{"id":20442,"date":"2020-09-25T10:14:04","date_gmt":"2020-09-25T07:14:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=20442"},"modified":"2020-09-25T10:18:39","modified_gmt":"2020-09-25T07:18:39","slug":"cum-alungi-un-hartuitor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-alungi-un-hartuitor\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum alungi un h\u0103r\u021buitor"},"content":{"rendered":"

O s\u0103 \u00eencep prin a puncta c\u0103 e nevoie de o lege clar\u0103 care s\u0103 combat\u0103 h\u0103r\u021buirea. As in, contactarea repetat\u0103 cu mesaje, apeluri, comentarii pe social media, vizite inopinate, etc. a unei persoane care \u0219i-a exprimat clar \u0219i f\u0103r\u0103 echivoc dezinteresul fa\u021b\u0103 de tine. Da, gigel mascul ofuscat din comentarii, se refer\u0103 \u0219i la cazul \u00een care i se pune uneia pata pe tine \u0219i te f obositor la icre, de\u0219i cumva femeile sunt mai u\u0219or de ejectat. Foarte pu\u021bine insist\u0103 dup\u0103 ce le dai block. Nu-\u0219i prea bat capul cu a-\u0219i face un cont fake \u0219i a insista s\u0103 te pis\u0103logeasc\u0103 de pe acela, prefer\u0103 s\u0103 move on, sau s\u0103 fie martire \u00eenl\u0103crimate \u0219i s\u0103 v\u00e2neze aten\u021bia altora cu asta.<\/p>\n

Dar mul\u021bi masculi respin\u0219i fac adev\u0103rate psihoze dup\u0103 ce li se serve\u0219te un “nu” ferm \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 loc de \u00eentors, \u015fi ce fac? Se apuc\u0103 s\u0103 terorizeze persoana respectiv\u0103 cu o h\u0103rnicie \u015fi o persisten\u0163\u0103 pe care, dac\u0103 le-ar investi \u00een ceva util \u015fi productiv, i-ar face patroni de firme p\u00e2n\u0103-n 30 de ani \u015fi miliardari p\u00e2n\u0103-n 40.<\/p>\n

Poli\u0163ia nu se prea implic\u0103, \u015fi nu doar din misoginism \u015fi dezinteres, ci \u015fi din lipsa unui cadru legal adecvat. Cum i-a zis un poli\u0163ist unei doamne care venise s\u0103 depun\u0103 o pl\u00e2ngere \u00eempotriva unui ex care o stresa de pe al nu \u015ftiu c\u00e2telea num\u0103r de telefon dup\u0103 ce \u00eel blocase pe precedentele: Doamn\u0103, singurul mod \u00een care v\u0103 pot ajuta e dac\u0103 m\u0103 apuc eu s\u0103-l terorizez cu telefoane pe agarici p\u00e2n\u0103 v\u0103 las\u0103 \u00een pace.<\/p>\n

P\u00e2n\u0103 se \u00eendur\u0103 cineva s\u0103 fac\u0103 numita lege, o fat\u0103 trebuie s\u0103-\u015fi evalueze obiectiv arsenalul de arme pe care le are, s\u0103 reziste, s\u0103 supravie\u0163uiasc\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 nu clacheze psihic. Pentru c\u0103 asta \u00eei empower pe agresori \u015fi \u00eei conduce la concluzia c\u0103 metoda h\u0103r\u0163uirii \u0163ine, \u015fi dac\u0103 nu exist\u0103 dec\u00e2t beneficii, o vor aplica over and over and over and over again.<\/p>\n

Nu-\u0163i pune tu social media pe privat.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Am asistat la asta \u00een cel pu\u0163in \u015fase cazuri diferite. M\u00e2rlete agasant streseaz\u0103 domni\u015foar\u0103 fin\u0103, domni\u015foar\u0103 fin\u0103 \u00eencepe s\u0103 se izoleze \u015fi s\u0103 se ascund\u0103 de lume. \u00cemi imaginez ce senza\u0163ie de triumf trebuie s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103 m\u00e2rletele agasant c\u00e2nd te vede c\u0103 te retragi \u00een cochilia ta. Scoate carne\u0163elul cu “pe cine am mai tufut azi” \u015fi trece “ixuleasca out.”<\/p>\n

