Noi, oamenii, avem g\u00e2ndirea grav futut\u0103 de pove\u015fti. Unde, dac\u0103 f\u0103t-frumos se amorezeaz\u0103 de ileana cos\u00e2nzeana, e musai reciproc, dac\u0103 ivan salveaz\u0103 pe\u015fti\u015forul de aur, \u0103la e musai s\u0103 se simt\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103-i \u00eendeplineasc\u0103 trei dorin\u0163e, etc.<\/p>\n
\u015ei atunci, dac\u0103 ni se pune pata pe cineva, cei mai mul\u0163i consider\u0103m c\u0103 se \u00een\u0163elege de la sine c\u0103 \u015fi \u0103luilalt, respectiv \u0103leilalte, i se pune pe noi, sau dac\u0103 nu, trecem cu arme \u015fi bagaje la “opera\u0163iunea de cucerire”. \u00a0C\u0103, la un moment dat, \u00ee\u015fi va da seama \u015fi se va \u00eendr\u0103gosti, \u015fi totul va fi curcubee \u015fi etc.<\/p>\n
Well?<\/p>\n
Well, wrong.<\/p>\n
Nimic nu e mai stresant pentru un om dec\u00e2t h\u0103r\u0163uirea interminabil\u0103 din partea altuia. \u015ei nu, dac\u0103 \u0103la nu manifest\u0103 \u015fi singur o anumit\u0103 “deschidere” \u00een privin\u0163a ta, agasarea nu face dec\u00e2t s\u0103 strice lucrurile. La sf\u00e2r\u015fit, o s\u0103 consta\u0163i c\u0103-\u015fi d\u0103 logout de pe messenger \u015fi facebook, de cum intri tu, c\u0103 la mobil r\u0103spund mereu colegii \/ colegele de munc\u0103 \u015fi te anun\u0163\u0103 c\u0103 a plecat de la birou \u015fi \u015fi-a uitat mobilul – dac\u0103 omul e un finu\u0163. Dac\u0103 e cineva care s-a s\u0103turat de fine\u0163e, o s\u0103 te treze\u015fti c\u0103 te ia o dat\u0103 la pule de-\u0163i merg fulgii.<\/p>\n
A\u015fadar, haidem s\u0103 stabilim \u00eempreun\u0103 un ghid de freak out:<\/p>\n
1) Unor oameni nu le place s\u0103 fie aborda\u0163i foarte familiar de necunoscu\u0163i.<\/p>\n
Mie mi s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat asta cu Emil Brumaru. \u00cei citisem toate volumele \u015fi r\u0103m\u0103sesem cu iluzia romanticului senzual, care e dispus s\u0103 \u0163eas\u0103 vr\u0103ji \u015fi vr\u0103jeli cu oricine. C\u00e2nd m-am dus s\u0103-i cer un autograf, l-am abordat cu o glum\u0103 pu\u0163in sexual\u0103, c\u0103 \u00a0na, ziceam eu, inovatorul erosului rom\u00e2nesc nu poate fi abordat cu un biet “bun\u0103-ziua”. M-a privit cu o severitate rece, de unde mi-am dat seama pe loc c\u0103 discursul literar nu e totuna cu discursul literal. Deci, faptul c\u0103 un om scrie simpatic \u015fi natural nu \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 se va angaja automat \u00een b\u0103t\u0103i reciproce pe burt\u0103 cu tine.<\/p>\n
2. ) Nu te angaja \u00een tot felul de m\u0103rturisiri dubioase, s\u0103 pari interesant.<\/p>\n
Numai \u00een romane proaste de dragoste, eroina e pus\u0103 pe jar de halul \u00een care eroul bate c\u00e2mpii. \u00cen realitate, ea se uit\u0103 lung la tine \u015fi se \u00eentreab\u0103: “De ce are \u0103sta impresia c\u0103 io-s taica p\u0103rintele \u015fi el e \u00een confesional?” De aceea, \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 nu arzi etape. Simte-l pe cel\u0103lalt. Dac\u0103 \u0103la pare dispus s\u0103-\u0163i povesteasc\u0103 cum a c\u0103zut \u00een cap la na\u015ftere, f\u0103-o \u015fi tu. Dac\u0103 partea lui de conversa\u0163ie e un lung \u015fir de “\u0103h\u0103”, “da”, “nu”, “nu \u015ftiu”, e semn c\u0103 abia a\u015fteapt\u0103 s\u0103 te dai jos de pe capul lui. Sau ei.<\/p>\n
3) Nu \u00eencerca s\u0103 ob\u0163ii cu tot dinadinsul aten\u0163ia cuiva care nu \u0163i-o acord\u0103 de la sine.<\/p>\n
Fiecare dintre noi avem o ga\u015fc\u0103 de oameni care ne iubesc \u015fi una de oameni care nu vor s\u0103 aud\u0103 de noi. Cei care o fac gre\u015fit \u00eei consider\u0103 pe a) redute deja cucerite \u015fi pe b) teren de lucru. S\u0103n\u0103tos e s\u0103 faci taman invers. \u0102ia care \u00ee\u0163i ofer\u0103 afec\u0163iune sunt cei cu care merit\u0103 s\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u015fti experien\u0163e mi\u015fto, s\u0103 glume\u015fti, s\u0103 r\u00e2zi, iar \u0103ia care te \u0163in la distan\u0163\u0103 trebuie \u0163inu\u0163i la distan\u0163\u0103. Cu c\u00e2t lup\u0163i mai mult pentru aten\u0163ia unui om care nu pare dispus s\u0103 \u0163i-o acorde, cu at\u00e2t \u0103la se va sim\u0163i mai futut la icre \u015fi te va ocoli cu cercuri din ce \u00een ce mai mari. Sau, dac\u0103 e genul, te va folosi pe post de ciuca b\u0103t\u0103ii de joc. Tu o vei confunda cu prietenia, \u0103la se va folosi de umilin\u0163a pe care \u0163i-o induce, s\u0103-\u015fi hr\u0103neasc\u0103 propriul respect de sine.<\/p>\n
