{"id":29641,"date":"2026-07-12T11:55:52","date_gmt":"2026-07-12T08:55:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=29641"},"modified":"2026-07-12T12:07:55","modified_gmt":"2026-07-12T09:07:55","slug":"nu-nu-meritai-batut","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/nu-nu-meritai-batut\/","title":{"rendered":"Nu, nu meritai b\u0103tut"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dup\u0103 un clip viral, societatea rom\u00e2neasc\u0103 a \u00eenceput o nou\u0103 discu\u021bie: cea legat\u0103 de violen\u021ba \u00een familie. \u0218i mi se pare un dublu standard feroce: femei care nu ar accepta s\u0103 fie lovite sub nicio form\u0103 justificau violen\u021ba LOR fa\u021b\u0103 de copii cu bullshituri pe care nu i le-ar tolera niciodat\u0103 unui b\u0103rbat: \u201eeram nervoas\u0103\u201d \/ \u201emi-am pierdut cump\u0103tul\u201d \/ \u201dtr\u0103iesc \u00eentr-un stres \u00eengrozitor\u201d \/ \u201dsunt sub presiune nonstop\u201d \/ \u201da fost obraznic\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 copilul merit\u0103 b\u0103tut pentru obr\u0103znicie, \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 meri\u021bi \u0219i tu b\u0103tut\u0103 c\u00e2nd urli la gigelul din dotare? C\u0103 dac\u0103 r\u0103spunsul este \u201enu\u201d \u00een al doilea caz, \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 e \u201enu\u201d \u0219i \u00een primul caz. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i mai e un detaliu: copilul e ne\u0219tiutor prin defini\u021bie. De aceea are nevoie de un adult s\u0103 \u00eel \u00eengrijeasc\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eel \u00eendrume p\u00e2n\u0103 la 18 ani oficial, \u0219i chiar mai mult, \u00een realitate. Majoritatea conflictelor dintre mine \u0219i maic\u0103-mea ar fi putut fi evitate din fa\u0219\u0103 dac\u0103 maic\u0103-mea m-ar fi rugat pur \u0219i simplu frumos s\u0103 a, b, c \u0219i d. Bine, except\u00e2nd op\u021biunile de via\u021b\u0103, care sunt nonnegociabile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dar mul\u021bi adul\u021bi consider\u0103 c\u0103 e sub demnitatea lor de gigei melteni s\u0103 vorbeasc\u0103 frumos unui copil. Latr\u0103 porunci la el, de zici c\u0103 au slug\u0103. \u0218i evident c\u0103 asta stimuleaz\u0103 spiritul \u00eempotrivirii, \u00een special \u00een copiii sensibili la agresivitate. \u0218i atunci, se ajunge la o dinamic\u0103 \u00eengrozitor de toxic\u0103, \u00een care copilul face tot ce poate s\u0103 se r\u0103zbune pe adult pentru lipsa lui de afec\u021biune \u0219i bl\u00e2nde\u021be, mai ales c\u0103 vede cum sunt familiile colegilor de la \u0219coal\u0103, cum mamele altora \u00eei r\u0103sfa\u021b\u0103 \u0219i \u00eei \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219eaz\u0103, \u0219i le dau bani de buzunar, \u0219i se bucur\u0103 c\u0103 \u00eei au, iar pe tine te a\u0219teapt\u0103 acas\u0103 idio\u021bii t\u0103i ciufu\u021bi \u0219i perpetuu pu\u0219i pe certuri. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dinamica asta \u00eengrozitor de toxic\u0103 e 100% vina adultului. Dac\u0103 nu e\u0219ti echipat psihologic s\u0103 ai grij\u0103 de copii, dac\u0103 stai prost cu nervii, cu banii, cu via\u021ba \u00een general, stai naibii nereprodus. Un copil e o responsabilitate. Am ales s\u0103 nu fac copii pentru c\u0103 maic\u0103-mea, Dumnezeu s-o ierte, cu era preg\u0103tit\u0103 cu nimic pentru aceast\u0103 responsabilitate, \u0219i nici nu era pl\u0103m\u0103dit\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eendrume sau s\u0103 \u00eengrijeasc\u0103 pe cineva, \u0219i mi-am dat seama c\u0103, dec\u00e2t s\u0103 chinui pe cineva cum m-a chinuit ea pe mine, mai bine tr\u0103iesc \u00eentr-un mod potrivit pentru felul meu de a fi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scriu toate astea pentru comentatorii care spun \u201eEram r\u0103u, meritam b\u0103tut.