{"id":2688,"date":"2010-09-30T12:26:04","date_gmt":"2010-09-30T09:26:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=2688"},"modified":"2010-09-30T12:26:04","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T09:26:04","slug":"la-herta-ca-la-sfintele-moaste","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/la-herta-ca-la-sfintele-moaste\/","title":{"rendered":"La Herta, ca la sfintele moa\u015fte"},"content":{"rendered":"

Once a husband, always a husband \ud83d\ude00 – de aceea, c\u00e2nd m-a sunat Com\u0103nel<\/a> acu’ dou\u0103 zile s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentrebe dac\u0103 vreau s\u0103 fiu corespondent la Bucure\u015fti pentru o zi \u015fi s\u0103-i ob\u0163in un interviu cu Herta Muller, prima reac\u0163ie a fost una c\u00e2t se poate de conjugal\u0103. L-am pizduit cumsecade. Pentru c\u0103 Herta fusese cu o zi \u00eenainte la Ateneu, iar eu nu m\u0103 dusesem dintr-un motiv simplu: femeia are genul \u0103la de scris “neprietenos”, greu de \u00eembl\u00e2nzit, dup\u0103 care nu m\u0103 dau \u00een v\u00e2nt. \u00cemi recunosc limitele \u00een aceast\u0103 privin\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

Apoi, de\u015fi trecuse o jum\u0103tate de or\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentrerup din pizduitul conjugal, \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 repet, mi-a dat prin minte – da, eu \u00eenjur \u015fi g\u00e2ndesc concomitent! – s\u0103 m\u0103 uit pe Gogule. \u015ei \u00eenjur\u00e2nd \u00een continuare am descoperit c\u0103 numita Muller avea sesiune de autografe la 17.00, la Humanitas Kretzulescu. Am t\u0103cut din \u00eenjurat, \u015fi cu acea schimbare de ton subit\u0103, care te face s\u0103 te \u00eendr\u0103goste\u015fti nebune\u015fte de femeile capricioase ca mine, i-am spus:
\n-Gata, m\u0103 duc.
\n-Ce? a r\u0103mas el bujbei.
\n-Are \u015fi azi. Haidi pa, s\u0103 caut pe Gug\u0103l \u00een ce an au b\u0103gat-o \u00een lag\u0103r \u015fi \u00een ce an a emigrat la nem\u0163i, s\u0103 nu m\u0103 fac de r\u00e2s. \u00centreb\u0103ri cu futut \u00eei pun? Ce pozi\u0163ii sexuale prefer\u0103, una-alta…
\n-Nuuu, c\u0103 scoatem supliment de cultur\u0103.
\n-A\u015fa, \u015fi? Fututu’ nu-i cultur\u0103?
\n-Ba da, dar nu e momentul. Poate data viitoare.
\nBun. \u015ei m\u0103 duc eu la cinci, la Kretzulescu. Corespondent pentru o zi.
\nFr\u0103\u0163ioare, c\u00e2nd dau eu de aceast\u0103 coad\u0103<\/a>, zic filozofic printre din\u0163i: “Futu-i, futu-i, zise prin\u0163esa.” \u015ei men\u0163ionez c\u0103 bookiseala s-a apucat t\u00e2rziu de fotografiat. \u00cel sun pe Meri\u015for \u015fi-i zic:
\n-\u00cemi ridici statuie. Dar nu statuie oarecare, ci una cu palo\u015fu-n v\u00e2nt.
\n-De ce?
\n-P\u0103i nu vezi cap\u0103tul cozii la voi \u00een ora\u015f? Cred c\u0103 te po\u0163i pune tu direct acolo.
\n-\u015ei ce facem?
\n-O s\u0103 stau la coad\u0103, ce dracu’ s\u0103 facem acum. Dar pentru asta \u00eemi e\u015fti dator \u00eenc\u0103 o c\u0103s\u0103torie!
\nBun, \u015fi stau. \u015ei \u00eemi zic: Dac\u0103 \u00eei vezi pe rom\u00e2nii no\u015ftri la coad\u0103 la pupat moa\u015ftele Sfintei Parascheva, zici c\u0103 suntem cea mai evlavioas\u0103 na\u0163ie din lume. P\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eei auzi \u00eenjur\u00e2ndu-se: “Futu-\u0163i g\u00e2\u0163ii m\u0103-tii, e r\u00e2ndul meu la pupat!” Dac\u0103 \u00eei vezi la coad\u0103 la autografe, ai zice c\u0103-s cea mai citit\u0103 na\u0163ie. P\u00e2n\u0103 auzi discu\u0163ii de genul: “Fat\u0103, da c\u00e2t e c\u0103r\u0163ile?” “Una e trei sute \u015fi ceva, cealalt\u0103 e dou\u0103 sute \u015fi ceva.” “Mi\u015fto, mi-o iau pe aia de dou\u0103 sute, s\u0103 prind \u015fi eu un autograf!”
\nUnii oameni ies din libr\u0103rie flutur\u00e2nd triumf\u0103tor din autograf \u015fi-i \u00eentreab\u0103 pe cei din jur cum ajung la gar\u0103. Oameni din Sinaia, din Pite\u015fti, ba chiar din Craiova. \u00centreb \u015fi eu: “Ce a\u0163i citit din Herta Muller?” “Nimic p\u00e2n\u0103 acum”, zice cineva. “Nu se g\u0103sea pe la noi.” “Era interzis\u0103 de comuni\u015fti, de-aia n-am citit-o”. “P\u0103i, drag\u0103, ea locuie\u015fte \u00een Germania \u015fi de-aia n-am putut citi”. Da’ dac\u0103 Madonna locuie\u015fte \u00een Anglia, o pute\u0163i asculta? T\u0103cere dezaprobatoare.
\nAtunci m-am g\u00e2ndit la un scriitor contemporan rom\u00e2n. Unul bun, unul validat, unul pe care s\u0103 nu-l conteste nimeni. Uite, s\u0103 zicem, Radu Paraschivescu.
\n-Dac\u0103 ar lansa Radu Paraschivescu o carte nou\u0103, a\u0163i sta la coad\u0103 pentru el?
\n-Ei…, pufne\u015fte o doamn\u0103.
\n-Poate, zice un domn \u00een v\u00e2rst\u0103.
\n-P\u0103i dac\u0103 lanseaz\u0103 ceva cu adev\u0103rat bun, zice o fat\u0103 t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Aha, zic eu. Dar la frate-su, Miron Radu Paraschivescu<\/a>?
\n-Auzi, domni\u015foar\u0103, tu e\u015fti neam cu Paraschive\u015ftii \u0103\u015ftia, cine-s ei?
\n-Nu, sunt PR-ul lor. De ce?
\n-P\u0103i f\u0103-le publicitate \u00een alt\u0103 parte.<\/p>\n

