{"id":5524,"date":"2012-08-29T20:35:54","date_gmt":"2012-08-29T20:35:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=5524"},"modified":"2016-02-19T09:44:55","modified_gmt":"2016-02-19T09:44:55","slug":"mmmmm-is-michael-the-fan-fiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/mmmmm-is-michael-the-fan-fiction\/","title":{"rendered":"Mmmmm is 4 Michael &#8211; The Fan Fiction"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>-Te iubesc, Michael. Chiar \u015fi eu te iubesc!<br \/>\nMichael pufni plictisit:<br \/>\n-De c\u00e2te ori a\u015ftept s\u0103 m\u0103 tr\u00e2ntesc \u015fi eu \u00een cabin\u0103, s\u0103 trag un pui de odihn\u0103 dup\u0103 un concert lung \u015fi obositor, \u00een care m\u0103 chinui s\u0103 le domin vocal pe pizdele alea isterice, cel mai nasol lucru e s\u0103 m\u0103 a\u015ftepte o cretin\u0103 \u00een fotoliul meu preferat. \u015ei s\u0103 poarte \u015fi dantel\u0103, ca o prostituat\u0103 cu feti\u015f retro.<br \/>\n-Tinere, aibi grij\u0103 cum te exprimi. Eu nu fac dragoste dec\u00e2t din dragoste \u015fi nu \u015ftiu ce e \u0103la feti\u015fretro, de\u015fi sun\u0103 a nume de ora\u015f de-al meu rusesc.<br \/>\n-\u015ei mai e\u015fti \u015fi rusoaic\u0103, futu-i. Nu-mi spune c\u0103 vii din ora\u015ful \u0103la sinistru, unde ploua at\u00e2t de infernal \u015fi eu nu m\u0103 iubeam prin mansarde, drept care am scris <em>Stranger in&#8230; \u015etii-tu.<\/em><br \/>\n-Nu cunosc ora\u015ful \u015etii-tu. E probabil un nume recent, dat de Iosif Vissarionovici. Aaah, ce fute\u015f&#8230; pardon, am zis c\u0103 sunt o doamn\u0103 \u015fi nu fac dragoste dec\u00e2t din dragoste&#8230; Ce b\u0103rbat interesant era Iosif Vissarionovici \u00een tinere\u0163e! <\/p>\n<p>(Intermezzo: Iosif \u00een tinere\u0163e <a href=\"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/6\/6e\/Stalin_1902.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-0\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\">aici<\/a>.) <\/p>\n<p>-Oh, daaa, oft\u0103 Michael vis\u0103tor. Apoi se autosesiz\u0103. Ceee? Tu vii s\u0103-mi vorbe\u015fti mie de al\u0163i b\u0103rba\u0163i, curvo? Ie\u015fi afar\u0103!<br \/>\n-Pajalsta, nuuu. \u015etiu, \u00eemi repet mereu gre\u015felile, ca o copil\u0103. Iar b\u0103rba\u0163ii \u00een uniform\u0103 m\u0103 dau gata, ca pe o virgin\u0103 torturat\u0103 de vise fierbin\u0163i. A\u015fa l-am \u00een\u015felat \u015fi pe bietul Alexei cu curvarul \u0103la odios de Vronski.<br \/>\n-Woman, nu e cazul s\u0103-mi expui toat\u0103 via\u0163a ta sexual\u0103! Dar, ia stai, c\u0103 numele astea \u00eemi par cunoscute. Vag. Foarte vag. E\u015fti Keira Knightley, sau a\u015fa ceva?<br \/>\n-Niet, oft\u0103 femeia dramatic, deschiz\u00e2nd umbrelu\u0163a de dantel\u0103, de\u015fi \u00een cabin\u0103 nu ploua \u015fi nici n-o b\u0103tea soarele.<br \/>\n-Ok, gata. Exist\u0103 o singur\u0103 femeie at\u00e2t de proast\u0103 \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 fac\u0103 una ca asta. Anna Karenina, tu erai?<br \/>\n-\u015etiu c\u0103, la voi, \u00een Gary, Indiana, negroteii \u0103ia nesim\u0163i\u0163i \u00ee\u015fi jignesc femeile, dar la noi, \u00een Sankt Petersburg&#8230;<br \/>\n-Da, ru\u015fii beau o vodc\u0103 \u015fi le bat direct. Dar eu sunt prea obosit s\u0103 te bat acum, deci m\u0103 scuzi.<br \/>\n-Bine, \u015fi eu sunt o doamn\u0103. Asta \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 nu po\u0163i s\u0103 m\u0103 ba\u0163i din prima sear\u0103.<br \/>\n-Bun. Atunci \u00ee\u0163i ofer un pahar de <a href=\"http:\/\/uncyclopedia.wikia.com\/wiki\/Jesus_Juice\">Jesus juice<\/a> \u015fi eu m\u0103 duc s\u0103 fac un du\u015f, c\u0103-s ud\u0103 toat\u0103 dup\u0103 concert. <\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>-Femeie, ce cau\u0163i \u00een du\u015f peste mine!? A little bit of privacy, ok!?