{"id":3181,"date":"2011-01-12T04:25:31","date_gmt":"2011-01-12T01:25:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=3181"},"modified":"2011-01-12T04:25:31","modified_gmt":"2011-01-12T01:25:31","slug":"a-drunken-sailor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/a-drunken-sailor\/","title":{"rendered":"A Drunken Sailor"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Nu v-am spus niciodat\u0103 asta, dar am visat toat\u0103 copil\u0103ria s\u0103 descop\u0103r ceva absolut nou, ceva cum nu s-a mai v\u0103zut \u015fi nu s-a mai auzit niciodat\u0103.<\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/qGyPuey-1Jw?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>1. Arheologia.<\/p>\n<p>Prin clasa a II-a, am fost du\u015fi la muzeul din Sf\u00e2ntu Gheorghe \u015fi ni s-a explicat &#8220;cum te cheam\u0103 pui de dac? Attila&#8221; c\u0103 toate cioburile alea na\u015fpa erau descoperite prin s\u0103p\u0103turi ARHEOLOGICE. Buuuuon, am cooptat ni\u015fte muco\u015fi de prin spatele blocului \u015fi am \u00eenceput s\u0103 s\u0103p\u0103m \u00eentr-un loc mai noroios, unde ni se p\u0103rea nou\u0103 c\u0103 e poten\u0163ial de cioburi na\u015fpa. Dup\u0103 vreo patru zile de s\u0103pat \u015fi neg\u0103sit nimic, unul a avut o idee. &#8220;Are maic\u0103-mea o vaz\u0103, o spargem \u015fi zicem c\u0103 am g\u0103sit cioburile \u015fi-s vestigii istorice \u015fi ajungem celebri&#8221;. Le-am m\u00e2njit noi fain-frumos cu noroi, \u015fi&#8230; c\u00e2nd le-am dus la \u00eenv\u0103\u0163\u0103toare, odat\u0103 ce r\u0103sare de sub noroiul unui vestigiu arheologic \u015ftampila cu Fabrica de Ceramic\u0103 Ia\u015fi.<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei am m\u00e2ncat b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>2. Speologia<\/p>\n<p>La scurt timp dup\u0103 aia, am citit despre Tom Sawyer \u015fi Becky \u00een pe\u015fter\u0103, ce frumos \u00eemp\u0103r\u0163eau ei ultimul biscuit. Am luat un b\u0103ie\u0163el cu mine \u015fi ne-am dus la pe\u015ftera de la Alma\u015f (jud. Covasna) s\u0103 facem un remake. Pe atunci nu \u015ftiam c\u0103 facem un remake. Problema era 1. c\u0103 pe\u015ftera era prea mic\u0103 \u015fi, oricum te \u00eenv\u00e2rteai, tot la ie\u015fire ajungeai, 2. un nene \u015fi o tanti se pupau c\u00e2nd am ajuns noi acolo \u015fi ne-au zis ni\u015fte pove\u015fti ur\u00e2te ca s\u0103 ne sperie. am ie\u015fit, am \u00eencercat \u015fi noi s\u0103 ne pup\u0103m, am decis c\u0103 e ceva b\u0103los \u015fi foarte sc\u00e2rbos, apoi ne-am mai \u00eenv\u00e2rtit prin zon\u0103 \u015fi am \u00eencercat din nou s\u0103 fim Tom Sawyer \u015fi Becky. De data asta, nenea era culcat cumva peste tanti \u015fi se b\u0103teau, sau dracu&#8217; \u015ftie ce f\u0103ceau, c\u0103 tr\u0103seser\u0103 geaca peste ei. M\u0103 rog, problema lor.<\/p>\n<p>Acas\u0103, ne-au primit \u0103ia cu unde-umbla\u0163i-draci-obraznici-plm. \u015ei iar am m\u00e2ncat b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>3. &#8220;Oaza lui Bloody Fox&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Aceia dintre voi care a\u0163i citit seria Winnetou a lui Karl May \u015fti\u0163i c\u0103 \u00een de\u015fertul Llano Estacado exista o singur\u0103 oaz\u0103. Oaza lui Bloody Fox. Cei care nu, nu. Bun, noi am decis s\u0103 construim oaza lui Bloody Fox \u00een p\u0103durea de l\u00e2ng\u0103 Sf\u00e2ntu Gheorghe. Nu conta c\u0103 p\u0103durea nu avea nimic de\u015fertic, \u015fi nici de\u015fertul nimic p\u0103duros. Noi nu aveam net, nu aveam Discovery Channel, deci imaginile s\u0103race ale teleenciclopediei nu ne alteraser\u0103 libertatea imagina\u0163iei. Cel mai tare Llano Estacado era p\u0103durea de l\u00e2ng\u0103 Sf\u00e2ntu Gheorghe. Punct.