{"id":7347,"date":"2014-02-04T10:34:17","date_gmt":"2014-02-04T10:34:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=7347"},"modified":"2014-02-04T10:34:17","modified_gmt":"2014-02-04T10:34:17","slug":"cel-mai-hazliu-fragment-din-cimitirul-lui-telespan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/cel-mai-hazliu-fragment-din-cimitirul-lui-telespan\/","title":{"rendered":"Cel mai hazliu fragment din Cimitirul lui Tele\u015fpan"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Gemea cu pula culcat\u0103, iar\u00a0asta mi se pare una dintre cele mai mari dovezi de ipocrizie.<\/p>\n<p>M-am g\u00e2ndit c\u0103 n-ar strica o discu\u0163ie \u00een timp ce ne\u00a0futem, dac\u0103 sexul tot era de c\u0103cat.<br \/>\n\u2014 Ce pula mea ai de gemi? Nu vezi c\u0103 nu-\u0163i place\u00a0deloc?, l-am \u00eentrebat.<br \/>\n\u2014 Poftim?<br \/>\n\u2014 Dac\u0103 \u0163i-ar pl\u0103cea ce-\u0163i fac, \u0163i s-ar scula pula, m\u0103i\u00a0b\u0103iatule.<br \/>\n\u2014 Simt pl\u0103cerea \u00een cur!<br \/>\n\u2014 Ce, m\u0103?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da. Dar mi se scoal\u0103 doar dac\u0103 gem foarte tare!<br \/>\n\u2014 P\u0103i, nu \u0163i se scoal\u0103, nu vezi?<br \/>\n\u2014 Trebuie s\u0103 gem \u015fi mai tare. Am eu o fantezie\u2026<br \/>\n\u2014 Ce fantezie? C\u0103 poate te ajut s-o transformi \u00een\u00a0realitate.<br \/>\n\u2014 M\u0103 excit\u0103 s\u0103 \u015ftiu c\u0103 m\u0103 aude mama!<br \/>\n\u2014 Ce, m\u0103?<br \/>\n\u2014 E jos, \u00een buc\u0103t\u0103rie!<br \/>\n\u2014 M\u0103-ta e acas\u0103 \u015fi tu te fu\u0163i \u00een cur?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da. \u015ei vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 aud\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Prietene, e\u015fti bolnav!, i-am zis f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 opresc\u00a0din futut.<br \/>\n\u2014 E oarb\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 M\u0103-ta?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da.<br \/>\n\u2014 Tot e\u015fti bolnav. Adic\u0103, pula mea, s\u0103 te aud\u0103 e tot ce<br \/>\npoate s\u0103 fac\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Pune-mi perna aia mic\u0103 ro\u015fie sub cur ca s\u0103 stau\u00a0mai bine. Nu sunt bolnav. Sunt r\u0103zbun\u0103tor!<br \/>\n\u2014 De ce? M\u0103-ta se fute ca chiorii \u015fi vrei s\u0103 faci acela\u015fi\u00a0lucru?<br \/>\n\u2014 Nu!<br \/>\n\u2014 Atunci? Vrei s\u0103 te r\u0103zbuni pe ea c\u0103 te-a f\u0103cut\u00a0poponar?<br \/>\n\u2014 Nu. Vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 r\u0103zbun pe ea pentru c\u0103 \u00eemi fute\u00a0toat\u0103 via\u0163a! Las\u0103-te u\u015for peste mine \u015fi s\u0103rut\u0103-m\u0103 pe g\u00e2t \u00een\u00a0timp ce m\u0103 fu\u0163i!<br \/>\n\u2014 E bine a\u015fa?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da.<br \/>\n\u2014 Adic\u0103 m\u0103-ta e nasoal\u0103 sau cum?