{"id":25481,"date":"2023-10-19T07:33:13","date_gmt":"2023-10-19T04:33:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=25481"},"modified":"2023-10-19T07:33:16","modified_gmt":"2023-10-19T04:33:16","slug":"cele-mai-comune-fraze-de-gaslighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cele-mai-comune-fraze-de-gaslighting\/","title":{"rendered":"Cele mai comune fraze de gaslighting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Po\u0219ta redac\u021biei de ieri a fost scris\u0103 de un cititor care avea parte de h\u0103r\u021buire din partea anumitor cunoscu\u021bi cu \u201e\u0219tiu ceva ur\u00e2t despre tine\u201d, ceva ur\u00e2t care, evident, nu era dezv\u0103luit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Eu am avut noroc \u00een copil\u0103rie. Noroc \u00een sensul c\u0103 maic\u0103-mea era regina ne\u00eencoronat\u0103 a tuturor formelor posibile de gaslighting \u0219i le folosea pe toate pe mine. \u0218i e adev\u0103rat, o vreme chiar crezi c\u0103 tu e\u0219ti problema, apoi, \u00eencepi s\u0103 cite\u0219ti c\u0103r\u021bi de psihologie \u0219i de psihiatrie \u0219i descoperi c\u0103 mul\u021bi oameni au porniri sadice \u0219i deriv\u0103 o pl\u0103cere infinit\u0103 din durerea, triste\u021bea, umilin\u021ba \u0219i disconfortul pe care le st\u00e2rnesc altora. \u0218i \u00eenve\u021bi s\u0103 comunici \u0219i altor persoane ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103, s\u0103 g\u0103se\u0219ti sprijin \u00een ele \u0219i s\u0103 te deta\u0219ezi de cel \/ cea  care a creat raportul de gaslighting cu tine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Pentru c\u0103, \u00een general, gaslighterii sunt ca pescarul cu undi\u021ba. Pun nada \u00een c\u00e2rlig \u0219i a\u0219teapt\u0103 s\u0103 vad\u0103 cine mu\u0219c\u0103. Iar dac\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor mizeriile lor se suprapun peste r\u0103nile emo\u021bionale ale cuiva naiv, vulnerabil \u0219i u\u0219or de fr\u00e2nt, gaslighterul va parazita emo\u021bional acea persoan\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 o va b\u0103ga \u00een balamuc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">De aceea \u0219i scriu aceast\u0103 postare. Pentru ca cititorii mai naivi s\u0103 identifice mecanismul toxic \u0219i s\u0103 se retrag\u0103 prompt din astfel de rela\u021bii. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>1. E pentru binele t\u0103u \/ Am f\u0103cut-o s\u0103 te ajut. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dar, Lorena, poate c\u0103 omul tocmai a cotizat pe Paypalul blogului t\u0103u c\u00e2nd spune asta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mnu. C\u00e2nd cotizeaz\u0103 pe Paypalul blogului, vezi \u0219i tu cu ochiul liber c\u0103 e un gest spre binele t\u0103u \u0219i c\u0103 o face s\u0103 te ajute. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dar sunt situa\u021bii \u00een care individul \u00ee\u021bi face o m\u0103g\u0103rie flagrant\u0103, apoi, c\u00e2nd \u00eencerci s\u0103 \u00eel \/ o tragi la r\u0103spundere, mai are \u0219i tupeul halucinant s\u0103 pretind\u0103 c\u0103 e pentru binele t\u0103u \u0219i c\u0103, de fapt, te ajut\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">La care, singurul t\u0103u r\u0103spuns este: Las\u0103-m\u0103 s\u0103-mi decid eu binele, iar c\u00e2nd voi avea nevoie de ajutor, te contactez eu \u0219i \u00ee\u021bi spun \u00een ce forn\u0103 s\u0103 fie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>2. Oricum nu te place nimeni<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Un mod al gaslighterului de a dezarma victima \u0219i de a-i ucide stima de sine, s\u0103 o poat\u0103 masacra emo\u021bional \u00een voie, e insinuarea c\u0103 oricum, victima nu valoreaz\u0103 nimic, nu are pe nimeni, \u0219i c\u0103 oamenii au dreptate s\u0103 nu te plac\u0103, pentru c\u0103 nu e\u0219ti nimic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">De obicei, e foarte eficient\u0103 la cei vulnerabili la presiune social\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Singurul t\u0103u r\u0103spuns este: Vrei s\u0103 spui c\u0103 nu m\u0103 placi tu \u0219i e perfect ok, m\u0103car \u0219tim unde st\u0103m. Dac\u0103 vreau s\u0103 aflu ce simte restul lumii, \u00eei \u00eentreb pe ei. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>3. Se pl\u00e2nge lumea de tine <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">C\u00e2nd gaslighterul vrea s\u0103 te conving\u0103 s\u0103 faci ceva, un lucru pe care tu de fapt nu-l vrei, o ia \u00een bra\u021be pe aia cu \u201ese pl\u00e2nge lumea de tine. Culmea, lumea asta imaginar\u0103 se pl\u00e2nge toat\u0103 de exact lucrul pe care gaslighterul \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103-l ob\u021bin\u0103 de la tine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Versiunea de human resources de la corpora\u021bie e \u201eam primit ni\u0219te pl\u00e2ngeri la adresa ta\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nici gaslighterul domestic, nici cel de la HR nu-\u021bi vor da nume, \u0219i de aici \u0219tii c\u0103 e BS. \u0218i le-o po\u021bi t\u0103ia sec: \u0218i \u00een tribunal, \u0219tim exact cine sunt reclaman\u021bii. C\u00e2nd vom afla \u0219i \u00een acest caz identitatea reclaman\u021bilor, continu\u0103m conversa\u021bia. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>4. Nu supor\u021bi critica <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Pe asta o primesc eu des, \u00een general de la genul de ipochimen care \u021bine tare s\u0103 aib\u0103 dreptate \u0219i ultimul cuv\u00e2nt. \u0218i care, de fapt, e genul care nu suport\u0103 critica, pentru c\u0103 ar vrea foarte tare ca afirma\u021biile lui s\u0103 aib\u0103 valoare de verdict. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ce nu suport eu, de fapt, sunt enun\u021burile insult\u0103toare ne\u00eentemeiate. \u0218i atunci, le pun prompt sub semnul \u00eentreb\u0103rii. Iar asta \u00eel \u00eencurc\u0103 pe \u201ecritic\u201d pentru c\u0103 \u00eel pune \u00een ipostaza de a explica pe ce se bazeaz\u0103. Or, de obicei, gaslighterul nu se bazeaz\u0103 pe nimic faptic. Doar pe prezum\u021bia c\u0103 te \u201eface\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ce s\u0103 r\u0103spunzi? Critica informat\u0103 se bazeaz\u0103 pe fapte atent studiate \u0219i argumentate, \u0219i poate asculta vocea ap\u0103r\u0103rii. Dac\u0103 nu o face, nu se nume\u0219te critic\u0103, ci c\u0103utare de nod \u00een papur\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>5. Asta e versiunea ta! <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ai avut o \u00een\u021belegere verbal\u0103 cu un amic, s\u0103 zicem. Tu \u00ee\u021bi onorezi partea ta, apoi ceri omului s\u0103 fac\u0103 ce a\u021bi stabilit. \u0218i omul \u00ee\u021bi r\u0103spunde c\u0103 el nu are ce s\u0103 fac\u0103, c\u0103 tot ce a\u021bi stabilit de comun acord este \u201eversiunea ta.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Acum, desigur, \u00een momente romantice, exist\u0103 versiunea lui: Am f***t-o de am rupt-o p\u00e2n\u0103 diminea\u021ba. \u0218i versiunea ei: M-a iubit ginga\u0219 \u0219i cu plenitudine emo\u021bional\u0103 \u0219i au fost cele mai frumoase dou\u0103zeci de secunde din via\u021ba mea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Aici, subiectivismul e cam de la sine \u00een\u021beles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u0103 refer concret la planuri de ac\u021biune, sau bartere, sau alte situa\u021bii concrete, unde nu e loc de dou\u0103 sau trei versiuni. \u021ai se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 o dat\u0103, de dou\u0103 ori asta cu versiunea ta \u0219i, dup\u0103 aceea, nu mai dai nici m\u0103car o b\u0103\u0219in\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 contract scris. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>6. Pe cine crezi c\u0103 o s\u0103 cread\u0103 lumea? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Cu o \u00eenregistrare care con\u021binea fraza asta a c\u00e2\u0219tigat Johnny Depp procesul \u00eempotriva lui Amber Heard. Pentru c\u0103, niciodat\u0103. un om onest nu se va preocupa de ce va crede lumea, ci de care e adev\u0103rul faptic. Cel care te \u00eentreab\u0103 pe cine crezi c\u0103 va crede lumea admite de fapt c\u0103 ai dreptate \u0219i \u00ee\u021bi spune doar c\u0103 \u0219tie s\u0103 mint\u0103 \u00een a\u0219a fel, \u00eenc\u00e2t dreptatea ta s\u0103 nu conteze \u00een ochii turmei. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Aici, o po\u021bi t\u0103ia sec: Vino tu cu dovezile tale \u0219i eu cu ale mele, \u0219i vom vedea pe cine o s\u0103 cread\u0103 lumea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>7. Nu mi-ai spus niciodat\u0103 chestia asta. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u00cen general, \u00een conversa\u021biile cu tine, gaslighterul aude cam ce dore\u0219te mu\u0219chiul lui \/ ei  \u0219i ce \u00eei serve\u0219te direct interesele. \u00cen rest, fie nu te ascult\u0103, fie te saboteaz\u0103 deliberat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Solu\u021bia e s\u0103 mu\u021bi integral conversa\u021bia \u00een scris \u0219i s\u0103-i ar\u0103\u021bi datele \u0219i orele la care ai spus chestia asta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>8. Nu \u021bii minte c\u0103 am vorbit despre&#8230;? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Reversul medaliei, practic. \u0219i uneori se \u00eembin\u0103 armonios cu \u201enu mi-ai spus niciodat\u0103 chestia asta\u201d \u0219i cu \u201ee versiunea ta\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Adev\u0103rul indivizilor de acest tip nu are nici o leg\u0103tur\u0103 cu faptele \u0219i variaz\u0103 \u00een func\u021bie de interesele lor de moment. \u0218i trebuie s\u0103 te \u021bii extrem de ferm, pe o durat\u0103 lung\u0103, s\u0103 le ar\u0103\u021bi c\u0103 nu \u021bine vr\u0103jeala cu tine. Dar atunci, trebuie s\u0103 te a\u0219tep\u021bi c\u0103  vor \u00eencepe s\u0103 te vorbeasc\u0103 de r\u0103u la oricine va fi dispus s\u0103-i asculte. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>9. E\u0219ti paranoic. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Da, exist\u0103 suspiciuni nejustificate \u0219i paranoia din nimic g\u00e2rl\u0103, iar primul exemplu sunt grupurile de conspira\u021bioni\u0219ti. Dar c\u00e2nd persoana apropiat\u0103 te insult\u0103 \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, sau \u00ee\u021bi toarn\u0103 minciuni vizibile de la o po\u0219t\u0103, \u0219i tu reac\u021bionezi ferm, \u0219i totu\u0219i pa\u0219nic, pun\u00e2nd sub semnul \u00eentreb\u0103rii insultele \u0219i comb\u0103t\u00e2nd minciunile, \u0219i prime\u0219ti eticheta \u201ee\u0219ti paranoic\u201d e momentul s\u0103 \u00eentrerupi discu\u021bia, s\u0103 pleci \u0219i s\u0103 \u0219tergi num\u0103rul persoanei respective din telefon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dar dac\u0103 e nevast\u0103-mea? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">De asta e bine s\u0103 folose\u0219ti perioada de dating pentru a cunoa\u0219te omul, nu pentru a \u00eencerca s\u0103 i-o tragi \u0219i at\u00e2t. C\u0103 te pomene\u0219ti legat(\u0103) de c\u00e2te cineva de genul \u0103sta, care s\u0103-\u021bi otr\u0103veasc\u0103 via\u021ba cu rahaturi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>10. Dup\u0103 c\u00e2t te-am ap\u0103rat&#8230; <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u0102sta e un mod al cuiva, care \u00een mod clar e \u00een categoria c\u0103reia nu-i datorezi nimic, s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi creeze obliga\u021bii imaginare. Pentru c\u0103, de fiecare dat\u0103, \u201edup\u0103 c\u00e2t te-am ap\u0103rat\u201d apare ca argument \u00eentr-o ceart\u0103 \u00een care nu cedezi sau c\u00e2nd \u0103la vrea s\u0103 te for\u021beze s\u0103 faci ceva. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Eu de fiecare dat\u0103 cer dovezi. Dovede\u0219te-mi, te rog, unde m-ai ap\u0103rat \u0219i cine m\u0103 ataca, ca s\u0103 \u00eel \u00eentreb \u0219i eu ce problem\u0103 avea cu mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Realitatea e c\u0103, \u00een majoritatea cazurilor, persoana care \u201ete-a ap\u0103rat\u201d era cea care te desconsider\u0103 \u0219i are impresia c\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi face o enorm\u0103 favoare c\u0103 te bag\u0103 \u00een seam\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Concluzia, puiu\u021bii mei? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Detecta\u021bi fenta din zbor \u0219i Nu. Pune\u021bi. Botul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dac\u0103 apreciezi aceast\u0103 rubric\u0103, po\u021bi sus\u021bine la r\u00e2ndul t\u0103u site-ul \u00een singurul mod care conteaz\u0103.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.paypal.com\/paypalme\/Trollywood\"><strong>Aici<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><a href=\"http:\/\/paypal.me\/Trollywood\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-14577\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=160%2C160&amp;ssl=1 160w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=320%2C320&amp;ssl=1 320w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=184%2C184&amp;ssl=1 184w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=600%2C600&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?resize=100%2C100&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cafea.jpg?w=931&amp;ssl=1 931w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenaalmighty\/\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lorenalupu\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong>&nbsp;\u015fi&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lorena.lup\/\">Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCCHBtHi6S2GlUFqETH70cjQ\">YouTube<\/a><\/strong>&nbsp;\u015fi pe<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@lorena.lupu\">&nbsp;TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Po\u0219ta redac\u021biei de ieri a fost scris\u0103 de un cititor care avea parte de h\u0103r\u021buire din partea anumitor cunoscu\u021bi cu \u201e\u0219tiu ceva ur\u00e2t despre&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":25483,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25481","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/blabla.jpg?fit=640%2C427&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25481","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25481"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25481\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25485,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25481\/revisions\/25485"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25483"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}