Azi, c\u00e2nd m-am dus s\u0103-mi iau salariul, m\u0103 a\u015ftepta doamna contabil\u0103 cu o falc\u0103-n cer \u015fi una-n p\u0103m\u00e2nt:
\n-Ce-ai scris despre contabili!?
\n-Mai multe texte, inclusiv un advertorial.
\n-M\u0103 refer la \u0103la pe care l-ai scris tu.
\n-Doamn\u0103, eu le scriu pe aproape toate, le semnez \u00een fel \u015fi chip s\u0103 nu-mi p\u00e2ng\u0103resc numele cu asocieri nedemne.
\n-Ai scris ceva cu contabilii care nu-s atractivi sexual!! S\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 printre cititorii t\u0103i se g\u0103sesc \u015fi contabili!
\n-Aaa, dar nu m\u0103 refeream la contabili \u00een general, ci strict la \u0103la din text. \u015ei, \u00een plus, \u0103la e b\u0103rbat, dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i femeie.
\n-Da, ce s\u0103 zic. Nu respec\u0163i contabilii.
\n-Nu doar c\u0103 sunte\u0163i femeie, dar sunte\u0163i foarte atr\u0103g\u0103toare. Lumea e atras\u0103 de dvs. nu pentru c\u0103 sunte\u0163i contabil\u0103, ci pentru c\u0103 sunte\u0163i o femeie frumoas\u0103. Iar \u0103la din text era un contabil ur\u00e2t. N-are leg\u0103tur\u0103, jur.<\/p>\n
\u015ei, acum, textul:<\/p>\n
Femeia viselor mele <\/em><\/p>\n \u00centotdeauna m-au atras travesti\u0163ii. P\u0103rul lor lung, m\u0103t\u0103sos, datorat \u00een mare parte extensiilor; genele lor false, lungi ca ale personajelor din desene animate; buzele intens rujate \u015fi s\u00e2nii perfec\u0163i, de silicon. \u015ei, sub toate astea, ca un contrast incitant, un penis ca al oric\u0103rui alt b\u0103rbat. Tot ce au ambele sexe mai frumos de oferit.<\/em><\/p>\n O sear\u0103 pe gayromeo. Gayromeo este unul dintre site-urile matrimoniale \u2013 \u015fi patrimoniale! \u2013 ale b\u0103ie\u0163ilor care iubesc b\u0103ie\u0163i, m\u0103car ocazional \u015fi m\u0103car pe cale oral\u0103. Oficial, toat\u0103 lumea e b\u0103iat pe aceast\u0103 pagin\u0103: unii expun six-packs, musculaturi, coapse, fese, penisuri perfecte, pe sume fixe sau variabile din partea domnilor genero\u015fi. Nu, fl\u0103c\u0103i, nu m\u0103 interesa\u0163i. Uneori intru \u00een vorb\u0103 cu voi, de pe contul meu fake de contabil de 40 de ani, cu poze ciordite de pe net \u2013 Doamne, oare cum o fi dac\u0103 distinsul lor posesor o fi av\u00e2nd vreun fiu cu orient\u0103ri diferite, care s\u0103 intre aici \u015fi s\u0103-l g\u0103seasc\u0103 pe ta-su declar\u00e2nd candid la profil c\u0103 e singurel \u00een seara asta \u015fi vrea s\u0103 sponsorizeze tineretul studios cu 200 de euro vs. o or\u0103 de iubire? Aici cred c\u0103 gre\u015fea Eminescu, c\u00e2nd oferea doar al nemuririi nimb \u015fi focul din privire. Capricorn zg\u00e2rcit, nu \u015ftia s\u0103 pun\u0103 corect problema.<\/em> Tabu, noiembrie 2012<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Azi, c\u00e2nd m-am dus s\u0103-mi iau salariul, m\u0103 a\u015ftepta doamna contabil\u0103 cu o falc\u0103-n cer \u015fi una-n p\u0103m\u00e2nt: -Ce-ai scris despre contabili!? -Mai multe...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6222","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6222","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6222"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6222\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6222"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6222"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6222"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n Contabilul fictiv \u2013 eu – o pune \u00eens\u0103 corect, ca dovad\u0103 c\u0103, de\u015fi nu e frumos ca Eminescu \u00een poza cu privirea-n zare, \u00eel \u2013 m\u0103 \u2013 asalteaz\u0103 b\u0103ie\u0163ei de toate etniile, \u00een\u0103l\u0163imile, greut\u0103\u0163ile, stilurile. Unii de-a dreptul stupizi: \u201eMoshule, ce t\u00e2n\u0103r e\u015fti!!