<br \/>\n\u2014 E oarb\u0103. Nu merge nic\u0103ieri, nu face nimic, nu se\u00a0cac\u0103, nu se pi\u015f\u0103, nu m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103, nu face absolut nimic f\u0103r\u0103\u00a0mine! \u015ei nu mai pot, nu mai pot psihic. Mai pune pu\u0163in\u00a0lubrifiant, c\u0103 s-a uscat \u0103la. \u015ei ar putea s\u0103 fac\u0103 multe din\u00a0lucrurile astea singur\u0103, dac\u0103 ar vrea. Dar nu vrea!<br \/>\n\u2014 Unde l-ai l\u0103sat?<br \/>\n\u2014 Ce?<br \/>\n\u2014 Lubrifiantul.<br \/>\n\u2014 Uite-l pe pervaz.<br \/>\n\u2014 \u015ei nu po\u0163i s-o la\u015fi singur\u0103 \u00een cas\u0103?<br \/>\n\u2014 A\u015f putea, dar m\u0103 amenin\u0163\u0103! Adic\u0103 eu administrez\u00a0to\u0163i banii pe care \u00eei primim de la stat. \u015ei ne ajung s\u0103 m\u00e2nc\u0103m,\u00a0s\u0103 ne \u00eembr\u0103c\u0103m, s\u0103 pl\u0103tim facturile\u2026<br \/>\n\u2014 \u015ei tu depinzi de banii \u0103ia\u2026<br \/>\n\u2014 Da, pentru c\u0103 m-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 m\u0103 las de \u015fcoal\u0103. \u015ei nu\u00a0\u015ftiu s\u0103 fac nimic. \u015ei, dac\u0103 vreau s\u0103 plec dou\u0103 ore, m\u0103 amenin\u0163\u0103\u00a0c\u0103 \u00eemi face pl\u00e2ngere c\u0103 nu am grij\u0103 de ea \u015fi risc s\u0103 fiu\u00a0dat afar\u0103 din cas\u0103. \u015ei unde, pula mea, s\u0103 m\u0103 duc eu acum?\u00a0\u015ei f\u0103r\u0103 studii, \u015fi f\u0103r\u0103 bani! Singurul loc \u00een care pot s\u0103 m\u0103\u00a0duc e la mine \u00een camer\u0103. Venea \u015fi aici dup\u0103 mine, dar i-am<br \/>\npus capcane pe sc\u0103ri. Acum am \u015fi eu pu\u0163in\u0103 intimitate.\u00a0C\u0103 venea \u015fi se culca l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine. Noroc cu Grindr. \u015etii\u00a0c\u00e2nd am ag\u0103\u0163at ultima oara un tip \u00een ora\u015f? Acum trei ani!<br \/>\n\u2014 \u00centoarce-te \u015fi stai \u00een patru labe. Tot nu \u00een\u0163eleg cum\u00a0te r\u0103zbuni pe ea!<br \/>\n\u2014 E homofob\u0103, nesim\u0163ita dracului. C\u0103 de asta m\u0103\u00a0persecut\u0103. Uneori zice c\u0103 Dumnezeu a pedepsit-o \u015fi a\u00a0f\u0103cut-o oarb\u0103 pentru c\u0103 urma s\u0103 fac\u0103 un copil poponar.\u00a0Scoate-o pu\u0163in, s\u0103-mi schimb pu\u0163in pozi\u0163ia\u2026 Alteori zice\u00a0c\u0103 Dumnezeu o iube\u015fte enorm \u015fi a l\u0103sat-o oarb\u0103 ca s\u0103 nu\u00a0sufere c\u00e2nd m\u0103 vede pe mine p\u0103c\u0103tos. \u00cemi spune c\u0103 o s\u0103\u00a0ard \u00een Iad, c\u0103 prin gaura curului meu \u00eencepe drumul spre\u00a0infern. Am fost eu prost c\u0103 i-am zis c\u0103 sunt poponar. D\u0103-mi\u00a0palme peste cur! Eu orice i-a\u015f spune, oricum a\u015f jigni-o,\u00a0nu o afecteaz\u0103, c\u0103 e foarte rea \u015fi nesim\u0163it\u0103. Se enerveaz\u0103\u00a0doar c\u00e2nd \u015ftie c\u0103 m\u0103 fut \u015fi se retrage \u00een rug\u0103ciune c\u00e2teva\u00a0ore\u2026 C\u00e2nd iese din rug\u0103ciune, url\u0103 la mine vreo trei ore<br \/>\n\u00een care \u00eemi aduce aminte c\u0103 sunt scursura societ\u0103\u0163ii. Apoi\u00a0nu vorbe\u015fte cu mine o zi \u00eentreag\u0103, dar o v\u0103d c\u0103 e \u00een spume!