Azi am fost \u00een ora\u015f cu C\u0103t\u0103lin Neam\u0163u \u015fi Drago\u015f Muscalu, \u00een scopuri lucrative. Nu spun mai multe, pentru c\u0103 deocamdat\u0103 aceste scopuri lucrative sunt top secret. Nu \u015ftim de ele dec\u00e2t Neam\u0163u, Muscalu, eu… ah, \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 vreo 30 de persoane implicate mai mult sau mai pu\u0163in direct \u00een aceea\u015fi poveste. Asta-i ca-n celebrul banc cu ghei:<\/p>\n
Un sihastru coboar\u0103 de pe v\u00e2rful muntelui p\u00e2n\u0103 la prima caban\u0103:
\n-Nu mai pot! Binecuv\u00e2nteze-v\u0103 Dumnezeu, vreau de m\u00e2ncare, de b\u0103ut \u015fi de preacurvit c\u0103 nu mai reziiiist.
\n-Sfinte p\u0103rinte, uite: poftim m\u00e2ncare, poftim de b\u0103ut, dar de preacurvit nu-l avem dec\u00e2t pe Bul\u0103, \u00een col\u0163.
\n-Nu preacurvesc eu cu Bul\u0103, c\u0103 nu sunt gheeeei.
\nM\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 p\u0103rintele, bea, nu preacurve\u015fte \u015fi se \u00eentoarce \u00een pe\u015ftera lui din mun\u0163i. Peste \u015fase luni:
\n-Nu mai pot! Binecuv\u00e2nteze-v\u0103 Dumnezeu, vreau de m\u00e2ncare, de b\u0103ut \u015fi de preacurvit c\u0103 nu mai reziiiiiiist.
\n-Sfinte p\u0103rinte, uite: poftim m\u00e2ncare, poftim de b\u0103ut, dar de preacurvit nu-l avem dec\u00e2t pe Bul\u0103, \u00een col\u0163.
\n-Nu preacurvesc eu cu Bul\u0103, c\u0103 nu sunt gheeeei.
\nM\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 p\u0103rintele, bea, nu preacurve\u015fte \u015fi se \u00eentoarce \u00een pe\u015ftera lui din mun\u0163i. Peste alte \u015fase luni:
\n-Nu mai pot! Binecuv\u00e2nteze-v\u0103 Dumnezeu, vreau de m\u00e2ncare, de b\u0103ut \u015fi de preacurvit c\u0103 nu mai reziiiiiiiiiiiiiist.
\n-Sfinte p\u0103rinte, uite: poftim m\u00e2ncare, poftim de b\u0103ut, dar de preacurvit nu-l avem dec\u00e2t pe Bul\u0103, \u00een col\u0163.
\n\u00centre timp, sfin\u0163ia-sa, nepreacurvit de mult timp, se \u00eenduplec\u0103:
\n-Dar dac\u0103… s\u0103 presupunem prin absurd… c\u0103 eu, s\u0103 zicem… a\u015f accepta s\u0103… prin absurd, insist! s\u0103 preacurvesc cu Bul\u0103… Presupunem, da? Cine ar afla?
\n-P\u0103i se poate, p\u0103rinte? La noi discre\u0163ia-i baza! Nu am \u015fti dec\u00e2t sfin\u0163ia-ta, Bul\u0103, eu… plus \u0103ia zece care l-ar \u0163ine pe Bul\u0103, c\u0103 nici Bul\u0103 nu e ghei.<\/p>\n
Cam a\u015fa cu Neam\u0163u, Muscalu \u015fi Lorena. Dar nu asta e ideea post\u0103rii de fa\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n
Ci, \u00een timp ce st\u0103team noi \u00een bar, Neam\u0163ul, care e un so\u0163 extrem de tandru, comand\u0103 o farfurie de cioc\u0103nele la pachet, pentru so\u0163ia lui. Sosesc cioc\u0103nelele, \u00een farfurie de unic\u0103 folosin\u0163\u0103 \u015fi folie de aluminiu, \u015fi a\u015fteapt\u0103 frumos s\u0103 termin\u0103m noi ce f\u0103ceam. Adic\u0103 scopurile lucrative pentru care ne \u00eent\u00e2lnisem.<\/p>\n
Apoi am ie\u015fit la aer curat, cu cioc\u0103nelele \u00een m\u00e2na Muscalului. Care a \u00eenceput s\u0103 \u00eenghit\u0103 \u00een sec. \u015ei mi le-a pasat subtil. Dup\u0103 un timp, am \u00een\u0163eles. Cioc\u0103nelele miroseau \u00eenc\u00e2nt\u0103tor. Ar fi putut produce un al doilea potop, cu saliva purt\u0103torului. Ar fi putut produce un record mondial la categoria \u00eenghi\u0163it \u00een sec. Ar fi putut st\u00e2rni o nou\u0103 er\u0103 a foametei. Datorit\u0103 lor, g\u0103inile ar fi putut deveni o specie pe cale de dispari\u0163ie.<\/p>\n
Am urcat \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103, s\u0103 m\u0103 duc\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la prima sta\u0163ie de metrou. Cioc\u0103nelele erau acolo. Aroma lor ne \u00eenv\u0103luia, ne ame\u0163ea, ne n\u0103ucea. \u00cemi juram s\u0103 dau spargere la prima shaormerie din drum. Invocam \u00een g\u00e2nd postere PETA cu puiu\u0163i adorabili declar\u00e2nd “We are not nuggets”.<\/p>\n
\u015ei am ajuns acas\u0103. Mi-am comandat telefonic ni\u015fte cioc\u0103nele de la un home delivery. Dar cioc\u0103nelele sunt ca iubirea, \u015fi ca revista MAXIM: nu se pot \u00eenlocui. Indiferent de c\u00e2te cioc\u0103nele a\u015f m\u00e2nca – exist\u0103 mii de universuri de cioc\u0103nele, care m\u0103 a\u015fteapt\u0103, \u015fi eu pe ele, nu voi uita niciodat\u0103 mireasma cioc\u0103nelelor lui C\u0103t\u0103lin Neam\u0163u, \u00eentr-o sear\u0103 friguroas\u0103 de ianuarie. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Azi am fost \u00een ora\u015f cu C\u0103t\u0103lin Neam\u0163u \u015fi Drago\u015f Muscalu, \u00een scopuri lucrative. Nu spun mai multe, pentru c\u0103 deocamdat\u0103 aceste scopuri lucrative...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[91],"class_list":["post-1981","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy","tag-ciocanele-logic"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1981","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1981"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1981\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1981"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1981"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1981"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}