{"id":26256,"date":"2024-03-27T15:03:17","date_gmt":"2024-03-27T12:03:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=26256"},"modified":"2024-03-27T15:03:19","modified_gmt":"2024-03-27T12:03:19","slug":"e-ok-sa-nu-vrei-o-relatie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/e-ok-sa-nu-vrei-o-relatie\/","title":{"rendered":"E ok s\u0103 nu vrei o rela\u021bie"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

C\u00e2nd \u00eencep oameni necunoscu\u021bi s\u0103 te \u00eentrebe dac\u0103 e\u0219ti sau nu married, dac\u0103 e\u0219ti sau nu \u00eentr-o rela\u021bie, experimentez de fiecare dat\u0103 o form\u0103 de disconfort, definit ca o reac\u021bie de tipul \u201eDe ce plm avem conversa\u021bia asta\u201d. E ca \u0219i cum te-a\u0219 opri eu pe strad\u0103 s\u0103 te \u00eentreb ce culoare au chilo\u021bii de pe tine. Unu: nu m\u0103 ajut\u0103 cu nimic informa\u021bia, nu o pot valorifica \u00een mod practic. Doi: Ar trebui s\u0103 existe o limit\u0103 normal\u0103 a intimit\u0103\u021bii umane, pe care str\u0103inii ar trebui s-o \u00een\u021beleag\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u0103 tot m\u0103 \u00eentreba cineva de ce ur\u0103sc cu spume g\u0103\u0219tile de neomasculi inceli ale lui Tate, Breitbart \u0219i restul de curu ai masculinit\u0103\u021bii: \u00een mod normal, cred \u00een libertatea de opinie. Po\u021bi s\u0103 faci ce vrei tu. Po\u021bi s\u0103 te \u00eenchini la Sf\u00e2ntul P\u0103st\u00e2rnac \u00eembr\u0103cat \u00een foi\u021b\u0103 de aur. Po\u021bi s\u0103 faci biserica Sf\u00e2ntului P\u0103st\u00e2rnac \u00eembr\u0103cat \u00een foi\u021b\u0103 de aur. Po\u021bi s\u0103 te costumezi, tu \u0219i co-enoria\u0219ii t\u0103i, \u00een p\u0103st\u00e2rnaci \u00eembr\u0103ca\u021bi \u00een foi\u021be de aur. Orice v\u0103 face ferici\u021bi. M\u0103 bucur c\u0103 v-a\u021bi g\u0103sit un sim\u021b al comuniunii \u0219i al scopului. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problema apare c\u00e2nd \u201eopiniile\u201d astea aduc dup\u0103 sine un comportament intruziv \u0219i invaziv, care \u00eei transform\u0103 pe fanii lui Tate \u0219i ai similarilor \u00een persoane b\u0103g\u0103cioase \u0219i dezagreabile, cu care \u021bi-e sil\u0103 s\u0103 interac\u021bionezi. Atunci, opinia nu mai e hora lor care nu te prive\u0219te. Opinia aia devine deranj direct. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i hai s\u0103 zicem, unora le spui simplu c\u0103 o rela\u021bie nu \u00eencape \u00een via\u021ba ta, a\u0219a cum e ea \u00een acest moment, \u0103ia \u00een\u021beleg ideea, exact cum le-ai prezentat-o, \u0219i momentul de intruziune e dep\u0103\u0219it cu succes, pute\u021bi reveni la subiecte neutre. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar sunt \u0103ia care insist\u0103. \u0218i printre ei, \u0103ia care caut\u0103 s\u0103 te bully \u0219i s\u0103-\u021bi induc\u0103 vinov\u0103\u021bie pentru op\u021biunea singur\u0103t\u0103\u021bii. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oricum, mai nou nu m\u0103 cert cu nimeni. Dac\u0103 conversa\u021bia impertinent\u0103 e online, avertizez c\u0103 dau block, \u0219i c\u00e2nd v\u0103d c\u0103 avertismentul nu e luat \u00een serios, chiar \u00eel dau. Dac\u0103 discu\u021bia impertinent\u0103 e face to face, spun c\u0103 nu suntem la tribunal, iar eu nu sunt \u00een boxa acuza\u021bilor, \u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, statusul de single nu e ceva incriminat de lege, \u0219i nici ceva care trebuie justificat, \u0218i dac\u0103 nu v\u0103d c\u0103 s-a procesat informa\u021bia, m\u0103 \u00eentorc cu spatele \u0219i plec pur \u0219i simplu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un prim semn c\u0103 o societate e profund disfunc\u021bional\u0103 \u0219i gre\u0219it\u0103 e apari\u021bia frecvent\u0103 a acestei ipostaze ridicole, \u00een care \u021bi se pretinde s\u0103 oferi explica\u021bii \u0219i justific\u0103ri pentru lucruri care nu-l privesc pe interlocutor. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar, dincolo de asta, e perfect \u00een regul\u0103 s\u0103 fii single, indiferent cu ce te freac\u0103 la cap persoane c\u0103rora nu le datorezi nimic \u0219i care nu au obiectiv nici un cuv\u00e2nt de spus \u00een economia vie\u021bii tale, \u0219i nu e cazul s\u0103 la\u0219i pe nimeni s\u0103 te conving\u0103 de contrariu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A. E ok s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi asumi c\u0103 nu ai timp de o rela\u021bie <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sunt o gr\u0103mad\u0103 de oameni care se pl\u00e2ng c\u0103 sunt neglija\u021bi de partener(\u0103), c\u0103 nu au timp \u00een doi, c\u0103 intervin rutina, distan\u021barea, \u00eenstr\u0103inarea \u0219i whatever. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i au dreptate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pentru ca o rela\u021bie s\u0103 func\u021bioneze, e nevoie de timp, de efort, de investi\u021bie material\u0103 \u0219i emo\u021bional\u0103 reciproc\u0103, de disponibilitate \u0219i de compromis. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cineva care munce\u0219te 12 ore pe zi, de exemplu, \u0219i nu are timp de calitate de oferit celuilalt niciodat\u0103 NU ar trebui s\u0103 fie \u00eentr-o rela\u021bie. Pentru c\u0103, \u00een realitate, NU este. \u00cen realitate, e o persoan\u0103 single care duce dup\u0103 sine aparen\u021ba unei rela\u021bii \u0219i are pe con\u0219tiin\u021b\u0103 nefericirea unui alt om. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Singura excep\u021bie sunt doi care muncesc 12 ore pe zi \u0219i nu au timp reciproc. Dar c\u00e2nd oamenii nu au timp niciodat\u0103 \u0219i nici o dorin\u021b\u0103 s\u0103 se vad\u0103, \u00eentrebarea e dac\u0103 mai exist\u0103 \u00een mod real o rela\u021bie \u00eentre ei. Sau doar o convenien\u021b\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

