\u00cemi place cum vezi mereu obiectiv situa\u021biile si sfaturile pe care le dai le g\u0103sesc mereu bune \u0219i \u00een\u021belepte.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n M\u0103 macin\u0103 \u0219i pe mine o situa\u021bie pe care \u00eencerc s\u0103 o relatez pe scurt.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Am avut o prieten\u0103 apropiat\u0103. \u00cenc\u0103 din copil\u0103rie, am fost nedesp\u0103r\u021bite. Chiar dac\u0103 via\u021ba a f\u0103cut ca, de pe b\u0103ncile facult\u0103\u021bii, s\u0103 locuim \u00een \u021b\u0103ri diferite, ne vizitam, vorbeam des la telefon \u0219i eram la fel de apropiate. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ea \u0219i-a f\u0103cut un iubit acolo unde locuie\u0219te (a r\u0103mas \u00een \u021bara unde a studiat) \u0219i aveau planuri de c\u0103s\u0103torie. \u00cen urm\u0103 cu un an, am mers cu logodincul meu la ei \u00een vizit\u0103.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Acolo toate \u00een regul\u0103. Ne-au dus prin locuri frumoase, am petrecut un timp bun \u00eempreun\u0103.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Sim\u021beam cumva c\u0103 e pu\u021bin distant\u0103, dar am pus-o pe seama faptului c\u0103, poate, nu ne-am v\u0103zut de at\u00e2ta timp, c\u0103 e super \u00eendr\u0103gostit\u0103 \u0219i nedezlipit\u0103 de al ei, \u0219i s\u0103 nu caut nod \u00een papur\u0103.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A venit \u0219i finalul vacan\u021bei, ne-a dus la aeroport, ne-am \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219at de r\u0103mas bun.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne-am \u00eentors \u00een \u021bar\u0103 \u0219i am observat c\u0103 nu mi-a mai r\u0103spuns la mesaje. I-am scris dac\u0103 e cumva sup\u0103rat\u0103 \u0219i m-a sunat.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Mi-a spus c\u0103 nu i-a pl\u0103cut tonul meu \u00een c\u00e2teva discu\u021bii \u00een contradictoriu pe care le-am avut cu logodnicul meu (discu\u021bii, nu certuri, nu \u00eenjur\u0103turi, nu urlete, s\u0103 ne \u00een\u021belegem) \u0219i c\u0103 i se pare c\u0103 am fost ve\u0219nic nemul\u021bumit\u0103 de locurile \u00een care ne-au dus.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Lorena, s\u0103 ne \u00een\u021belegem, m\u0103 cunoa\u0219te din copil\u0103rie. Eu nu sunt genul de om care s\u0103 se exteriorizeze maxim, s\u0103 \u021bop\u0103ie. Mai mult dec\u00e2t s\u0103 zic c\u0103 e un loc splendid \u0219i s\u0103 fac poze, s\u0103 am amintiri frumoase, nu \u00eemi vine altceva. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Mi s-a p\u0103rut ireal ce aud. I-am spus c\u0103 nici mie nu mi s-a p\u0103rut normal ca ei doi s\u0103 fie constant bot \u00een bot, du\u0219uri \u00eempreun\u0103 c\u00e2nd au al\u021bi invita\u021bi, s\u0103 nu m\u0103 lase s\u0103 vorbesc pe plaj\u0103 dac\u0103 iubitul ei a\u021bipise s\u0103 nu cumva s\u0103 \u00eel trezesc, s\u0103 \u00eel cocolo\u0219easc\u0103 mereu ca pe un copil: \u00ee\u021bi fac de m\u00e2ncare din aia? dar din aia?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A scurtat conversa\u021bia \u0219i mi-a zis c\u0103 mai vorbim. Am l\u0103sat-o a\u0219a ca s\u0103 se calmeze situa\u021bia.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dup\u0103 dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni, a urmat ziua ei de na\u0219tere. Am sunat-o, i-am trimis mesaje. Nu a r\u0103spuns. M-am g\u00e2ndit c\u0103 e prea devreme \u0219i \u00eenc\u0103 e sup\u0103rat\u0103. Dup\u0103 dou\u0103 luni, nu a mai dat nici un semn. A urmat ziua mea de na\u0219tere, nimic.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u0218i a trecut deja un an \u0219i nu ne-am mai auzit. I-am dat un mesaj de la revedere \u0219i r\u0103mas bun, \u00een care i-am spus cum m\u0103 simt, dar tot nu a mai zis nimic.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Mi se pare incredibil s\u0103 renun\u021be la o prietenie de o via\u021b\u0103 pentru ni\u0219te motive puerile, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eei zici celuilalt nimic. P\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, nu suntem copii sau adolescen\u021bi, suntem adul\u021bi. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n M\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc deseori la ea \u0219i m\u0103 simt ca o m\u0103sea cariat\u0103, pe care a scuipat-o din via\u021ba ei f\u0103r\u0103 regret, pentru…nimic efectiv.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ce p\u0103rere ai?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Mul\u021bumesc!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n X. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n Drag\u0103 X., <\/p>\n\n\n\n C\u00e2nd vrei s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegi motiva\u021biile cuiva, solu\u021bia e s\u0103 nu judeci dup\u0103 logica ta, ci s\u0103 te transpui \u00een mintea lor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n E adev\u0103rat c\u0103 v\u0103 cunoa\u0219te\u021bi din copil\u0103rie, dar, dat fiind c\u0103 a\u021bi plecat \u00een \u021b\u0103ri diferite din adolescen\u021b\u0103, e un aspect pe care nu-l cunoa\u0219te\u021bi una la alta: comportamentul amoros. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Tu \u0219i iubitul t\u0103u ave\u021bi o rela\u021bie s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103, echilibrat\u0103, \u00een care fiecare dintre voi comunic\u0103 dac\u0103 are o problem\u0103 \u0219i ajunge\u021bi \u00eempreun\u0103 la o solu\u021bie. Eu te \u00een\u021beleg. E singura form\u0103 de rela\u021bie care m-ar interesa. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Pe de alt\u0103 parte, prietena ta are un ata\u0219ament de tip codependent. Adic\u0103, ceea ce \u00een\u021beleg alt-righti\u0219tii c\u00e2nd spun c\u0103 vor o femeie submisiv\u0103. Una care s\u0103-\u0219i g\u0103seasc\u0103 unica form\u0103 de validare \u0219i unicul sens al vie\u021bii \u00een faptul c\u0103 e el acolo, s\u0103-l pupe \u00een cuc de diminea\u021ba p\u00e2n\u0103 seara, s\u0103 nu-i contrazic\u0103 niciodat\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 fluture frunz\u0103 de palmier la anusul lui, s\u0103 simt\u0103 gicu r\u0103coric\u0103. Sunt femei care sunt natural at\u00e2t de traumatizate \u0219i cu stima de sine zero. Dar sunt \u0219i gigei narcisi\u0219ti care vor fix chestia asta \u0219i care \u00ee\u021bi atac\u0103 stima de sine de cum pun geana pe tine, \u00een ideea c\u0103 te vor transforma \u00een acest gen de oaie manipulat\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Nu \u0219tim dac\u0103 \u00een rela\u021bia prietenei tale, a condi\u021bionat-o narcisismul lui, sau a\u0219a e ea dobitoac\u0103 din na\u0219tere. Cert e c\u0103 a\u0219a func\u021bioneaz\u0103 rela\u021bia lor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Da, genul \u0103sta de cretine sar instant cu gura pe tine s\u0103 te certe c\u0103 nu-l pupi pe gigel \u00een borta dorsal\u0103 cu abnega\u021bia cu care \u00eel pup\u0103 ele. \u0218i asta pentru c\u0103 libertatea ta \u00een rela\u021bie tinde s\u0103 le indice c\u0103 ceva e \u00een neregul\u0103 cu ele, dac\u0103 altele ob\u021bin iubire \u0219i f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 slug\u0103reasc\u0103 24 \/ 7. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Unde ai gre\u0219it tu? <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00cen momentul \u00een care \u021bi-a f\u0103cut repro\u0219uri legate de rela\u021bia ta, NU contraataci cu comentarii legate de a ei. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n E dreptul lor s\u0103 se ling\u0103 toat\u0103 ziua, s\u0103 fac\u0103 c\u00e2te du\u0219uri vor \u0219i a\u0219a mai departe, pentru c\u0103 sunt doi adul\u021bi care \u0219i-au construit consensual prezenta rela\u021bie. Da, mie \u0219i \u021bie ne vine s\u0103 vomit\u0103m cu jet c\u00e2nd vedem proaste gudur\u00e2ndu-se pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 c\u00e2te un specimen ca ni\u0219te pot\u0103i plouate. N-am face asta nici s\u0103 ne dea Elon Musk un milion de euro pe lun\u0103, pentru c\u0103 demnitatea ne-ar obliga, de la un punct \u00eencolo, s\u0103-i zicem ceva cu mor\u021bi \u0219i r\u0103ni\u021bi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Daaaar ea \u0219i \u0103la sunt aparent ferici\u021bi a\u0219a, \u0219i, ca adul\u021bi, e dreptul lor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A\u0219a cum tu \u0219i iubitul t\u0103u sunte\u021bi ferici\u021bi cu comunicarea voastr\u0103 s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103 \u0219i e dreptul vostru. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Ce trebuia tu s\u0103 faci, \u00een loc s\u0103-i \u00eentorci intruziunea nesim\u021bit\u0103? Trebuia s\u0103-i spui: \u201eDraga mea, tu ai rela\u021bia ta, a\u0219a cum \u021bi-ai dorit-o, iar eu am rela\u021bia ta, a\u0219a cum mi-am dorit-o. Eu nu comentez ce am v\u0103zut, c\u0103 nu am c\u0103derea s\u0103 fac asta, iar tu nu ne spui cum s\u0103 tr\u0103im, c\u0103 nu ai c\u0103derea s\u0103 faci asta. Fair enough?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Codependen\u021ba vine dintr-o stim\u0103 de sine extrem de sc\u0103zut\u0103, iar atacul care pune reflectorul pe simptomele codependen\u021bei e lovitur\u0103 sub centur\u0103. Tu, neav\u00e2nd astfel de probleme emo\u021bionale, nu \u0219tii cum e. Dar ai f\u0103cut-o pe aia s\u0103 se simt\u0103 expus\u0103 ca Cersei \u00een pia\u021ba public\u0103, cu talanga dup\u0103 ea: SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Nu e \u201eefectiv nimic\u201d. Ai atins-o acolo unde o doare cel mai tare. \u0218i c\u00e2nd a scurtat conversa\u021bia \u0219i \u021bi-a \u00eenchis, era modul ei de a semnaliza finalul definitiv al rela\u021biei. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Pe de alt\u0103 parte, e perfect \u00een regul\u0103 ca oamenii s\u0103 plece din vie\u021bile noastre, c\u00e2nd ajungem \u00eentr-un punct de incompatibilitate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Mai r\u0103u era s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 te frece la cap \u00een continuare s\u0103 fii oaie cu iubitul t\u0103u a\u0219a cum e ea cu al ei, s\u0103 nu cumva s\u0103 o s\u00e2c\u00e2ie iar subcon\u0219tientul c\u0103 face prea mult \u0219i prime\u0219te prea pu\u021bin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n La un moment dat, dac\u0103 ajunge \u00eentr-un punct \u00een care va c\u0103uta un terapeut \u0219i-\u0219i va trata codependen\u021ba, \u00ee\u0219i va da seama c\u00e2t de deplasat\u0103 a fost. Dac\u0103 nu, e cazul s\u0103 nu-\u021bi mai pese. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Tu ai f\u0103cut ce \u021bi-a stat cu putin\u021b\u0103, dar, uneori, chiar n-ai cu cine. Asum\u0103 asta \u0219i move on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sper c\u0103 \u021bi-am fost util\u0103, <\/p>\n\n\n\n Lorena. <\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i plac sfaturile obiective \u0219i bine inten\u021bionate, sus\u0163ine site-ul \u00een singurul mod care conteaz\u0103. Aici<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi pe TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Periodic, oferim iubire cititorului nostru. \u00cen sensul \u00een care el sau ea, sau chiar tu, de ce nu, ne trimi(te)\u021bi problema voastr\u0103 de suflet...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13715,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25318","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/mesaj.jpg?fit=1280%2C944&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25318","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25318"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25318\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25323,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25318\/revisions\/25323"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13715"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25318"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25318"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25318"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\")
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