A\u015fa cum exist\u0103 nem\u00e2ncat, neb\u0103ut, nefutut, cred cu t\u0103rie c\u0103 exist\u0103 categoria de oameni pe care o denumim acum “nescri\u015fi”. Oameni care ar scrie dar nu au ocazia. Oameni care vor s\u0103 se remarce prin calit\u0103\u0163i literare a\u015fa cum femeile ur\u00e2te ofer\u0103 sex necondi\u0163ionat, ca \u00een bancul: “Spune-mi c\u0103 exist\u0103 \u015fi \u00een mine ceva frumos”. “Da, dar dac\u0103 nu taci, \u00eel scot acum.”<\/p>\n
Ocazia de aur a nescri\u015filor se ive\u015fte o dat\u0103 cu sms-urile \u015fi mailurile de Cr\u0103ciun. S\u0103 vezi atunci sms-uri \u00een trei etape, cu “pacea lin\u0103 a spiritului \u015fi senin\u0103tatea credin\u0163ei \u00een mai bine”, “fericirea netulburat\u0103 de pule de elefant” \u015fi alte metafore parc\u0103 ciordite din manualul de rom\u00e2n\u0103 pentru clasa a IV-a.<\/p>\n
V-am spus c\u0103 profa mea de rom\u00e2n\u0103 era “sucker for” metafore? Degeaba \u00eei scriai o compunere simpl\u0103, seac\u0103, la obiect, dar cu o idee c\u0103l\u0103uzitoare care s\u0103 duc\u0103 la o concluzie final\u0103; \u00ee\u0163i d\u0103dea 7 \u015fi 8. “Nu are spirit poetic”, explica ea. Atunci eu, care uram c\u00e2rna\u0163ii de vorbe goale a\u015fa cum \u00eei ur\u0103sc \u015fi acum \u015fi cum \u00eei voi ur\u00ee p\u00e2n\u0103 la moarte, am f\u0103cut primul meu compromis. Primul meu plagiat. Citeam mult, repede \u015fi cu pasiune – am luat un caiet tip vocabular \u015fi am \u00eenceput s\u0103 notez toate metaforele \u00eemb\u00e2rligate din c\u0103r\u0163ile tuturor marilor autori pe care \u00eei avea mama \u00een bibliotec\u0103 \u015fi pe cele din biblioteca municipal\u0103 Sf\u00e2ntu Gheorghe. \u015ei de c\u00e2te ori aveam de scris ceva despre lun\u0103, \u00eemi aminteam metafore de la minim opt autori. \u015ei f\u0103ceam o juma’ de pagin\u0103 numai cu descrierea lunii, \u00een timp ce eu, \u00een forul meu interior, sim\u0163eam c\u0103 e o tr\u0103dare a mea de c\u0103tre mine \u015fi m\u0103 detestam de moarte. Uneori, din ur\u0103, f\u0103ceam metafore special ridicole, ca “s\u00e2nii \u015flefui\u0163i \u00een marmur\u0103” pe care i-a produs nu \u015ftiu ce wanker de care am r\u00e2s noi pe aici. A\u015fteptam o reac\u0163ie de genul: “Mai d\u0103-o-n pizda m\u0103-sii de treab\u0103, nu mai trage cuvintele de p\u0103r”.<\/p>\n
Ea – reac\u0163ia – n-a venit niciodat\u0103. \u00cen schimb, profa a \u00eenceput s\u0103 vorbeasc\u0103 cu mama, s\u0103 \u00eei spun\u0103 c\u0103 am condei \u015fi c\u0103 poate voi \u00eembr\u0103\u0163i\u015fa o carier\u0103 literar\u0103.<\/p>\n
Profa asta a fost prima “nescris\u0103” care mi-a torturat creierii.<\/p>\n
Acum, dup\u0103 aproape dou\u0103 decenii, “nescri\u015fii” s-au \u00eenmul\u0163it. \u00cemi trimit mesaje de Cr\u0103ciun \u015fi Revelion \u00een care \u00ee\u015fi vars\u0103 tot oful de a nu fi scris un an \u00eentreg. Iar eu dau ochii peste cap \u015fi le trimit acela\u015fi mesaj standard: “\u015ei \u0163ie la fel”.<\/p>\n
P\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd m-a sunat o nescris\u0103 indignat\u0103:<\/p>\n
N: M\u0103 a\u015fteptam mai mult de la o scriitoare!
\nEu: Sorry, mi-am uitat talentul acas\u0103.
\nN: At\u00e2t de pu\u0163in valorez \u00een ochii t\u0103i bla-bla-bla-blaaaaaa (\u00eentrerupere furioas\u0103 de convorbire).<\/p>\n
Oameni buni, v\u0103 rog pe aceast\u0103 cale: nu confunda\u0163i scriitor cu “nescris”. Nu simt nevoia s\u0103 v\u0103 demonstrez nimic prin mesajele de Cr\u0103ciun \u015fi Rev; v\u0103 las pe voi s\u0103 face\u0163i asta. Io-s un biet om simplu \u015fi ra\u0163ional. Nu am talentul figurilor de stil umflate cu pompa. Pot s\u0103 v\u0103 doresc binele \u015fi \u00een aceste trei cuvinte: “V\u0103 doresc binele”. E acela\u015fi lucru cu “Fie ca bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-lorem-ipsum-dolor-sit-amet-\u00een-pizd\u0103-\u015fi-\u00een-cur”. Exact acela\u015fi lucru.<\/p>\n
\u015ei m\u0103 \u015fi plictisesc s\u0103 tastez pe mobil, colac peste pup\u0103z\u0103. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A\u015fa cum exist\u0103 nem\u00e2ncat, neb\u0103ut, nefutut, cred cu t\u0103rie c\u0103 exist\u0103 categoria de oameni pe care o denumim acum “nescri\u015fi”. Oameni care ar scrie...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3134","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3134"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3134\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3134"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3134"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3134"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}