![\"\"](\"http:\/\/lorenalupu.files.wordpress.com\/2007\/12\/pulishor.jpg\" "\\"\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nDeci, intro:<\/p>\n
S\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i c\u0103 e adev\u0103rat: orice lucru pe care \u00eel faci \u00een via\u0163\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i prinde bine c\u00e2nd te-ai a\u015ftepta mai pu\u0163in. Eu, de exemplu, am f\u0103cut pentru Playboy un material numit “Raport de investiga\u0163ie”. Asta a \u00eensemnat c\u0103 m-am milogit de \u015faptezeci de agen\u0163ii de detectivi particulari, p\u00e2n\u0103 am g\u0103sit-o pe a \u015faptezeci \u015fi una, s\u0103 coopereze, \u015fi s\u0103 m\u0103 ia cu ei pe tot parcursul unei anchete. A fost una simpl\u0103: o proast\u0103 crede c\u0103 so\u0163ul o \u00een\u015feal\u0103 \u015fi so\u0163ul a trebuit \u00eendelung filat. Dar o \u00een\u015fela. Detalii, \u00een Playboy cu Adelina V\u00e2rciu, \u00eenc\u0103 una pe care so\u0163ul o \u00een\u015fela. Oops, abia acum mi-am dat seama ce armonio\u015fi suntem \u00een subiecte.<\/p>\n
Deci, raport 2:<\/p>\n
Din episodul precedent: ieri mi-a disp\u0103rut mobilul. \u00cen cu\u015fet\u0103, spre Colojvar.
\nDar suna. \u015ei m-am g\u00e2ndit c\u0103, dac\u0103 sun\u0103, e ceva \u00een neregul\u0103. Fie ho\u0163ul e prea prost s\u0103 scoat\u0103 cartela, fie nu e ho\u0163. Am luat-o pe Smochin\u0103 de o toart\u0103 \u015fi ne-am dus \u00eent\u00e2i la Informa\u0163ii. Acolo, o gras\u0103 binevoitoare ne-a luat \u00een primire:<\/p>\n
-Nu, nu ni s-o semnalat nici un obiect furat.
\n-Bun, Dar am \u00een\u0163eles c\u0103 anumite vagoane r\u0103m\u00e2n la Cluj, altele pleac\u0103 la Oradea. Deci, exist\u0103 o \u015fans\u0103 ca \u0103sta s\u0103 fi r\u0103mas la Cluj.
\n-No, ar\u0103ta\u0163i-mi beletul?
\nA\u015fa vorbesc ardelenii, fac o afirma\u0163ie \u015fi o termin\u0103 \u00een sus, de parc\u0103 ar \u00eentreba.
\n-No, \u00eel ar\u0103t? zic eu \u015fi scot biletul. Grasa se uit\u0103, face:
\n-Ap\u0103i \u0103sta o r\u0103mas la noi. Uite, ie\u015fi\u0163i pe \u015fine \u015fi mere\u0163i, mere\u0163i, trece\u0163i de pod \u015fi acolo \u00ees vagoanele care r\u0103m\u00e2n aici.<\/p>\n
No, ie\u015fim pe \u015fine, merem, merem \u015fi iar\u0103 merem, ajungem la vagoane, \u015fi \u00een dreptul lor, la o c\u0103su\u0163\u0103.
\n-Bun\u0103 ziua, am c\u0103l\u0103torit cu trenul cutare \u015fi vrem s\u0103 verific\u0103m \u00een vagonul de dormit dac\u0103 e acolo mobilul.
\n-Ap\u0103i vede\u0163i c\u0103 vagonu’ \u00eei \u00eenchis, \u015fi conductoru’ doarme. Da\u0163i cu ceva \u00een geam.
\nD\u0103m cu ceva \u00een geam, pauz\u0103. D\u0103m cu altceva \u00een geam: aceea\u015fi pauz\u0103. Se \u00eenduio\u015feaz\u0103 omul din c\u0103su\u0163\u0103, vine el cu un b\u0103\u0163 \u015fi \u00eencepe s\u0103 d\u0103ng\u0103ne cumsecade:
\n-Domnuuuuu’. Dooooomnuuuuu’.
