{"id":4382,"date":"2011-10-21T11:40:01","date_gmt":"2011-10-21T08:40:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=4382"},"modified":"2011-10-21T11:40:01","modified_gmt":"2011-10-21T08:40:01","slug":"presa-imaginara","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/presa-imaginara\/","title":{"rendered":"Presa imaginar\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 o tendin\u0163\u0103 AAAABSOLUT UCIG\u0102TOR DE ENERVANT\u0102 \u00een presa zilei de azi, \u015fi anume “interviul imaginar – jurnalul imaginar de vedet\u0103 – imita\u0163ia penal\u0103 a realit\u0103\u0163ii \u00een scop de amuzat cretinii \u015fi dac\u0103 nu-i amuz\u0103 sunt cretini d\u0103-i dracu”.<\/p>\n

Motive: Salariile din pres\u0103 au sc\u0103zut. Jurnali\u015ftii nu se mai simt motiva\u0163i s\u0103 sune persoane publice reale, s\u0103 le \u00eendure fi\u0163ele \u015fi fasoanele \u015fi s\u0103 fac\u0103 materiale reale pe un c\u0103cat de bani. Terenul e obositor \u015fi c\u00e2h-c\u00e2h. Taxiul e scump, benzina e scump\u0103, mijloacele de transport \u00een comun sunt jegoase, pe biciclet\u0103 nu se urc\u0103, c\u0103 se surp\u0103 sub cele 5 chintale de cur. \u015ei atunci se apuc\u0103, din v\u00e2rful patului, s\u0103 pun\u0103 de la ei vorbe vag retarde (“voit retarde, f\u0103, s\u0103 sugerez subtil c\u0103 eu cred c\u0103 \u0103la e retard”) \u00een gura vedetei sau politicianului X. Sau, alteori, moare X. \u015fi-i face pulic\u0103 fr\u00e2naru interviu retard imaginar, s\u0103 sugereze ce haios e el (pulic\u0103 fr\u00e2naru) \u015fi ce retard era, chipurile, \u0103la care a crepat \u015fi nu te mai poate da \u00een judecat\u0103 pentru calomnie.<\/p>\n

Exemple:<\/p>\n

a) Interviul imaginar:<\/p>\n

Logic, nimic din ceea ce va spune persoana intervievat\u0103 imaginar nu va surprinde cititorul. Retardul<\/del>, \u0103sta, reporterul, \u015eTIE DINAINTE toate cli\u015feele penibile despre \u0103la \u015fi le va repeta arogant, cu senza\u0163ia c\u0103 spune nout\u0103\u0163i. Trebuie s\u0103 fii lovit grav de morbul prostiei, s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i imaginezi c\u0103 \u015ftii totul despre un om \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eei bagi \u00een gur\u0103 impresiile tale de pulete b\u0103tut \u00een cap drept spusele lui. “N-ai \u00een\u0163eles, eu de fapt \u00eencercam s\u0103 fiu comic”. Cel care \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 fie comic a\u015fa e ca retardul blocului, \u0103la care scoate b\u0103\u015fini lungi \u015fi bilu\u0163e de muci din nas \u00a0\u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 fie comic.<\/p>\n

Ce m-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 dau ochii peste cap recent:<\/p>\n

Penibiliciunea asta\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0sinistr\u0103, postat\u0103 \u00een categoria “Cultur\u0103”. Cultur\u0103 de bacterii care induc prostia \u00een om, poate.<\/p>\n

B) Jurnalul \/ fi\u015fa \/ h\u00e2rtia igienic\u0103 imaginar\u0103 de personalitate public\u0103<\/p>\n

Idem, ne folosim de “ce zice lumea” (da, a\u015fa fac \u015fi gospodinele care pun gogonele la murat, fraza lor preferat\u0103 e “lumea zice c\u0103” sau “oamenii zice c\u0103”) despre X. \u015fi ne d\u0103m comici \u00een limitele stereotipului.<\/p>\n

Ce m-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 dau ochii peste cap recent:<\/p>\n

Penibiliciunea<\/a> asta superficial\u0103. dac\u0103 vrei cu adev\u0103rat s\u0103 satirizezi ceva, calea corect\u0103 e: documenteaz\u0103-te pe subiect. bine, bine de tot. Apoi, cu pretextul satirei, SERVE\u015eTE CITITORULUI INFORMA\u0162II NOI. Satira adev\u0103rat\u0103 e aia care informeaz\u0103, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 faptul c\u0103 ia la b\u0103\u015fc\u0103u. B\u0103\u015fc\u0103ul f\u0103r\u0103 informa\u0163ie nu are ce c\u0103uta \u00een pres\u0103, cel mult \u00een caterinca sp\u0103rg\u0103torilor de semin\u0163e din spatele blocului.<\/p>\n

c) Nici nu exist\u0103 termen scurt pentru chestia asta, \u00een afar\u0103 de “retarzenia absolut\u0103”. Pe lung: lu\u0103m o chestie din realitate \u015fi o aplic\u0103m f\u0103r\u0103 nici o leg\u0103tur\u0103 cauzal\u0103 sau vreo asociere explicabil\u0103 \u00eentr-un univers ra\u0163ional unor personalit\u0103\u0163i publice care n-au nici o treab\u0103 cu chestia aia din realitate, pentru a batjocori cele mai banale cli\u015fee r\u0103suflate \u015fi arhicunoscute despre ei. Nu ai cum s\u0103 r\u00e2zi nici de asociere (c\u0103 nu exist\u0103), nici de cli\u015fee (c\u0103-s fumate \u015fi r\u0103sfumate). Informa\u0163ie nou\u0103 \u015fi relevant\u0103? Are you kidding me? Genul \u0103sta de texte cred c\u0103 au un \u015fablon \u00een computerul autorului, ca \u00een celebra “manele creator” de acum c\u00e2\u0163iva ani.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Pasul 1: insert event nou \u015fi vag amuzant<\/p>\n

Pasul 2: public target: sub 5 ani sau \u00een localit\u0103\u0163i sub 1.000 de locuitori<\/p>\n

Pasul 3: alege personalit\u0103\u0163i publice celebre pentru un mic am\u0103nunt penibil pe care s-au f\u0103cut tone de poante uzate \u015fi dezabuzate, de care nu mai r\u00e2de nici nebunul satului.<\/p>\n

Pasul 4: d\u0103-i drumu’, m\u00e2nca-\u0163i-a\u015f.<\/p>\n

Ce m-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 dau ochii peste cap recent:<\/p>\n

Penibiliciunea<\/a> asta apoteotic\u0103, moartea definitiv\u0103 a oric\u0103rei forme de creier. \u015ei da, \u015ftiu scuza: “scriu inten\u0163ionat sinistru de cretin, s\u0103 aib\u0103 lumea reac\u0163ie”. A\u015fa ar putea spune \u015fi Oana Roman: “Sunt inten\u0163ionat sinistru de ur\u00e2t\u0103 \u015fi de gras\u0103, s\u0103 aib\u0103 lumea reac\u0163ie”. Oops, dar se pare c\u0103 boala citatelor imaginare din vedete e contagioas\u0103, ca orice form\u0103 de prostie. Mai bine m\u0103 opresc aici.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 o tendin\u0163\u0103 AAAABSOLUT UCIG\u0102TOR DE ENERVANT\u0102 \u00een presa zilei de azi, \u015fi anume “interviul imaginar – jurnalul imaginar de vedet\u0103 – imita\u0163ia penal\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[220,318],"class_list":["post-4382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy","tag-mental-retardation","tag-sunt_prost_dar_semnalizez"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4382"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4382\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}