\u015ei cum de obicei genul \u0103sta de posesor ilegal de p**\u0103 se hr\u0103ne\u015fte din triumfuri m\u0103runte de genul, o s\u0103 continue s\u0103 te agaseze, pentru c\u0103 \u00eei dai satisfac\u0163ii multiple. \u00cen timp ce tu, cu social media pe privat, ai un cerc de influen\u0163\u0103 mult mai restr\u00e2ns \u015fi un num\u0103r mai mic de persoane la care po\u0163i ajunge.<\/p>\n

What to do instead.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bate-\u0163i pl de inep\u0163iile lui. Dac\u0103 n-ai pl, cumperi de la sex shop. Public\u0103 mesajele pe contul t\u0103u foarte public \u015fi f\u0103-l serial de r\u00e2sete \u015fi mi\u015ftouri. A\u015fa \u00eempu\u015fti doi iepuri deodat\u0103 (virtual, desigur, c\u0103 nu promov\u0103m masacrarea animalelor pe aici.) \u00cei ar\u0103\u0163i c\u0103 nu e\u015fti intimidat\u0103 – impresionat\u0103 \u015fi \u00eel expui c\u0103 e prost.<\/p>\n

Nu sta la discu\u0163ii.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ai mereu lucruri noi de \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at de la oameni, iar eu am asistat pe viu cum \u00ee\u015fi conduce businessul sexual Antonella. O sun\u0103 clientul, ea \u00eencepe s\u0103 prezinte oferta, iar dac\u0103 \u0103la r\u0103spunde cu o b\u0103d\u0103r\u0103nie sau o zeflemea, \u00eenchide pur \u015fi simplu. “Nu st\u0103m s\u0103 pierdem timp cu to\u0163i idio\u0163ii, fat\u0103.” No second chances, no “stai s\u0103 vezi c\u0103 poate are o zi proast\u0103.” Te por\u0163i cum trebuie sau mar\u015f \u00een moloz.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 fetele bio au ceva de \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at de la cele trans, e refuzul de a acorda timp raha\u0163ilor.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 NU te intereseaz\u0103 Gogu, nu \u00eei explici lung c\u0103 nu te intereseaz\u0103. \u00cei spui o dat\u0103 \u015fi bine. Nu \u015fi punct. Dac\u0103 se face c\u0103 n-a priceput, nu stai s\u0103 explici ideea de refuz. Block all over \u015fi gata. Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi face cont fals, cump\u0103r\u0103 alt\u0103 cartel\u0103, de cum te prinzi cine e prostul, block all over again.<\/p>\n

Nu sta s\u0103-i explici c\u00e2t de tare te afecteaz\u0103 c\u0103 e idiot.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mi-a ar\u0103tat o fat\u0103 mesajele ei private cu exul cretin care o h\u0103r\u0163uia. “Via\u0163a cu tine e \u00eenchisoare”. Nu, frate. \u015etie exact c\u00e2t e de idiot, \u015fi \u015ftie exact cum te afecteaz\u0103, de aceea o \u015fi face. Deriv\u0103 putere din asta, \u015fi deriv\u0103 putere suplimentar\u0103 din faptul c\u0103 tu te v\u0103ic\u0103re\u015fti \u015fi-i confirmi puterea.<\/p>\n

What to do instead:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

B\u0103i, zdrean\u0163\u0103, NU \u015fi pa, \u00een mor\u0163ii m\u0103-tii. Ai avut oportunitatea, ai f\u0103cut-o terci, haidepa. Am treburi \u015fi m\u0103 \u0163ii.<\/p>\n