\u201d \u0218i \u00eei \u00eentreb: dac\u0103 r\u0103utatea ta era conjunctural\u0103, \u0219i era rezultatul tratamentului lipsit de afec\u021biune \u0219i generozitate la care te supuneau ai t\u0103i? Dac\u0103 erai r\u0103u pentru c\u0103 nu \u021bi s-a dat niciodat\u0103 op\u021biunea s\u0103 fii bun? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eu am descoperit c\u0103 am dou\u0103 fe\u021be. Trateaz\u0103-m\u0103 frumos, uman, \u0219i ai parte de versiunea mea cald\u0103, bl\u00e2nd\u0103, fericit\u0103. Scoate m\u00e2rlanul sau m\u00e2rlanca la \u00eenaintare \u0219i o s\u0103-\u021bi f*t str\u0103mo\u0219ii p\u00e2n\u0103 la prima maimu\u021b\u0103 care a cobor\u00e2t din copac. \u0218i acum, c\u0103 sunt adult, am \u0219i explica\u021bia: nu am de ce s\u0103 ofer bun\u0103tate cuiva care nu \u00eemi ofer\u0103 bun\u0103tate, nu am de ce s\u0103-mi pese de cineva c\u0103ruia nu-i pas\u0103 \u0219i nu am de ce s\u0103 fac eforturi pentru oameni care nu fac eforturi pentru mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Am fost un copil \u00eenc\u0103p\u0103\u021b\u00e2nat? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mi s-a dat vreodat\u0103 op\u021biunea s\u0103-mi ar\u0103t latura tandr\u0103, cald\u0103, afectuoas\u0103? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

NU. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meritam b\u0103tut\u0103?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doar pentru c\u0103 adultul a fost un idiot \u0219i n-a \u0219tiut s\u0103 comunice cu mine? NU. Poate merita b\u0103tut adultul, c\u0103 el era adultul \u0219i el ar fi trebuit s\u0103 aib\u0103 \u00een\u021belepciunea de a ghida un copil. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Probabil c\u0103 nici tu nu ai fi meritat b\u0103tut. Probabil c\u0103 dac\u0103 taic\u0103-tu \u00ee\u021bi explica bl\u00e2nd \u0219i ra\u021bional ce ai gre\u0219it \u00een loc s\u0103 scoat\u0103 direct cureaua, sau maic\u0103-ta \u00ee\u021bi explica de ce faptele tale afecteaz\u0103 pe al\u021bii, \u00een loc s\u0103 urle ca un \u0219acal \u00een c\u0103lduri, a\u021bi fi avut o dinamic\u0103 bazat\u0103 pe comunicare, nu pe urlete \u0219i lovituri.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i \u00een acea dinamic\u0103, \u0219i tu ai fi fost un copil infinit mai cooperant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dac\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi place ceea ce cite\u0219ti, inspir\u0103-m\u0103 cu o cafea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 urm\u0103re\u015fti \u00een social media? \u00cemi po\u0163i da follow pe Facebook<\/strong><\/a> \u015fi Instagram<\/a><\/strong>, subscribe pe YouTube<\/a><\/strong> \u015fi pe TikTok<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dup\u0103 un clip viral, societatea rom\u00e2neasc\u0103 a \u00eenceput o nou\u0103 discu\u021bie: cea legat\u0103 de violen\u021ba \u00een familie. \u0218i mi se pare un dublu standard...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16688,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29641","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/child.jpg?fit=640%2C426&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29641","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29641"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29641\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29643,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29641\/revisions\/29643"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16688"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29641"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29641"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29641"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}