{"id":19858,"date":"2020-06-21T12:12:30","date_gmt":"2020-06-21T09:12:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=19858"},"modified":"2020-06-21T12:13:55","modified_gmt":"2020-06-21T09:13:55","slug":"de-ce-metoda-prezinta-mi-o-ca-eu-nu-voi-fi-nesimtit-nu-functioneaza","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/de-ce-metoda-prezinta-mi-o-ca-eu-nu-voi-fi-nesimtit-nu-functioneaza\/","title":{"rendered":"De ce metoda “Prezint\u0103-mi-o, c\u0103 eu nu voi fi nesim\u0163it” nu func\u0163ioneaz\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cemi scriu oamenii pe po\u015fta redac\u0163iei. Mul\u0163i \u015ftiu exact unde gre\u015fesc, dar au nevoie de adev\u0103rul spus rece \u015fi la obiect, \u015fi de un du\u015f auriu de afar\u0103, s\u0103 se adune \u015fi s\u0103 ia decizia corect\u0103. Modul prin care func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 impecabil treaba asta este ANONIMATUL.<\/p>\n

\u00cen secunda \u00een care ace\u015fti oameni \u00eemi spun tor ce au pe suflet, \u015ftiind c\u0103 nu le voi da \u00een vileag identitatea, ei \u00eemi acord\u0103 \u00eencrederea lor, iar eu am grij\u0103 s-o menajez \u015fi s\u0103-i menajez. Except\u00e2nd dou\u0103 – trei persoane care s-au dezv\u0103luit singure \u00een sec\u0163iunea de comentarii, restul au r\u0103mas anonimi all over. Am menajat inclusiv identitatea \u015fi \u00eencrederea unei scorpii psihopate care ajunsese s\u0103 m\u0103 frece la cap cu zeci de mailuri. Am b\u0103gat-o \u00een to\u0163i mor\u0163ii m\u0103-sii, public \u015fi privat, dar nu am scris nic\u0103ieri: \u015fti\u0163i lume, asta e oligofrena care mi-a scris acest creierism galopant \u00een po\u015fta redac\u0163iei.<\/p>\n

E un act de confesiune \u015fi de intimitate, iar \u00een cazul meu REGULA CONFIDEN\u0162IALIT\u0102\u0162II e non-negociabil\u0103.<\/p>\n

Spun asta pentru c\u0103, mai ales c\u00e2nd apare c\u00e2te un mail cu peripe\u0163iile sexuale ale unei dudui, hopa \u00een comentarii \u015fi masculi care cer contactele ei. Zici c\u0103-s c\u00e2ini care au adulmecat c\u0103\u0163ea \u00een c\u0103lduri \u015fi dau din coad\u0103.<\/p>\n

Mnope.<\/p>\n

Pentru o femeie care nu te cunoa\u015fte \u015fi nu \u015ftie de ce e cazul s\u0103 fie interesat\u0103 de tine, aten\u0163ia ta, mai ales sexual\u0103, constituie intruziune \u015fi deranj,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

O repet pe asta, s\u0103 fiu sigur\u0103 c\u0103 se \u00eenregistreaz\u0103.<\/p>\n

Pentru o femeie care nu te cunoa\u015fte \u015fi nu \u015ftie de ce e cazul s\u0103 fie interesat\u0103 de tine, aten\u0163ia ta, mai ales sexual\u0103, constituie intruziune \u015fi deranj,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Faptul c\u0103 eu, un om \u00een care am \u00eencredere, le fac un du\u015f rece, la solicitarea lor, nu implic\u0103\u00a0C\u0102 TU, GIGEL DE PE NET, PO\u0162I FACE ACELA\u015eI LUCRU.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mbun, dar,strict de dragul unui exerci\u0163iu de imagina\u0163ie, s\u0103 presupunem c\u0103 eu m\u0103 \u00eenham la munca asta de secretar\u0103 nepl\u0103tit\u0103 (lol, nu!): \u00eei scriu \u00eenapoi cut\u0103reasc\u0103i, salut, uite, gigel din sec\u0163iunea de comentarii, uite profilul lui, uite ce pies\u0103 de mascul, a citit mailul t\u0103u \u015fi zice c\u0103 vrea s\u0103-\u0163i ofere amor latino con mucho calor.<\/p>\n

