E o duminic\u0103 ploioas\u0103 de septembrie, prin urmare, m\u0103 duc la pia\u0163\u0103. Nu pentru a-mi cump\u0103ra de m\u00e2ncare – se \u015ftie doar c\u0103 femeile fatale, a\u015fa ca mine, nu m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103. \u00cen schimb, m\u0103 duc s\u0103 \u00eemi cump\u0103r mere, piersici, struguri, zmeur\u0103, banane, m\u0103sline negre \u015fi m\u0103sline verzi – s\u0103 recuperez cam tot ce \u00eemi spune doctorul c\u0103 pierd zi de zi datorit\u0103 excesului de cafea \u015fi energizante.
\nPrefer pia\u0163a pentru c\u0103, dac\u0103 la Mega Image \u00ees bananele na\u015fpa, nu ai op\u0163iune alternativ\u0103; pe c\u00e2nd, \u00een pia\u0163\u0103, dac\u0103 bi\u015fni\u0163arul Ion are mere mici \u015fi pric\u0103jite, te duci la bi\u015fni\u0163\u0103reasa Maria, care le are mari \u015fi rotunde. MegaImage versus pia\u0163\u0103: c\u0103znicie versus bordel!<\/p>\n
Buooon, \u015fi cum c\u0103scam eu gura la prunele unuia, \u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 \u00eemi dau seama dac\u0103-s destul de constipat\u0103 \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 justific investi\u0163ia, se apropie de taraba \u0103luia un pirpiriu oache\u015f \u015fi necunosc\u0103tor \u00eentr-ale s\u0103punului:
\n-Ia d\u0103 \u015fi mie s\u0103 \u00eencerc io din pepenele \u0103la.
\nTipu’ cu prune \u00eei d\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eencerce – pirpiriul mu\u015fc\u0103, plimb\u0103 bucata de pepene prin gur\u0103, ca un degust\u0103tor profesionist, s\u0103 ajung\u0103 \u015fi la papilele laterale, ba chiar \u015fi la alea de la baza limbii, apoi clatin\u0103 din cap:
\n-Nu! E trecut!
\n\u015ei pleac\u0103.<\/p>\n
Ajung la taraba altuia, \u00eemi iau ni\u015fte piersici, c\u00e2nd din spatele meu se aude aceea\u015fi voce:
\n-Ia d\u0103 \u015fi mie s\u0103 \u00eencerc pepenele \u0103la!
\nCred c\u0103 e previzibil faptul c\u0103 \u015fi pepenii omului cu piersici erau necorespunz\u0103tori.<\/p>\n
Ce pula calului, morm\u0103i eu \u00een g\u00e2nd, \u015fi-l urm\u0103resc din priviri pe pirpiriu, cum face exact aceea\u015fi faz\u0103 la \u00eenc\u0103 o tarab\u0103, suficient de \u00eendep\u0103rtat\u0103 \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 nu se prind\u0103 v\u00e2nz\u0103torii. \u015ei simt excesul de tiroxin\u0103 cum mi se transform\u0103 \u00een spume. C\u00e2nd gigelu’ se apropie de a patra tarab\u0103 intervin:
\n-Nu-l servi\u0163i pe domnul! Nu vine dec\u00e2t s\u0103 v\u0103 strice un pepene degeaba.
\n-D\u0103-te, f\u0103, \u00een mor\u0163ii m\u0103-tii, panaramo, \u00eencepe pirpiriul s\u0103 urle. Ce pizda ta n-ai treab\u0103?
\n-Gata, f\u0103r\u0103 circ la mine la tarab\u0103, se apuc\u0103 \u015fi \u0163\u0103ranul s\u0103 urle la pirpiriu. De ce pui oamenii s\u0103-\u0163i taie pepenii dac\u0103 nu \u00eei cumperi!
\n\u015ei balamuc. \u015ei eu tac, m\u0103 uit la ei, m\u0103 uit la lumea care se autosesizeaz\u0103 \u015fi \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 nu-l serveasc\u0103 pe ciumec, \u015fi simt o profund\u0103 satisfac\u0163ie. Nu de alta, dar parc\u0103 e prea mult\u0103 munc\u0103 cu un pepene, sau un ardei, sau un orice, ca s\u0103 vin\u0103 un jegos nef\u0103c\u0103tor de nimic s\u0103 \u00eel strice a\u015fa degeaba.
\nP\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, pirpiriul pleac\u0103, mai agit\u0103 ni\u015fte pumni \u00een direc\u0163ia mea – eu \u00eei z\u00e2mbesc. Iar \u0163\u0103ranul ia un ciorchine de struguri negri, \u00eei pune \u00eentr-o pungu\u0163\u0103 \u015fi zice:
\n-Mul\u0163umesc frumos! Uite din partea casei.<\/p>\n
Acum stau pe canapea, cu un bol de struguri negri \u00een poal\u0103, ron\u0163\u0103i alene c\u00e2te un bob, \u00een timp ce l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine, motanul \u00eencovrigat \u00ee\u015fi face o fela\u0163ie. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
E o duminic\u0103 ploioas\u0103 de septembrie, prin urmare, m\u0103 duc la pia\u0163\u0103. Nu pentru a-mi cump\u0103ra de m\u00e2ncare – se \u015ftie doar c\u0103 femeile...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2676","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2676"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2676\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2676"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2676"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2676"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}