{"id":22753,"date":"2021-12-26T11:15:41","date_gmt":"2021-12-26T08:15:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=22753"},"modified":"2021-12-26T11:15:42","modified_gmt":"2021-12-26T08:15:42","slug":"baba-craciun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/baba-craciun\/","title":{"rendered":"Baba Cr\u0103ciun"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Mo\u015f Cr\u0103ciun obosise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ultimul horn pe care avusese de intrat fusese destul de lung \u015fi de \u00eengust, a\u015fa c\u0103 renii trebuiser\u0103 s\u0103-l \u00eemping\u0103 din greu cu copitele lor de aur, de zici c\u0103 se mai n\u0103scuse o dat\u0103. \u015ei mai \u015fi aterizase cu fundu-n cenu\u015f\u0103. Iar c\u00e2nd se ridica pe horn, auzise \u015fi o conversa\u0163ie nepl\u0103cut\u0103 de genul:<\/p>\n\n\n\n


-iPhone 12? Dar de ce iPhone 12? Am zis clar iPhone 13 Pro Max. Care parte din pro \u0219i max necesit\u0103 desen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Pe scurt, era unul dintre acele momente c\u00e2nd \u00eei venea foarte tare s\u0103-\u015fi bage piciorul. Oricum, omenirea e profund nerecunosc\u0103toare. Se opri cu renii la un Starbucks, s\u0103 bea un pumpkin latte, s\u0103-\u015fi rec\u00e2\u015ftige credin\u0163a \u00een umanitate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


-B\u0103i, Rudolfe, am un sentiment acut al propriei prostii. Puteam s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eensor, s\u0103 am copii\u2026
-De ce s\u0103 faci una ca asta? \u00ee\u015fi scoase renul botul din licoarea \u00eenspumat\u0103.
-\u015etii. Pentru un sentiment de apar\u0163inere.
-Fii serios, mo\u015fule, interveni fratele mai mic al lui Rudolf. Uite, ai un sentiment de apar\u0163inere cu noi.
-Dar voi nu face\u0163i sex cu mine.
-Hai, tataie, calmeaz\u0103-te. Ai o v\u00e2rst\u0103, ar trebui s\u0103 \u0219tii c\u0103 sexul e overrated. Apoi, dac\u0103 te \u00eensurai, acum nevast\u0103-ta ar fi fost Baba Cr\u0103ciun \u015fi garantat n-ai fi avut nici o chemare s\u0103 faci sex cu ea.
-\u0102\u0103\u0103\u2026 Habar n-ave\u0163i cum func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 libidoul la om.
-Ba avem. Ai fi preferat s\u0103 te ui\u0163i la porneturi pe internet.
-\u00cen plus, imagineaz\u0103-te \u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 faci cadouri omenirii de Cr\u0103ciun, cu o nevast\u0103 pe cap.
-Da, confirm\u0103 Fifi, renul melodramatic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apoi adopt\u0103 o voce sub\u0163ire: “Iubiii, chiar trebuie s\u0103 spargem at\u00e2\u0163ia bani pe ni\u015fte str\u0103ini pe care nu-i cunoa\u015ftem? De ce nu-mi faci cadouri mieee?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n


-Poate o luam bogat\u0103 \u015fi nu-i p\u0103sa, presupuse mo\u015ful.
-Abia dac\u0103 era bogat\u0103 \u00eei p\u0103sa cu adev\u0103rat. Zi-le, Loredanule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u015ei Fifi, renul melodramatic: -“Iubiiii, banii \u0103ia trebuie reinvesti\u0163i, s\u0103 produc\u0103, nu irosi\u0163i de-a valma nerambursabil”.
-O luam bun\u0103 la inim\u0103, specul\u0103 Mo\u015ful.
-Dac\u0103 o luai bun\u0103 la inim\u0103, \u00ee\u0163i umplea casa \u015fi gr\u0103dina cu c\u00e2ini \u015fi pisici f\u0103r\u0103 st\u0103p\u00e2n \u015fi te vedeai silit s\u0103 pl\u0103te\u015fti tratament veterinar de mii de euro pentru fiecare caz \u00een parte. Nu mai apucai Cr\u0103ciunul.
-Apoi, s\u0103 nu uit\u0103m c\u00e2t de ineficient fac femeile cump\u0103r\u0103turi. Te apuca februarie dac\u0103 te duceai s\u0103 alegi cadourile cu ea.
\u015ei Fifi, renul melodramatic:
-“Iubiii, hai s\u0103 ne uit\u0103m \u015fi la aleaaa. Hai, m\u0103, cum s\u0103 le duci familiei Smith m\u0103nu\u015fi verzi? Verdele e o culoare rece, o s\u0103 cread\u0103 c\u0103 nu-i mai iube\u015fti. Alege \u015fi tu un burgund pastelat. \u015etiu un magazin la numai trei kilometri de aici unde se g\u0103sesc la reducere.”
-M\u0103 apucam din septembrie, oft\u0103 Mo\u015ful.
-Apoi, c\u00e2nd s\u0103 ie\u015fi pe u\u015f\u0103 cu sacul de cadouri, ar fi \u00eenceput: “Iubi, e\u015fti \u00eembr\u0103cat prea sub\u0163ire”, \u00eencepu Rudolf.
Dar nu suna persuasiv. \u00cei d\u0103du un cot lui Fifi, renul melodramatic.
-“Iubiii, e\u015fti \u00eembr\u0103cat prea sub\u0163ire. Mai bine pune \u015fuba asta de blan\u0103 fals\u0103 pe tine, c\u0103 \u0163ine de cald. Ia \u015fi fularul \u0103sta, c\u0103 e asortat. \u015ei neap\u0103rat \u015fo\u015fonii \u0103\u015ftia, s\u0103-\u0163i protejezi cizmele, c\u0103 m-am chinuit s\u0103 le cur\u0103\u0163 \u015fi s\u0103 le dau cu lac.”
-Femeie, nu mai ar\u0103t deloc a Mo\u015f Cr\u0103ciun, cu toate c\u00e2rpele astea pe mine! url\u0103 Rudolf la Fifi, renul melodramatic.
Acesta puse pe loc un bot de doi metri.
-Mmmmm. De fapt tu nici nu m\u0103 iube\u015fti. Ai nevoie doar de cineva s\u0103-\u0163i cure\u0163e cizmele.
Mo\u015f Cr\u0103ciun d\u0103du din cap.
-De fapt, \u0103sta e adev\u0103rul. Chiar am nevoie de cineva s\u0103-mi cure\u0163e cizmele.
Apoi \u00eenghi\u0163i ultima gur\u0103 de pumpkin latte.
-Dar argumentele voastre sunt imbatabile. Cred c\u0103 mi le cur\u0103\u0163 singur \u015fi de acum \u00eencolo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 \u0163i-a pl\u0103cut acest articol, sus\u0163ine site-ul cu o dona\u0163ie<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mo\u015f Cr\u0103ciun obosise. Ultimul horn pe care avusese de intrat fusese destul de lung \u015fi de \u00eengust, a\u015fa c\u0103 renii trebuiser\u0103 s\u0103-l \u00eemping\u0103 din...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":22754,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/ren.jpg?fit=640%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22753","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22753"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22753\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22757,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22753\/revisions\/22757"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22753"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22753"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22753"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}