\nUn col\u0163i\u015for de perdea se d\u0103 la o parte \u015fi apare un ochi c\u00e2rpit de somn \u015fi mijit de contactul cu lumina.
\n-Domni\u015foarele astea or pierdut un telefon. Las\u0103-le s\u0103 se uite \u00een cu\u015fet\u0103.
\n(Varianta d\u00e2mbovi\u0163ean\u0103 ar fi fost: Pizdele astea sunt at\u00e2t de proaste \u00eenc\u00e2t nu se prind c\u00e2nd sunt ciordite. D\u0103-le dovada.)
\nPerdeaua se las\u0103, iar dup\u0103 c\u00e2teva secunde se deschide u\u015fa vagonului. Omul se uit\u0103 la noi cu o ur\u0103 pe care numai cei ce muncesc noaptea o pot avea fa\u0163\u0103 de dobitocii care le fut somnul. \u00cel \u00een\u0163eleg, inima mea e cu el, dar picioarele mele fac un salt \u015fi merg \u00een cu\u015fet\u0103. Iar Smochinu\u0163a \u00eencepe s\u0103 sune. Telefonul \u00eencepe s\u0103 sune \u00een urechea ei. Nu \u015fi \u00een \u00eenc\u0103pere. Dar sun\u0103.
\n-P\u0103i aaaaaa… (casc\u0103 na\u015ful) f\u0103cut femeia curaaaaat \u015fi nu mi-aaaaaa l\u0103sat nimic. Dac\u0103 eraaaaa, \u00eemi l\u0103sa. Aaaaaa.
\n-Are num\u0103r de telefon femeia?
\n-E o firm\u0103 privat\u0103, nu \u0163ine de noi, nu \u015ftim nimic.
\n-P\u0103i nu l-o fi aruncat din gre\u015feal\u0103 \u00een gunoi?
\nMergem noi la containere, care transformau arta de a pu\u0163i \u00een act de virtuozitate. Sun\u0103m. Nimic.
\n-Slav\u0103 Domnului, murmur eu. Mai bine renun\u0163 la numerele lu’ Dr\u0103gu\u015fanu, Gina Pistol \u015fi Maria Dinulescu, dec\u00e2t s\u0103 m\u0103 amestec \u00een jegurile astea.
\n-P\u0103i cine \u015ftie num\u0103rul femeii?
\n\u00centre timp, un nene milos face:
\n-Are administratoru’ num\u0103rul ei?
\nSun\u0103 la administrator, \u00eei prezint\u0103 succint \u015fi ardelene\u015fte situa\u0163ia.
\n-No, zice domnu’ c\u0103 mere la treab\u0103 \u00een ora\u015f, apoi la nu \u015ftiu ce tratament? Apoi ajunge acas\u0103 la trei \u015fi o sun\u0103 pe femeie? Suna\u0163i-m\u0103 la trei \u015fi ceva \u015fi v\u0103 zic? Vorbesc io altfel cu ea!
\nAha, deci c\u00e2nd ardeleanul e hot\u0103r\u00e2t, ia calul de coarne \u015fi face \u015fi el o afirma\u0163ie. A nu se \u00een\u0163elege gre\u015fit, \u015fi eu sunt din Ardeal, dar din zona \u00een care ardelenii – except\u00e2ndu-i pe cei veni\u0163i din Moldova – au accent unguresc sut\u0103 la sut\u0103. Iar ungurii, taman invers, fac afirma\u0163ii \u015fi atunci c\u00e2nd \u00eentreab\u0103.
\nBun, \u00eentre timp m\u0103 duc s\u0103 \u00eemi iau acreditarea, s\u0103 fac ni\u015fte figuri de stil pe ici pe colo, s\u0103 intru un pic \u00een vorb\u0103 cu Giurgiu, cu Chirilov, una-alta. Bem o cafea fabuloas\u0103 cu Smochina la River Caffe, ne lu\u0103m ni\u015fte mar\u0163ipan sinistru de dulce. Ne ducem la Vodafone s\u0103 c\u0103sc\u0103m pu\u0163in gura, \u0103ia ne confirm\u0103: nu putem salva dec\u00e2t apelurile date efectiv \u00een ultima lun\u0103. Ori, eu o sun pe Cherida doar c\u00e2nd am treab\u0103 cu ea, nu-s Pepe s\u0103 o sun zi de zi. \u015ei doar primele \u015fase cifre din fiecare num\u0103r. C\u0103cat! \u00centre timp, \u00eemi iau o cartel\u0103 de 5 euro, o b\u0103g\u0103m \u00eentr-un telefon vechi al Smochinei \u015fi continui s\u0103 m\u0103 sun \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eemi dau mesaje: “\u00cemi vreau telefonul \u00eenapoi. Muie m\u0103-tii!” “S\u0103-\u0163i moar\u0103 copiii \u00een \u015fan\u0163” etc.
