, eu am zis asta, asta \u015fi asta, \u015fi abia apoi etc”. Cei mai mul\u0163i bullies o s\u0103 boceasc\u0103 a panselu\u0163e: “V\u0103leeeu, a zis de mamaaaa.”<\/p>\n

2. Nu \u00eencerca\u0163i s\u0103 invoca\u0163i v\u00e2rsta sau via\u0163a unui bully.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Hai, c\u0103 e copil”. “Hai c\u0103 are 40 de ani, nu-l mai schimbi”. “Hai c\u0103 a avut o via\u0163\u0103 grea.”<\/p>\n

Un bully de 18 ani poate fi la fel de disturbing \u015fi de insistent ca unul de 50, iar c\u00e2nd cineva te h\u0103r\u0163uie\u015fte, nu o face cu buletinul \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103.<\/p>\n

Pe de alt\u0103 parte, sunt oameni care au avut vie\u0163i inimaginabil de grele. S\u0103r\u0103cie, chinuri, foame, boal\u0103 fizic\u0103, \u00eengrijirea unui alt om bolnav. \u015ei totu\u015fi, ace\u015ftia nu au ar deranja o musc\u0103. Pentru c\u0103 nu au tic\u0103lo\u015fia programat\u0103 genetic \u00een caracter.<\/p>\n

3. Nu \u00eel lua\u0163i pe omul bullied cu “las\u0103, drag\u0103, sunt simple vorbe”.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

A\u015fa, \u015fi Antena 3 spune simple vorbe, \u015fi Mircea Badea spune simple vorbe, \u015fi Ordonan\u0163a 13 erau simple vorbe. Dincolo de vorbe, e o energie \u015fi o atitudine. \u00cen cazul bully-ului, e o energie \u015fi o atitudine destructiv\u0103, \u0163intit\u0103 spre a-l minimaliza pe cel bullied, spre a-l umili, spre a-l c\u0103lca \u00een picioare, pentru ca bully-ul s\u0103 derive satisfac\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

4. Sau dac\u0103 sunt simple vorbe, m\u0103car fi\u0163i consecven\u0163i \u00een demers: \u015fi reac\u0163ia omului bullied e format\u0103 din simple vorbe.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u00eei faci celui bullied ditamai procesul de inten\u0163ie pentru c\u0103 l-a b\u0103gat pe bully \u00een mor\u0163ii lui, nu povesti tot tu c\u0103 insultele h\u0103r\u0163uitorului sunt simple vorbe.<\/p>\n

Mai ales c\u0103 dac\u0103 primele simple vorbe nu ar fi existat, nu ar fi existat nici simplele vorbe de dup\u0103.<\/p>\n

5. “Puteai s\u0103 taci, pur \u015fi simplu”.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh, really. S\u0103 taci \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eenghi\u0163i. S\u0103-i dai bully-ului senza\u0163ia definitiv\u0103 de victorie \u015fi s\u0103-i cimentezi soclul imaginar de superioritate care \u00eel justific\u0103 s\u0103 h\u0103r\u0163uiasc\u0103 pe al\u0163ii.<\/p>\n

6. “\u015ei chiar nu \u00ee\u0163i pare r\u0103u c\u0103 i-ai putut zice asta \u015fi asta?”\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nu mai bine iei tu aparatul extractor de regret \u015fi \u00eel aplici direct pe bully? C\u0103 \u0103luia te asigur eu c\u0103 NU \u00eei pare r\u0103u. Dimpotriv\u0103. Unelte\u015fte ce alt\u0103 r\u0103utate mai poate face azi \u015fi cui.<\/p>\n

7. “De ce nu ai cerut ajutor extern?”\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pentru c\u0103 poate c\u0103 l-ai cerut \u015fi poate c\u0103 ajutorul extern mai mult l-a ambi\u0163ionat pe prost. C\u0103 prostul a \u00een\u0163eles c\u0103 dac\u0103 ceri ajutor, e semn c\u0103 nu handle tu singur situa\u0163ia \u015fi a insistat cu at\u00e2t mai mult.<\/p>\n

Da, e un lucru bun s\u0103 ceri ajutor extern, dar nu mereu la \u00eendem\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi nu ai mereu r\u0103bdare p\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 vin\u0103. Uneori, e mai scurt s\u0103-i zici omului de m\u0103-sa direct, f\u0103r\u0103 intermediari.<\/p>\n

8. \u015ei nu \u0163i-a fost ru\u015fine de ceilal\u0163i care mai erau pe acolo?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

S\u0103 folosim presiunea social\u0103 pentru a umili o persoan\u0103 bullied. Grozav. Poate c\u0103 asta ar fi trebuit s\u0103-l \u00eentrebi pe bully, cel care a ini\u0163iat. Lui nu i-a fost ru\u015fine? Se pare c\u0103 nu.<\/p>\n

S\u0103 facem o analogie. Dac\u0103 am parte de o tentativ\u0103 de viol \u00een public, nu-mi va fi ru\u015fine s\u0103-i fac \u0103luia c***ele terci exact acolo. Parc\u0103 e preferabil a\u015fa, dec\u00e2t s\u0103 fii violat.<\/p>\n

Da, regret c\u0103 restul lumii a trebuit s\u0103 asiste la c***e f\u0103cute terci, dar\u00a0 nu am ajuns cu c***ele individului \u00een zona genunchiului din ini\u0163iativa mea.<\/p>\n

9. Dar e\u015fti femeieeeee.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Asta e cea mai toxic\u0103 chestie pe care i-o po\u0163i spune cuiva care se ap\u0103r\u0103. Nu te mai ap\u0103ra, pentru c\u0103 e\u015fti femeie. \u015ei \u0103la a \u00eenceput s\u0103 h\u0103r\u0163uiasc\u0103 tot pentru c\u0103 eram femeie. C\u0103 dac\u0103 eram un ins musculos \u015fi solid de 110 kilograme, s-ar fi temut instinctiv de un pumn \u00een bot \u015fi n-ar fi f\u0103cut-o.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd \u00eent\u00e2lni\u0163i \u00een vie\u0163ile voastre situa\u0163ii de genul, nu deveni\u0163i avoca\u0163ii h\u0103r\u0163uitorului. Problema e persoana care a ini\u0163iat. Rezerva\u0163i-v\u0103 mustr\u0103rile \u015fi lec\u0163ioarele pentru ea.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0163i plac textele Trollywood? Po\u0163i sus\u0163ine \u015fi tu proiectul.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Azi, iubit\u0103 comunitate, vom vorbi despre bully enablers. Pentru c\u0103 eu, \u00een via\u0163a mea privat\u0103, trec printr-o situa\u0163ie \u00een care m-a h\u0103r\u0163uit un bully,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18694,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/eye.png?fit=640%2C419&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18755"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18755\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18759,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18755\/revisions\/18759"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}