{"id":27240,"date":"2024-11-26T04:14:51","date_gmt":"2024-11-26T01:14:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=27240"},"modified":"2024-11-26T14:45:48","modified_gmt":"2024-11-26T11:45:48","slug":"gladiator-ii-the-xxxpack","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/gladiator-ii-the-xxxpack\/","title":{"rendered":"Gladiator II: The XXXPack"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

V\u0103 tot promit de dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni c\u0103 scriu review la Gladiator II, mai are pu\u021bin \u0219i iese din cinema, dar problema e c\u0103 via\u021ba se tot \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u0219i nu apuc. Desigur, \u0219i aici e un caveat: s\u0103 fi azv\u00e2rlit careva cu o dona\u021bie \u00een Paypal \u0219i brusc \u00eemi f\u0103ceam timp. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

E mare sup\u0103rare pe Reddit, YouTube \u0219i TikTok zilele astea, cum c\u0103 Gladiator II insult\u0103 \u00eens\u0103\u0219i ideea de cinema. Dar iat\u0103 re\u021beta mea de succes, pentru a transforma filmul \u0103sta \u00een cea mai agreabil\u0103 dup\u0103-amiaz\u0103 din vie\u021bile voastre. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Se ia de bra\u021b un prieten gay care te-a ajutat recent cu ni\u0219te chestii. Obligatoriu gay, c\u0103 b\u0103rba\u021bii straight au un sim\u021b al umorului retardat \u0219i neamuzant. OK, nu to\u021bi, dar dac\u0103 te ui\u021bi \u00een sec\u021biunea mea de comentarii, majoritatea. Se consum\u0103 vreo trei runde de gin tonic de c\u0103ciul\u0103. Sau de fes. Sau de frizur\u0103 edgy urban\u0103, dac\u0103 te tunzi ca mine. \u0218i cu hihihi aferent, se intr\u0103 \u00een sala de cinema. \u0218i se r\u00e2de cu spume tot filmul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nu m-am distrat nici la Meet The Fockers <\/strong>cum m-am distrat la Gladiator II. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gre\u0219eala e exact gre\u0219eala din cazul lui The Crow 2024<\/strong>. Iei un clasic, adulat de miliarde de fani pentru un anumit vibe \u0219i stil. \u0218i-i faci un remake \/ sequel care e cu totul altceva. Evident c\u0103 lumea o s\u0103 se enerveze, c\u0103 o s\u0103 simt\u0103 c\u0103 le lezezi experien\u021ba, nostalgia \u0219i onoarea de familist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 autorii lor intitulau filmele astea P\u0103s\u0103roiul recalcitrant<\/strong>, \u0219i respectiv Denzel does Rome<\/strong>, sau stai, \u00een film nu-l cheam\u0103 Denzel, \u0219i puneau genul filmului satir\u0103 \/ parodie, lumea nu se ducea cu a\u0219tept\u0103ri \u0219i nu ie\u0219ea din sala de cinema f\u0103c\u00e2nd ca trenul pe \u0219ine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Du-te la Gladiator II vag beat, \u00een companie amuzant\u0103, \u0219i o s\u0103 r\u00e2zi ca t\u00e2mpitul. Mai ales dac\u0103 e\u0219ti ca mine \u0219i te omori oricum dup\u0103 tipologia eroi atotputernici care nu gre\u0219esc niciodat\u0103 \u0219i rostesc cuvinte falnice despre m\u00e2ntuirea omenirii \u00een timp ce mor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucilla (Connie Nielsen) \u00eenc\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u0219te. \u0218i botoxul fie l\u0103udat, arat\u0103 cvasi-neschimbat\u0103 fa\u021b\u0103 de 2000. \u00cen timp ce Joaquin \u0219i Russell au devenit doi mo\u0219i cr\u0103ciuni cu plete dalbe, dar asta e divaga\u021bie de la subiect. De\u0219i la finalul primului film, ai sentimentul c\u0103 sacrificiul lui Maximus a salvat Roma \u0219i de acum \u00eencepe democra\u021bia, afli \u00een al