\nLa trei \u015fi ceva, ne d\u0103 nenea cel milos un bip. R\u0103spundem. Da, telefonul e la femeie, \u015fi ne vom vedea cu ea la \u015fapte, la Revizia de vagoane.
\n-Pula, murmur eu, la \u015fapte am filme de v\u0103zut.
\n\u015ei deodat\u0103, pe Smochina o sun… eu.
\n-Alo, zice ea emo\u0163ionat\u0103 de eveniment.
\nBlablablabla, se aude pi\u0163ig\u0103iat din mobil.
\n-Cum? Pe Strada Dun\u0103rii? Unde-i strada Dun\u0103rii? Ultima sta\u0163ie a lui 47? Hai c\u0103 venim.
\n\u015ei \u00eenchide.
\n-Habar nu am unde-i strada Dun\u0103rii. Hai s\u0103 parc\u0103m undeva \u015fi s\u0103 lu\u0103m un taxi.
\nAjungem \u00een ultima sta\u0163ie a lui 47. Nimeni. St\u0103m \u015fi a\u015ftept\u0103m. \u0162inem \u015fi taximetristul cu noi, s\u0103 nu fie cine \u015ftie ce setup. M\u0103car s\u0103 ne fure pe to\u0163i trei pentru prelevare de organe.
\nFemeia nu r\u0103spunde. Atunci \u00eel sun pe nenea milos:
\n-V\u0103 rog, transmite\u0163i-i pizdei proaste c\u0103, dac\u0103 a dat telefon de pe num\u0103rul meu, e clar c\u0103 ea a ciordit mobilul. Dac\u0103 nu apare \u00een zece minute, mergem \u0163int\u0103 la poli\u0163ia feroviar\u0103.
\nMai a\u015ftept\u0103m zece minute, ne sun\u0103 ea:
\n-Scuza\u0163i, d\u0103deam cu aspiratorul \u015fi nu l-am auzit?
\n-Cum adic\u0103? smulg eu telefonul din m\u00e2na delicatei Smochine. Mata ne dai \u00eent\u00e2lnire \u00een curu’ Clujului, peste 20 de minute, stau cu taxiul sta\u0163ionat \u015fi mata continui s\u0103 \u00eemi re\u0163ii mobilul? Sau apari \u00een dou\u0103 minute, sau m\u0103 duc acum la Poli\u0163ie! Avem \u015fi dovada c\u0103 ne-ai sunat de pe num\u0103rul meu!
\n\u00cen zece secunde, povestea s-a terminat cu hepi-end. Dar nu i-am dat un milion, din dou\u0103 motive: unu, ne c\u0103rase p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een periferiile periferiilor Clujului \u015fi doi, ne l\u0103sase s\u0103 a\u015ftept\u0103m ca idioatele. I-am dat doar 50 de lei.
\n-Asta a\u015fa, s\u0103-\u0163i fie cu \u00eenv\u0103\u0163\u0103tur\u0103 de minte, c\u0103 vreau servicii prompte pe banii mei!
\nAjungem \u00eenapoi \u00een centru, cobor\u00e2m din taxi, Smochina \u00eencepe s\u0103 se pip\u0103ie febril.
\n-Aoleu, unde mi-o fi telefonul?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Deci, Pulic\u0103: Deci, intro: S\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i c\u0103 e adev\u0103rat: orice lucru pe care \u00eel faci \u00een via\u0163\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i prinde bine c\u00e2nd te-ai a\u015ftepta mai...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2283","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2283"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2283\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}