B) E ok s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi asumi c\u0103 nu \u00ee\u021bi place nimeni. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218ti\u021bi care e problema cu mentalitatea \u201eacord\u0103-i \u0219i lui gicu o \u0219ans\u0103?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi pl\u0103cea gicu de la prima vedere, nu era nevoie s\u0103-i \u201eacorzi \u0219anse\u201d, pentru c\u0103 interesul de a afla \u0219i de a descoperi mai mult venea natural din partea ta. Iar dac\u0103 e nevoie s\u0103 te for\u021bezi pe interior s\u0103 \u201eacorzi \u0219anse\u201d, e clar c\u0103 te opui unui instinct natural de a spune \u201enu\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iar dac\u0103 instinctul natural e \u201enu\u201d, fundamentul pentru o rela\u021bie de lung\u0103 durat\u0103 e compromis din start. Orice rela\u021bie \u00een care intri cu sentimentul c\u0103-i faci o imens\u0103 favoare celuilalt e o rela\u021bie nedorit\u0103, cu resurse infinite de toxicitate reciproc\u0103. Tu nu te vei opri din a te g\u00e2ndi la cum puteai tu acum s\u0103 stai lini\u0219tit la tine acas\u0103 cu o cacao cald\u0103 \u0219i o p\u0103tur\u0103, \u0219i cu pisica cuib\u0103rit\u0103 \u00een poal\u0103, iar \u0103la sau aia o s\u0103 aib\u0103 mereu resentimente c\u0103 e tratat(\u0103) ca un cer\u0219etor cu basca \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103, care prime\u0219te zece lei de mil\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deci, dac\u0103 niciunul din pretenden\u021bii \/ pretendentele curente nu-\u021bi inspir\u0103 nimic, e ok s\u0103 zici pas. S\u0103 citez din mama noastr\u0103 Madonna: You do much better on your own. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C) E ok s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi investe\u0219ti timpul cum consideri tu de cuviin\u021b\u0103. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poate c\u0103 nu lucrezi 12 ore pe zi. Dar poate c\u0103 preferi s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi dedici timpul unui sport, sau studiului unei limbi str\u0103ine, sau studiului unui instrument. E extrem de greu s\u0103 jonglezi o rela\u021bie, un job full-time \u0219i o pasiune. \u0218i e perfect \u00een regul\u0103 s\u0103 renun\u021bi la ceea ce te pasioneaz\u0103 mai pu\u021bin. \u00cen fond, tu \u00ee\u021bi setezi priorit\u0103\u021bile, nu societatea, nu m\u0103-ta \u0219i nu un p\u0103rerist nesolicitat care nu \u0219tie nimic despre tine ca om. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cum am zis: singurul motiv real pentru o rela\u021bie e faptul c\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi dore\u0219ti, din proprie ini\u021biativ\u0103 \u0219i f\u0103r\u0103 presiune exterioar\u0103, s\u0103 petreci timp cu cel\u0103lalt \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eel faci parte din via\u021ba ta. Dac\u0103 te entuziasmeaz\u0103 mai mult g\u00e2ndul la o or\u0103 de alergare dec\u00e2t g\u00e2ndul c\u0103 te vezi cu Rodica, rela\u021bia aia e mai mult o povar\u0103 pentru tine dec\u00e2t o conexiune real\u0103 cu cel\u0103lalt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

