{"id":21874,"date":"2021-06-12T09:45:15","date_gmt":"2021-06-12T06:45:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=21874"},"modified":"2021-06-12T09:45:15","modified_gmt":"2021-06-12T06:45:15","slug":"cum-reactionezi-la-campionatul-de-fotbal-in-functie-de-zodie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-reactionezi-la-campionatul-de-fotbal-in-functie-de-zodie\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum reac\u0163ionezi la campionatul de fotbal \u00een func\u0163ie de zodie"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00cenainte s\u0103 sari ca ars\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eencepi s\u0103 \u0163ipi isteric la mine c\u0103 a) numai pro\u015ftii cred \u00een horoscop b) \u0103vai, dar nu te recuno\u015fti ca la Neti Sandu \u015fi la Urania, \u015fezi calm pe zona pufoas\u0103 a p\u0103r\u0163ii dorsale \u015fi ia la cuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103 faptul c\u0103 toate, dar absolut toate horoscoapele mele au inten\u0163ie strict satiric\u0103.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2t am lucrat \u00een pres\u0103, am avut rubrica de horoscop \u00een spinare. \u015ei da, venea salariul de dou\u0103 ori pe lun\u0103, avans \u015fi lichidare.<\/p>\n

M\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 foarte pu\u0163in spre deloc s\u0103 fac pentru tine gratis munca pe care al\u0163ii o pl\u0103tesc, drept care, singurul mod \u00een care voi aborda vreodat\u0103 horoscopul pe acest site vaa fi \u00een ideea de a r\u00e2de \u00eempreun\u0103.<\/p>\n

Acum, c\u0103 am f\u0103cut acest lung disclaimer \u00een speran\u0163a c\u0103 previn cotcodacurile antipatice (spoiler: nu), s\u0103 intr\u0103m \u00een miez.<\/p>\n

\u00cencepe Euro 2021. Toat\u0103 social media va fi fotbal, peste fotbal, peste pariuri legate de fotbal, peste tat\u0103\u0103\u0103, vreau \u015fi eu s\u0103 fiu fotbaliiiist, dar nu ai echipe de femei profesionale la noi la Ha\u0163eg, Veronica, nu conteaz\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103, \u00eemi \u00eenfiin\u0163eeez.<\/p>\n

Pe scurt, invazie de fotbal.<\/p>\n

Ce fac zodiile?<\/p>\n

Berbecul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Pfff, p\u0103i nu pun eu pariu pe toate meciurile, ba chiar \u015fi pe \u00eenc\u0103lzirea de dinainte? Milionar Ionescu m\u0103 cheam\u0103. \u015ei strict pentru Euro 2021 \u00eemi fac cont separat de Instagram \u015fi Tiktok, s\u0103 vad\u0103 fanii c\u0103 eu sunt de fapt Dumitru Graur al doilea, numai c\u0103 nu m-a luat TVR la casting, cic\u0103 nu corespund profilului. Ce, TVR, am p prea mare din profil???!!”<\/p>\n

Taurul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Sper c\u0103 nu \u00eenchid \u0103\u015ftia a\u015fa pe nea\u015fteptate al 4678-lea bet\u0103l din Chefi la cu\u0163ite pentru un sport de rahat pentru sp\u0103rg\u0103tori de semin\u0163e!! Eh, dar nu conteaz\u0103. M\u0103 abonez la Gordon Ramsay, \u015fi la Jamie Oliver, \u015fi la Masterchef Canada, \u015fi la to\u0163i c\u00e2\u015ftig\u0103torii, \u015fi m\u0103 uit la dish-uri p\u00e2n\u0103 aud: \u015ei cupa merge la…”<\/p>\n

Gemenii\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“E plictisitor, f\u0103, cum dracu s\u0103 nu fie. Dar eu o s\u0103 dau un gug\u0103l \u015fi dou\u0103 statusuri, s\u0103 par c\u0103 m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103, s\u0103 aprecieze fanii c\u0103 au cu cine s\u0103 discute baschet. Stai, nu baschet, c\u0103 m\u0103 doare la ba\u015fche\u0163i. Ce plm \u00eencepe? Ceva cu minge. Hockey?<\/p>\n

Racul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“\u015ei o s\u0103 st\u0103m pe canapea, eu \u015fi iubi, s\u0103 ne uit\u0103m la meci. Iubi la meci, eu la iubi, bucuroas\u0103 c\u0103 acum am argument s\u0103 stea cu mine. M\u0103 mai duc s\u0103-i aduc o bere \u015fi o pung\u0103 nou\u0103 de semin\u0163e. Cu ce echip\u0103 \u0163in? Cu iubi. Iubi e fotbalistul meu preferat.<\/p>\n

