{"id":22193,"date":"2021-08-11T10:22:52","date_gmt":"2021-08-11T07:22:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=22193"},"modified":"2021-08-11T10:25:38","modified_gmt":"2021-08-11T07:25:38","slug":"nu-internet-nu-e-cazul-sa-ti-faci-vacanta-in-masina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/nu-internet-nu-e-cazul-sa-ti-faci-vacanta-in-masina\/","title":{"rendered":"Nu, internet, nu e cazul s\u0103-\u021bi faci vacan\u021ba \u00een ma\u0219in\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Circula ieri o \u0219tire de pe Adev\u0103rul, mi se pare, cu gigei care se duc \u00een vacan\u021be la mare, \u0219i \u00een loc s\u0103 se cazeze la hotel, dorm \u00een ma\u0219in\u0103. Fie c\u0103 au ceva b\u0103nu\u021bi \u0219i se bag\u0103 cu ea \u00een parcare, \u00eenfrunt\u00e2nd cu tupeu dacic privirea grea \u0219i plin\u0103 de judec\u0103\u021bi a agentului de paz\u0103, fie c\u0103 se zg\u00e2rcesc \u0219i dorm parca\u021bi undeva \u00een bosche\u021bi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cen comentarii, al\u021bi gigei: Aventur\u0103\u0103\u0103h, frateee. A\u0219a se tr\u0103ie\u0219te periculos. Culeanu, bosulache, \u0103ia \u0219tiu ce e distrac\u021bia. A\u0219a m-au dus \u0219i pe mine p\u0103rin\u021bii la mare c\u00e2nd eram copil. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cu riscul s\u0103 vin\u0103 iar m\u0103miki hormonale \u0219i ira\u021bionale s-o \u021bipe pe aia cu “N-ai copii, nu te kalifiki la o p\u0103rere”: c\u00e2t de iresponsabil s\u0103 fii, s\u0103 pui un copil s\u0103 doarm\u0103 \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ce e gre\u015fit cu poporul \u0103sta? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Str\u00e2nge din buci, s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi cumpere BMW, ultimul model, apoi doarme cu el parcat \u00een b\u0103l\u0103rii, pentru c\u0103 esen\u0163ial\u0103 e aparen\u0163a de opulen\u0163\u0103 maxim\u0103, \u00een rest, o ardem pe calicenie suprem\u0103, ca ultimii fomi\u015fti. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, dar hai s\u0103 nu fie doar un articol \u00een care dau cu parul. Hai s\u0103 vedem \u015fi ni\u015fte argumente. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sora voastr\u0103 a avut \u015fi ea experien\u0163a dormitului \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103. C\u00e2nd eram adolescent\u0103, \u015fi mama f\u0103cea un lung circ c\u00e2nd \u00eei cereai de un suc \u00een ora\u015f, d’ap\u0103i s\u0103 te trimit\u0103 \u00een vacan\u0163\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 mai \u015fi pl\u0103teasc\u0103 pentru minim confort. Am plecat de c\u00e2teva ori cu g\u0103\u015fti de tineri, \u015fi am dormit \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103 pentru c\u0103 realmente nu aveam din ce s\u0103 \u00eemi iau mai mult de un covrig. C\u00e2nd aud azi pe strad\u0103 mame \u00eentreb\u00e2ndu-\u015fi copiii “Ai bani la tine?”, \u00eemi vine s\u0103 depun reclama\u0163ie la OPC c\u0103 \u00eemi anulez adolescen\u0163a \u015fi vreau o a doua \u015fans\u0103, \u00een condi\u0163ii civilizate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, dar m\u0103car am o maturitate \u00een care con\u015ftientizez tot ce am f\u0103cut gre\u015fit \u015fi nu \u0163ip: Ce, m\u0103, s\u0103 doarm\u0103 \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103, bravo lor, hotelul e f*tere de bani!!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 nu-\u0163i permi\u0163i f*tere de bani, iei o bere la doi litri \u0219i jum\u0103tate, rece ca ghea\u0163a, o pung\u0103 de semin\u0163e family size, aduni ga\u015fca \u015fi ie\u015fi \u00een IOR. Entertainment cu buget adaptat posibilit\u0103\u0163ilor. Am f\u0103cut \u015fi asta. Ca s\u0103 nu crede\u0163i c\u0103 scriu acest text dintr-o perspectiv\u0103 snoab\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar nu merit\u0103 s\u0103 dormi \u00een ma\u0219in\u0103 pentru c\u0103 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A) E al naibii de incomod. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nici s\u0103 m\u0103 ba\u021bi n-a\u0219 putea contabiliza dormitul \u00een ma\u0219in\u0103 la categoria “odihn\u0103”. Mai degrab\u0103 la chinuial\u0103 nocturn\u0103, din ciclul “te treze\u015fti mai obosit dec\u00e2t te-ai culcat”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zic unii c\u0103 dac\u0103 ma\u015fina e lung\u0103, c\u0103 dac\u0103 ma\u015fina e lat\u0103, c\u0103 dac\u0103 \u015fi c\u0103 parc\u0103. NU. Dormitul \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103 e durere de oase \u00een form\u0103 pur\u0103 \u015fi at\u00e2t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iar dac\u0103 la 19 ani, organismul se regenereaz\u0103 repede, mai t\u00e2rziu \u00een via\u0163\u0103 te treze\u015fti \u00een\u0163epenit, cu crampe \u015fi cu dureri \u00een zone pe care nu \u015ftiai c\u0103 le ai. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ce distrac\u0163ie s\u0103 ai a doua zi, c\u00e2nd tu e\u015fti nedormit, frustrat \u015fi chir\u0103i de spondiloz\u0103 cervical\u0103? Unde mai e sentimentul de relaxare al vacan\u0163ei, c\u00e2nd tu cau\u0163i farmacii s\u0103-\u0163i cumperi Sindolor gel? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