S\u0103 zicem c\u0103 cut\u0103reasca nu-mi r\u0103spunde previzibilul: “\u0102\u0103hm, drag\u0103 Lorena, eu \u0163i-am scris s\u0103 m\u0103 descarc suflete\u015fte de t\u00e2mpenia asta abisal\u0103, nu s\u0103 \u00eemi declar statutul oficial de cu**a proast\u0103 a internetului”, de\u015fi exist\u0103 un 70% \u015fanse.<\/p>\n

S\u0103 zicem c\u0103 \u00eemi r\u0103spunde: “Sure, gigel nu arat\u0103 r\u0103u, set us up”.<\/p>\n

Punctez, nu a\u015f face gratuit genul \u0103sta de munc\u0103, pentru c\u0103 nu-s pe\u0163itoarea voastr\u0103 \u015fi nici asistenta voastr\u0103 personal\u0103. Dar, presupun\u00e2nd c\u0103 l-a\u015f face.<\/p>\n

Te conectez cu ixuleasca.<\/p>\n

1. Nu \u015ftii dac\u0103 va fi atras\u0103 de tine,\u015fi nu \u015ftii dac\u0103 tu vei fi atras de ea.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u015eti\u0163i de ce unii gigei pot fi m\u0103gari, iar gagicile staaau ca mielul la t\u0103iere? A\u015fa cum \u015fi unele gigele pot fi infinit de \u0163\u0103r\u0103nci \u015fi de enervante, iar b\u0103rba\u0163ii lor nu pleac\u0103 nic\u0103ieri?<\/p>\n

Pentru c\u0103 persoana cealalt\u0103 e amorezat\u0103. E o combina\u0163ie de atrac\u0163ie, dorin\u0163\u0103 \u015fi chimie sexual\u0103 care \u00ee\u0163i \u00eenchide toate reflexele s\u0103n\u0103toase de autoap\u0103rare \u015fi te face s\u0103 at\u00e2rni dup\u0103 c\u00e2te cineva \u00een cel mai patetic \u015fi jalnic ,mod, indiferent de modul \u00een care te trateaz\u0103.<\/p>\n

Numai c\u0103 –\u00a0numai c\u0103 –\u00a0<\/strong>aceast\u0103 dinamic\u0103 exist\u0103 \u00eentre \u0103ia doi. \u00centre ei doi \u015fi at\u00e2t. Nu ai nici o garan\u0163ie c\u0103 Ixuleasca te va pl\u0103cea la modul \u00een care l-a pl\u0103cut pe Gigel, ba chiar jetonul meu e pe NU. Pentru c\u0103, dup\u0103 ce se ard \u00een acest mod odat\u0103, oamenii devin extrem de precau\u0163i \u015fi de circumspec\u0163i \u015fi, c\u00e2nd simt c\u0103 le fuge p\u0103m\u00e2ntul de sub picioare, cei r\u0103ni\u0163i se retrag \u00een cochilie, s\u0103 se asigure c\u0103 nu vor repeta ritualul umilin\u0163ei \u015fi al emo\u0163iilor f\u0103cute cioburi.<\/p>\n

De aceea, dac\u0103 Ixuleasca a fost recent umilit\u0103 \u015fi respins\u0103, exist\u0103 \u015fanse s\u0103 fie cu garda suus, p\u00e2n\u0103 la ceruri, \u015fi s\u0103 te trateze cu “Ce rahatul meu \u00een ploaie vrei \u015fi tu, m\u0103??”<\/p>\n

