{"id":4911,"date":"2012-02-20T06:38:17","date_gmt":"2012-02-20T06:38:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=4911"},"modified":"2012-02-20T06:38:17","modified_gmt":"2012-02-20T06:38:17","slug":"o-seara-din-viata-ioanei-scheletenberg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/o-seara-din-viata-ioanei-scheletenberg\/","title":{"rendered":"O sear\u0103 din via\u0163a Ioanei Scheletenberg"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

-Iubitule. Am avut azi un acces de bulimie \u015fi am m\u00e2ncat o foaie de salat\u0103 \u00een plus la cin\u0103.<\/p>\n

-\u00cengrozitor! Trei zile nu mai bei dec\u00e2t ap\u0103!<\/p>\n

-Da, iubitule. Dar, ca s\u0103 ardem tona de calorii acumulate astfel, trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103 fu\u0163i.<\/p>\n

-U\u0103\u0103\u0103.<\/p>\n

-Hai, c\u0103 nu m-ai mai futut de trei s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni!<\/p>\n

-Pisi, cum s\u0103 \u0163i-o spun frumos.<\/p>\n

-Cu cuvintele tale, iubitule.<\/p>\n

-OK. Uite, nu \u0163i-am ascuns nici m\u0103car din prima clip\u0103 \u00een care ochii mei \u00eenfl\u0103c\u0103ra\u0163i au nimerit pe obrazul t\u0103u cadaveric, rezult\u00e2nd \u00eentr-o erec\u0163ie n\u0103r\u0103va\u015f\u0103 \u015fi impetuoas\u0103, c\u0103 sunt necrofil. \u015ei \u015ftii \u015fi tu c\u0103 sciatica din ultima vreme m\u0103 \u00eempiedic\u0103 s\u0103 dau cu lopata ca la 20 de ani. De aceea te-am luat: c\u0103 e\u015fti fiin\u0163a vie cea mai apropiat\u0103 de un hoit din c\u00e2te am v\u0103zut. Dar, pisi… \u00een ultima vreme te neglijezi.<\/p>\n

-Ce vrei s\u0103 zici cu asta?<\/p>\n

-Profa ta de rigor mortis mi-a zis c\u0103 ai chiulit la ultimele dou\u0103 cursuri.<\/p>\n

-E adev\u0103rat, dar…<\/p>\n

-Nu exist\u0103 “dar”! Nu exist\u0103 scuze! Nu ai voie s\u0103 ui\u0163i nici o clip\u0103 c\u0103 e\u015fti DOAMNA SCHELETENBERG! Chestia asta presupune responsabilitate! Apoi, d\u0103 s\u0103 te ating. Pula mea, e\u015fti cald\u0103!<\/p>\n

-Erau minus 22 de grade afar\u0103 \u015fi am zis c\u0103 pot renun\u0163a la \u015fedin\u0163a de frigider!<\/p>\n

-Gre\u015fit! E\u015fti de o neglijen\u0163\u0103 ordinar\u0103, \u015fi mai vrei \u015fi futut\u0103 pe deasupra! \u015ei nici m\u0103car nu por\u0163i rujul v\u00e2n\u0103t, care \u00eemi provoac\u0103 at\u00e2ta pl\u0103cere. Meri\u0163i pedepsit\u0103!<\/p>\n

-Cum, iubitule?<\/p>\n

-Te trimit \u00eenapoi la clinic\u0103 \u015fi le zic s\u0103-\u0163i bage coastele \u00eenapoi!<\/p>\n

-NUUUUU, asta nu. Fac orice, numai asta nu.<\/p>\n

-Bun. F\u0103 mi\u015fcare, s\u0103 dai foaia aia de salat\u0103 jos. \u0162ine lopata asta, cimitirul e acolo pe deal, iat\u0103 ziarul de acum trei zile cu necroloagele. Spor!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

-Iubitule. Am avut azi un acces de bulimie \u015fi am m\u00e2ncat o foaie de salat\u0103 \u00een plus la cin\u0103. -\u00cengrozitor! Trei zile nu mai...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4911"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4911\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}