{"id":20994,"date":"2020-12-25T11:06:25","date_gmt":"2020-12-25T08:06:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=20994"},"modified":"2020-12-25T11:08:49","modified_gmt":"2020-12-25T08:08:49","slug":"craciun-pe-zoom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/craciun-pe-zoom\/","title":{"rendered":"Cr\u0103ciun pe Zoom"},"content":{"rendered":"

-Cine a spus c\u0103 familia nu poate fi \u00eempreun\u0103 \u00een momentele binecuv\u00e2ntate ale Cr\u0103ciunului? declar\u0103 cu ochi \u00een lacrimi m\u0103tu\u015fa Aglaia.<\/p>\n

Era profesoar\u0103 de limba \u015fi literatura rom\u00e2n\u0103. Dup\u0103 at\u00e2ta \u015fcoal\u0103 online, Zoom devenise pentru ea un modus vivendi.<\/p>\n

-Aloooou. Alooooooou. Cu cine vorbe\u015fti acolo, Vasilico???<\/p>\n

-El e bunicul Gheorghe, e la telefon, c\u0103 nu i-am putut face Zoom. \u00cei e fric\u0103 de computere, zice c\u0103 sunt unealta prin care \u015eoro\u015f fur\u0103 suflete, explic\u0103 Aglaia. Bunicuuleeee! strig\u0103 ea tare, pentru c\u0103 \u015ftia c\u0103 b\u0103tr\u00e2nul nu aude bine.<\/p>\n

-\u00ceu! Vorbe\u015fte mai cu vlag\u0103, f\u0103, Vasilico!<\/p>\n

-Eu nu sunt Vasilica, sunt Aglaia, fiic\u0103-ta!!!<\/p>\n

-Eu nu-s \u00eensurat \u015fi n-am copii, sunt numai bun de ginere! r\u0103cni b\u0103tr\u00e2nul.<\/p>\n

-Cine e Vasilica? se interes\u0103 nepotul Fabian, ridic\u00e2nd capul din Eroi legendari 15, pe care \u00eel juca \u00een afara cadrului, cu sonorul dat la minimum.<\/p>\n

-Gagic\u0103-sa din tinere\u0163e.<\/p>\n

-Auzi, Fabiane, dar tu ai gagic\u0103? interveni v\u0103rul Aurel.<\/p>\n

-De ce e treaba ta? se r\u0103\u0163oi Fabian.<\/p>\n

-Am auzit c\u0103-\u0163i cam place m\u0103t\u0103r\u00e2nga, e adev\u0103rat?<\/p>\n

-Ce prost e\u015fti, m\u0103, n-ai avut tu femei ca mine nici pe P***hub, ratatule.<\/p>\n

-Vasilicoooo, m\u0103 mai iube\u015fti? se auzi vocea b\u0103tr\u00e2nului pe speaker.<\/p>\n

-Eu sunt Aglaia, tat\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Care Aglaia, nu cunosc nici o Aglaia, d\u0103-mi-o pe Vasilica.<\/p>\n

-Tat\u0103\u0103\u0103, nu te mai prosti.<\/p>\n

-La mul\u0163i aniiiii!<\/p>\n

-Camiiii, ce faci, feti\u0163o!? se bucur\u0103 Aglaia. Credeam c\u0103 nu mai ajungi.<\/p>\n

-Vai de mine, m\u0103tu\u015fico. Am c\u0103utat s\u0103 scap mai devreme, dar e disperare la mine la munc\u0103. Toat\u0103 lumea\u00a0 e online \u015fi vrea consolare… \u0103sta, consiliere.<\/p>\n

-Ce consiliere oferi tu, f\u0103, pe LiveJasmin? se r\u0103\u0163oi Aurel.<\/p>\n

-Mai mult\u0103 dec\u00e2t tine, b\u0103i, \u015fomerule, \u00eel repezi var\u0103-sa.<\/p>\n

-Copii, \u00eenceta\u0163i, murmur\u0103 \u00eemp\u0103ciuitor Aglaia. Ne-am adunat cu to\u0163ii de s\u0103rb\u0103toarea iubirii.<\/p>\n

-Vasilica, iubirea mea!!!<\/p>\n

-Nu e cu noi, a ie\u015fit dup\u0103 p\u00e2ine! r\u0103cni Aurel.<\/p>\n

-C\u00e2nd vine?<\/p>\n

-Nu \u015ftim, c\u0103 e coad\u0103!<\/p>\n

-Vai, s\u0103 ies \u015fi eu c\u0103 e coad\u0103 \u015fi la lapte!<\/p>\n

-Nu, tat\u0103, se exasper\u0103 Aglaia, nu ie\u015fi nic\u0103ieri c\u0103 magazinele sunt \u00eenchise de Cr\u0103ciun. Hai, Leopoldino, sor\u0103-meo, te loghezi o dat\u0103, ce faci?<\/p>\n

-Bun\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103, copii, ce dr\u0103guuuu\u0163. V\u0103d c\u0103 sunte\u0163i \u00een Zoomurile Aglaiei, dar nu m\u0103 suna\u0163i cu s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nile pe mine, mama voastr\u0103, care m-am sacrificat pentru voi.<\/p>\n

-P\u0103i dac\u0103 ne vedeam oricum pe Zoom, ce vrei? morm\u0103i Fabian.<\/p>\n

-Auzi, respect. Aglaie, ce bine ai f\u0103cut c\u0103 n-ai avut copii.<\/p>\n

-\u015etiu, drag\u0103. De cum am c\u0103lcat \u00een primul Lego, am \u015ftiut c\u0103 prefer s\u0103 mor nereprodus\u0103. Auzi, Aurele, tac-tu ce face, nu serve\u015fte Cr\u0103ciun \u00een familie?<\/p>\n