B. E complet neigienic <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Except\u00e2nd rulotele de ultim\u0103 genera\u0163ie din vest, ma\u015finile nu au cabin\u0103 de du\u015f. D\u0103\u0103h. Ce truism, Loreno. Azi vii jegos \u015fi vag beat, m\u00e2ine asemenea, poim\u00e2ine idem, r\u0103spoim\u00e2ine ibidem, \u00een ideea c\u0103 alcoolul dezinfecteaz\u0103 \u00een interior \u015fi exteriorul nu conteaz\u0103. Ajunge s\u0103 miroas\u0103 la tine \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103 ca la groapa de gunoi comunitar\u0103, \u015fi se creeaz\u0103 efectul conserv\u0103. Tu pu\u0163i de la ma\u015fin\u0103, \u015fi ea de la tine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015ei asta \u00eenainte de pandemii, covizi \u015fi toate cele. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C. Trebu\u015foare mici, trebu\u015foare mari <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, te mai duci pe la benzin\u0103rii. Sau la Mec. \u00ce\u0163i iei o cafea, s\u0103 ai consuma\u0163ie, \u015fi te strecori \u015fi la bud\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar dac\u0103 te treze\u015fti noaptea cu nevoi urgente, solu\u0163ia e doar s\u0103 te pi\u015fi – caci prin bosche\u0163ii din jur, s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i put\u0103 tot \u0163ie sub nas, sau \u00een mare, unde te duci m\u00e2ine s\u0103 faci b\u0103i\u0163\u0103. S\u0103 ad\u0103ug\u0103m la asta fenomenul de mul\u0163ime. C\u00e2nd nenum\u0103ra\u0163i gigei fac exact asta. Practic, zona ajunge s\u0103 put\u0103 a c\u0103cat ca \u00een vremurile bune de odinioar\u0103, c\u00e2nd nu se inventase canalizarea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015ei hai s\u0103 ne g\u00e2ndim la femei. Pentru pipi \u00een bosche\u0163i, am tehnic\u0103. Te cr\u0103ce\u015fti mult \u015fi \u00eempingi fundul mult \u00een spate, ca la twerk, \u00een direc\u0163ia oopus\u0103 b\u0103t\u0103ii v\u00e2ntului, dac\u0103 e v\u00e2nt. \u015fi atunci scapi cu adida\u015fii neprofana\u0163i. Dar c\u0103carea \u00een bosche\u0163i e genul de daraver\u0103 pentru care nu v\u0103 calific \u015fi refuz ferm s\u0103 m\u0103 calific. Apoi, nimere\u015fti o \u015faorm\u0103 cu maioneza st\u0103tut\u0103 la soare \u015fi te ia o diaree exploziv\u0103. A\u015ftept s\u0103-mi explica\u0163i voi cum face\u0163i s\u0103 nu v\u0103 umple\u0163i adida\u015fii de ea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