<br \/>\n\u015ei ne-am dus toate juc\u0103riile, setul de osta\u015fi &#8220;dacii \u015fi romanii&#8221; &#8211; unde dacii, fiind mai rustici, au devenit pieile ro\u015fii iar romanii pieile-albe, un set de c\u0103lu\u0163i-v\u0103cu\u0163e-g\u0103ini-etc. &#8211; animalele fermei iar noi, eroii pove\u015ftii. \u015ei a fost foarte frumos. Seara ne-am dus acas\u0103, l\u0103s\u00e2nd toat\u0103 oaza lui Bloody Fox neatins\u0103. Diminea\u0163a &#8211; o m\u0103turase alizeul. Nu am mai g\u0103sit urm\u0103 de juc\u0103rie.<\/p>\n<p>\u015fi, bine\u00een\u0163eles, am m\u00e2ncat b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>4. Descoperirile geografice.<\/p>\n<p>La pu\u0163in timp dup\u0103 aceea am citit despre Columb \u015fi Magellan. Tot a\u015fa, am cooptat vreo patru pu\u015fti \u015fi, vorba refrenului: Magistralaaaa albastr\u0103, Drum de ape \u015fi viiis, am dedus noi c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 ajungem la Constan\u0163a, ca de acolo s\u0103 ajungem la mare \u015fi de acolo vedem noi. Am mers p\u00e2n\u0103 la gar\u0103, am v\u0103zut c\u0103 era tren noaptea spre Bucure\u015fti, de acolo trebuia schimbat, ne-a explicat cineva mai de\u015ftept care fusese cu p\u0103rin\u0163ii la mare. Nu ne-am mai dus acas\u0103, de team\u0103 s\u0103 nu ne interzic\u0103 p\u0103rin\u0163ii s\u0103 ie\u015fim mai t\u00e2rziu. Am ars-o prin gar\u0103, pl\u0103nuind ce o s\u0103 facem cu tot aurul pe care o s\u0103-l g\u0103sim pe noul continent. \u015fi c\u0103 noi nu vom tortura pieile-ro\u015fii a\u015fa cum a f\u0103cut-o Francisco Pizarro. (Apropo, primul comentator care \u00eentreab\u0103 cine a fost Francisco Pizarro, are ban \u015fi muie. S\u0103 nu zice\u0163i c\u0103 nu v-am zis).<\/p>\n<p>Am urcat frumos \u00een tren, pe la Bra\u015fov a venit na\u015ful:<br \/>\n-Biletele!<br \/>\nFutu-i, uitasem de m\u0103run\u0163i\u015ful \u0103sta.<br \/>\n-P\u0103rin\u0163ii vo\u015ftri unde sunt?<br \/>\n-Afar\u0103, vin imediat.<br \/>\nTrenul era destul de gol &#8211; ideea ne venise \u00een aprilie.<br \/>\n-Nu e nici un adult aici. Voi unde v\u0103 duce\u0163i singuri?<br \/>\n-La m\u0103tu\u015f\u0103-mea la Bucure\u015fti, a intervenit unul mai tupeist.<br \/>\nNa\u015ful s-a uitat cam dubios la noi:<br \/>\n-Da&#8217; are telefon m\u0103tu\u015f\u0103-ta din Bucure\u015fti?<br \/>\n-N-are.<br \/>\nNe-a dat jos la Bra\u015fov, am r\u0103mas cu ni\u015fte doamne dr\u0103gu\u0163e din sta\u0163ie care ne-au dat c\u00e2te o ciocolat\u0103 Cibo (nu Tscibo!) \u015fi suc, s\u0103 le spunem cum ne cheam\u0103. \u00cen dou\u0103 ore, a venit un t\u0103tic cu Dacia \u015fi ne-a dus la casele noastre.<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei iar am m\u00e2ncat b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>5. Chimia<\/p>\n<p>Sora mai mare a unei prietene era fat\u0103 maaare, ajunsese \u00een a \u015faptea, avea or\u0103 de chimie. \u015ei nu \u015ftiu care dintre rudele ei \u00eei adusese eprubete, mojar, piuli\u0163\u0103, turnesol, fenolftalein\u0103, tot soiul de solu\u0163ii \u015fi de prafuri, cu care ea se d\u0103dea bazat\u0103 \u00een fa\u0163a colegilor ei.<br \/>\nEra ea plecat\u0103 nu se \u015ftie unde, c\u00e2nd mi-a venit o idee:<br \/>\n-Hai s\u0103 facem \u015fi noi chimie. Poate descoperim o substan\u0163\u0103 pe care nu a descoperit-o nimeni p\u00e2n\u0103 la noi.