\u00centr-o diminea\u0163\u0103, Ghemotoc se trezi cu o pat\u0103 ro\u015fie pe chilo\u0163el.<\/p>\n
Nu, nu era prima oar\u0103. Avea o profesoar\u0103 de biologie \u015fugubea\u0163\u0103 \u015fi destupat\u0103 la minte, care le explicase cum o fac albinele \u015fi p\u0103s\u0103relele, \u015fi delfinii – \u015fi le avertizase s\u0103 se a\u015ftepte \u00een orice clip\u0103 ca pecetea stacojie a feminit\u0103\u0163ii s\u0103 le marcheze, ascuns\u0103 dar implacabil\u0103, finalul copil\u0103riei.<\/p>\n
De aceea, momentul \u00een care, \u00eentr-o sear\u0103, descoperise un strop minuscul de s\u00e2nge
\npe lenjeria intim\u0103 cu ursule\u0163i roz fusese un triumf. Eu, Ghemotoc, sunt femeie – le explicase ea tuturor ursule\u0163ilor care o priveau mira\u0163i, f\u0103r\u0103 a \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103, \u00een scurt timp, ei vor fi uita\u0163i undeva, \u00een fundul unui dulap.<\/p>\n
De aceast\u0103 dat\u0103 \u00eens\u0103, v\u0103z\u00e2nd pata ro\u015fie, Ghemotoc se lu\u0103 cu m\u00e2inile de cap \u015fi \u00eencepu s\u0103 \u00een\u015fire toate \u00eenjur\u0103turile de pe albumul ei preferat de hip-hop. Bine c\u0103 erau \u00een englez\u0103, s\u0103 nu le \u00een\u0163eleag\u0103 taic\u0103-su – care f\u0103cuse rusa la vremea lui.<\/p>\n
Pentru c\u0103 Ghemotoc pl\u0103nuia, chiar azi, dup\u0103 ore, s\u0103 se duc\u0103 la cursuri de \u00eenot. Nu, nu-i pl\u0103cea s\u0103 \u00eenoate. Nu o interesa nici m\u0103car s\u0103 sl\u0103beasc\u0103 prin \u00eenot. \u00cen schimb, Metafizicu, simpatia lui Ghemotoc, avea azi cursuri de \u00eenot, iar Ghemotoc \u015fi prietena ei, Burlan, \u00ee\u015fi petrecuser\u0103 vreo trei ore aleg\u00e2nd un costum nou de baie, care s\u0103 nu fie prea obraznic, “s\u0103 nu cread\u0103 \u0103la c\u0103-s curv\u0103”, dar nici prea cuminte, “s\u0103 nu cread\u0103 \u0103la c\u0103-s proast\u0103”.
\nGhemotoc se pr\u0103bu\u015fi \u00een pat \u015fi \u00eencepu s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103, b\u0103t\u00e2nd cu pumnii \u00een pern\u0103:
\n-De ce azi, Doamneee! De ce??
\nC\u00e2nd pl\u00e2ngea ea mai \u00eenver\u015funat, se auzi: “Give It to Me, Baby! Ahaaa – ahaaa!” Era soneria mobilului.
\n-Alo, da!
\n-Ce faci, b\u0103i, te-ai \u00eembr\u0103cat?
\nEra Burlan.
\n-Nu poooot! Sunt o ghinionist\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103! O patetic\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103!
\n-Ce-ai, b\u0103i, ai b\u0103ut gaz?
\n-Nuuuu! Mi-au venit musafiriiiii!
\n-Cine? Var\u0103-ta aia tocilar\u0103 de la Lehliu?
\n-Nuuuuu! Comuni\u015ftiiiiiiii!
\n-Ce-ai, fat\u0103, iar te-a plictisit tac-tu cu predici despre comunism?
\n-Nuuuuu! MI-A VENIT CICLUL, \u00ceN PULA MEA! Ionele, tu ce cau\u0163i aici, iar tragi cu urechea c\u00e2nd vorbesc la telefon?
\nFratele ei de cinci ani, prins \u00een flagrant delict, o rupse la fug\u0103 pe sc\u0103rile blocului, \u0163ip\u00e2nd: “Mi-a venit \u0163iclul \u00een pula meaaaa! Mi-a venit \u0163iclul \u00een pula meaaaaa!”<\/p>\n
-Idiotul dracului, bomb\u0103ni Ghemotoc.<\/p>\n
(Continuarea \u00een episodul urm\u0103tor.) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00centr-o diminea\u0163\u0103, Ghemotoc se trezi cu o pat\u0103 ro\u015fie pe chilo\u0163el. Nu, nu era prima oar\u0103. Avea o profesoar\u0103 de biologie \u015fugubea\u0163\u0103 \u015fi destupat\u0103...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=624"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=624"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=624"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=624"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}