\u201d, al\u0163ii direc\u0163i: \u201eArunc\u0103 o privire pe profilul meu \u015fi spune dac\u0103 ne-o ardem!\u201d \u201eStai pu\u0163in, vreau s\u0103 te cunosc?\u201d \u201eHai, b\u0103tr\u00e2nee, las\u0103 gargara \u015fi marcheaz\u0103 banu\u2019!\u201d, al\u0163ii politico\u015fi: \u201eEu nu sunt chiar student, dar cred c\u0103 se pune \u015fi seralul, nu, hihi?\u201d, al\u0163ii u\u015for cam r\u0103ut\u0103cio\u015fi: \u201eB\u0103i, mo\u015fneg\u0103rie, la ce fa\u0163\u0103 de r\u0103pus ai, 200 nu ajung nici de-un sex oral. Pe care mi-l faci tu mie, fraiere!\u201d E greu s\u0103 fii un biet domn \u00een etate \u015fi cu o meserie lipsit\u0103 de legende pe gayromeo. Via\u0163a e nasoal\u0103 cu contabilii, \u00een general. Nimeni nu-i dore\u015fte pentru ceea ce sunt ei ca oameni.<\/em>
\n Dar Paulette era frumoas\u0103. \u015etiu, Paulette era un Paul, cel mult, \u015fi sexul corect era \u201eel\u201d. Dar pozele \u00eemi \u00eenf\u0103\u0163i\u015fau o veritabil\u0103 frumuse\u0163e blond\u0103, cu ochi alba\u015ftri-metalici \u2013 excelente lentile de contact, Paulette, dac\u0103 cite\u015fti chestia asta! \u2013 buze sidefii de silfid\u0103 \u015fi o piele ca \u00een reclame la dermato-cosmetice. O frumuse\u0163e intens photoshopat\u0103, dar perfect\u0103. \u015ei era online.<\/em>
\n \u201eCe faci, frumuse\u0163e blond\u0103? Sigur e\u015fti tu \u00een poze?\u201d Lini\u015fte luuung\u0103, luuung\u0103. E clar, mi s-a uitat pe profil, m-a v\u0103zut bo\u015forog sinistru, a decis c\u0103 nu merit aten\u0163ia \u015fi flirteaz\u0103 acum cu unul dintre fakerii care p\u0103c\u0103lesc cu pozele lui Jean Claude Van Damme din tinere\u0163e. M\u0103car \u0103la e b\u0103iat.<\/em>
\n \u201eSalut. Da, eu sunt \u00een poze. Vrei s\u0103 m\u0103 vezi pe webcam, s\u0103 te convingi?\u201d<\/em>
\n P\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 apuc s\u0103 zic \u201eda\u201d, \u00eel porne\u015fte. \u00cen fundal, v\u0103d patul cu plapum\u0103 roz, cu noptiera plin\u0103 de juc\u0103rii pentru adul\u0163i, \u015fi, deasupra, ag\u0103\u0163at de peretele vopsit \u00eentr-o nuan\u0163\u0103 mai palid\u0103 de roz, un uria\u015f evantai exotic, multicolor. \u015ei apoi, \u00een cadru apare Paulette. Iar mie \u00eemi cade fa\u0163a. E frumoas\u0103 ca o Afrodit\u0103 a gay-ilor, de\u015fi are ochii plini de lacrimi \u015fi-i \u015fterge cu un \u015ferve\u0163el roz.<\/em>
\n \u201eAi \u015fi fanta roz?\u201d tasteaz\u0103 personajul libidinos c\u0103ruia \u00eei dau via\u0163\u0103 internautic\u0103 o \u00eentrebare obraznic\u0103.<\/em>
\n Paulette z\u00e2mbe\u015fte.<\/em>
\n \u201eDe c\u00e2nd nu m-a mai \u00eentrebat nimeni asta\u2026\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201ePe tineee??\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201eP\u0103i, da. Tocmai m-am desp\u0103r\u0163it de prietenul meu, iar pe final, rela\u0163ia a fost destul de lipsit\u0103 de chimie. Boul nesim\u0163it, i-am sacrificat doi ani \u00een care, cu un corp ca al meu puteam produce o c\u0103ru\u0163\u0103 de bani!\u201d<\/em>
\n \u015ei se ridic\u0103. Se expune. E zvelt\u0103 ca o gimnast\u0103, cu coapse lungi \u015fi s\u00e2ni discre\u0163i, adapta\u0163i la restul siluetei, nu cu ugere de neam prost.<\/em>
\n \u201e\u00cemi ar\u0103\u0163i \u015fi mie pu\u0163in din tine?\u201d<\/em>
