{"id":20919,"date":"2020-12-11T12:14:44","date_gmt":"2020-12-11T09:14:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=20919"},"modified":"2020-12-11T12:14:44","modified_gmt":"2020-12-11T09:14:44","slug":"cum-iti-petreci-revelionul-covid-in-functie-de-zodie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-iti-petreci-revelionul-covid-in-functie-de-zodie\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum \u00ee\u021bi petreci revelionul Covid \u00een func\u021bie de zodie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Da, e oficial, Restric\u021biile de izolare \u0219i declara\u021bia la drum de sear\u0103 se lungesc \u0219i de Cr\u0103ciun \/ Revelion. Un pic tristu\u021b, dac\u0103 lucrai \u00een domeniile care \u00eenregistrau un boom de activitate \u00een aceast\u0103 perioad\u0103 a anului, dar deloc imprevizibil, dac\u0103 te g\u00e2nde\u0219ti la num\u0103rul de bolnavi.<\/p>\n

Noi \u00een zona asta de internet c\u0103ut\u0103m s\u0103 g\u0103sim f\u0103r\u00e2ma de umor \u00eentr-o situa\u021bie ur\u00e2t\u0103 \u0219i grea, \u0219i atunci, ia hai s\u0103 facem un horoscop.<\/p>\n

Pentru cine \u00eencepe s\u0103 \u021bipe c\u0103, \u0103vai, nu se reg\u0103se\u0219te: prea pu\u021bin m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 s\u0103 te reg\u0103se\u0219ti. Nu m-am branduit drept Urania niciodat\u0103. \u0218i dac\u0103 a\u0219 fi, consulta\u021biile mele ar fi mult \u00een afara bugetului t\u0103u. Prin urmare, cite\u0219te textul \u0103sta cu z\u00e2mbetul pe buze, sau nu-l citi deloc.<\/p>\n

Bun, destule disclaimere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Berbecul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Declara\u0163ia la control, v\u0103 rog!”<\/p>\n

“B\u0103i, garceo. Declar pe proprie r\u0103spundere c\u0103 o f pe m\u0103-ta. Mai bine dec\u00e2t a f tac-tu.”<\/p>\n

“Domnule, declara\u0163ia la control. E 11.40.”<\/p>\n

“N-ai auzit? Popa nu declar\u0103 de dou\u0103 ori pentru o bab\u0103 surd\u0103.”<\/p>\n

“M\u0103 obliga\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 arestez.”<\/p>\n

“Du-m\u0103, b\u0103, la sec\u0163ie, s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnesc acolo cu restul g\u0103\u015ftii. S\u0103 simt \u015fi eu c\u0103 e s\u0103rb\u0103toare.”<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Taurul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Dadadaaa, numai noi \u015fi m\u00e2ncarea. Sun\u0103 a petrecerea perfect\u0103, dac\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentrebi pe mine. Parc\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i cade altfel c\u00e2nd nu trebuie s\u0103 faci pe chelnerul pentru familionul extins \u015fi unchii \u0103ia care \u00ee\u0163i critic\u0103 mereu torturile c\u0103 sunt prea dulci, dar nu contribuie ei cu unele mai.. altfel dec\u00e2t dulci? M\u0103car de ar fi carantin\u0103 to\u0163i anii de acum \u00eencolo.”<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Gemenii\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Dragi fani \u015fi du\u015fmani, \u00een seara de revelion, \u00een mod special, \u00eemi fac cont de videochat. A\u015fa pot face de acas\u0103 cele dou\u0103 lucruri pe care le ador. Unu, s\u0103 fiu centrul aten\u0163iei \u015fi vedeta namb\u0103r oan. \u015ei doi: s\u0103 plou\u0103 cu dinero!! Un an care \u00eencepe cu ploaie de token\u015fi e un an fericit!”<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Racul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Alo, iubi? Hai s\u0103 discut\u0103m playlistul pentru noaptea noastr\u0103 romantic\u0103 \u00een doi pe Zoom. Am ales Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On, Whitney Houston cu I Will Always Love You \u015fi Mariah Carey, toat\u0103 discografia. Ce alt\u0103 pies\u0103 define\u015fte perfect iubirea noastr\u0103? Cum adic\u0103 Eins zwei Polizei??? De ce e\u015fti a\u015fa?”<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Leul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Da, domnule Pre\u015fedinte, vreau \u015fi eu s\u0103 \u00eenchiriez Cotroceniul pentru noaptea de Revelion, ce n-a\u0163i \u00een\u0163eles? Pl\u0103tesc c\u00e2t cere\u0163i. Dac\u0103 tot stau izolat, m\u0103car s\u0103 fie \u00een Prima Locuin\u0163\u0103 a \u0163\u0103rii. Mai trece\u0163i pe acas\u0103, pe la Sibiu, c\u0103 acolo lumea e pe acelea\u015fi legale cu dvs., to\u0163i cu \u00eencetinitorul.”<\/p>\n

