{"id":25549,"date":"2023-11-06T11:05:34","date_gmt":"2023-11-06T08:05:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=25549"},"modified":"2023-11-06T11:37:57","modified_gmt":"2023-11-06T08:37:57","slug":"lagrimas-de-lasconi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/lagrimas-de-lasconi\/","title":{"rendered":"Lagrimas de Lasconi"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Doamnelor \u0219i domnilor, \u00een caz c\u0103 v\u0103 plictisea\u021bi online \u0219i v\u0103 dorea\u021bi o nou\u0103 telenovel\u0103, un duet original, mam\u0103 \u0219i fiic\u0103, sunt aici pentru voi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iar mie faza mi se pare cel pu\u021bin bizar\u0103. Dar hei, a\u0219a e-n telenovel\u0103. Intriga trebuie s\u0103 fie intens\u0103, melodramatic\u0103 \u0219i plin\u0103 de patos; nu e nevoie s\u0103 aib\u0103 logic\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Madrona Elena Lasconi apare la televizor. Candidat\u0103 USR, deci reprezint\u0103 partidul progresist, modernist, iarb\u0103 for all, iubirea e iubire. Mbun. \u00centr-o situa\u021bie clar\u0103 de \u201enimeni: nimic\u201d, doamna Lasconi se treze\u0219te povestind cum a votat ea \u201eda\u201d la referendum. Cum care referendum? Un referendum de vreo 5 ani, \u00een care ceva grupule\u021b finan\u021bat crunt de americani conservatori – unde g\u0103sesc \u0219i eu pe cineva s\u0103 m\u0103 finan\u021beze a\u0219a \u0219i pe mine? – \u021bipa tare c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 schimb\u0103m defini\u021bia c\u0103s\u0103toriei, de la \u201euniunea dintre so\u021bi\u201d la \u201euniunea dintre b\u0103rbat \u0219i femeie\u201d, s\u0103 nu cumva s\u0103 se m\u0103rite Ion cu Gheorghe pe care nu-i cuno\u0219ti, \u0219i care nu te afecteaz\u0103 cu nimic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Subliniez: referendumul \u0103sta, mormanul \u0103sta de bani aruncat pe fix pewla \u00een timp ce sute de mii de copii f\u0103cu\u021bi de familii formate din b\u0103rbat \u0219i femeie iresponsabili se culc\u0103 rup\u021bi de foame, nu mai e un subiect valid \u00eenc\u0103 de a doua zi dup\u0103 ce s-a \u00eencheiat. De ce s-a trezit Lasconi madrona aber\u00e2nd despre el e un mister. Zero sens, dar mult\u0103 dram\u0103. Ca \u00een telenovel\u0103. Lovitur\u0103 de teatru. Prietena cea mai bun\u0103 era de fapt antagonista cu masc\u0103 all along. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apoi, intr\u0103 pe social media la hija lagrimosa: Oana Lasconi. \u00ce\u0219i face coming outul ca membr\u0103 a comunit\u0103\u021bii, apoi \u00eencepe s-o spurce cu sete pe m\u0103-sa. De azi, nu te mai sus\u021bin. Av\u00e2nd \u00een vedere c\u0103 mami era cu banul, ceva \u00eemi spune c\u0103 sus\u021binerea se desf\u0103\u0219ura \u00een direc\u021bie invers\u0103, dar, din nou. Zero sens, dar mult\u0103 dram\u0103. Ca \u00een telenovel\u0103, unde fiica se ceart\u0103 cu mama, isteric \u0219i cu mul\u021bi muci, \u0219i potop de lacrimi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Indignare mare \u00een tineret, cum s\u0103 fie Elena o userist\u0103 homofob\u0103.. Indignare \u0219i printre m\u0103mikile online, \u201ecum \u00ee\u0219i permite s\u0103 vorbeasc\u0103 a\u0219a se fiin\u021ba care i-a pus un blid de m\u00e2ncare \u00een fa\u021b\u0103 \u0219i \u0219i-a sacrificat cei mai frumo\u0219i ani din via\u021b\u0103 s-o \u0219tearg\u0103 la kuhr pe obraznica asta!?\u201d \u0218i tot netul e o telenovel\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar eu am o ipotez\u0103. Una care ar putea s\u0103 explice tot. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sun\u0103 telefonul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Alo da, puiul mamei iubit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: Ce faci, mam\u0103? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Tocmai plec la interviu, nu pot sta mult, dar spune. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: Mam\u0103, am descoperit iubirea adev\u0103rat\u0103 \u0219i pur\u0103. \u0218i m\u0103 m\u0103rit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Bravo, puiul mamei iubit, sunt m\u00e2ndr\u0103 de tine. C\u00e2nd \u00eel cunosc pe viitorul meu ginere? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: \u0218tii, de fapt este vorba despre o nor\u0103. O \u0219tii pe Violeta? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Ceeeeeeee? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: Violeta, pe care \u021bi-am prezentat-o acum dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Dup\u0103 tot ce am sacrificat pentru tine!!! Dup\u0103 ce c\u0103 n-am cunoscut b\u0103rbat ca s\u0103 ai tu o copil\u0103rie lini\u0219tit\u0103!! Dup\u0103 ce mi-ai m\u00e2ncat toate zacu\u0219tile din c\u0103mar\u0103!! \u00cendr\u0103zne\u0219ti s\u0103-mi spui c\u0103 te combini cu o femeie??? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: Nu cu o femeie. Cu Violeta, regina sufletului meu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: O voi pl\u0103ti pe Violeta s\u0103 se mute \u00een Australia!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: Nu pleac\u0103 nic\u0103ieri, e a mea!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Fata mea nu e o ling\u0103toare de carpete!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: S\u0103 nu \u00eendr\u0103zne\u0219ti, mam\u0103 denaturat\u0103, s\u0103 folose\u0219ti un astfel de limbaj cu mine!! Violeta e raza de soare pentru care m\u0103 trezesc diminea\u021ba!!! \u0218i da, dac\u0103 tot te treze\u0219ti devreme, dai o limb\u0103 \u0219i la carpete, csf ncsf!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: Fiica mea nu vorbe\u0219te cu csf ncsf!!! De-aia \u021bi-am pl\u0103tit eu meditator la rom\u00e2n\u0103??? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: Fiica ta vorbe\u0219te cum vrea carpeta ei!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: M\u0103 voi duce s\u0103 spun \u00eentregului univers c\u0103 am votat da la referendum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana: S\u0103 nu dea Scarao\u021bchi cel negru \u00een cerul gurii… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elena: O s\u0103 vezi tu ce d\u0103 Scarao\u021bchi, copil nerecunosc\u0103tor ce e\u0219ti!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Restul e istorie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i finalul musai apoteotic e a\u0219a: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Violeta: Ah, Oano, ce i-ai zis-o. C\u00e2t de intens, c\u00e2t de savuros. Rrrr. Carpeta mea clocote\u0219te de dorin\u021b\u0103 mistuitoare. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oana. Abia a\u0219tept s\u0103 \u00eenghit tot ce curge din tine!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Happy end) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ce zice\u021bi, e un scenariu bun de telenovel\u0103? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Acest text e un pamflet \u0219i trebuie tratat ca atare. Nu aloc\u0103m vreo valoare de adev\u0103r acestor glume \u0219i le-am scris doar pentru amuzament.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 apreciezi aceast\u0103 rubric\u0103, po\u021bi sus\u021bine la r\u00e2ndul t\u0103u site-ul \u00een singurul mod care conteaz\u0103. Aici<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi pe TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Doamnelor \u0219i domnilor, \u00een caz c\u0103 v\u0103 plictisea\u021bi online \u0219i v\u0103 dorea\u021bi o nou\u0103 telenovel\u0103, un duet original, mam\u0103 \u0219i fiic\u0103, sunt aici pentru...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":25550,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/woman-2359634_1280.jpg?fit=853%2C685&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25549","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25549"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25549\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25554,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25549\/revisions\/25554"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25550"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}