{"id":21446,"date":"2021-03-16T10:41:17","date_gmt":"2021-03-16T07:41:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=21446"},"modified":"2021-03-16T10:41:17","modified_gmt":"2021-03-16T07:41:17","slug":"tentativa-de-sinucidere-la-metrou","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/tentativa-de-sinucidere-la-metrou\/","title":{"rendered":"Tentativa de sinucidere la metrou"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cum am men\u0163ionat fugar, ieri, pe la ora 19, eram \u00een Pia\u0163a Unirii \u015fi m\u0103 preg\u0103team s\u0103 iau metroul spre cas\u0103. \u00cemi doreaaaam s\u0103 ajung acas\u0103. M\u0103 luase o oboseal\u0103 teribil\u0103, de zici c\u0103 am c\u0103rat saci cu cartofi toat\u0103 ziua, \u015fi, \u00een plus, \u00eencepuse o ploaie m\u0103runt\u0103 \u015fi rece ca ghea\u0163a, de zici c\u0103 era \u00eenceput de noiembrie la munte.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd am ajuns \u00eens\u0103 pe pasarela de la M1, m-am prins c\u0103 e ceva dubios \u00een aer. Mult\u0103, mult\u0103, mult\u0103 lume, \u00eenghesuit\u0103 buluc, uit\u00e2nd complet faza cu distan\u0163area social\u0103, se holba ca de pe balcon la ceva deosebit de interesant care se \u00eent\u00e2mpla jos, \u00een sta\u0163ia propriu-zis\u0103 de metrou.<\/p>\n

Printre ei, un fenomen de o deosebit\u0103 perversitate. Poli\u0163i\u015fti acostau cet\u0103\u0163eni cu masca sub nas, \u00eei interogau deosebit de antipatic \u015fi presupun c\u0103 totul se finaliza cu amend\u0103. Ceea ce \u00een contextul dat era o inep\u0163ie cras\u0103. Nu faci nimic s\u0103 spargi bulucul, dar amendezi c\u00e2te un am\u0103r\u0103\u015ftean c\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi ia \u015fi el o nar\u0103 de aer.<\/p>\n

Ajung eu jos. Pe linia 1, exact cea care mergea spre vastele mele re\u015fedin\u0163e, metroul era oprit la jum\u0103tate \u015fi gol. Not a good sign. Apoi, pe la mijlocul sta\u0163iei, observ cercule\u0163 de jandarmi \u015fi poli\u0163i\u015fti. Pe un scaun, \u00een mijlocul cercule\u021bului, st\u0103tea a\u015fezat\u0103 o domni\u015foar\u0103 intens pl\u00e2ns\u0103, cu s\u00e2nge bulbuc\u00e2nd din ambele n\u0103ri \u015fi o v\u00e2n\u0103taie mare pe frunte.<\/p>\n

Tipa \u00eencercase s\u0103 se arunce \u00een fa\u0163a metroului, dar mecanicul avusese prezen\u0163\u0103 de spirit \u015fi reu\u015fise s\u0103 fr\u00e2neze. Un om norocos. Cred c\u0103 ar fi fost nimicitor s\u0103 ai pe con\u0219tiin\u021b\u0103 via\u021ba unui om, \u0219i nu, argumentul cu “dar omul a ales” nu amu\u0163e\u015fte vinov\u0103\u0163ia. A\u015fa, ea sc\u0103pase cu via\u0163\u0103, doar cu fa\u0163a f\u0103cut\u0103 zob \u015fi probabil ni\u015fte v\u00e2n\u0103t\u0103i sau chestii pe sub haine.<\/p>\n

Cum gestionau for\u0163ele de ordine faza asta?<\/p>\n

St\u0103teau \u00een cerc \u015fi se holbau ca t\u00e2mpi\u0163i la ea. Aia st\u0103tea pe scaun, bocind, \u015fi se holba la ei. Dac\u0103 n-ar fi fost tragic\u0103 inten\u0163ia de a-\u015fi pune cap\u0103t vie\u0163ii, scena ar fi fost de un ilar de nedescris. Filme cu pro\u015fti.<\/p>\n

\u0102\u015ftia se uitau a\u015fa mira\u0163i, ei la ea, ea la ei, \u015fi Metrorexul anun\u0163a din cinci \u00een cinci minute: Din motive independente de voin\u0163a noastr\u0103, trenurile pe linia M1 vor circula cu \u00eent\u00e2rziere.<\/p>\n

Practic, a\u0163i recoltat doamna dintre \u015fine. De ce mai sta\u0163ioneaz\u0103 tot? m-am \u00eentrebat eu \u00eentr-o doar\u0103. Doar pentru a v\u0103 holba voi la ea \u015fi ea la voi, \u015fi tot poporul de b\u0103g\u0103tori \u00een seam\u0103 \u00een direc\u0163ia voastr\u0103 general\u0103? Incompeten\u0163i.<\/p>\n

Pe mine m\u0103 chinuia o oboseal\u0103 feroce. Drept care, i-am ar\u0103tat foaia de vaccinare unui b\u0103iat dr\u0103gu\u0163 \u015fi l-am rugat frumos s\u0103-mi cedeze locul, pentru c\u0103 sunt rupt\u0103. Omul, foarte cumsecade, a s\u0103rit prompt, iar sora voastr\u0103 cople\u015fit\u0103 de crunta dram\u0103 \u015fi-a tras gluga peste ochi, masca p\u00e2n\u0103 sus de tot, s\u0103 nu mai apar\u0103 poze de retarda\u0163i pe Facebook, \u015fi a b\u0103gat un somn clasa I.<\/p>\n

