{"id":26747,"date":"2024-08-06T10:20:12","date_gmt":"2024-08-06T07:20:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=26747"},"modified":"2024-08-06T10:20:15","modified_gmt":"2024-08-06T07:20:15","slug":"vreau-nevasta-full-option","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/vreau-nevasta-full-option\/","title":{"rendered":"Vreau nevast\u0103 full option"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Am r\u00e2s ieri ca o apucat\u0103. Cafea pe monitor, pe n\u0103ri, pe toate orificiile. Mi-a c\u0103zut sub ochi aceast\u0103 postare viral\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fmirelavioleta.constantin%2Fposts%2Fpfbid024ggySkXkqYYsLch6yvvYvPTNHw94BMmup728GqrCUGocva8oxCNSyfaHuNH6e97Pl&amp;show_text=true&amp;width=500\" width=\"500\" height=\"654\" style=\"border:none;overflow:hidden\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" allow=\"autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; picture-in-picture; web-share\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>O fat\u0103 preluase anun\u021bul matrimonial nemodificat cu nimic al gigelului din imagine, \u0219i tot Facebookul a r\u00e2s cu spume, cot la cot cu mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00centre noi fie vorba, gigelul e banal. Nu \u00eel remarci, dac\u0103 ie\u0219i cu ga\u0219ca de prietene nec\u0103s\u0103torite \u00een ora\u0219, \u0219i fila\u021bi ce mai e prin jur. Banal spre ur\u00e2\u021bel, \u0219i dup\u0103 postura de fotomodea \u00een intens\u0103 \u00eencordare, am putea trage concluzia c\u0103 mai degrab\u0103 e la primit, nu la dat. Ceea ce e perfect \u00een regul\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nici dac\u0103 anun\u021bul ar fi \u201eCaut o tip\u0103 s\u0103 o mut \u00eentr-un castel, cu o droaie de servitori care s-o caute \u00een coarne, cu card nelimitat \u0219i Cadillac roz cu \u0219ofer\u201d, nu m-a\u0219 sim\u021bi tentat\u0103 s\u0103-i scriu. Pentru c\u0103 toate astea ar veni la pachet cu f\u0103\u021buca lui ur\u00e2\u021bic\u0103 \u0219i g\u00e2ndul c\u0103 ar trebui s\u0103 respir\u0103m acela\u0219i aer zi de zi m\u0103 face s\u0103-mi pre\u021buiesc garsoniera din Titan ca pe o oaz\u0103 a lini\u0219tii \u0219i libert\u0103\u021bii. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dar nu. Gigelul are o list\u0103 de preten\u021bii de la poten\u021biala candidat\u0103, de zici c\u0103 o caut\u0103 pe interpreta viitorului blockbuster HBO. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00centre noi fie vorba, cred c\u0103 standardele sunt un lucru bun. Dac\u0103 to\u021bi ne-am combina cu persoane decente, educate \u0219i de bun sim\u021b, s-ar diminua toxicitatea \u0219i violen\u021ba \u00een familii. E dreptul fiec\u0103ruia dintre noi s\u0103 se simt\u0103 atras de anumite detalii, fizice sau de comportament, \u0219i c\u00e2t timp e patul t\u0103u, e dreptul t\u0103u s\u0103 selectezi la s\u00e2nge cine vine \u00een vizit\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dar dac\u0103 eu decid c\u0103  nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 dec\u00e2t specimene perfecte fizic \u0219i cu toate calit\u0103\u021bile universului, ar trebui s\u0103 intervin\u0103 \u0219i momentul lucid \u0219i obiectiv de introspec\u021bie. Cel \u00een care m\u0103 uit \u00een oglind\u0103 \u0219i m\u0103 \u00eentreb: Ce am eu de oferit unei fiin\u021be at\u00e2t de miraculoase \u0219i de inegalabile? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sunt cumva un gigel banal spre ur\u00e2\u021bel? OK. Atunci, de ce ar pierde aia timpul cu mine? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u0218i cum vede\u021bi, gigelul aplic\u0103 ni\u0219te criterii de perfec\u021biune fizic\u0103 pe care el, am\u0103r\u00e2tul, nu le-ar trece. Inclusiv dimensiunea urechilor sau a c\u0103lc\u00e2ielor, lol. Inclusiv s\u0103 nu aib\u0103 cicatrici. \u00cen rest, dac\u0103 e\u0219ti femeia absolut perfect\u0103 fizic din cap p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een picioare, dar ai c\u0103zut de pe biciclet\u0103 \u00een copil\u0103rie \u0219i ai o urm\u0103 pe genunchi, nasol, nu te califici. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nu c\u0103 ai vrea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dup\u0103 lunga list\u0103 de detalii fizice, urmeaz\u0103 \u0219i lunga list\u0103 de activit\u0103\u021bi gospod\u0103re\u0219ti la care trebuie s\u0103 te pricepi. Pentru c\u0103, evident, \u0103sta o vrea pe Angelina Jolie s-o \u021bin\u0103 la crati\u021b\u0103 \u0219i s-o pun\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eengrijeasc\u0103 g\u0103ini \u00een curte, haha. Am r\u00e2s deosebit de mult la faptul c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 v\u0103ruie\u0219ti \u0219i s\u0103 pui tapet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Deci, dac\u0103 procuri piesa aia de femeie, ai impresia c\u0103 vei economisi \u0219i salariul echipei de zugravi cu ea? ROFL. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Credeai cumva c\u0103, dac\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 stai s\u0103 pui bulionul \u0219i s\u0103 ai grij\u0103 de porci, vei fi cumva o casnic\u0103? Oh, well, nu. Trebuie s\u0103 ai \u0219i loc de munc\u0103 \u0219i studii superioare! Loc de munc\u0103 probabil bine pl\u0103tit, s\u0103 aduci \u0219i bani acas\u0103, pentru c\u0103 am stabilit deja, ur\u00e2\u021belul e \u0219i zg\u00e2rcit, \u0219i are preten\u021bia s\u0103 v\u0103ruiasc\u0103 nevasta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u0218i bomba final\u0103: s\u0103 fii sub 25 de ani! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cam ca gluma aia: \u201eCaut secretar\u0103 de 20 de ani, cu 30 de ani experien\u021b\u0103.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00centrebarea mea e: Ce fat\u0103 sub 25 de ani, cu studii superioare \u0219i viitor \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, \u0219i-ar irosi via\u021ba cresc\u00e2nd g\u0103inile \u0103stuia, \u00een loc s\u0103 lupte pentru o m\u0103rire de salariu la ea \u00een corpora\u021bie? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>OK. Acum am \u00een\u021beles ce vrea, s\u0103 trecem la ce ofer\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1. Cas\u0103 de lemn chiar pe malul lacului (Amara).<br>Exist\u0103 un hambar, o baie \u0219i un garaj pentru motoreta mea Mobra (cu ata\u0219).<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pe scurt, st\u0103 la dracu \u00een praznic, ar trebui s\u0103 faci naveta de la jobul t\u0103u bine pl\u0103tit la Cucuie\u021bii de Deal \u0219i nici m\u0103car nu are ma\u0219in\u0103, s\u0103 te duc\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 te aduc\u0103, ci un c\u0103cat de motoret\u0103. Cu ata\u0219. \u0218i dac\u0103 ai tu ma\u0219in\u0103? O \u021bii \u00een curte, c\u0103 garajul e pentru motoret\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2. Gr\u0103din\u0103 de legume, 8 hectare (balegarul a fost deja imprastiat).<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pentru c\u0103 nu vrei nimic mai mult dup\u0103 o zi de \u0219edin\u021be dec\u00e2t s\u0103 sapi gr\u0103dina. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong> 3. Sta\u021bia de autobuz este la \u0219apte minute de mers pe jos.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>O vreau pe Angelina Jolie, s-o trimit cu autobuzul la munc\u0103. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>4. Cump\u0103r\u0103turi la 20 de minute.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ador cum nu e men\u021bionat un supermarket, sau un hipermarket, ci termenul generic, vag \u0219i ambiguu \u201ecump\u0103r\u0103turi\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>5. Sec\u021bie de poli\u021bie.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>S\u0103 ai unde s\u0103 suni dup\u0103 primele divergen\u021be de opinie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>6. Aparate de uz casnic:<br>6.1. Aragaz cu patru ochiuri cu cuptor (daca se termina gazul, am \u0219i plit\u0103 electric\u0103).<br>6.2. Ma\u0219in\u0103 de sp\u0103lat Albalux (cu revers).<br>6.3. Fierb\u0103tor electric (trebuie detartrare).<br>6.4. Fier de calcat.<br>6.5. Oala sub presiune (noua).<br>6.6. TV color (pe l\u0103mpi).<br>6.7. Sistem audio cu casetofon Ka\u0219tan.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bitch, tu vrei o femeie care s\u0103-\u021bi v\u0103ruiasc\u0103 casa, dar tu nu e\u0219ti \u00een stare s\u0103 detartrezi un fierb\u0103tor!? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Despre el, cit\u0103m doar dou\u0103 chestii: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Prima: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>8.13. Vacan\u021bele mi le petrec acas\u0103 (pe malul lacului \u0219i \u00een gr\u0103din\u0103).