{"id":20404,"date":"2020-09-19T10:29:52","date_gmt":"2020-09-19T07:29:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=20404"},"modified":"2020-09-19T10:39:58","modified_gmt":"2020-09-19T07:39:58","slug":"oligofrenii-care-se-vaieta-de-botnita","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/oligofrenii-care-se-vaieta-de-botnita\/","title":{"rendered":"Oligofrenii care se vaiet\u0103 de botni\u021b\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cencep s-o recunosc \u0219i eu, principala problem\u0103 a timpurilor moderne e p***ficarea b\u0103rbatului. Dar nu \u00een sensul c\u0103 se\u00a0 rade pe corp s\u0103 nu fie un urangutan p\u0103ros, se penseaz\u0103, se d\u0103 cu creme antirid \u0219i \u00ee\u0219i alege cu grij\u0103 hainele. \u0102sta e un lucru bun, semn c\u0103 \u0219i b\u0103rbatul devine con\u0219tient c\u0103 aspectul fizic conteaz\u0103 \u0219i nu po\u021bi ar\u0103ta ca Danny DeVito \u0219i s\u0103 pretinzi femeilor s\u0103 vad\u0103 \u00een tine un Brad Pitt.<\/p>\n

P***ficarea b\u0103rbatului se manifest\u0103 altfel, mai trist. Se ciocnesc de un disconfort minor \u0219i \u00eencep s\u0103-l exagereze, s\u0103-i dea propor\u021bii apocaliptice \u0219i s\u0103 se v\u0103ic\u0103reasc\u0103 mult dispropor\u021bionat, exact ca ni\u0219te pizze la ciclu. Un astfel de fenomen se observ\u0103 la primul val de cretini care au ini\u021biat termenul “botni\u0163\u0103”, s\u0103 se refere la masca de protec\u0163ie sanitar\u0103 pe care o purt\u0103m zilele astea, s\u0103 ne ap\u0103r\u0103m s\u0103n\u0103tatea. Da, ulterior a fost preluat de muieri la fel de proaste ca \u015fi ei, dar nu a\u015fa a func\u0163ionat \u015fi misoginismul \u00een istorie? Un prim val de nef*** au ini\u0163iat conversa\u0163ia legat\u0103 de inferioritatea femeii, \u015fi tot at\u00e2tea proaste s-au b\u0103gat complici, \u00een ideea de a-\u015fi nimici rivalele, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 se g\u00e2ndeasc\u0103 la modul \u00een care platoul cu inferioritate le va fi servit \u015fi lor.<\/p>\n

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Printr-un complex de \u00eemprejur\u0103ri, s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na trecut\u0103 am tot plecat de acas\u0103 diminea\u0163a \u015fi am ajuns seara. Am purtat masc\u0103 aproape f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eencetare 12 ore pe zi. Am purtat-o nu pentru c\u0103 zice legea, ci pentru c\u0103 vreau eu, activ, s\u0103-mi protejez s\u0103n\u0103tatea. Nemaivorbind c\u0103 am primit recent diagnosticul de astm alergic. Iau medicamentele potrivite, sunt sub control. Dar c\u00e2nd intru dintr-un spa\u0163iu cald \u00eentr-unul rece, sau invers, sau dac\u0103 beau ceva mult prea cald, sau mult prea rece, izbucnesc instant \u00een tuse \u015fi lumea se panicheaz\u0103 \u00een jurul meu.\u00a0 A\u015f putea scrie un articol separat despre c\u00e2t e de enervant s\u0103 fii pacient cu o boal\u0103 respiratorie cronic\u0103 \u00een anul lui Covid.<\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 primul sfert de or\u0103, ajungi s\u0103 nici n-o mai sim\u0163i. Pentru c\u0103 e un material u\u015for, care mai mult te m\u00e2ng\u00e2ie dec\u00e2t te incomodeaz\u0103, prin care se respir\u0103 foarte bine – chiar mai bine, judec\u00e2nd c\u0103 filtreaz\u0103 o parte din praful \u015fi particulele de diverse tipuri din aer.<\/p>\n

Botni\u0163a, \u00eens\u0103, e un articol creat pentru a \u00eempiedica c\u00e2inii s\u0103 mu\u015fte. E confec\u0163ionat din metal \u015fi piele, e\u00a0 mult mai grea \u015fi mai restrictiv\u0103, \u015fi nu \u0163i-o pui tu, ci \u0163i-o monteaz\u0103 al\u0163ii, \u015fi odat\u0103 pus\u0103, st\u0103 acolo p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd acei al\u0163ii decid c\u0103 e momentul s\u0103 te elibereze.<\/p>\n