4) Nu-\u0163i face vise legate de oameni.<\/p>\n
Energia unui om care are un film \u00een cap cu tine se vede \u015fi se simte. \u015ei adev\u0103rul e urm\u0103torul: nimeni nu vrea s\u0103 stea fa\u0163\u0103 \u00een fa\u0163\u0103 cu cineva care nu-i place \u00een mod deosebit, dar \u00een ochii c\u0103ruia cite\u015fte “vreau s\u0103 dai salariul acas\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 fii \u00eens\u0103rcinat\u0103 cu copiii mei”. Dimpotriv\u0103, filmele de acest tip st\u00e2rnesc doar reac\u0163ia: “WTF is wrong with you, man! \u0162i-am sugerat eu vreodat\u0103 c\u0103 vreau s\u0103 devin casnic\u0103 pentru tine, c\u00e2nd eu sunt a natural born career woman!?”<\/p>\n
5) Ia-i pe oameni a\u015fa cum sunt, nu a\u015fa cum ai vrea tu s\u0103 fie. Sau, dac\u0103 nu-\u0163i plac a\u015fa cum sunt, las\u0103-i \u00een pace.<\/p>\n
“\u00cel schimb eu pe Gigel”. Iat\u0103 o noutate: dac\u0103 Gigel nu pare dispus s\u0103 se lase schimbat de tine, nu, nu-l schimbi. Iar dac\u0103 pare dispus? Dup\u0103 ce te fute o dat\u0103, \u00eei trece. La fel \u015fi cu M\u0103rioara, dar \u00een loc de “te fute o dat\u0103”, pune taman interesul material sau de alt\u0103 natur\u0103 pe care \u00eel are eventual numita M\u0103rioara fa\u0163\u0103 de tine.<\/p>\n
6) C\u00e2nd consta\u0163i semnele descrise mai sus: logout instant la apari\u0163ia ta, ner\u0103spuns la \u00a0buzzuri, apeluri, “nu suntem acas\u0103”, etc. – solu\u0163ia unora e: “b\u0103i, ce pula mea nu r\u0103spunzi!?”. Asta e solu\u0163ia complet idioat\u0103, de cer\u015fetor penibil de aten\u0163ie care, \u00een func\u0163ie de obr\u0103znicia tonului \u015fi la\u015fitatea oponentului, va fi recompensat\u0103 cu pretexte, cu explica\u0163ii \u015fi mai mult\u0103 eschiv\u0103, sau cu o por\u0163ie s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103 de “mar\u015f \u00een pula mea de pis\u0103log agasant!”<\/p>\n
Solu\u0163ia just\u0103 e: “ok, nu prezint importan\u0163\u0103 pentru x, s\u0103 trecem la y”<\/strong>. PE BUNE! Pare frivol, neserios, u\u015furatic \u015fi cum vre\u0163i voi, dar a\u015fa ve\u0163i ob\u0163ine dou\u0103 rezultate dintr-un \u015fut: \u00een func\u0163ie de gradul de plictiseal\u0103 pe care i-l inspiri lui x, va r\u0103sufla u\u015furat(\u0103) c\u0103 a sc\u0103pat sau va \u00eencerca la r\u00e2ndul lui s\u0103 refac\u0103 conexiunea; \u015fi \u00een tot acest timp, ai \u015fi tu un pic de distrac\u0163ie cu cineva nou.<\/p>\n 7) Nu da sfaturi cui nu \u0163i le cere.<\/p>\n The smartass e persoan\u0103 mi\u015fto doar \u00een romanele de cap\u0103 \u015fi spad\u0103 scrise de autori lihni\u0163i dup\u0103 aten\u0163ie. \u015ei lihni\u0163i. Wishful thinking: dup\u0103 plecarea eroului, to\u0163i \u00eei c\u00e2nt\u0103 \u00een strun\u0103 calit\u0103\u0163ile. Fact: “b\u0103, ce bine c\u0103 a plecat figurantul \u0103la b\u0103\u015fit de la masa noastr\u0103!”<\/p>\n 8) “Hai \u00een ora\u015f cu mine.” “\u00cemi pare r\u0103u, am o diaree \u00eempr\u0103\u015ftiat\u0103”.<\/p>\n Din nou: sesizezi cumva din reac\u0163iile celuilalt o atitudine deschis\u0103, “hai s\u0103 ne frec\u0103m bur\u0163ile”, sau una politicos-evaziv\u0103? Hai, c\u0103 e u\u015for de observat diferen\u0163a. Dac\u0103 cineva nu comunic\u0103 cu tine dec\u00e2t s\u0103 dea cel mai monosilabic r\u0103spuns posibil c\u00e2nd pui tu \u00eentreb\u0103ri, e ca \u00een bancul \u0103la cu badea Ion \u00een compartiment cu duduia de la ora\u015f. “Ni\u0163ic\u0103 slan\u0103?” “Nu, mul\u0163umesc!” “Ni\u0163ic\u0103 horinc\u0103?” “Nu, mul\u0163umesc!!” “Aha, deci despre futut nici nu poate fi vorba!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Noi, oamenii, avem g\u00e2ndirea grav futut\u0103 de pove\u015fti. Unde, dac\u0103 f\u0103t-frumos se amorezeaz\u0103 de ileana cos\u00e2nzeana, e musai reciproc, dac\u0103 ivan salveaz\u0103 pe\u015fti\u015forul de...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5205","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5205","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5205"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5205\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5205"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5205"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5205"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}