“De ce numai \u00een doi, beibiiii? Toate feti\u0163ele frumoase dotate cu de toate s\u0103 vin\u0103 la fratili vostru. Am spumant pentru toate, m\u00e2nca-v-a\u015f caviarul! Du\u015ful de unul singur e ca lucrul manual: o ocazie irosit\u0103. Unde sunt p\u0103pu\u015file mele?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Taurul <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Po\u0163i s\u0103 vii la mine s\u0103 facem du\u015f \u00een doi, dar ia \u015fi tu o p\u00e2ine pe drum. \u015ei o sticl\u0103 de vin. \u015ei un kilogram de carne tocat\u0103. Amestec, te rog. \u015ei un kilogram de ro\u015fii, dar s\u0103 fie de la pia\u0163\u0103. \u015ei un kilogram de br\u00e2nz\u0103, dar s\u0103 fie de la sibieni. \u015ei obligatoriu bomboane. Bine, astea s\u0103 fie la vrac. Cine se satur\u0103 cu 100 de grame, ce sunt eu, pui de pop\u00e2nd\u0103u?” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Gemenii <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “OK, dar s\u0103 fie ca chat roulette. Cu partener aleatoriu, prin random.org. M\u0103 excit\u0103\u0103\u0103 surprizele. Mrrrrrr. Oare cum o s\u0103 fie, cum o s\u0103 fie? Nu exist\u0103 afrodisiac mai fierbinte dec\u00e2t noutatea. Sfrrrrrrrrrrr!” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Racul <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Bine, s\u0103 fie du\u015f \u00een doi, dar s\u0103 fie cu cineva tandru \u015fi ginga\u015f, care s\u0103 m\u0103 \u0163in\u0103 lung \u00een bra\u0163e \u015fi \u00eenainte, \u015fi mai ales dup\u0103, s\u0103-mi spun\u0103 c\u0103 va fi l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine la bine \u015fi la r\u0103u, apoi s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eenveleasc\u0103 la culcare \u015fi s\u0103-mi c\u00e2nte de nani, nani. Persoanele neserioase s\u0103 se ab\u0163in\u0103.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Leul <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “P\u0103i dac\u0103 e s\u0103 facem du\u015f \u00een doi, \u00eemi trebuie a\u015fa: cad\u0103 de aur, \u00eempodobit\u0103 cu pietre scumpe \u015fi cu dildo de diamant incorporat. Gel de du\u015f din lacrimi de unicorn cu lapte de migdale, ulei de m\u0103sline nemaipomenit de virgine \u015fi cel mai hialuronic acid de pe pia\u0163\u0103. \u015ei un prosop din p\u0103r de \u00eenger, decorat cu fire de platin\u0103. Dac\u0103 vin musafiri, trebuie s\u0103-i impresion\u0103m cu ceva, nu-i a\u015fa?” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Fecioara<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Nu \u00eencerc s\u0103 insinuez nimic, \u015fi nu o lua ca pe un semn de ne\u00eencredere, dar dac\u0103 e s\u0103 fac du\u015f cu tine, vreau de la tine analize complete pe ultimii cinci ani, teste negative la toate bolile venerice cunoscute de om \u015fi o consulta\u0163ie am\u0103nun\u0163it\u0103 de la un dermatolog. Evident c\u0103 nu facem nimic \u015fi c\u0103 e doar un du\u015f, dar ideea de a \u00eemp\u0103r\u0163i un spa\u0163iu at\u00e2t de mic cu un om care a fost m\u0103car o dat\u0103 \u00een via\u0163a lui purt\u0103tor de microbi m\u0103 sc\u00e2rbe\u015fte p\u00e2n\u0103 la nefiin\u0163\u0103.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Balan\u0163a <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “OK, facem du\u015f \u00een doi, dar mont\u0103m o perdea oblic\u0103 prin cabina de du\u015f. Asta pentru c\u0103 eu sunt o persoan\u0103 privat\u0103 foarte, foarte privat\u0103, \u015fi intimitatea mea e cea mai intim\u0103 din univers. Dar \u00ee\u0163i \u00eemprumut \u015fampon, s\u0103 nu zici c\u0103 sunt rea, pentru c\u0103 vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 plac\u0103 oamenii \u00een continuare. Ce-ar zice vecina dac\u0103 ar auzi c\u0103 nu \u0163i-am dat \u015fampon? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Scorpionul<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Mrrr, pozi\u0163ii noi \u00een cabina de du\u015f. Dulceee. Azi facem vecinii s\u0103 ne invidieze. Cum adic\u0103 “numai du\u015f”? A, te doare capul? OK, atunci eu m\u0103 rezolv \u015fi tu te ui\u0163i. Dac\u0103 te ui\u0163i cu entuziasm \u015fi ova\u0163ii, e cea mai bun\u0103 form\u0103 de sex!” <\/p>\n\n\n\n S\u0103get\u0103torul <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “\u00cen ziua \u00een care va deveni proiect de lege t\u00e2mpenia asta, ies \u00een strad\u0103. \u00cen ziua \u00een care va deveni lege, voi pl\u0103ti con\u015ftiincios taxa de nefamilist al du\u015fului. Momentul meu c\u00e2nd m\u0103 scobesc \u00een buric e sf\u00e2nt \u015fi NU \u00eel \u00eempart cu oricine. PUNCT!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Capricornul <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Ce e \u0103la du\u015f?!” <\/p>\n\n\n\n V\u0103rs\u0103torul <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “OK, facem, dar tu pl\u0103te\u015fti factura la ap\u0103.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Pe\u015ftii <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Vaaai, o traum\u0103 nou\u0103, ce binee!!! Voi putea s\u0103 m\u0103 pl\u00e2ng \u00eendelung oricui are chef s\u0103 m\u0103 asculte despre rana emo\u0163ional\u0103 perpetuu supur\u00e2nd\u0103 a du\u015fului \u00een doi? Fabulos. \u015ei terapie nou\u0103?? Mila tuturor? Hai cu legea aia, c\u0103 de c\u00e2nd au fost retrase restric\u0163iile Covid, nu mai aveam de ce s\u0103 m\u0103 v\u0103ic\u0103resc!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dac\u0103 v-a pl\u0103cut acest text, pute\u021bi sus\u0163ine activitatea siteului cu o dona\u0163ie. Aici<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n *** Cine cite\u015fte acest site de ceva vreme, \u015ftie c\u0103 tratez cu aceea\u015fi seriozitate problema du\u015fului \u00een doi \u015fi ideea de horoscop. Mai exact: horoscopul...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19435,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/horoscope.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23731","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23731"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23731\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23732,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23731\/revisions\/23732"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23731"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23731"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23731"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"