doilea film c\u0103 Lucilla \u0219i-a trimis fiul (Paul Mescal) \u00een Africa, pentru c\u0103 voiau unii s\u0103-l asasineze, \u0219i \u00eentre timp, fiul a devenit un fl\u0103c\u0103u perfect asimilat culturii africane care s-a \u00eendurat de el s\u0103-i pun\u0103 un blid de m\u00e2ncare \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, \u0219i mare hater al Romei. Deci, l-a trimis departe ca s\u0103 nu fie prin\u021b mo\u0219tenitor, ci s\u0103 fie sclav \u0219i pe cale de consecin\u021b\u0103 gladiator??? \u00cen\u021belepciune, nu \u0219ag\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00centre timp, \u00een Roma au ajuns \u00eemp\u0103ra\u021bi doi fra\u021bi, Geta \u0219i Caracalla, care arat\u0103 \u0219i se comport\u0103 ca o versiune gay a lui Beavis \u0219i Butthead. De cum intr\u0103 ei \u00een b\u0103taia camerei de filmare, r\u00e2zi de le\u0219ini. Se pricep la condus \u021bara cum se pricepe pisica mea la fizic\u0103 cuantic\u0103, \u0219i, spre deosebire de personajul lui Joaquin din primul film, care are o profund\u0103 suferin\u021b\u0103 legat\u0103 de faptul c\u0103 to\u021bi cei pe care-i iube\u0219te \u00eel alung\u0103 cu sil\u0103, \u0103\u0219tia doi sunt perfect ferici\u021bi \u00een retardarea lor. \u0218i extrem de amuzan\u021bi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar nimeni nu e mai amuzant dec\u00e2t Denzel Washington, care e un fel de boss pe tagma gladiatorilor \u0219i care \u00eel cump\u0103r\u0103 pe Lucius \u0219i \u00eel bag\u0103 \u00een tot felul de b\u0103t\u0103lii delirant de funny, de la lupte cu babuini CGI \u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 la lupte cu rechini (!!!). Pas\u0103mite, dragi ascult\u0103tori, \u00een Roma Antic\u0103, cineva a avut \u0219mecheria de a umple Collosseumul cu ap\u0103 \u0219i de a transporta rechinii \u00een bra\u021be de pe malul m\u0103rii \u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 acolo. Posibil seda\u021bi cu hocus – pocus, s\u0103 nu mu\u0219te. C\u00e2nd te duci s\u0103 vezi un film cu gladiatori \u0219i te ui\u0163i siderat la un prequel la Jaws<\/strong>, te \u00eentrebi ce au pus \u0103ia \u00een ginurile tale, \u00een afar\u0103 de tonic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denzel e chiar mai gay dec\u00e2t fra\u021bii \u00eemp\u0103ra\u021bi. E principalul intrigant al cur\u021bii, absolut \u00eenc\u00e2nt\u0103tor \u0219i flamboaiant, pup\u0103 m\u00e2nu\u0219i\u021be \u00een st\u00e2nga \u0219i-n dreapta, flirteaz\u0103 cu toat\u0103 lumea \u0219i bag\u0103 str\u00e2mbe, pentru c\u0103 el, fost sclav, vrea s\u0103 ajung\u0103 \u00eemp\u0103rat \u00een locul retarda\u021bilor. E de o feerie sublim\u0103 \u0219i, \u00een mod vizibil, se distreaz\u0103 de minune. \u0218i cum nu l-ai v\u0103zut p\u00e2n\u0103 acum pe Denzel dec\u00e2t serios \u0219i \u00eencordat, lupt\u00e2nd pentru salvarea omenirii, aceast\u0103 ie\u0219ire din tipologie este foarte reconfortant\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marea suferin\u021b\u0103 e pe Pedro Pascal, care \u00een toat\u0103 veselia asta generalizat\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 joace tipul straight. Iar lui Pascal NU \u00eei place s\u0103 joace tipul straight. \u0218i se cite\u0219te \u00een ochii lui c\u0103 e furios c\u0103 toat\u0103 lumea de pe ecran se d\u0103 \u00een stamb\u0103 dup\u0103 pofta inimii, numai el trebuie s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103 drame profunde. Nici scenariul nu-l ajut\u0103 foarte mult. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u0103 \u00eentreb sincer dac\u0103 \u0103sta nu era un alt film tipic de Ridley Scott, de trei ore, pe care produc\u0103torul l-a dorit scurtat la dou\u0103 ore s\u0103 intre armonios \u00een programul de la mall. Pentru c\u0103 lipsesc etape din evolu\u021bia rela\u021biei dintre Mescal \u0219i Pascal (cum s\u0103 nu iube\u0219ti dou\u0103 nume care rimeaz\u0103) \u0219i \u00een evolu\u021bia rela\u021biei dintre Mescal \u0219i m\u0103-sa. La venirea \u00een Roma, omul nostru \u00eei ur\u0103\u0219te pe ambii cu spume. Iar scenariul nu le ofer\u0103 o potec\u0103 de reconectare. Brusc, se iubesc din nou \u0219i gata. \u0218i nu \u00een\u021belegi cum devine chestiunea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 te ui\u021bi la film cu dorin\u021ba de a g\u0103si sens \u0219i logic\u0103, vei fi frustrat \u0219i furios ca redditorii. Dac\u0103 te duci pilit \u0219i preg\u0103tit de distrac\u021bie, vei r\u00e2de cu nechez\u0103turi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problema e c\u0103 acest al doilea film face nonstop referin\u021be la primul, ca un v\u0103r de la \u021bar\u0103 care se laud\u0103 cu milionarul familiei, care st\u0103 la ora\u0219 \u0219i trimite periodic bani, de aceea, poza lui la loc de cinste, proptit\u0103 de pe\u0219tele de pe televizor. De aceea sunt sup\u0103ra\u021bi oamenii. Dac\u0103 le aminte\u0219ti la c\u00e2te cinci minute c\u0103 originalul a fost un clasic premiat cu Oscar, \u00ee\u021bi dai singur ciomege \u00een ou\u0103. Las-o a\u0219a. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sincer, eu nu-mi doream un al doilea Russell Crowe mereu viteaz \u0219i nobil, \u0219i puteam aprecia un erou care nu \u0219tie de fapt ce vrea \u0219i care face multe gre\u0219eli p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u0219i define\u0219te identitatea, a\u0219a cum e Mescal aici. Sunt s\u0103tul\u0103 de mesianism ca de mere p\u0103dure\u021be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problema e c\u0103 Mescal nu are un scenariu care s\u0103-l ajute \u00een aceast\u0103 autodefinire. Sau poate c\u0103 l-a avut \u0219i mare parte din el e pe podeaua s\u0103lii de editare. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

R\u0103m\u00e2ne o comedie savuroas\u0103 a unei Rome care nu mai ia nimic \u00een serios. \u0218i dac\u0103 se adun\u0103 dona\u021bii de 500 de euro dup\u0103 acest review, v\u0103 scriu \u0219i scenariul parodiei porno: Gladiator II: The XXX-Pack<\/strong>. Eu \u0219i prietenul meu gay l-am construit din glume dup\u0103 film. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da follow pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi pe TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00ce\u021bi place s\u0103 cite\u0219ti aceste articole? Scrierea lor este un efort. Pe care tu \u00eel po\u021bi sprijini. Iat\u0103 cum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

V\u0103 tot promit de dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni c\u0103 scriu review la Gladiator II, mai are pu\u021bin \u0219i iese din cinema, dar problema e c\u0103 via\u021ba...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":27241,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27240","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/mescal.jpg?fit=1000%2C500&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27240"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27240\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27248,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27240\/revisions\/27248"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/27241"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}