{"id":22881,"date":"2022-02-03T10:57:40","date_gmt":"2022-02-03T07:57:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=22881"},"modified":"2022-02-03T11:38:08","modified_gmt":"2022-02-03T08:38:08","slug":"legare-sentimentala","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/legare-sentimentala\/","title":{"rendered":"Legare sentimental\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Foto: Sebastian L\u0103z\u0103roiu <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cum f\u00e2lf\u00e2ie steagul \u00een v\u00e2nt, a\u015fa s\u0103 f\u00e2lf\u00e2ie inima lui Vladimir dup\u0103 mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vladimire, \u0163ucu-te-n chelie, hai o dat\u0103, nebunule, c\u0103 arde p\u0103s\u0103roiul \u00een mine dup\u0103 ni\u015fte t\u0103v\u0103leal\u0103 de-aia ruseasc\u0103 fioroas\u0103 \u00een f\u00e2n, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 ne scoatem cizmele tu \u015fi opincile eu, c\u0103 nu vrem s\u0103 ne cad\u0103-n cap moarte toate goangele din hambar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vladimire, m\u00e2nca-\u0163i-a\u015f fuduliile, nu ai tu idee c\u00e2t m\u0103 g\u00e2dil\u0103 pe mine la baza lindicului privirea aia rece \u015fi aprig\u0103 de ruslan sup\u0103rat pe vecini, \u015fi cum a\u015ftept eu cu ia \u00eenvolburat\u0103 pe mine s\u0103 m\u0103 dai pe spate \u015fi s\u0103 mi-o tragi cu du\u015fm\u0103nie, ca \u015fi cum eu eram NATO, UIE \u015fi Gicu Biden \u0103la, cum \u00eel cheam\u0103, la un loc, doar c\u0103 eu nu sunt senil\u0103 \u015fi parkinsonizat\u0103, ci t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103, nelini\u015ftit\u0103 \u015fi cu hormonii trop\u0103ind de foame, de sete \u015fi de dor de codru verde. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vladimire, linge-\u0163i-a\u015f maceta aia de raket fioros, pe care sigur o ai acas\u0103, \u015fi cu care sigur ai omor\u00e2t primii 100 de oameni, \u015ftiu cum e. La americani, e suspect \u015fi ambiguu primul melion, la ru\u015fi, prima sut\u0103 de cutremur\u0103toare \u015fi \u00eentrist\u0103toare decese total \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103toare ale celor care nu erau neap\u0103rat dr\u0103gu\u0163i cu tine. \u015ei abia asta \u00eemi face puntu G s\u0103 frisoneze de zici c\u0103 am f\u0103cut vaxinu \u015fi mi-au implantat cipul lui Bilgheits acolo. Cred c\u0103 i-ai omor\u00e2t pe \u0103la, b\u0103i Vl\u0103du\u0163, cu vigoarea \u015fi turbarea cu care o s\u0103-mi faci mie fofoleanca zdren\u0163e. V\u0103leu, ptiu, deja simt c\u0103 m\u0103 ud toat\u0103. Sau o fi incontinen\u0163a? Nu conteaz\u0103, mi-am pus din timp \u015ftiule\u0163ii de porumb, frumos, neao\u015f, s\u0103 absoarb\u0103 orice rev\u0103rsare de emo\u0163ii de dedesubtul fustei mele. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hai, o dat\u0103, Vladimire, f\u0103-ne b\u0103rba\u0163i la loc, c\u0103 nu mai pot cu to\u0163i pensa\u0163ii \u0103\u015ftia care \u015ftiu s\u0103 se coafeze mai bine dec\u00e2t mine. Ce buturuga mea s\u0103 fac\u0103 o femeie adev\u0103rat\u0103 ca mine, ahtiat\u0103 dup\u0103 m\u0103ciuci zdravene mujice\u015fti, cu firfireii \u0103\u015ftia, Vladimire. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abracadabra, s\u0103 fie s\u0103 fac\u0103 s\u0103 dreag\u0103, mi-am pus busuioc \u00een p\u0103r, Vladimir s\u0103 fie alesul, iar eu, Diana Putina, pre\u015fedinta atotputernic\u0103 a Europei de Est \u015fi a tot ce mai \u00eemb\u00e2rlig\u0103 Vl\u0103du\u0163 al meu. E singurul b\u0103rbat, decalota-i-a\u015f io decalotabila, care minte mai colorat \u015fi mai me\u015fte\u015fugit dec\u00e2t mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

De ceeee? De ce a trebuit s\u0103 m\u0103 vaccinez, s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n steril\u0103 pe trei genera\u0163ii, acum c\u0103 vii tu, Vladimire? Nu conteaz\u0103. Fur\u0103m copiii vecinilor \u015fi min\u0163im c\u0103-s ai no\u015ftri. De fapt, deja sunt ai no\u015ftri, dar \u00eenc\u0103 nu \u015ftiu asta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vladimire, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0103 m\u0103 iube\u015fti toat\u0103 noaptea, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0103 nu po\u0163i m\u00e2nca de dorul meu, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0103 nu ai lini\u015fte p\u00e2n\u0103 nu m\u0103 iei pe sus \u00een goana tancului, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0103 fii alesul meu pentru totdeauna, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sau m\u0103car p\u00e2n\u0103 apare un rus mai \u015fmecher care s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i ia locul, apoi pot continua cu el, nu e panic\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0103 m\u0103 anexezi ca pe Crimeea \u015fi s\u0103 m\u0103 invadezi ca pe Georgia, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apoi s\u0103 pompezi bani \u00een mine ca \u00een Armata Rus\u0103, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 \u0163i-a pl\u0103cut acest articol, sus\u0163ine site-ul cu o dona\u0163ie<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***
Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Foto: Sebastian L\u0103z\u0103roiu Cum f\u00e2lf\u00e2ie steagul \u00een v\u00e2nt, a\u015fa s\u0103 f\u00e2lf\u00e2ie inima lui Vladimir dup\u0103 mine. Vladimire, \u0163ucu-te-n chelie, hai o dat\u0103, nebunule, c\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":22883,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/273147598_7260520093972961_2584659778615623999_n.jpg?fit=711%2C548&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22881"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22881\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22887,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22881\/revisions\/22887"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22883"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}