D. C\u0103ldura <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cen ma\u015fin\u0103, se face cald. Mai ales \u00een perioada verii. Iar dac\u0103 la\u015fi aerul pornit, \u00ee\u015fi f*\u0163i bateria, \u015fi tot la cheltuial\u0103 se ajunge. Se \u015ftiu cazuri de c\u00e2ini mor\u0163i pentru c\u0103 au fost uita\u0163i \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103, de copii ajun\u015fi la urgen\u0163r pentru c\u0103 au fost uita\u0163i \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103. \u015ei nici \u0163ie nu-\u0163i face bine. Poate c\u0103 tu nu mori \u015fi nu ajungi la urgen\u0163e, dar nota de plat\u0103 pentru abuzurile din tinere\u0163e vine c\u00e2nd o s\u0103 devii un b\u0103tr\u00e2nel neputincios cu s\u0103n\u0103tatea praf. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E. Ho\u0163ii <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

P\u0103i da, Lorena, dar deschidem geamurile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

O anticipez pe asta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015ei dac\u0103 deschizi geamurile, e\u015fti victim\u0103 sigur\u0103 pentru to\u0163i ho\u0163ii, t\u00e2lharii, criminalii, violatorii care se nimeresc s\u0103 treac\u0103 pe acolo. Remember. Dormi unde se nimere\u015fte. Pe litoralul rom\u00e2nesc. Cu geamul deschis. Dac\u0103 nu te jefuie\u015fte nimeni, probabil e de la duhoarea punctului B de mai sus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar te jefuie\u015fte. Foamea e mare dup\u0103 pandemie \u015fi un cle\u015fti\u015for de rufe pentru nas mai g\u0103sim. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

F. Ochii care nu se v\u0103d<\/strong>, se uit\u0103. Ochii care se v\u0103d, se holbeaz\u0103. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, hai s\u0103 nu vorbim despre furt \u015fi viol. Hai s\u0103 vorbim despre ceva la ordinea zilei, ceva ce ar face \u015fi badea Ion din V\u00e2jg\u0103u\u0163i. \u015ei anume: S\u0103 arunce un ochi la tine prin fereastra ma\u015finii, s\u0103 se uite cum dormi cu o \u0163\u00e2\u0163\u0103 at\u00e2rn\u00e2nd afar\u0103 \u015fi cu cracii \u00een tavanul ma\u015finii. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cam cum e s\u0103 te treze\u015fti cu random gigel de pe strad\u0103 belind ochii la tine? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

G. Sex??? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mult\u0103 lume merge \u00een vacan\u0163e, \u00een ideea de a se bucura \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit de timp liber, de distrac\u0163ie, b\u0103utur\u0103 \u015fi, desigur, sex. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ei, bine, \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103, sexul o s\u0103 fie incomod, complicat, ur\u00e2t mirositor \u015fi mereu expus lui gigel de la punctul F. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sora voastr\u0103 a \u00eendurat multe umilin\u0163e, ca s\u0103rak\u0103, cum v-am povestit, dar sexul \u00een vacan\u0163a din ma\u015fin\u0103 nu s-a num\u0103rat printre ele. O traum\u0103 \u00een minus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u0103 tot m-a\u0163i \u00eenjurat ciorchine pentru reclama la videochat. Mi se pare mai demn s\u0103 faci videochat \u015fi s\u0103 ai o vacan\u0163\u0103 decent\u0103 la un hotel, dec\u00e2t s\u0103 faci habar n-am ce faci tu \u015fi s\u0103 dormi \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103, cum am descris mai sus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, sus\u0163ine\u0163i activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***
Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Circula ieri o \u0219tire de pe Adev\u0103rul, mi se pare, cu gigei care se duc \u00een vacan\u021be la mare, \u0219i \u00een loc s\u0103 se...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":22194,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/shoes.jpg?fit=640%2C429&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22193"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22193\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22197,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22193\/revisions\/22197"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22194"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}