-Tata munce\u015fte \u00een noaptea asta. Dar v\u0103 ureaz\u0103 c\u00e2rna\u0163i \u00eentregi de s\u0103n\u0103tate \u015fi virtute, \u015fi restul chestiilor.<\/p>\n

-Munce\u015fte \u015fi de Cr\u0103ciun, b\u0103i copile?<\/p>\n

-Cineva trebuie s\u0103 pl\u0103teasc\u0103 netul s\u0103 facem noi Zoom \u00een familie.<\/p>\n

-Da’ tu c\u00e2nd o s\u0103 pl\u0103te\u015fti netul, Aurele? interveni incisiv Cami.<\/p>\n

-C\u00e2nd o s\u0103 am \u015fi eu o p\u0103s\u0103ric\u0103 s-o ar\u0103t pe net ca tine.<\/p>\n

-Cum vorbe\u015fti cu fiic\u0103-mea???<\/p>\n

-A, nu, nu. Fac site cu p\u0103s\u0103ri. R\u00e2ndunele, vr\u0103bii, pitpalaci, de-astea. \u015ei cer dona\u0163ii de la cititori, o retez\u0103 rapid Aurel.<\/p>\n

-M-am logaaat?<\/p>\n

-Da, mamaie, dar vezi c\u0103 ai \u00eentors camera spre u\u015f\u0103, nu te vezi.<\/p>\n

-Care camer\u0103, maic\u0103, sufrageria sau dormitorul?<\/p>\n

-Camera cu care te filmezi, mamaie.<\/p>\n

+Eu nu m\u0103 filmez cu camera, maic\u0103, eu m\u0103 filmez cu nenorocirea asta pe care mi-a dat-o nepotul Fabian.<\/p>\n

-Vasilico, tu eeee\u015fti??<\/p>\n

-Cuscrule, nu, sunt doar Florica, la mul\u0163i aaani!!<\/p>\n

-A\u0163i gre\u015fit num\u0103\u0103rul, doamn\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103!!<\/p>\n

+Ce num\u0103r?<\/p>\n

-Num\u0103rul de sarmale, mamaie. Ia spune, ai f\u0103cut sarmale anul \u0103sta? interveni Aglaia.<\/p>\n

-Cum s\u0103 nu fac eu sarmale, Agl\u0103i\u0163\u0103, mam\u0103, exist\u0103 Cr\u0103ciun f\u0103r\u0103 sarmale? Ia s\u0103 vi le v\u0103d pe ale voastre?<\/p>\n

-Eu nu m\u0103n\u00e2nc sarmale, c\u0103 \u00eengra\u015f\u0103.<\/p>\n

-\u015etiu, Fabiane, tu mereu ai fost cu verde\u0163urile. Cami?<\/p>\n

-Eu \u00eenc\u0103 a\u015ftept comanda de pe net.<\/p>\n

-F\u0103, e ceva ce nu faci pe net? M\u0103n\u00e2nci pe net, te \u00eembraci pe net, te f…<\/p>\n

-Aurel!!<\/p>\n

-Mai las\u0103-m\u0103, m\u0103tu\u015f\u0103, \u00een pace, c\u0103 n-o mai suport! Ei totul \u00eei vine pe tav\u0103 \u00een via\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

-\u015ei te oftici, b\u0103i, luz\u0103re?<\/p>\n

-Ce m\u0103 oftic. Mai c\u0103-mi vine \u015fi mie s\u0103 l\u0103rgesc g\u0103oaza pe net.<\/p>\n

-S\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 exist\u0103 pia\u0163\u0103 \u015fi pentru asta, interveni Fabian.<\/p>\n

-Fiule, m\u0103car tu s\u0103 nu fii prost crescut, te rog. Dup\u0103 c\u00e2t m-am sacrificat pentru voi.<\/p>\n

-Gata, nu v\u0103 mai certa\u0163i, interveni \u00eemp\u0103ciuitor Aglaia. E Cr\u0103ciun, suntem o familie \u015fi ne iubim, cu bune \u015fi cu rele. Hai s\u0103 turn\u0103m fiecare ce avem prin cas\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 ciocnim un pahar virtual pentru o s\u0103rb\u0103toare minunat\u0103 \u00een s\u00e2nul familiei. V\u0103 iubesc pe to\u0163i \u015fi mi-e dor de voi. \u015ei poate la anul, vom fi din nou \u00eempre…<\/p>\n

-B\u0103, Vasilico, nebuna dracului, asta mi-ai promis \u015fi prima oar\u0103, apoi te-ai m\u0103ritat cu altul c\u00e2t am fost eu \u00een armat\u0103! S\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 te p\u0103r\u0103sesc!<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u0163i-a pl\u0103cut acest articol,\u00a0sus\u0163ine site-ul cu o dona\u0163ie<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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***
\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe\u00a0Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe\u00a0Twitter<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0\u015fi\u00a0Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe\u00a0YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

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Ascult\u0103 Jet pe\u00a0Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe\u00a0iTunes<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0sau pe\u00a0Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

-Cine a spus c\u0103 familia nu poate fi \u00eempreun\u0103 \u00een momentele binecuv\u00e2ntate ale Cr\u0103ciunului? declar\u0103 cu ochi \u00een lacrimi m\u0103tu\u015fa Aglaia. Era profesoar\u0103 de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18780,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20994","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/christmas-table.jpg?fit=640%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20994","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20994"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20994\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20998,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20994\/revisions\/20998"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18780"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20994"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20994"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20994"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}