{"id":26350,"date":"2024-04-16T01:47:03","date_gmt":"2024-04-15T22:47:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=26350"},"modified":"2024-04-16T01:47:06","modified_gmt":"2024-04-15T22:47:06","slug":"cum-gestionezi-o-despartire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cum-gestionezi-o-despartire\/","title":{"rendered":"Cum gestionezi o desp\u0103r\u021bire"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u00cen mod normal, acest articol ar trebui s\u0103 nu existe. Pentru c\u0103 suntem oameni \u00een toat\u0103 firea \u0219i ar trebui s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegem ra\u021bional lucruri. Dar cum ieri am scris despre cazul lui M\u0103d\u0103lin care, \u00een urma unei desp\u0103r\u021biri, s-a suit \u00een ma\u0219in\u0103 \u0219i, conform propriilor lui prieteni, a \u00eenceput s\u0103 \u00eel urm\u0103reasc\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eel s\u00e2c\u00e2ie pe actualul iubit al fetei – \u0219i o gr\u0103mad\u0103 de persoane adulte mi-au comentat o gr\u0103mad\u0103 de b\u0103l\u0103rii, mi se dovede\u0219te c\u0103 acest articol trebuie scris. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Voi exclude cazul \u00een care tu e\u0219ti cel care vrea desp\u0103r\u021birea, pentru c\u0103 acolo trebuie s\u0103-\u021bi ba\u021bi capul s\u0103 nu-l r\u0103ne\u0219ti prea tare pe cel cu care nu mai vrei s\u0103 \u00eempar\u021bi salteaua \u0219i pernele, iar asta e alt\u0103 discu\u021bie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discut\u0103m de cazul \u00een care ai avut o mare iubire, \u00een care ai investit timp, suflet \u0219i resurse, \u0219i de la un punct \u00eencolo, iubi \u021bi-a zis: P\u0103pu\u0219\u0103 mic\u0103 \u0219i adorabil\u0103, te iubesc, dar nu pe tine. De la o vreme, pari mai frumy de la distan\u021b\u0103. Hai s\u0103 ne vedem fiecare de a mamasitei din dotare. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i da, rog \u0219i b\u0103rba\u021bii s\u0103 citeasc\u0103 acest text. C\u0103 ei fac cele mai retardate t\u00e2mpenii dup\u0103 ce sunt p\u0103r\u0103si\u021bi, pentru c\u0103 toat\u0103 via\u021ba au auzit doar c\u0103 sunt miezul din dodoa\u0219c\u0103, \u0219i NIMENI NU-L P\u0102R\u0102SE\u0218TE PE MIEZUL DIN DODOA\u0218C\u0102, SAU FAC MOARTE DE OM. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A) Dragoste cu sila nu se poate. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poate n-ai citit-o clar, sau n-ai \u00een\u021beles-o din prima, permite-mi s\u0103 m\u0103 repet. DRAGOSTE CU SILA NU SE POATE: Dac\u0103 o persoan\u0103 decide c\u0103 nu te mai vrea, respect\u0103 chestia asta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

O spun \u0219i dispera\u021bilor \/ disperatelor care m-au terorizat cu mesaje private p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd am dat stop mesaje private pentru toat\u0103 lumea. O spun \u0219i celor care trag disperat de rela\u021bii care nu merg, cu parteneri care nu mai manifest\u0103 nici o urm\u0103 de interes. Dragoste. Cu Sila. Nu. Se Poate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Po\u021bi cump\u0103ra timpul cuiva. O or\u0103. Dou\u0103. Patruzeci pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, cu contract de munc\u0103. P\u00e2n\u0103 la \u0219aizeci, cu ore suplimentare pl\u0103tite, dac\u0103 nu e\u0219ti patron rom\u00e2n hr\u0103p\u0103re\u021b. Dar dragoste. Cu sila. NU. Se poate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E vorba s\u0103 te respec\u021bi \u00een primul r\u00e2nd pe tine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da, m-ai citit corect, c\u00e2nd respec\u021bi decizia de desp\u0103r\u021bire, TE RESPEC\u021aI \u00ceN PRIMUL R\u00c2ND PE TINE. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0102la sau aia te crede a\u0219a de rebut, \u00eenc\u00e2t prefer\u0103 s\u0103 se dea \u00een b\u0103rci cu altcineva? Ce crezi c\u0103 demonstrezi dac\u0103 insi\u0219ti \u0219i at\u00e2rni mai departe? Faptul c\u0103 ai respectul de sine al unei h\u00e2rtii igienice bune de \u0219ters la c*r. Folosesc imaginea asta dur\u0103 ca s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegi c\u0103, dac\u0103 cineva te dispre\u021buie\u0219te suficient s\u0103 te p\u0103r\u0103seasc\u0103, te va dispre\u021bui \u0219i mai mult dac\u0103 te miloge\u0219ti ca o form\u0103 de via\u021b\u0103 lamentabil\u0103 care \u00ee\u0219i cere scuze c\u0103 exist\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respect\u0103-te suficient \u00ceN PRIMUL R\u00c2ND PE TINE s\u0103 zici: Pierderea ta, gicule \/ maricico. Mult\u0103 s\u0103n\u0103tate \u0219i intens\u0103 virtute. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Greu e c\u00e2nd stai \u00eempreun\u0103 \u0219i trebuie s\u0103 g\u0103se\u0219ti solu\u021bii s\u0103 te mu\u021bi. Dar mut\u0103-te repede. Cu c\u00e2t mai repede, cu at\u00e2t \u00ee\u021bi dai o \u0219ans\u0103 s\u0103 vindeci aceast\u0103 ran\u0103. Cu c\u00e2t o l\u0103l\u0103i \u0219i te ui\u021bi milog la cineva care tocmai \u021bi-a spus c\u0103 nu mai are chef s\u0103 te f, cu at\u00e2t e\u0219ti mai jalnic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 ave\u021bi cas\u0103 \/ propriet\u0103\u021bi comune \/ copii, nu le la\u0219i la voia \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103rii. <\/strong>Preferabil te \u00een\u021belegi amiabil, dar ferm, \u0219i negociezi un aranjament care s\u0103-\u021bi convin\u0103 \u0219i \u021bie. Dac\u0103 sunt \u0219i copii la mijloc, pensia alimentar\u0103 e nonnegociabil\u0103. Prin tribunal, dac\u0103 nu merge altfel. Doar pentru c\u0103 se desparte de tine, nu se desparte \u0219i de obliga\u021biile lui financiare. C\u00e2nd unul dintre p\u0103rin\u021bi preia tot efortul \u0219i cel\u0103lalt devine liber ca pas\u0103rea cerului, m\u0103car s\u0103 contribuie cu bani. Nu s\u0103 reapar\u0103 la 20 \u0219i ceva de ani, c\u00e2nd deja e\u0219ti pe picioarele tale, dup\u0103 ce te-ai chinuit \u00eengrozitor toat\u0103 copil\u0103ria din diverse lipsuri \u0219i s\u0103 se dea p\u0103rintele r\u0103t\u0103citor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, bun. Deci, primul pas e s\u0103 nu fii milog \u0219i jalnic, \u0219i s\u0103 nu at\u00e2rni ca o povar\u0103 dizgra\u021bioas\u0103 de g\u00e2tul cuiva care nu te (mai vrea). Cu c\u00e2t e\u0219ti mai molusc\u0103 fle\u0219c\u0103it\u0103, cu at\u00e2t impui mai pu\u021bin respect. \u00cen plus, oamenii cu un dram de inteligen\u021b\u0103 mediteaz\u0103 \u00eendelung \u00eenainte de desp\u0103r\u021bire, dac\u0103 sunt siguri c\u0103 e ok s\u0103 te piard\u0103. Iar pro\u0219tii care se despart impulsiv \u0219i apoi la dou\u0103 zile dup\u0103, se milogesc ei de tine s\u0103 vii \u00eenapoi sunt instabili psihic \u0219i nu ai de ce s\u0103-\u021bi pierzi timpul cu ei. Ai zis c\u0103 vrei s\u0103 te despar\u021bi? Ai primit desp\u0103r\u021birea, exact cum ai cerut-o. Jet \u00een mor\u021bii t\u0103i. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

B) Nu stai s\u0103 \u00eentrebi de ce \u0219i s\u0103 ceri justific\u0103ri <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judec\u00e2nd dup\u0103 mersul certurilor dintr-o rela\u021bie, \u0219tii deja de ce. Dac\u0103 \u021bi-a repro\u0219at de 50 de ori c\u0103 nu cumperi \u0219i tu o p\u00e2ine, e pentru c\u0103 e\u0219ti un zg\u00e2rcit. Dac\u0103 \u021bi-a repro\u0219at de o sut\u0103 de ori c\u0103 nu ascul\u021bi niciodat\u0103 ce spune, e pentru c\u0103 nu se poate comunica deloc cu tine. Dac\u0103 refuzi orice \u00eencercare de a merge \u00een dormitor, e din lips\u0103 de s***. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iar dac\u0103 pretinzi cu cea mai mare inocen\u021b\u0103 mimat\u0103 c\u0103 nu \u00een\u021belegi de ce, \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 te min\u021bi \u0219i pe tine \u0219i nu e\u0219ti suficient de matur pentru acest articol. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mie de obicei \u00eemi repro\u0219eaz\u0103 oamenii c\u0103 nu le ofer suficient timp – ceea ce e corect. \u0218i c\u0103 \u00eentotdeauna, proiectele \u0219i cariera mea au prioritate. Din nou, corect. \u0218i c\u0103 nu le fac un sandvi\u0219 c\u00e2nd vor ei – ceea ce, din nou, e corect. De aceea am \u0219i ales singur\u0103tatea asumat\u0103, pentru c\u0103 m-am cam s\u0103turat s\u0103 le tot aud pe astea \u0219i nici prin minte nu-mi trece s\u0103 le schimb. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maic\u0103-mea pretinde \u0219i acum c\u0103 a fost profund \u0219i iremediabil \u0219ocat\u0103 c\u00e2nd i-a spus taic\u0103-miu c\u0103 divor\u021beaz\u0103. De\u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 \u0219i eu, de c\u00e2nd am dezvoltat ni\u0219te neuroni func\u021bionali, vedeam ce rela\u021bie ur\u00e2t\u0103 au \u0219i \u0219tiam instinctiv c\u0103 se vor desp\u0103r\u021bi. Sigur unul o s\u0103 plece, c\u0103 nu merge a\u0219a, \u00eemi spuneam de la trei-patru ani. C\u00e2nd taic\u0103-miu m-a anun\u021bat la \u0219ase c\u0103 ne p\u0103r\u0103se\u0219te, \u00een mintea mea a fost: Ce bine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nu, nu e\u0219ti profund \u0219i iremediabil \u0219ocat, c\u00e2nd e\u0219ti atent la vibe-ul celuilalt. Dar dac\u0103 e\u0219ti prea p\u0103truns de propria importan\u021b\u0103 s\u0103 fii atent la vibe-ul celuilalt, nu e de mirare c\u0103 e\u0219ti p\u0103r\u0103sit. \u0218i maic\u0103-mea, \u0219i gigeii \u0103\u0219tia care se dau de garduri c\u00e2nd \u00eei las\u0103 c\u00e2te cineva se cred cadoul lui Dumnezeu pentru omenire. De aceea fac a\u0219a ur\u00e2t. Pentru c\u0103 cineva i-a contrazis \u00een acea credin\u021b\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How about: accept\u0103 c\u0103 poate nu e\u0219ti r\u0103spunsul la nevoile altuia \u0219i pleac\u0103 demn \u0219i cu fruntea sus? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C) Nu accep\u021bi situationship rezidual <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apoi, mai sunt cutrele care se despart, dar \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 lase o porti\u021b\u0103 deschis\u0103 pe la tine, s\u0103 te f**\u0103 periodic. \u0218i mul\u021bi fraieri accept\u0103 asta \u00een ideea c\u0103 \u201eA\u0219a vede ce fat\u0103 bun\u0103 \/ b\u0103iat bun sunt \u0219i poate se r\u0103zg\u00e2nde\u0219te.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mnu. Ceea ce \u00eencearc\u0103 e s\u0103 primeasc\u0103 beneficiile f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 investeasc\u0103 eforturile, and this is a strong NO, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ai zis tu c\u0103 vrei s\u0103 te despar\u021bi? Haipa. Instaleaz\u0103-\u021bi Tinder, sigur g\u0103se\u0219ti ceva de f**t acolo, sau dac\u0103 nu, vezi publi24, sec\u021biunea escorte. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Din secunda \u00een care gigel \/ maricica \u021bi-a dat cu praf de mers, mergi. Mergi cu t\u0103rie. Un \u0219ut \u00een \u00eend\u0103r\u00e2t e un pas \u00eenainte, dar numai dac\u0103-l \u00eencasezi exact cum \u021bi-a fost dat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

D) E ok s\u0103 pl\u00e2ngi acas\u0103. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sunt cele cinci etape ale pierderii: negarea, furia, negocierea, durerea \u0219i acceptarea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uite cum le arzi: nu nega. Da, ok, ne desp\u0103r\u021bim. Asum\u0103-\u021bi furia \u0219i descarc\u0103-\u021bi-o la sal\u0103, sau cu o form\u0103 de sport. Nu negocia. E pierderea celuilalt. Nu stai tu s\u0103 negociezi pierderile altuia, pentru c\u0103 grija ta e\u0219ti tu. \u0218i asum\u0103-\u021bi suferin\u021ba. E ok s\u0103 pl\u00e2ngi acas\u0103, s\u0103 te t\u0103v\u0103le\u0219ti pe jos \u0219i s\u0103 mu\u0219ti din marginea c\u0103zii. Dar f\u0103-o acas\u0103, \u00een siguran\u021b\u0103, nu pe \u0219osele, unde nu mori doar tu ca prostul, ci cu pu\u021bin ghinion mai faci \u0219i victime care nu \u00eencearc\u0103 dec\u00e2t s\u0103 ajung\u0103 acas\u0103 dup\u0103 o zi de munc\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cu c\u00e2t \u00ee\u021bi asumi, \u00ee\u021bi tr\u0103ie\u0219ti \u0219i \u00ee\u021bi exprimi furia \u0219i durerea, cu at\u00e2t \u00ee\u021bi trec mai repede. Deschide cu acceptarea \u0219i vei termina mai repede cu acest ciclu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i important: nu lua decizii pripite. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E vorba aia. Drumul spre iad e pavat de bune inten\u021bii. A\u0219 completa: Drumul spre iad reloaded e pavat cu decizii pripite. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eCum, c**a aia nenorocit\u0103 s-a folosit de mine \u0219i acum pleac\u0103?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tu unde erai c\u00e2nd se folosea de tine? