{"id":23096,"date":"2022-03-30T11:11:37","date_gmt":"2022-03-30T08:11:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=23096"},"modified":"2022-03-30T11:11:39","modified_gmt":"2022-03-30T08:11:39","slug":"dar-voi-chiar-ati-vrea-un-gigel-care-sa-sara-la-caft-pentru-voi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/dar-voi-chiar-ati-vrea-un-gigel-care-sa-sara-la-caft-pentru-voi\/","title":{"rendered":"Dar voi chiar a\u0163i vrea un gigel care s\u0103 sar\u0103 la caft pentru voi?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

OK, am tooot zis c\u0103 nu m\u0103 bag, dar \u00eencep s\u0103 m\u0103 satur de toate precupe\u0163ele caragialiene de pe Facebook care \u00eenc\u0103 viseaz\u0103 c\u0103 vine dom’ Mitic\u0103 \u015fi le repereaz\u0103 onoarea. \u015ei care aplaud\u0103 ca focile un gest gher\u0163oiesc care nu avea ce s\u0103 caute pe scena unui eveniment de gal\u0103 pentru c\u0103 herp derp nu faci glume la adresa bolnavilor? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ce mare rahat a zis Chris Rock? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u0103 a venit prilejul ca Jada s\u0103 fac\u0103 G. I. Jane doi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un film dr\u0103gu\u0163 cu o femeie soldat care se rade \u00een cap. Un film despre vitejie, curaj, valori umane perfect valabile. Dac\u0103 e s\u0103 interpretezi gluma \u00eentr-un mod nonisteric, non\u0163\u0103\u0163istic, nong\u0103inistic \u015fi nonmenopauzal, mai degrab\u0103 a sunat a, las\u0103 drag\u0103, nu te \u00eentrista, uite c\u0103 exist\u0103 partituri str\u0103lucite \u015fi pentru femei chele. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eu s\u0103 fi fost cheal\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103-mi fi zis unul asta, a\u015f fi zis ok, merci, a\u015ftept scenariul \u015fi oferta financiar\u0103. Case closed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deci, ie\u015firea aia penibil\u0103 NU S-A JUSTIFICAT DIN NICIUN PUNCT DE VEDERE, iar care veni\u0163i s\u0103-mi cotcod\u0103ci\u0163i inept \u00een sec\u0163iunea de comentarii, mar\u015f \u00een plm de acum c\u0103 dac\u0103 am chef de or\u0103t\u0103nii, am cas\u0103 la \u0163ar\u0103 mo\u015ftenire de la tata \u015fi pot cre\u015fte unele care chiar fac ou\u0103, nu doar g\u0103l\u0103gie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vai, Lorena, c\u00e2t\u0103 agresivitate… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

P\u0103i dac\u0103 tot v\u0103 pl\u0103cea agresivitatea gratuit\u0103 ca r\u0103spuns la ceva ce nu era de fapt dec\u00e2t un compliment mascat, enjoy it \u015fi c\u00e2nd sunte\u0163i la recep\u0163ie, panarame g\u0103l\u0103gioase \u015fi necorespunz\u0103tor tufute. \u00cen\u0163eleg s\u0103-\u0163i repereze dom’ Mitic\u0103 onoarea dac\u0103 \u00eentr-adev\u0103r a zis unul de voi c\u0103 sunte\u0163i proaste sau c***e – adic\u0103 adev\u0103rul, \u00een cazul vostru – dar nu s\u0103 sar\u0103 ca un jack in the box pentru orice, \u00een special c\u00e2nd prezentatorul la Oscar e un de an c\u00e2te un comedian sau mai mul\u0163i, \u015fi exact asta fac ei: glume pe seama vedetelor invitate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adev\u0103rata \u00eentrebare care se impune \u00eens\u0103 este: chiar vre\u0163i un p**frici isteric \u015fi necontrolat, care s\u0103 sar\u0103 la b\u0103taie din orice? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vede\u0163i c\u0103 \u0103la nu sare la b\u0103taie doar c\u00e2nd sunte\u0163i voi atacate. Dac\u0103 b\u0103taia e reac\u0163ia lui natural\u0103 de c\u00e2te ori \u00eel calc\u0103 cineva pe bombeuri, ghici cu cine st\u0103 cel mai mult \u015fi cine \u00eel calc\u0103, chiar \u015fi involuntar, cel mai mult pe bombeuri? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da, or\u0103t\u0103nii lobotomizate. Exact voi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0102la care sare la b\u0103taie c\u00e2nd i se pare c\u0103 unul te-a jignit e exact \u0103la care o s\u0103-\u0163i dea una telefonat\u0103 din fundul gr\u0103dinii c\u00e2nd \u00eel \u00eentrebi de ce n-a schimbat becul la baie, dac\u0103 tot s-a l\u0103udat c\u0103 o face \u015fi de ce p… ta trebuie s\u0103 faci tu totul \u00een casa asta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

