Am un Helpnet \u00een col\u0163ul str\u0103zii, dar prefer s\u0103 mai parcurg 4 str\u0103zi p\u00e2n\u0103 la o farmacie no-name. Una gen “Viorica”, “Tan\u0163a”, “Consuela” – nu \u015ftiu de ce farmaciile \u015fi cofet\u0103riile au neap\u0103rat nume de femei. Femeia \u00eendulce\u015fte, femeia otr\u0103ve\u015fte, oh, yea.<\/p>\n
De ce? m\u0103 ve\u0163i \u00eentreba voi.<\/p>\n
Pentru c\u0103, dragi prieteni, farmacista de la Helpnet are ni\u015fte obiceiuri enervante de-\u0163i vine s-o ba\u0163i numa’n cap, s\u0103 nu cumva s\u0103 \u015fchioapete, \u015fi numa’ cu obiecte mari \u015fi grele, s\u0103 fii sigur c\u0103 nimere\u015fti.<\/p>\n
Organismul meu e ca un motor vechi. \u015etiu exact ce tratament pretinde, la simptome date. De exemplu: c\u00e2nd vine c\u00e2te un frig, \u00eencepe s\u0103 m\u0103 usture r\u0103u nasul. Semn c\u0103 sinusurile mele nu-s de acord. Dac\u0103 \u00eemi cump\u0103r o cutie de Sinupret \u015fi iau trei zile din ea – Viva la Diva! – sinusurile mele se calmeaz\u0103. Mereu!<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 m\u0103 nimeresc \u00een fust\u0103 \u015fi e frig, am aceea\u015fi cistit\u0103 recidivant\u0103, care dup\u0103 dou\u0103 – fix dou\u0103! – tablete de biseptol trece. De fiecare dat\u0103.<\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 m\u0103 enervez r\u0103u, \u00eencepe s\u0103 m\u0103 doar\u0103 ficatul. Stil “Cu nervii n-am nimic, DA’ CU FICATUL AM PROBLEMEEE!!” Tratament: silimarin\u0103. Mereu bun\u0103, mereu eficient\u0103.<\/p>\n
La \u00eenceput, f\u0103ceam t\u00e2mpenia de a intra \u00een acest Helpnet.<\/p>\n
-Vreau \u015fi eu ni\u015fte Biseptol.<\/p>\n
Se uita pizda cretin\u0103 la mine cu o privire de parc\u0103 a\u015f fi zis “vreau s\u0103 jefuiesc po\u015fta\u015ful care duce pensiile b\u0103tr\u00e2neilor din Aduna\u0163ii-Cop\u0103ceni, \u015fi s\u0103 beau banii”, apoi \u00eencepea pe un ton ar\u0163\u0103gos de pizd\u0103 \u00eendelung nefutut\u0103:<\/p>\n
-Pentru ce v\u0103 trebuie??<\/p>\n
\u00cent\u00e2i am crezut c\u0103 dac\u0103-i explic, scurt\u0103m.<\/p>\n
-Pentru cistit\u0103, doamn\u0103.<\/p>\n
Dar pizdele de la farmacie au timp – program de 8 ore. \u015ei clien\u0163i pu\u0163ini, pentru c\u0103 farmaciile “S\u0103ftica” \u015fi “Tan\u0163a” sunt mai ieftine. \u015ei trebuie s\u0103-\u015fi umple timpul cu ceva, s\u0103 simt\u0103 c\u0103 muncesc.<\/p>\n
-De ce nu v\u0103 duce\u0163i la doctor, s\u0103 v\u0103 fac\u0103 analize, s\u0103 vad\u0103 ce ave\u0163i exact \u015fi s\u0103 v\u0103 trateze \u00een consecin\u0163\u0103?? De unde \u015fti\u0163i c\u0103 biseptolul v\u0103 face bine? Dac\u0103 ave\u0163i intoleran\u0163\u0103 la el? Cotcodac-cotcodac-cotcodac-cotcodac-cotcodaac!!<\/p>\n
\u00cemi mu\u015fc buzele p\u00e2n\u0103 la s\u00e2nge \u015fi \u00eemi \u00eenfig unghiile \u00een podul palmei, tot p\u00e2n\u0103 la s\u00e2nge. Nu m\u0103 voi enerva, \u00eemi zic. “Caaalm. Pe o maaare-nspumat\u0103\u0103 \/ Un vapor navigaaa…”<\/p>\n
-Doamn\u0103, v\u0103 rog frumos s\u0103 \u00eemi da\u0163i biseptol, pe r\u0103spunderea mea.<\/p>\n
Alt\u0103 rund\u0103 de cotcod\u0103cit. Apoi \u00eemi d\u0103 biseptolul.<\/p>\n
Idem cu silimarina. Deja \u00eencepuse s\u0103 \u00eemi fie o profund\u0103 t\u00e2r\u015f\u0103 de brandul Helpnet. Dar ei \u0163in deschis mai mult, \u00een timp ce “Viorica” \u015fi “Leana” \u00eenchid la 5. \u015ei \u00eentr-o sear\u0103, simt c\u0103 \u00eemi d\u0103 t\u00e2rcoale o r\u0103ceal\u0103. <\/p>\n
-Bun\u0103 ziua, patru plicule\u0163e de Fervex, v\u0103 rog.
\n-Pentru ce v\u0103 trebuie?????<\/p>\n
C\u00e2nd sunt r\u0103cit\u0103, sunt ceva mai ciufut\u0103. De aceea mi-a s\u0103rit \u0163and\u0103ra:<\/p>\n
-Vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 otr\u0103vesc!
\n-Poftim??
\n-Da, vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 otr\u0103vesc, \u015fi m\u0103 voi otr\u0103vi pe banii mei. Nu e problema ta. Iei un un salariu s\u0103 le dai tuturor cretinilor ce vor ei \u015fi s\u0103-i prive\u015fti neputincioas\u0103 cum mor, a\u015fa c\u0103 D\u0102-MI DRACULUI FERVEXUL \u0102LA, C\u0102 M\u0102 GR\u0102BESC \u00ceN PULA MEA!<\/p>\n
N-a mai zis nimic. S-a uitat descump\u0103nit\u0103 la Security, el la ea… Apoi a scos cele patru plicuri de Fervex \u015fi mi le-a dat.<\/p>\n
-A fost greu? am \u00eentrebat-o.
\n-Dar s\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i c\u0103…, a dat s\u0103 peroreze.
\n-Nu vreau s\u0103 \u015ftiu!! Pe banii mei am dreptul s\u0103-mi cump\u0103r otrav\u0103 de \u015foareci, f\u0103r\u0103 pis\u0103logeli. La revedere!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Am un Helpnet \u00een col\u0163ul str\u0103zii, dar prefer s\u0103 mai parcurg 4 str\u0103zi p\u00e2n\u0103 la o farmacie no-name. Una gen “Viorica”, “Tan\u0163a”, “Consuela” –...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2030","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2030"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2030\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2030"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2030"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2030"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}