\u015ei e uman.<\/p>\n

De aceea v\u0103 tot spun. Nu v\u0103 mai arunca\u0163i ca fraierii de cum vede\u0163i o femeie care v\u0103 place, sta\u0163i potoli\u0163i la locurile voastre \u015fi discuta\u0163i uman, normal, de pe o pozi\u0163ie neagresiv\u0103 – \u015fi da, inten\u0163ia de a f*** pe una care nu se vrea f*** e tot o form\u0103 de agresiune – \u015fi vede\u0163i cam ce vrea de la via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi \u00een ce pozi\u0163ie e, din punct de vedere emo\u0163ional.<\/p>\n

V\u0103 scuti\u0163i \u015fi pe voi \u00een\u015fiv\u0103 de ni\u015fte traume.<\/p>\n

De ce unii b\u0103rba\u0163i jur\u0103 c\u0103 sunt cea mai mi\u015fto femeie pe care au cunoscut-o \u015fi al\u0163ii, c\u0103 sunt o jigodie de om?<\/p>\n

Cei din prima categorie s-au prins rapid c\u0103 nu e cazul s\u0103 \u00eencerce s\u0103 m\u0103 f*** \u015fi n-au insistat ca boii, ci au \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at s\u0103 aprecieze ce am REAL de oferit, iar cei din a doua au s\u0103rit direct cu “ai prieten – dar e re\u0163ea social\u0103, normal c\u0103-\u0163i trimit mesaje private – ba m\u0103 placi, dar nu o \u015ftii” \u015fi au fost prompt trecu\u0163i peste Dun\u0103re pe un pod de pwle belite \u015fi r\u0103zbelite, care i-au \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at c\u0103 ba da, \u015ftiu exact ce \u00eemi place \u015fi ce nu.<\/p>\n

Ceea ce te duce la<\/p>\n

2. Interesul unei femei fa\u0163\u0103 de persoana voastr\u0103 nu e ceva de la sine \u00een\u0163eles.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tu te crezi buricul p\u0103m\u00e2ntului. Pot \u00een\u0163elege \u00eencrederea \u00een for\u0163ele proprii \u015fi, p\u00e2n\u0103 la un punct, e extrem de s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103. Te ajut\u0103 s\u0103 avansezi mult \u00een via\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

Punctul \u00een care \u00eencrederea \u00een for\u0163ele proprii devine un lucru nu foarte s\u0103n\u0103tos e c\u00e2nd te conduce la presupunerea c\u0103 alte persoane sunt by default interesate de tine. C\u0103 e obliga\u0163ia lor s\u0103 fie. “D\u0103-mi contactele cut\u0103reasc\u0103i, c\u0103 \u00eei ar\u0103t eu cum e un b\u0103rbat adev\u0103rat”.<\/p>\n

Sau, cum am asistat \u00eentr-o discu\u0163ie\u00a0 online \u00eentre o lesbian\u0103 \u015fi un gigel: “E\u015fti lesbian\u0103 c\u0103 nu te-am f*** eu!”\u00a0 Bine, gigel probabil c\u0103 trola, dar \u015ftim cu to\u0163ii b\u0103rba\u0163i care ar fi \u00een stare s\u0103 afirme asta f\u0103r\u0103 urm\u0103 de autoironie.<\/p>\n

Evi\u0163i o multitudine de probleme dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i asumi din start c\u0103 interesul altora nu e ceva de la sine \u00een\u0163eles. \u015ei am \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at asta the hard way.<\/p>\n

Orice actor d\u0103 47890 de castinguri. Uneori, un client vrea ceva generic “femeie, 30 de ani, prietenoas\u0103”, \u015fi agen\u0163ia \u00eei cheam\u0103 mii de femei de 30 de ani, c\u0103rora le spune la telefon s\u0103 fie prietenoase. Tu te duci, emani toat\u0103 prietenia posibil\u0103, dar exist\u0103 80% \u015fanse s\u0103 vin\u0103 alta dup\u0103 tine, s\u0103 emane cu 10% mai mult\u0103 prietenie \u015fi, \u00een cele din urm\u0103, jobul s\u0103 fie al ei.<\/p>\n