Bun, nu v\u0103 povestesc cum mai e la coad\u0103, c\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i \u015fi voi. \u00cen fine, ajung \u00een\u0103untru, \u00eentreb de interviu. O domni\u015foar\u0103 cu capsa pus\u0103:
\n-De la ce publica\u0163ie sunte\u0163i?
\n-De la mai multe, interviul ar fi pentru Obiectiv Vocea Br\u0103ilei.
\n-P\u0103i, domni\u015foar\u0103, nu a\u015fa facem. Scrie\u0163i editurii, editura va contacta agentul, agentul v\u0103 va comunica disponibilitatea pentru acest interviu lu\u00e2nd \u00een considerare profilul publica\u0163iei \u015fi editura v\u0103 va trimite r\u0103spunsul.
\n-Nu ne d\u0103 nici m\u0103car trei vorbe a\u015fa, s\u0103 captur\u0103m spiritul momentului?
\n-NU!<\/p>\n

\u015ei \u00eel sun pe Meri\u015for:
\n-Com\u0103nele, nu te-ai apucat nici de proiectul statuii, nici de \u00eenchirierea restaurantului pentru nunt\u0103, nu?
\n-\u00cenc\u0103 nu.
\n-Foarte bine. M\u0103car nu ai nimic de anulat. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once a husband, always a husband \ud83d\ude00 – de aceea, c\u00e2nd m-a sunat Com\u0103nel acu’ dou\u0103 zile s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentrebe dac\u0103 vreau s\u0103 fiu...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2688"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2688\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}