Dar s\u0103 vezi…<\/p>\n

BLOCK! Nu ai nimic de v\u0103zut.<\/p>\n

Nu lua \u00een seam\u0103 ter\u0163ii prin care depune presiune.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ai \u00eencredere c\u0103 povestea ta e valid\u0103, c\u0103 femeile au \u015fi ele experien\u0163e ur\u00e2te \u015fi c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ii \u015ftiu exact cum trebuie tratat\u0103 o femeie de calitate. Da, unii ter\u0163i te vor dezam\u0103gi, mama pro\u015ftilor e mereu gravid\u0103, dar asta nu are de ce s\u0103 te \u00eempiedice s\u0103-\u0163i sus\u0163ii punctul de vedere \u015fi s\u0103 descrii experien\u0163a real\u0103 c\u00e2nd explici ter\u0163ilor unde s-a dus treaba pe pwl\u0103.<\/p>\n

Nu te l\u0103sa marcat\u0103\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unii sunt foarte pro\u015fti. \u00cencep cu amenin\u0163\u0103ri. La adresa familiei, a firmei, dac\u0103 ai, a copiilor, a animalelor de companie chiar (dada, “\u00ee\u0163i otr\u0103vesc potaia aia nenorocit\u0103 la care \u0163ii mai mult dec\u00e2t la mine!” e totally real), la adresa ta, a reputa\u0163iei tale \u015fi a integrit\u0103\u0163ii tale corporale.<\/p>\n

Gre\u015feala e s\u0103 le iei \u00een serios \u015fi s\u0103 te la\u015fi traumatizat\u0103 \u015fi m\u0103cinat\u0103 de fric\u0103. Cu c\u00e2t \u00eel prive\u015fti, tu \u00een interiorul t\u0103u, ca pe un c*r care eman\u0103 b\u0103\u015fini \u015fi at\u00e2t, cu at\u00e2t \u00eei ar\u0103\u0163i c\u0103 nu are putere \u015fi c\u0103 n-o poate rec\u00e2\u015ftiga.<\/p>\n

Mafio\u0163ii adev\u0103ra\u0163i nu latr\u0103 aiurea, ei ac\u0163ioneaz\u0103 \u015fi, de obicei, ac\u0163ioneaz\u0103 c\u00e2nd au ceva real de c\u00e2\u015ftigat. Numai loserii o h\u0103r\u0163uiesc pe Marioara de la 3, iar amenin\u0163\u0103rile lor trebuie privite doar ca declara\u0163ii \u00een alb: “I’m nimeni and I know it”.<\/p>\n

What to do instead.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

De aici, exist\u0103 legi. Caut\u0103 un avocat bun, s\u0103 te consilieze, \u015fi d\u0103 prostul \u00een judecat\u0103. Arde-l cu o desp\u0103gubire moral\u0103 care s\u0103-l \u00eendatoreze pe ultimii zece ani \u015fi s\u0103-l \u00eenve\u0163e s\u0103 respecte femeile.<\/p>\n

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Bottomline:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Faptul c\u0103 unul e idiot \u015fi crede c\u0103 insisten\u0163a, pis\u0103logeala, jignirile aduc rezultate e problema lui, nu a ta. Nu-i permite s\u0103 devin\u0103 problema ta. Tu ai o via\u0163\u0103. Focusul t\u0103u trebuie s\u0103 fie pe moduri \u00een care \u0163i-o faci mai frumoas\u0103 \u015fi mai \u00eemplinit\u0103 nu pe “omg, poate m\u0103 amenin\u0163\u0103 \u0103la \u015fi azi c\u0103-mi fur\u0103 boii de la trotinet\u0103.”<\/p>\n

E deranjant b\u00e2z\u00e2itul de musc\u0103? Da, par\u0163ial, dar nu-l la\u015fi s\u0103 te deturneze de la proiectele tale. Idiotul e \u00eenc\u0103 o musc\u0103. Plici!<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, pute\u021bi sus\u0163ine activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ascult\u0103 Jet pe Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe iTunes<\/strong><\/a> sau pe Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

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O s\u0103 \u00eencep prin a puncta c\u0103 e nevoie de o lege clar\u0103 care s\u0103 combat\u0103 h\u0103r\u021buirea. As in, contactarea repetat\u0103 cu mesaje, apeluri,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20442","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/doorknock.jpg?fit=234%2C300&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20442","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20442"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20442\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20447,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20442\/revisions\/20447"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9602"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20442"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20442"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}