Da, eu sunt omul care doarme \u00een metrou \u015fi se treze\u015fte fix \u00een sta\u0163ia de destina\u0163ie. Omul care doarme pe peron \u015fi se treze\u015fte fix c\u00e2nd vine metroul. Omul care doarme tot filmul \u015fi se treze\u015fte fix c\u00e2nd afl\u0103m c\u0103 uciga\u015ful era de fapt d\u0103daca cea bun\u0103 pe care o iubea toat\u0103 familia. \u015ei tot a\u015fa. Dar e un somn iepuresc. \u015ei aud \u00een jurul meu voci:<\/p>\n

-B\u0103, d\u0103-le dreacu de curvele dreacului. Se sinucid c\u0103 nu mai vine p*** la p**** lor t\u0103b\u0103cit\u0103. M\u0103car sinucide\u0163i-v\u0103 dreacului de curvele dreacului undeva unde nu \u00eencurca\u0163i, nesp\u0103latelor. Mor pe curvele astea proaste. Dac\u0103 nu \u00eencurci un ora\u015f \u00eentreg, nu e\u015fti destul de b\u0103gat\u0103 \u00een seam\u0103, fi-\u0163i-ar m\u0103-ta a dreacului de curva dreacului. Nu era mai bine c\u00e2nd puteai bate femei proaste? O b\u0103teai pe asta p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eei b\u0103gai min\u0163ile \u00een cap \u015fi nu mai \u00eencurca oameni. Curva dreacului.<\/p>\n

OK, Pleac\u0103 \u0103la, se duce la taxi, sau autobuz, sau ceva, se opresc \u00een dreptul meu ni\u015fte m\u0103m\u0103i.<\/p>\n

-Ce-o fi, f\u0103i, fat\u0103, cu tineretul din ziua de azi? To\u0163i e ni\u015fte droga\u0163i \u015fi ni\u015fte nebuni care se arunc\u0103 la tren. Noi pe vremea lui Ceau\u015fescu aveam to\u0163i cas\u0103 \u015fi servici, \u015fi nu ne mai aruncam.<\/p>\n

-Nu \u015fti\u0163i dumneavoastr\u0103, c\u0103 nu se zicea la \u015ftiri, dar se murea \u015fi atunci, intervine un cet\u0103\u0163ean.<\/p>\n

-Se murea de avort, f\u0103i! o taie o prieten\u0103 de aceea\u015fi v\u00e2rst\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Dar nu trebuia s\u0103 faci avort. F\u0103ceai doi copii \u015fi nu te mai culcai cu b\u0103rbatul. \u00cel certai c\u0103 e porc \u015fi nesim\u0163it, \u015fi-l oc\u0103rai c\u0103 e prea b\u0103tr\u00e2n s\u0103 se mai g\u00e2ndeasc\u0103 la aia, \u015fi nu mai st\u0103teai. Eu nu m-am mai culcat cu b\u0103rbatul de la 27 de ani!<\/p>\n

-\u015ei nu \u015fi-a g\u0103sit pe alta, f\u0103i, fat\u0103? intervine amica.<\/p>\n

Probabil c\u0103 b\u0103rbatul implicat \u00een conversa\u0163ie s-a ru\u015finat s\u0103 pun\u0103 \u00eentrebarea.<\/p>\n

-Nu \u015ftiu, drag\u0103. S\u0103 se descurce ea s\u0103 nu r\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 gravid\u0103, de ce s\u0103 m\u0103 chinui eu? Dar pe vremea lui Ceau\u015fescu s-a tr\u0103it bine. Aveai cele necesare. V-a trebuit revolu\u0163ie, acum arunca\u0163i-v\u0103 la tren!<\/p>\n

\u00cen cele din urm\u0103, o fi venit o ambulan\u0163\u0103, ceva, s\u0103 ia fata. Probabil c\u0103 era ambuteiajul sinistru de la Unirii la ora 19, \u015fi asta era explica\u0163ia non-ac\u0163iunii. Nu \u015ftiu, c\u0103 eu dormitam pe mine. M-am trezit c\u00e2nd a venit metrou de Anghel Saligny. \u015ei lumea s-a \u00eenghesuit ca sardelele. Apoi, m-am trezit peste cinci minute, c\u00e2nd a venit \u015fi metrou de Republica.<\/p>\n

\u00cen metrou am dormit mai bine, n-am mai auzit conversa\u0163ii revelatorii despre caracterul uman.<\/p>\n

A\u015fa se explic\u0103 num\u0103rul de votan\u0163i AUR.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, pute\u021bi sus\u0163ine activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
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Ascult\u0103 Jet pe\u00a0Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe\u00a0iTunes<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0sau pe\u00a0Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cum am men\u0163ionat fugar, ieri, pe la ora 19, eram \u00een Pia\u0163a Unirii \u015fi m\u0103 preg\u0103team s\u0103 iau metroul spre cas\u0103. \u00cemi doreaaaam s\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12063,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/metrou.jpg?fit=750%2C500&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21446","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21446"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21446\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21449,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21446\/revisions\/21449"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12063"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21446"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21446"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21446"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}