P\u0103i nu dau eu un bairam de bairam, s\u0103 aud\u0103 tot Bucure\u0219tiul? Cea mai bun\u0103 b\u0103utur\u0103, cea mai fin\u0103 \u0219i pur\u0103 marf\u0103, cele mai superbe femei, via\u021b\u0103, nene. S\u0103-l vede\u021bi pe fratele vostru cum recupereaz\u0103 18 luni de abstinen\u021b\u0103 \u00eentr-o singur\u0103 noapte? Distan\u021bare social\u0103, au zis ei? Saluta\u021bi \u00eempreunarea antisocial\u0103!<\/p>\n
Taurul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n La naiba, \u0219i ce-mi pl\u0103ceau \u0219edin\u021bele de Zoom cu sacou deasupra \u0219i pantaloni de pijama pe dedesubt. Chiar trebuie s\u0103 merg la birou? Dar exist\u0103 costum pe acest p\u0103m\u00e2nt \u00een care s\u0103 \u00eencap\u0103 c**ul meu marca Covid-19? \u0218i pantofi cu toc s\u0103 poarte m\u0103-ta.<\/p>\n Gemenii\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00cen sf\u00e2r\u0219it, rug\u0103ciunile mele la Isus \u0219i la Satana (hei, dou\u0103 fe\u021be, remember?), au fost ascultate. Ia s\u0103 organizez eu rapid primele evenimente, s\u0103 nu am concuren\u021b\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 se dezmeticesc restul.<\/p>\n Racul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Nuuuuu. Nu vreau s\u0103 plec la munc\u0103. Vreau acas\u0103, cu copiii. Doamne, f\u0103 s\u0103 creasc\u0103 rata de \u00eemboln\u0103viri la loc, acum \u0219i pururea \u0219i-n vecii vecilor, amin. Covid – 19 a fost cea mai fericit\u0103 perioad\u0103 a vie\u021bii mele.<\/p>\n Leul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “Munca e pentru nobili, dar odihna e pentru \u00eemp\u0103ra\u0163i. \u015ei nu-\u015fi face fratili vostru un ultra bombastic concediu, o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een Thailanda, una \u00een Filipine \u015fi una \u00een Egipt? Acum, c\u0103 sunt vaccinat, univers, p\u0103zea, regele t\u0103u e preg\u0103tit pentru audien\u0163\u0103. O s\u0103 merg s\u0103 compensez c\u00e2t am stat lunile astea, sau nu sunt eu buricul p\u0103m\u00e2ntului!”<\/p>\n Fecioara\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “P\u0103i unde sunt microbii \u015fi viru\u015fii \u0103ia? N-au plecat nic\u0103ieri, v\u0103 spun eu. Ia s\u0103 dezinfect\u0103m tot ce intr\u0103 \u00een cas\u0103. Costeleee, tu s\u0103 \u0163ii distan\u0163a, mam\u0103. Relaxarea e pentru fraieri, noi suntem mereu pe faz\u0103, cu spirtul \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103.”<\/p>\n Balan\u0163a\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “\u00cen sf\u00e2r\u015fit, putem \u015fi noi renun\u0163a la masc\u0103. Care era farmecul \u00een a cump\u0103ra toat\u0103 sec\u0163iunea de farduri de la Sephora \u015fi de la Marionnaud, dac\u0103 nu vede nimeni? Care era farmecul \u00een a pune filler p\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi \u00een scobitura b\u0103rbiei, dac\u0103 nu vede nimeni? Frumuse\u0163ea este cea mai eficient\u0103 masc\u0103.”<\/p>\n Scorpionul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “\u00cen sf\u00e2r\u015fit, se circul\u0103 seara. Pot face \u015fi altceva cu potrivirile mele de pe Tinder, dec\u00e2t lab\u0103 asistat\u0103 online. Deja f\u0103cusem b\u0103t\u0103turi \u00een palm\u0103, la naiba.”<\/p>\n S\u0103get\u0103torul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “\u015eti\u0163i c\u0103 eu am avut mereu un vis, s\u0103 c\u00e2nt din mandolin\u0103 sub clar de lun\u0103? V\u0103 informez \u00een avans, s\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 astupa\u0163i urechile.<\/p>\n Capricornul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “Hai o dat\u0103 cu restaurantele alea, c\u0103 m-am s\u0103turat de recipiente de plastic ca de mere p\u0103dure\u0163e. Nu, nu e la fel c\u00e2nd comanzi acas\u0103. Dac\u0103 nu-i po\u0163i face observa\u0163ii aspre chelnerului, care mai e farmecul?”<\/p>\n V\u0103rs\u0103torul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “OK, e voie, dar asta nu \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 e obligatoriu. Nu? Eu am inventat lockdownul \u00eenainte ca guvernele din toat\u0103 lumea s\u0103 inventeze lockdownul. Po\u0163i s\u0103 m\u0103 nume\u015fti un vizionar, dar eu prefer s\u0103-mi spui, simplu, geniule.”<\/p>\n Pe\u015ftii\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n “Sigur, e o conspira\u0163ie! Ne vor pe to\u0163i bolnavi \u015fi neputincio\u015fi. De aceea au \u015fi dat drumul, s\u0103 ie\u015fim de-a valma, s\u0103 ne infest\u0103m \u015fi s\u0103 ne infect\u0103m. \u015ei o s\u0103 bolim, o s\u0103 ne zv\u00e2rcolim conecta\u0163i la ventilator, \u015fi ei o s\u0103 se bucure de suferin\u0163a noastr\u0103. Cum cine? Ei! Cum cine sunt ei? Las\u0103 c\u0103 \u015ftii tu, nu te mai face!”<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, pute\u021bi sus\u0163ine activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie.<\/p>\n *** ***<\/p>\n Ascult\u0103 Jet pe\u00a0Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe\u00a0iTunes<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0sau pe\u00a0Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Salut, internet, eu sunt Lorena Lupu \u0219i ghicesc chestii. Lol, nu chiar, dar dup\u0103 ce am avut \u00een sarcin\u0103 rubrica horoscop la vreo cinci...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21778","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/astro.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21778","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21778"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21778\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21780,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21778\/revisions\/21780"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12815"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21778"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21778"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21778"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
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\nVrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe\u00a0Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe\u00a0Twitter<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0\u015fi\u00a0Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe\u00a0YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n