Mam\u0103, c\u00e2\u00e2\u00e2t m\u0103 ofticam la 20 de ani de chestia asta, OMG. “N-am luat NICI CASTINGUL \u0102STA???”<\/p>\n

M\u0103 duceam la urm\u0103torul casting cu frustr\u0103ri de actor respins \u015fi, guess what. Nu-l luam. Nope. Nope. NOPE.<\/p>\n

Ca s\u0103 \u00eencep s\u0103 iau castinguri, a trebuit s\u0103-mi schimb mindsetul. De la “Trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103 observe \u0103\u015ftia” la “Nimeni nu e obligat la nimic”.<\/p>\n

Din secunda aceea, m-am dus la castinguri mult mai relaxat\u0103, m-am bucurat mai mult de interac\u0163iune, de provoc\u0103rile care mi se ofereau, de materialul primit \u015fi… surpriz\u0103: am \u00eenceput s\u0103 plac real \u015fi s\u0103 iau castinguri pentru CUM ERAM \u00ceN ACEL MOMENT.<\/p>\n

\u015ei, \u00een continuare, sunt sute de castinguri pe care nu le iau, dar, pentru c\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleg c\u0103 nu e nimeni obligat la nimic, nu mai las asta s\u0103 m\u0103 frustreze. Prefer s\u0103 m\u0103 concentrez pe moduri \u00een care pot fi un actor mai bun, iar dac\u0103 tu nu m\u0103 vrei, pierderea ta.<\/p>\n

3. Nu ai nici o garan\u0163ie legat\u0103 de modul \u00een care va decurge o rela\u0163ie.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Eu \u00eens\u0103mi am fost a**hole de c\u00e2teva ori.<\/p>\n

\u015ei nu pentru c\u0103 mi-am propus s\u0103 fiu a**hole, ci pentru c\u0103 anumite comportamente triggeresc \u00een mine o reac\u0163ie virulent\u0103 de respingere.<\/p>\n

\u015ei nu \u015ftii din start c\u0103 vei fi a**hole. Niciodat\u0103 nu am \u00eenceput s\u0103 flirtez cu cineva cu vreo inten\u0163ie malefic\u0103: “S\u0103 vezi \u00een ce moduri distrug eu emo\u0163ional o fiin\u0163\u0103 inocent\u0103”.<\/p>\n

Dar, pe m\u0103sur\u0103 ce cuno\u015fti oamenii, ies la suprafa\u0163\u0103 \u015fi chestiile care te irit\u0103, \u015fi unele dintre acestea m\u0103 strepezesc p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eentr-un punct \u00een care prefer s\u0103 plec, ca s\u0103 nu \u00eencep s\u0103 te demolez din temelie.<\/p>\n

“Dar, Lorena, eu sunt b\u0103rbat, eu am controlul”.<\/p>\n

Nimeni nu are controlul. Minciuna cu controlul e cea mai toxic\u0103 dintre toate. Pentru c\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i inoculeaz\u0103 nevoia de control, care \u00eei face pe unii cu adev\u0103rat insuportabili.<\/p>\n

Nu ai controlul asupra sentimentelor femeii respective, nu ai controlul asupra modului \u00een care se va purta \u015fi nu ai controlul 100% nici m\u0103car asupra modului \u00een care te vei purta tu.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i place acest blog, fii un partener la men\u0163inerea lui.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ascult\u0103 Jet pe Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe iTunes<\/strong><\/a> sau pe Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00cemi scriu oamenii pe po\u015fta redac\u0163iei. Mul\u0163i \u015ftiu exact unde gre\u015fesc, dar au nevoie de adev\u0103rul spus rece \u015fi la obiect, \u015fi de un...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19189,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/doc.jpg?fit=640%2C423&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19858","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19858"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19858\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19861,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19858\/revisions\/19861"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19189"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19858"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19858"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19858"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}