\n \u00ce\u015fi scoate capotul de dantel\u0103 roz. Dumnezeule, ce s\u00e2ni. Rotunzi, ca dou\u0103 mere delicate. Chirurgul care i-a f\u0103urit a fost un mic demiurg. \u015ei ce linie a coloanei vertebrale. Nobil\u0103 \u015fi unduitoare, \u00eentr-adev\u0103r feminin\u0103. Abia c\u00e2nd se \u00eentoarce cu fa\u0163a \u015fi-i v\u0103d penisul \u2013 e deja \u00een semierec\u0163ie, semn c\u0103 ador\u0103 s\u0103 se expun\u0103 pe camer\u0103; apoi o v\u0103d cum \u00ee\u015fi plimb\u0103 lent m\u00e2na de-a lungul lui \u2013 simt c\u0103 a\u015f pune m\u00e2na pe portofel f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 stau pe g\u00e2nduri. Dac\u0103 a\u015f fi contabilul din poveste. A\u015fa, simt c\u0103 l-a\u015f pune degeaba.<\/em>
\n \u201eAi s\u00e2ni frumo\u015fi.\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201eA\u015fa mi i-a pus nesim\u0163itul, dar acum, c\u0103 m-a p\u0103r\u0103sit, m\u0103 pun iar pe produs \u015fi \u00eemi fac un bust XXL, o s\u0103 vezi!\u201d\u00a0<\/em>
\n Aha. Exact c\u00e2nd voiam s-o cataloghez, Paulette ridic\u0103 genele interminabile \u015fi z\u00e2mbe\u015fte cuceritor \u00een obiectiv. E at\u00e2t de frumoas\u0103, c\u0103 nici m\u0103car webcam-ul n-o poate ur\u00e2\u0163i.<\/em>
\n \u201eBun. Ce mai vrei s\u0103 \u015ftii?\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201eO \u00eentrebare: ai face numai sex pe bani, sau \u015fi sex gratuit, de r\u0103zbunare?\u201d<\/em>
\n Se uit\u0103 iar \u00een monitor \u015fi buza de jos i se curbeaz\u0103, ca a unui copil nemul\u0163umit.<\/em>
\n \u201eDe ce pune\u0163i to\u0163i oferte cu sume, \u015fi apoi \u00eencepe\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 calici\u0163i?\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201eNu cu mine, \u00eentrebam \u00een general.\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201e\u015ei eu r\u0103spundeam tot \u00een general. To\u0163i a\u0163i vrea s\u0103 v-o trage\u0163i cu travestite care s\u0103 arate ca ni\u015fte fotomodele, dar s\u0103 nu investi\u0163i nimic \u00een asta. \u00cemi pare r\u0103u, lookul de fotomodel cost\u0103. Hainele cost\u0103, fardurile \u015fi cremele cost\u0103, parfumurile \u015fi pantofii cost\u0103…\u201d<\/em>
\n M\u0103 prive\u015fte lung \u00een ochi. Pentru efect.<\/em>
\n \u201eP\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi decolorarea anusului cost\u0103!\u201d<\/em>
\n \u201eAm \u00een\u0163eles \u015fi promit s\u0103 te pl\u0103tesc de fiecare dat\u0103. De\u015fi nu va fi foarte des, c\u0103 am o so\u0163ie de paravan, absolut odioas\u0103 \u015fi cic\u0103litoare, cu doi copii jecm\u0103nitori; am un amant t\u00e2n\u0103r care m\u0103 jumule\u015fte de bani \u015fi un alt tip cu care m\u0103 mai v\u0103d ocazional. E foarte costisitor s\u0103 fii un contabil insipid de 47 de ani, care n-a inspirat dorin\u0163\u0103 nim\u0103nui niciodat\u0103.\u201d<\/em>
\n Paulette ridic\u0103 spre mine o privire trist\u0103, profund empatic\u0103.<\/em>
\n \u201eDar am o fantezie erotic\u0103. Mi-ar pl\u0103cea s\u0103 pretindem public c\u0103 suntem cei mai buni prieteni \u015fi s\u0103 mergem s\u0103 ne decolor\u0103m anusurile \u00eempreun\u0103, ca doi veseli n\u0103p\u00e2rstoci. Ce zici?\u201d<\/em>
\n Nimic. Imaginea de pe ecran se \u00eentrerupe brusc.<\/em>
\n \u201ePaulette? Am spus ceva nepotrivit, nori\u015forul meu cu anus decolorat \u015fi penis necircumcis?\u201d<\/em>
\n Se pare c\u0103 nu voi afla niciodat\u0103. Contabilul meu imaginar de pe gayromeo a mai acumulat o \u00eenfr\u00e2ngere \u00een amor.<\/em><\/p>\n