<br \/>\n-Ai uitat, precrasn\u00e2ie, c\u0103-s rusoaic\u0103!? S\u00e2ngele meu rusesc, combinat cu Jesus juice, se transform\u0103 automat \u00een lav\u0103. Vreau s\u0103 te inund ca Pompeiul.<br \/>\n-Nu \u015ftiu cine e Pompeiul \u0103sta \u015fi dac\u0103 \u0163i-ai tras-o \u015fi cu el, dar vreau s\u0103 ie\u015fi din baia mea&#8230; Aoleu, ce faci, nebuno. Nu, nu m\u0103 apuca de sceptrul regal al popului. Nuuu, nu-mi turna Jesus juice acolo, c\u0103 pi\u015fc\u0103.<br \/>\n-Pi\u015fc\u0103? Hai s\u0103 sufl\u0103m, s\u0103 nu pi\u015fte.<br \/>\n-Vezi&#8230; ah&#8230; c\u0103 ce faci tu acolo nu se nume\u015fte suflat&#8230; sau, m\u0103 rog, ba da. Dumnezeule, cum ies din aceast\u0103&#8230; capcan\u0103 existen\u0163ial\u0103?<br \/>\n-Nu exist\u0103 dec\u00e2t o singur\u0103 cale, s\u0103ri Anna pe chiuvet\u0103 \u015fi-\u015fi desf\u0103cu larg dantelele ude. S\u0103 intri \u00een mine ca trenul.<br \/>\n-Aoleu, mi-a murit locomotiva. Acum m-am prins c\u0103 e\u015fti moart\u0103. Plm, pot s\u0103 fut personaje fictive. Ba chiar o fac regulat. Uite: <\/p>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"700\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/LeiFF0gvqcc?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>-Dar nu pot comite acte de necrofilie.<br \/>\nAnna \u00eencepu s\u0103 r\u00e2d\u0103 de s\u0103reau dantelele de pe ea.<br \/>\n-Ce prost e\u015fti, Mi\u015fka! P\u0103i Cleopatra aia a p\u0103\u015fit pe t\u0103r\u00e2murile cele ve\u015fnice cu vreo 2.000 de ani \u00eenainte s\u0103 fiu eu \u00een proiect. Tu nu prea te-ai dus la \u015fcoal\u0103, nu?<br \/>\n-Sunt un copil netr\u0103it, cu o copil\u0103rie netr\u0103it\u0103. Pe c\u00e2nd al\u0163ii b\u0103teau mingea pe maidan, eu eram sechestrat \u00een studio, b\u0103tut cu be\u0163ele percu\u0163ionistului \u015fi munceam de-mi s\u0103reau capacele, \u00eencepu brusc Michael s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103.<br \/>\nAnna oft\u0103 \u00eenduio\u015fat\u0103 \u015fi-i str\u00e2nse capul \u00een decolteul ei generos.<br \/>\n-S\u0103racul copila\u015f neiubit. Ia \u015fi tu o gur\u0103 de Jesus juice, s\u0103-\u0163i \u00eeneci amarul, murmur\u0103 ea senzual, turn\u00e2ndu-\u015fi alcoolul peste s\u00e2nii apetisan\u0163i, par\u0163ial \u00eenv\u0103lui\u0163i de dantela ud\u0103.<br \/>\n-Mi-e pu\u0163in ciudat.<br \/>\n-De ce? Ne juc\u0103m de-a al\u0103ptatul, ok? Tu e\u015fti copila\u015ful pe care m\u0103mica cea iubitoare \u00eel hr\u0103ne\u015fte cu \u0163\u00e2\u0163a ei darnic\u0103, din care \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor curge vodc\u0103. Peisaj cotidian rusesc. Ce poate fi mai oedipian \u015fi mai pervers?<br \/>\n-Mmm. Deja mi se scoal\u0103 la loc.<br \/>\n-A\u015fa, puiul meu mic \u015fi cre\u0163. Deja m\u0103 speriasem c\u0103 mi-am pierdut aptitudinile materne. A\u015fa, suge tot, ca un bebelu\u015f cuminte \u015fi ascult\u0103tor. Ah, f\u0103r\u0103 din\u0163i, purcelu\u015f obraznic. Cine e b\u0103iat r\u0103u \u015fi merit\u0103 nana la fundule\u0163?<br \/>\n-Hihi, nu mai faaac. Promit s\u0103 beau tot l\u0103pticul, m\u0103 ier\u0163i.<br \/>\n-S\u0103 te v\u0103d cum bei tu tot l\u0103pticul, apoi te iert. Dar s\u0103 nu ui\u0163i de bunele maniere \u015fi s\u0103 \u0163ii frumos cea\u015fca de toart\u0103. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>-Te iubesc, Michael. Chiar \u015fi eu te iubesc! Michael pufni plictisit: -De c\u00e2te ori a\u015ftept s\u0103 m\u0103 tr\u00e2ntesc \u015fi eu \u00een cabin\u0103, s\u0103 trag&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10377,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5524","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/prince.jpg?fit=625%2C415&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5524"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10376,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524\/revisions\/10376"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}