Fecioara\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“A\u015fa, foarte bine c\u0103 e carantin\u0103. S\u0103 fie ordine \u015fi disciplin\u0103, fiecare la scara lui. M-au turbat anul trecut unii cu muzica lor proast\u0103 ca naiba \u015fi cu urletele lor descreierate. E o noapte ca oricare alta, nu v\u0103d de ce at\u00e2ta t\u0103mb\u0103l\u0103u.”<\/p>\n

Balan\u0163a\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“\u00cenc\u0103 un an a trecut. Un an \u00een care nu am f\u0103cut nimic pentru sufletul nostru. De exemplu, s\u0103 cump\u0103r\u0103m un dulap plin de rochii frumoase. Gata, \u015ftiu, \u00eemi sortez toate hainele \u015fi le dau la s\u0103raci pe cele pe care nu le port, \u015fi \u00een noaptea cea mare, o s\u0103 fac fix asta. Shopping!”<\/p>\n

Scorpionul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Alo, Dorele, ce mai faci? S\u0103n\u0103tos, voinic? Uite, am casa aia la munte, lini\u015fte \u015fi pace. M\u0103 g\u00e2ndeam s\u0103 recre\u0103m orgia aia de 25 de participan\u0163i de la Bruxelles, c\u0103 \u015ftirea aia m-a excitat r\u0103\u0103u. Te bagi?”<\/p>\n

S\u0103get\u0103torul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Hai s\u0103 facem to\u0163i un mare zoom party \u015fi s\u0103 bem \u00eempreun\u0103, s\u0103 c\u00e2nt\u0103m \u015fi s\u0103 dans\u0103m. Apoi v\u0103 \u0163in un spici motiva\u0163ional despre cum sunte\u0163i mai buni \u015fi mai de\u015ftep\u0163i dec\u00e2t crede\u0163i, p\u00e2n\u0103 intr\u0103 primul hater accidental \u015fi \u00eencepe s\u0103 \u00eenjure. Atunci \u00eel bag pe \u0103la pe mizda p\u0103-sii jum\u0103tate de or\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 repet, \u00een timp ce voi v\u0103 uita\u0163i sidera\u0163i de unde a r\u0103s\u0103rit bestia asta furibund\u0103. La sf\u00e2r\u015fit, haterul pune cenu\u015f\u0103 \u00een cap \u015fi ia drumul dreptei credin\u0163e. Continu\u0103m s\u0103 bem.”<\/p>\n

Capricornul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Mi+e dor de un Vanghelion de alt\u0103dat\u0103. Distrac\u0163ie c\u00e2t cuprinde, pre\u0163 care nu te ustura, to\u0163i vecinii mei erau acolo. Indiferent unde e\u015fti acum, Mariane, fratele t\u0103u te pup\u0103. \u015etii s\u0103 organizezi un bairam ca nimeni altcineva.”<\/p>\n

V\u0103rs\u0103torul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Ce po\u0163i face \u00eentr-o noapte de singur\u0103tate s\u0103rb\u0103toreasc\u0103? De toate. Maraton de filme indie, p\u00e2ine pr\u0103jit\u0103 cu avocado \u015fi suc de limet\u0103, \u015fi desigur, un joint s\u0103n\u0103tos care s\u0103 intensifice halul de elitism rafinat care m\u0103 define\u015fte- Cu c\u00e2t limba \u00een care vorbesc actorii pe ecran e mai pu\u0163in inteligibil\u0103, cu at\u00e2t sunt mai special.”<\/p>\n

Pe\u015ftii\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Mi-e at\u00e2\u00e2\u00e2t de r\u0103\u0103\u0103u. Sigur, am Covid. Da, eu sunt cazul \u0103la singur la suta de mii de locuitori pe care nu-l detecteaz\u0103 testul. Sunt bolnaaav. Sunt pe moarte. De-aia am murit noi la Revolu\u0163ie, ca acum s\u0103 murim singuri \u015fi tri\u015fti, rup\u0163i de boal\u0103 \u015fi de izolare, \u00een noaptea dintre ani. Siiingurrrr. At\u00e2\u00e2\u00e2\u00e2t de siinguuur….”<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u0163i-a pl\u0103cut acest articol,\u00a0sus\u0163ine site-ul cu o dona\u0163ie<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe\u00a0Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe\u00a0Twitter<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0\u015fi\u00a0Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe\u00a0YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ascult\u0103 Jet pe\u00a0Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe\u00a0iTunes<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0sau pe\u00a0Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Da, e oficial, Restric\u021biile de izolare \u0219i declara\u021bia la drum de sear\u0103 se lungesc \u0219i de Cr\u0103ciun \/ Revelion. Un pic tristu\u021b, dac\u0103 lucrai...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19435,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20919","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/horoscope.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20919","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20919"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20919\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20921,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20919\/revisions\/20921"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20919"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20919"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20919"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}