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eCum, nemernicul \u0103la mi-a distrus via\u021ba \u0219i acum pleac\u0103?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tu unde erai c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u021bi distrugea via\u021ba? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E o alt\u0103 vorb\u0103 din b\u0103tr\u00e2ni care spune a\u0219a: Domnia \u0219i prostia se pl\u0103tesc. F\u0103 pace cu propria prostie \u0219i vei comite mai pu\u021bine prostii \u00een viitor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E) \u0218i nu uita s\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u0219ti <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tendin\u021ba, c\u00e2nd suntem p\u0103r\u0103si\u021bi, e s\u0103 b\u0103g\u0103m capul \u00een fund \u0219i s\u0103 nu ne mai intereseze dec\u00e2t abisul nedrept\u0103\u021bii pe care tocmai am p\u0103\u021bit-o. \u0218i da, la punctul 4 am zis s-o asumi. Dar controlat. \u00ce\u021bi dai, s\u0103 zicem, o or\u0103 de pl\u00e2ns pe zi. C\u00e2nd sim\u021bi c\u0103 te apuc\u0103 jalea extracuricular\u0103, \u00ee\u021bi impui: Nu! Asta va avea loc de la opt seara. P\u00e2n\u0103 atunci, am de mers la cafea cu \u0218tefania, de exersat instrumentul \u0103sta muzical pe care vreau s\u0103-l st\u0103p\u00e2nesc, de citit lorenalupu.com, de v\u0103zut filmul \u0103sta nou de care vorbe\u0219te toat\u0103 lumea \u0219i sketchurile SNL cu Ryan Gosling. \u0218i finala sezonului al 17-lea al RuPaul’s Drag Race. \u0218i o programare la epilat. Mam\u0103, c\u00e2t\u0103 treab\u0103 frumoas\u0103 am. Dar la opt o s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng, promit.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i a\u0219a ui\u021bi s\u0103 mai pl\u00e2ngi, dup\u0103 un timp. Pur \u0219i simplu, te iei cu altele. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

F) Fii mai precaut(\u0103) pe viitor <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cum ajungi \u00een rela\u021bii gre\u0219ite? Sau ai un defect pe care refuzi s\u0103-l corectezi, \u0219i care continu\u0103 s\u0103 dizolve conexiunea cu al\u021bii. Sau ai o mare naivitate \u0219i pici \u00een capcanele tuturor \u0219mecherilor. Sau at\u00e2rni de oameni care nu te vor \u0219i accep\u021bi o dinamic\u0103 extrem de toxic\u0103 \u0219i de abuziv\u0103, din fric\u0103 de singur\u0103tate sau pentru c\u0103 nu supor\u021bi ideea c\u0103 \u0103la \/ aia te respinge pe tine, miezul din dodoa\u0219c\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pe viitor, cite\u0219te mai atent vibe-ul general al interac\u021biunii \u0219i ce face poten\u021bialul \/ poten\u021biala, dincolo de vorbe, \u0219i vei lua mult mai pu\u021bine \u021bepe \u0219i dezam\u0103giri. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 apreciezi acest articol, po\u021bi sus\u021bine la r\u00e2ndul t\u0103u site-ul \u00een singurul mod care conteaz\u0103. Aici<\/strong><\/a>. Pentru dona\u021bii de 50 de euro sau mai mult, \u00eemi po\u021bi propune tu un subiect. Pentru dona\u021bii de 25 de euro sau mai mult, po\u021bi propune o poezie pentru cele 365 de zile de poezie.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe Twitter<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi pe TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00cen mod normal, acest articol ar trebui s\u0103 nu existe. Pentru c\u0103 suntem oameni \u00een toat\u0103 firea \u0219i ar trebui s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegem ra\u021bional lucruri....<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18329,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26350","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/angry-argument-breakup-984954.jpg?fit=640%2C427&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26350","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26350"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26350\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26351,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26350\/revisions\/26351"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26350"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26350"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26350"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}