<br>8.14. Nu am prieteni.<br>8.15. Nu-mi plac petrecerile.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Deci, tu vrei o fat\u0103 sub 25 de ani, dar nu ai prieteni, nu mergi la petreceri \u0219i stai acas\u0103 \u00een vacan\u021be? AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>V\u0103d un singur motiv pentru care un mascul de 40+ de ani \u0219i-ar c\u0103uta o fat\u0103 sub 25: TOCMAI pentru c\u0103 vrea la petreceri \u0219i \u00een vacan\u021be \u0219i nu are cu cine. S\u0103 te a\u0219tep\u021bi de la o pu\u0219toaic\u0103 s\u0103 renun\u021be la pl\u0103cerile tinere\u021bii pentru curul t\u0103u b\u0103tr\u00e2n \u0219i obosit arat\u0103 c\u00e2t de delusional e\u0219ti. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A doua: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>8.17. Foarte exigent, dac\u0103 gre\u0219e\u0219ti, pl\u0103te\u0219ti.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Deci, e \u0219i genul de prost pus pe har\u021b\u0103, care caut\u0103 mereu s\u0103 te scoat\u0103 vinovat\u0103 cu c\u00e2te ceva \u0219i are rahaturi de repro\u0219at. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Acum, eu m\u0103 \u00eentreb c\u00e2te femei de pe Facebook, Tinder, Instagram \u0219i LinkedIn au mesaj privat de la \u0103sta, noaptea la 3: \u201ecf, p\u0103pu\u0219ea, singuric\u0103?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pentru c\u0103, dup\u0103 ce te umfli \u00een pene cu at\u00e2tea preten\u021bii, dar cu ofert\u0103 ca pentru lelea Floarea de la \u021bar\u0103, tot ce-\u021bi r\u0103m\u00e2ne de f\u0103cut e s\u0103 cer\u0219e\u0219ti cu basca \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103 o form\u0103 oarecare de aten\u021bie \u0219i s\u0103 speri c\u0103 exist\u0103 vreo divor\u021bat\u0103 de 48 de ani suficient de plictisit\u0103 s\u0103 te bage \u00een seam\u0103 \u0219i pe tine. De\u0219i, de cum aude c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 ia autobuzul p\u00e2n\u0103 la Amara, \u00ee\u021bi d\u0103 \u0219i aia block \u00een secunda a doua. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da like pe&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lorenaalmighty\/\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>, follow pe&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lorenalupu\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong>&nbsp;\u015fi&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lorena.lup\/\">Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCCHBtHi6S2GlUFqETH70cjQ\">YouTube<\/a><\/strong>&nbsp;\u015fi pe<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@lorena.lupu\">&nbsp;TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi plac aceste articole, po\u021bi alege s\u0103-mi oferi sus\u021binerea de care am nevoie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paypal.com\/paypalme\/Trollywood\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"250\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/paypal-.jpg?w=700&amp;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-25884\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/paypal-.jpg?w=250&amp;ssl=1 250w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/paypal-.jpg?resize=150%2C49&amp;ssl=1 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Am r\u00e2s ieri ca o apucat\u0103. Cafea pe monitor, pe n\u0103ri, pe toate orificiile. Mi-a c\u0103zut sub ochi aceast\u0103 postare viral\u0103. O fat\u0103 preluase&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9373,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26747","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/FACEPALM.png?fit=800%2C486&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26747","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26747"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26747\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26748,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26747\/revisions\/26748"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9373"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26747"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26747"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26747"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}