{"id":2605,"date":"2010-09-12T13:20:30","date_gmt":"2010-09-12T10:20:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=2605"},"modified":"2010-09-12T13:20:30","modified_gmt":"2010-09-12T10:20:30","slug":"bancuri-de-post","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/bancuri-de-post\/","title":{"rendered":"Bancuri de post"},"content":{"rendered":"

Salut, sunt Ostap Bender \u015f<\/strong>i \u015f<\/strong>tiu ni\u015f<\/strong>te bancuri tari.<\/strong><\/p>\n

M-am uitat la televizor \u015fi am dat de emisiunea aia penibil\u0103 a lui Cristian Brancu c\u00e2nd cite\u015fte el bancuri proaste de la telespectatori \u015fi Andrei Duban, acest Fuego f\u0103r\u0103 umor al televiziunilor, \u00ee\u015fi aminte\u015fte bancuri \u015fi mai proaste.<\/p>\n

Ok, zice Brancu ceva banc \u00een care rom\u00e2nii, din nustiu c\u00e2te na\u0163ii ies cei mai \u015fmecheri la final. Dup\u0103 care urmeaz\u0103 replica lui Duban.<\/p>\n

\u201eJaponezii au construit un robot care prinde ho\u0163i \u015fi trebuia testat pentru a fi omologat.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Pula mea, m-am g\u00e2ndit, sigur rom\u00e2nii or s\u0103 fure robotul.<\/p>\n

\u201e Au zis s\u0103-l testeze \u00een Spania c\u0103 acolo se fur\u0103 mult.\u00cen 12 ore robotul a prins 50 la sut\u0103 din infractori, dar mai trebuiau c\u00e2teva teste pentru ca acesta s\u0103 poat\u0103 fi omologat.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

Bine, zic io, am timp s\u0103 mai \u00eenv\u00e2rt din telecomand\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 fur\u0103 rom\u00e2nii robotul.Am dat pe alte antene. B\u0103sescu, \u00een cizme de cauciuc, ne zicea bancu \u0103la cu mogulii care au cump\u0103rat voturile pensionarilor. Bun banc. Care se termin\u0103 ca toate bancurile cu ai no\u015ftri care ies cei mai \u015fmecheri la final.<\/p>\n

Duban: \u201eIl trimit \u00een Italia c\u0103 \u015fi acolo se fur\u0103 mult. \u00cen 6 ore robotul care prinde ho\u0163i prinde 80 la sut\u0103 din infractori.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Mai este timp p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eel fur\u0103 rom\u00e2nii, \u00eemi zic \u015fi mut pe alt canal cu bancuri cu animale. Cic\u0103 dac\u0103 nu te speli pe picioare dac\u0103 treci vama, iei g\u0103lbinare de la g\u0103ini sau dac\u0103 te culci cu porcii \u00een cote\u0163 \u015fi schimbul de saliv\u0103 dintre tine \u015fi porcul e mai mare de 3 litri, po\u0163i s\u0103 faci grip\u0103 porcin\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 mori ca un nenorocit. Bancuri sadice, da bune. Ultimu banc din domeniu \u00eei \u0103la cu \u0163\u00e2n\u0163arul care, dac\u0103 apuc\u0103 s\u0103 \u0163i-o \u00eenfig\u0103 toat\u0103, te pricopseste cu boala \u0163\u00e2n\u0163arului nebun care migreaz\u0103 din Ougudougu \u00een Rom\u00e2nia s\u0103 penetreze pro\u015fti. Trompa, zic.<\/p>\n

Duban creca \u00eei cu robotu prin Fran\u0163a a\u015fa c\u0103 am timp s\u0103 dau \u015fi pe un canal cu bancuri culinare.<\/p>\n

S-a f\u0103cut un studiu \u015fi s-a \u00eentocmit un top al celor mai s\u0103n\u0103toase 15 produse alimentare. Pe locul 15 : afinele.\u00a0 Care con\u0163in antioxidan\u0163i \u015fi tot felu de alte jmenuri care te \u00eens\u0103n\u0103to\u015fesc pe loc. \u00ces c\u0103 pita uns\u0103 cu ginseng. \u015ei sunt \u015fi antidiuretice. Io \u00eemi amintesc c\u0103 str\u0103bunicul dup\u0103 ce m\u00e2nca sl\u0103nin\u0103, br\u00e2nz\u0103, lapte, l\u00e2n\u0103, unt \u015fi ou\u0103 b\u0103ga \u015fi o lingur\u0103 de afine cu un carpa\u0163 aprins, s\u0103 nu-l taie c\u0103carea la coas\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 nu fac\u0103 gropi\u0163e la buci ca andreea marin c\u00e2nd str\u00e2nge din buze. Pe locul 14 sunt fructele de Acai (sau Akai?) din zona Amazonului. Time for Duban.<\/p>\n

Duban zice cu robotu lui \u015fi se r\u00e2de de numa numa de ce final haios o sa urmeze iar Brancu \u00eel ascult\u0103 c\u0103 prostu care nu poate \u00een\u0163elege ceva at\u00e2t de previzibil, cu fa\u0163a aia de buton uzat de la aparatele de poker din c\u00e2rciumele bomb\u0103.<\/p>\n

Bancurile lu Boc \u015fi Udrea \u00ees bune da r\u0103suflate \u015fi bancu cu Vantu \u00eenc\u0103 nu l-am \u00een\u0163eles a\u015fa c\u0103 schimb repede pe un canal cu \u201etrazni\u0163i \u00een nato\u201d sau \u201ein puii mei\u201d s\u0103-mi mai potolesc spasmele de r\u00e2s.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 cineva o urm\u0103rit emisiunea lu\u2019 Brancu s\u0103-mi zic\u0103 \u015fi mie, rogu-l, dac\u0103 i-or furat rom\u00e2nii robotul lui Duban.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Salut, sunt Ostap Bender \u015fi \u015ftiu ni\u015fte bancuri tari. M-am uitat la televizor \u015fi am dat de emisiunea aia penibil\u0103 a lui Cristian Brancu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2605","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2605"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2605\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2605"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2605"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2605"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}