D) E ok s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi asumi c\u0103 nu e\u0219ti preg\u0103tit(\u0103) emo\u021bional <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0103 zicem c\u0103 ai avut o desp\u0103r\u021bire cu strig\u0103turi. \u0218i e\u0219ti praf suflete\u0219te. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Orice decizie ai lua \u00een acele momente, ea ar fi motivat\u0103 mai mult de furie, frustrare, nervi, dec\u00e2t de nevoile tale reale. \u0218i dac\u0103 o decizie e luat\u0103 din motive gre\u0219ite, e o lege a firii c\u0103, mai \u00eencolo, va veni s\u0103 te mu\u0219te de fund. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nu e\u0219ti preg\u0103tit(\u0103) emo\u021bional pentru tot efortul pe care \u00eel presupune o rela\u021bie nou\u0103, cu o persoan\u0103 care nu are nici o vin\u0103 c\u0103 tu \u0219i Rodica v\u0103 lua\u021bi mor\u021bii \u00een penix de diminea\u021ba p\u00e2n\u0103 seara? Just say it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 nu e\u0219ti cinstit \u00een primul r\u00e2nd cu tine, \u00ee\u021bi dai \u021bepe \u00een primul r\u00e2nd \u021bie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E) \u0218i poate nu vrei s\u0103 faci schimb\u0103rile de lifestyle pe care le presupune rela\u021bia. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

El st\u0103 la \u021bar\u0103 \u0219i \u00eengrije\u0219te animale, ea la ora\u0219 \u0219i a avut doar joburi la birou toat\u0103 via\u021ba ei. \u0218i \u0103la de la \u021bar\u0103 o freac\u0103 la icre c\u0103 locul ei e l\u00e2ng\u0103 el. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nu, nu e. Priorit\u0103\u021bile \u0219i nevoile ei sunt importante. Mentalitatea c\u0103 cineva, doar pentru c\u0103 e femeie, trebuie s\u0103 arunce tot ce a construit, s\u0103 renun\u021be la un job bine pl\u0103tit \u0219i s\u0103 se mute la fundul vacii c\u0103 a\u0219a a decis gigel e baza toxicit\u0103\u021bii insuportabile a mentalit\u0103\u021bii tradi\u021bionale. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 ave\u021bi stiluri de via\u021b\u0103 at\u00e2t de diferite, g\u0103si\u021bi-v\u0103 parteneri care s\u0103 vi se potriveasc\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sunt \u0219i alte cazuri, mai pu\u021bin radicale. Tipul gamer \u0219i fata care vrea mereu \u00een ora\u0219. Tipul cu drume\u021bii \u0219i fata care prefer\u0103 plimb\u0103rile prin malluri. Tipul care club\u0103re\u0219te p\u00e2n\u0103 diminea\u021ba \u0219i fata pe care o doare capul dup\u0103 o or\u0103 de bum\u021bi-bum\u021bi. \u0218i tot a\u0219a. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u00e2nd felul vostru de a fi se bate cap \u00een cap cu al celuilalt, nu e greu de imaginat c\u0103 urmeaz\u0103 o negociere agresiv\u0103 a timpului comun \u0219i certuri din ce \u00een ce mai furibunde. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E mai simplu \u0219i mai pa\u0219nic s\u0103 fii single. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i, c\u00e2t timp p\u0103s\u0103rica ta nu e bun ob\u0219tesc, s\u0103 fie obligatoriu s\u0103 intre \u00een uzul comunit\u0103\u021bii, o gestionezi cum crezi tu de cuviin\u021b\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 apreciezi acest articol, po\u021bi sus\u021bine la r\u00e2ndul t\u0103u site-ul \u00een singurul mod care conteaz\u0103. Aici<\/strong><\/a>. Pentru dona\u021bii de 50 de euro sau mai mult, \u00eemi po\u021bi propune tu un subiect. Pentru dona\u021bii de 25 de euro sau mai mult, po\u021bi propune o poezie pentru cele 365 de zile de poezie.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi pe TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

C\u00e2nd \u00eencep oameni necunoscu\u021bi s\u0103 te \u00eentrebe dac\u0103 e\u0219ti sau nu married, dac\u0103 e\u0219ti sau nu \u00eentr-o rela\u021bie, experimentez de fiecare dat\u0103 o form\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14191,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/lonely.jpg?fit=640%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26256"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26256\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26257,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26256\/revisions\/26257"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}