Primul imbecil care a avut puseul isteric de pidz\u0103 la ciclu s\u0103 compare un articol u\u015for textil menit s\u0103-l protejeze cu ditamai instrumentul de tortur\u0103 era un bou cu carte, probabil cea mai trist\u0103 specie de bou. A f\u0103cut o referin\u0163\u0103 cultural\u0103. \u00cen romanul “Descul\u0163” de Zaharia Stancu, oamenii boierului le pun \u0163\u0103ranilor adu\u015fi la culesul viei botni\u0163e, s\u0103-i \u00eempiedice s\u0103 guste din strugurii pe care-i culeg. Cu alte cuvinte, le restric\u0163ioneaz\u0103 libertatea \u00eentr-un mod efectiv – nu-\u0163i sco\u0163i botni\u0163a c\u00e2nd binevoie\u015fte p**a ta, a\u015fa cum faci cu masca sanitar\u0103, \u015fi \u00eei \u00eempiedic\u0103 de la a func\u0163iona normal. C\u00e2nd tu, dac\u0103 vrei, cu masca sanitar\u0103, po\u0163i hali toat\u0103 via, dac\u0103 ai stomac pentru ea.<\/p>\n

Apoi, a urmat un status viral al lui Cheloo, acest gangsta wannabe (la modul \u00een care b\u0103ie\u0163ei de 6 ani se joac\u0103 de-a gangsterii cu pistoale cu ap\u0103), care a \u00eendemnat popula\u0163ia la hashtag refuz de botni\u0163\u0103 \u015fi a \u00eencheiat cu cea mai sinistr\u0103 fraz\u0103 a lui 2020: “O s\u0103 cred \u00een virusul vedet\u0103 doar \u00een momentul \u00een care mor\u021bii vor fi aduna\u021bi din \u0219an\u021buri cu buldozerele.”<\/p>\n

Cu alte cuvinte, dac\u0103 un virus nu ajunge la amploarea Ciumei Negre sau a celui de-al doilea r\u0103zboi mondial, nu se pune, \u015fi atunci, hai s\u0103 facem s\u0103 ajungem acolo, s\u0103 tr\u0103im \u015fi noi emo\u0163ii puternice.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u0103sta nu e un ra\u0163ionament hormonal de pidz\u0103 la ciclu, nu \u015ftiu ce e. “Costele, o s\u0103 cred c\u0103 m\u0103 iube\u015fti cu adev\u0103rat abia dac\u0103 te v\u0103d mort \u00een \u015fan\u0163, cu inima scoas\u0103 l\u00e2ng\u0103 tine \u015fi pe ea tatuajul I told you so, f\u0103, proasto”.<\/p>\n

\u00cen ambele cazuri, \u00eentrebarea de bun sim\u0163 care se impune e: Cu ce te ajut\u0103 confirmarea iubirii \u0103luia \/ existen\u0163ei virusului dac\u0103 decesele respective sunt de natur\u0103 ireversibil\u0103?”.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Sincer, eu, s\u0103 fiu prim ministru, a\u015f da urm\u0103toarea ordonan\u0163\u0103 de urgen\u0163\u0103: Fiecare pidz\u0103, indiferent de sex, care se vaiet\u0103 melodramatic \u015fi inutil de purtat de botni\u0163\u0103 \u00een contextul \u00een care tot ce i se cere e s\u0103 poarte masc\u0103 medical\u0103 \u00een spa\u0163ii \u00eenchise, va fi condamnat\u0103 s\u0103 actually poarte botni\u0163\u0103 24 de ore. S\u0103 constate pe pielea lor cum e, s\u0103 evalueze diferen\u0163ele, \u015fi s\u0103 vad\u0103 dac\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi are rostul compara\u0163ia.<\/p>\n

A\u00a0 compara masca medical\u0103 cu botni\u0163a e ca \u015fi cum ai compara chilo\u0163ii cu centura de castitate. Dac\u0103 nu ai \u00eencercat s\u0103-\u0163i exerci\u0163i nevoile umane de baz\u0103 printr-un instrument din metal \u015fi piele, nu \u015ftii despre ce vorbe\u015fti \u015fi meri\u0163i tortura respectiv\u0103 s\u0103 afli, \u00een speran\u0163a (de\u015fart\u0103, probabil) c\u0103 suferin\u0163a te va face mai pu\u0163in prost.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, pute\u021bi sus\u0163ine activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ascult\u0103 Jet pe Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe iTunes<\/strong><\/a> sau pe Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

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\u00cencep s-o recunosc \u0219i eu, principala problem\u0103 a timpurilor moderne e p***ficarea b\u0103rbatului. Dar nu \u00een sensul c\u0103 se\u00a0 rade pe corp s\u0103 nu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19863,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20404","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/germ.png?fit=640%2C488&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20404","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20404"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20416,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20404\/revisions\/20416"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19863"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}