Leul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“\u015ei iar fuge aten\u0163ia poporului spre toate futilit\u0103\u0163ile, \u00een loc s\u0103 se concentreze pe singura tem\u0103 care conteaz\u0103: c\u00e2t de special sunt eu. Ce rost are s\u0103 postezi selfiuri, dac\u0103 poporul de muritori st\u0103 cu ochii pe fotbal \u015fi nu d\u0103 like?<\/p>\n

Cred c\u0103-mi iau vacan\u0163\u0103 de pe social media. P\u00e2n\u0103 revenim la subiectul meu preferat. Eu.”<\/p>\n

Fecioara\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Plm, iar adun cutii de bere \u015fi pungi de semin\u0163e din toat\u0103 casa. Poate fac \u015fi eu un Instagram: Ravagii de dup\u0103 meciul de fotbal. C\u0103 mi-a\u0163i m\u00e2ncat sufletul, nebunilor!”<\/p>\n

Balan\u0163a<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Hai s\u0103 fim civiliza\u0163i, s\u0103 mim\u0103m c\u0103 ne pas\u0103. Mai ales dac\u0103 noi lucr\u0103m \u00een imobiliare \u015fi vrem s\u0103-i vindem cu 100.000 de euro un apartament de 40.000. Zi+ne tot despre Italia, dom’ Nicu. \u015ei semneaz\u0103 aici. Dadada, \u00eenvinge, cum nu!?”<\/p>\n

Scorpionul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Un\u015fpe tipi alearg\u0103 dup\u0103 o minge. To\u0163i dup\u0103 aceea\u015fi, de zici c\u0103 s-a \u00eenchis fabrica de mingi sau ceva. Se lupt\u0103 pentru ea cu al\u0163ii un\u015fpe. Picioare \u00een glezn\u0103. Piedici. T\u0103lpi \u00een ficat. Tot tac\u00e2mul.<\/p>\n

De cum ajung la minge, tot ce fac e s\u0103-i mai dea un \u015fut \u00een muf\u0103, s\u0103 reia alergarea dup\u0103 ea.<\/p>\n

Domnule Freud, ce spune asta despre frustr\u0103rile lor sexuale?”<\/p>\n

S\u0103get\u0103torul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“A, bun. Oportunitate de crescut \u00een social media. Toat\u0103 lumea plictise\u015fte cunoscu\u0163ii cu fotbalul, eu o s\u0103 scriu numai de-al dracu’ despre politic\u0103 \u015fi sex. S\u0103 vezi love \u015fi haha de la to\u0163i plictisi\u0163ii fotbalului. LOL!”<\/p>\n

Capricornul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Da, b\u0103ie\u0163i, la noi la c\u00e2rcium\u0103 po\u0163i vedea toate meciurile. Am o plasm\u0103 c\u00e2t peretele, Consuma\u021bia obligatorie, \u0219i m\u0103 refer la m\u00e2ncare, nu la beri, c\u0103 nu din beri v\u00e2ndute o s\u0103-mi cump\u0103r eu Ferrari.”<\/p>\n

V\u0103rs\u0103torul\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Nu \u015ftiu nimic, Nu m\u0103 uit pe post\u0103rile altora. Am un grup de pictur\u0103 abstract\u0103 experimental\u0103 cu 14 fani. Iar acolo nu posteaz\u0103 nimeni despre fotbal. Scuz\u0103-m\u0103, m\u0103 plictise\u015fte subiectul, m\u0103 duc s\u0103 pictez.”<\/p>\n

Pe\u015ftii\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

“Cum s\u0103 faci campionat de fotbal, acum, \u00een plin\u0103 pandemie?? Parc\u0103 v\u0103d a opta cocoa\u015f\u0103 a celui de-al pai\u015fpelea val. \u015ei normal, eu primul \u00eentubat. Trebuia s\u0103 joace fotbal pe Zoom!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/div>\n
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Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, sus\u0163ine\u0163i activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

***
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\u00cenainte s\u0103 sari ca ars\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eencepi s\u0103 \u0163ipi isteric la mine c\u0103 a) numai pro\u015ftii cred \u00een horoscop b) \u0103vai, dar nu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":15342,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21874","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/fotbal.jpg?fit=640%2C420&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21874","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21874"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21874\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21876,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21874\/revisions\/21876"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21874"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21874"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21874"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}