<br \/>\n\u015ei am \u00eenceput s\u0103 amestec\u0103m chestii, \u00eentr-o eprubet\u0103. Dracu&#8217; \u015ftie ce am amestecat &#8211; noroc c\u0103 nu ne-am ars cu nimic, ideea e c\u0103 eprubeta a f\u0103cut bum \u015fi s-a spart. C\u00e2nd a venit acas\u0103, sor\u0103-sa s-a sup\u0103rat flea\u015fc\u0103, iar noi am m\u00e2ncat, din nou, o mam\u0103 de b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>6. Sinuciderea romantic\u0103<\/p>\n<p>Dup\u0103 aia, am citit Eminescu, Suferin\u0163ele t\u00e2n\u0103rului Werther \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 c\u00e2teva chestii \u00een care erou se sinucidea romantic, \u015fi am hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103 ne sinucidem \u015fi noi. La fel de romantic. Dar cum s\u0103 ne sinucidem? Partener de sinucidere era tot partenerul de speologie. Ca dovad\u0103 c\u0103 romantismul se practic\u0103 totu\u015fi \u00een doi. Nu aveam otrav\u0103, cu\u0163itele erau sub paza bunicii, pistoale nu. \u015ei am avut o revela\u0163ie.<\/p>\n<p>Bunicu-miu avea o carte superb ilustrat\u0103 despre ciuperci. Ciuperci &#8220;bune&#8221; \u015fi ciuperci &#8220;rele&#8221;. Ne puteam sinucide romantic cu ciuperci rele. Am ales vreo trei-patru, care promiteau moarte fulger\u0103toare &#8211; s\u0103 nu suferim prea mult, totu\u015fi &#8211; am umblat prin p\u0103dure p\u00e2n\u0103 am g\u0103sit unele care aduceau cu acelea, le-am cules \u015fi le-am m\u00e2ncat. \u015ei am a\u015fteptat s\u0103 murim fulger\u0103tor.<\/p>\n<p>\u00cen nici 20 de minute, ne-a apucat o c\u0103care violent\u0103 \u015fi g\u0103l\u0103gioas\u0103, de n-am \u015ftiut la care tufi\u015f s\u0103 ajungem mai repede. Jum\u0103tate din manualul de Cultur\u0103 Civic\u0103 a c\u0103zut prad\u0103 sinuciderii noastre romantice. \u015ei ne-am c\u0103cat, \u015fi ne-am c\u0103cat iar, \u015fi ne-am tooooot c\u0103cat, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd icneam \u00een spasme \u015fi sfimcterele tremurau, dar nu mai avea ce s\u0103 ias\u0103. Nici m\u0103car o boare de v\u00e2nt.<\/p>\n<p>Cu chiu cu vai am ajuns acas\u0103, unde am inventat o poveste, cum mi-a cump\u0103rat cineva o pr\u0103jitur\u0103 din comer\u0163.<br \/>\nMama: S\u0103 nu mai m\u0103n\u00e2nci prostii din comer\u0163, pun \u0103\u015ftia \u00een ele toate ou\u0103le stricate etc.<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei de data asta n-am mai m\u00e2ncat b\u0103taie.<\/p>\n<p>Acum stau \u015fi beau o bere. Tot sper s\u0103 g\u0103sesc o nou\u0103 dimensiune \u00een fundul cutiei. \u015ei m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc: dac\u0103 visele ar fi totuna cu realitatea, biografia mea ar fi sunat a\u015fa:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Lorena Lupu<br \/>\n-a descoperit vestigii dacice de mare valoare<br \/>\n-a f\u0103cut ample expedi\u0163ii speologice, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd a ie\u015fit h\u0103t \u00een Honolulu (c\u0103 a\u015fa lung\u0103 era pe\u015ftera)<br \/>\n-a ridicat cu m\u00e2inile ei prima a\u015fezare omeneasc\u0103 \u00een singura oaz\u0103 din Llano Estacado<br \/>\n-a plecat pe mare \u015fi a descoperit al optulea continent, dar nu a maltratat aborigenii, ci le-a luat aurul cu tandre\u0163e \u015fi persuasiune<br \/>\n-a descoperit o nou\u0103 substan\u0163\u0103. chimi\u015ftii au trebuit s\u0103 extind\u0103 tabelul lui Mendeleev<br \/>\n-\u015fi dup\u0103 toate astea, s-a sinucis romantic \u015fi fulger\u0103tor. A murit virgin\u0103.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Zice\u0163i \u015fi voi dac\u0103 n-ar fi fost palpitant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nu v-am spus niciodat\u0103 asta, dar am visat toat\u0103 copil\u0103ria s\u0103 descop\u0103r ceva absolut nou, ceva cum nu s-a mai v\u0103zut \u015fi nu s-a&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3181"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3181\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}