La un moment dat, flirtam cu unul. Mi se p\u0103rea frumu\u015fel \u015fi amuzant la beri. Next thing you know, m-am pomenit cum \u0103la \u00eemparte dreptate \u015fi face g\u0103l\u0103gie pe peretele meu de Facebook, c\u0103 \u00eemi d\u0103 \u015fi mie indica\u0163ii pre\u0163ioase pe tarlaua construit\u0103 de mine de la zero \u015fi c\u0103 intr\u0103 pe topicurile unde comentam pe la al\u0163ii, s\u0103 m\u00e2r\u00e2ie dac\u0103 i se p\u0103rea c\u0103 unul e cam glume\u0163 cu mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cen secunda imediat urm\u0103toare, flirtul a fost off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 directorul de la General Motors se \u00eensoar\u0103, nu se pomene\u015fte luni diminea\u0163a c\u0103 so\u0163ia se oplo\u015fe\u015fte \u00een biroul lui, c\u0103 \u00eencepe s\u0103 dea directive peste subalternii lui \u015fi c\u0103 \u00eei spune dr\u0103g\u0103stos s\u0103 dea o fug\u0103 dup\u0103 h\u00e2rtie igienic\u0103. \u015ei atunci, de unde pUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUla mea \u00ee\u0163i permi\u0163i? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evident, dup\u0103 ce flirtul a fost off, \u0103la a petrecut ani \u00een \u015fir povestind minciuni despre mine oricui voia s\u0103-l asculte \u015fi arunc\u00e2nd cu comentarii de hate turbat \u00een orice f\u0103ceam. Abia dup\u0103 ce l-am amenin\u0163at c\u0103 iau m\u0103suri legale dac\u0103 mai citesc un singur cuvin\u0163el la adresa mea, s-a potolit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prostul care e suficient de animal s\u0103 cread\u0103 c\u0103 e normal s\u0103 se bat\u0103 \/ porc\u0103ie \/ spurce pentru tine va crede c\u0103 e normal s\u0103 te bat\u0103 \/ porc\u0103ie \/ spurce \u015fi pe tine, dac\u0103 te por\u0163i oricum altfel dec\u00e2t da, iubi \u015fi cum spui tu, iubi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 a\u015f fi fost eu femeia \u00een situa\u0163ia aia, nu m-a\u015f fi sim\u0163it umilit\u0103 de glum\u0103. Dimpotriv\u0103. Abia a\u015ftept scenariul \u015fi cecul cu avansul, bro. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar a\u015f fi fost jenat\u0103 c\u0103 am un idiot agresiv care se crede \u00een pia\u0163\u0103 la Ferentari l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine. A\u015f fi fost jenat\u0103 s\u0103 fiu femela unui gibon. C\u00e2nd e\u015fti companioana unui dobitoc, pari \u015fi tu dobitoac\u0103 prin asociere. C\u00e2nd \u0163ipi c\u0103 ai nevoie de dom’ Mitic\u0103 s\u0103-\u0163i repereze onoarea, e un semn c\u0103 onoarea ta nu se sprijin\u0103 pe piloni foarte stabili, de la bun \u00eenceput. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mai \u0163ine\u0163i minte c\u00e2nd Smith p\u0103rea un tip amuzant \u015fi cool? \u015ei to\u0163i ne \u00eentrebam cum naiba i-a ie\u015fit unui om mi\u015fto ca el un copil b\u0103tut \u00een cap ca Jaden Smith? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ei, iat\u0103 cum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Legat de discu\u0163ii f\u0103r\u0103 leg\u0103tur\u0103, cum c\u0103 Rock a fost cu Jada, sau c\u0103 Smith \u015fi nevasta au o rela\u0163ie deschis\u0103, de unde \u015fi inteligenta glum\u0103 “E ok s-o f al\u0163ii, numai s\u0103 nu fac\u0103 glume despre ea”. 1. Mi se f\u00e2lf\u00e2ie, nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 cine cu cine, esen\u0163ial e eu cu cine, \u015fi restul s\u0103 se descurce cum pot \u015fi 2. Mai da\u0163i \u015fi voi un google cu rela\u0163ie deschis\u0103. Da, exact asta \u00eenseamn\u0103, c\u0103 ambii so\u0163i au libertatea de a frecventa \u015fi alte paturi, \u015fi dac\u0103 e consensual, nu v\u0103d care plm e problema voastr\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, pute\u021bi sus\u0163ine activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie. Aici<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***
Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ascult\u0103 Jet pe Spotify<\/a><\/strong>, cump\u0103r\u0103 piesa pe iTunes<\/strong><\/a> sau pe Amazon Music<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK, am tooot zis c\u0103 nu m\u0103 bag, dar \u00eencep s\u0103 m\u0103 satur de toate precupe\u0163ele caragialiene de pe Facebook care \u00eenc\u0103 viseaz\u0103 c\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":23097,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/jada.jpg?fit=962%2C542&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23096","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23096"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23096\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23098,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23096\/revisions\/23098"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/23097"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23096"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23096"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23096"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}