\u00a0\u015ei mor de drag. E singurul mod \u00een care pot s\u0103 mai scap\u00a0dracului de ea!<br \/>\n\u2014 P\u0103i, ai putea s\u0103 gemi \u015fi c\u00e2nd e\u015fti singur \u00een camer\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Nu m-am g\u00e2ndit la asta! Dar e o idee bun\u0103 c\u0103,\u00a0practic, s-ar enerva f\u0103r\u0103 motiv, iar asta m-ar satisface \u015fi\u00a0mai tare.<br \/>\n\u2014 Sau ai putea chiar s\u0103 te \u00eenregistrezi \u015fi s\u0103 dai boxele\u00a0c\u00e2t s\u0103 par\u0103 \u00een timp real.<br \/>\n\u2014 Mai repede, te rog, \u015fi m\u00e2ng\u00e2ie-m\u0103 pe spate. E\u015fti\u00a0genial cu boxele!<br \/>\n\u2014 A\u015f prefera s\u0103 fiu genial cu pula.<br \/>\n\u2014 Nu m-am g\u00e2ndit s\u0103 gem singur\u2026 Nici s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eenregistrez.\u00a0N-am mai avut o idee bun\u0103 de ani de zile din\u00a0cauza ei. M\u0103 cople\u015fe\u015fte. \u00cemi fur\u0103 toat\u0103 energia pozitiv\u0103.\u00a0A\u015f vrea s\u0103 o omor uneori. \u00cenainte mi se scula pula c\u00e2nd\u00a0m\u0103 futeam, acum mi se scoal\u0103 doar dac\u0103 \u015ftiu c\u0103 o chinui\u00a0pe ea. E boln\u0103vicios, \u015ftiu, dar, pana mea, at\u00e2\u0163ia\u00a0ani de\u00a0persecu\u0163ie trebuie s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi pun\u0103 cumva amprenta. Mai d\u0103 cu\u00a0pu\u0163in scuipat. Pot s\u0103 gem acum?<\/p>\n<p>B\u0103iatul \u0103sta \u00eemi devenise brusc simpatic. \u015ei el era abuzat\u00a0de p\u0103rin\u0163i, chiar \u015fi la v\u00e2rsta asta. Adic\u0103 voiam s\u0103 \u00eel ajut,\u00a0\u00een ciuda salivei \u015fi sexului relativ prost.(&#8230;)<\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Sigur m\u0103-ta e de c\u0103cat?, l-am \u00eentrebat, totu\u015fi.<br \/>\n\u2014 Da. Din p\u0103cate, da.<br \/>\n\u2014 Atunci po\u0163i s\u0103 gemi. Vrei s\u0103 gem \u015fi eu tare?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da. Mi-ar pl\u0103cea.<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i vorbesc ur\u00e2t tare?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da. Da.<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei pula?, am zis eu cu aceea\u015fi intensitate cu care\u00a0a\u015f fi strigat pe cineva la o sut\u0103 de metri.<br \/>\n\u2014 Da! Vreau pul\u0103!, mi-a r\u0103spuns el ca \u015fi cum ar fi fost\u00a0\u00een cartierul vecin.<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei muie?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei s\u0103 te fut \u00een cur?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei s\u0103-mi iei pula \u00een gur\u0103?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei s\u0103 te scuip \u00een gaur\u0103?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 Ce gaur\u0103 str\u00e2mt\u0103 ai!<br \/>\n\u2014 Fute-m\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Str\u00e2nge-mi pula cu curul!<br \/>\n\u2014 Fute-m\u0103 mai tare!<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei muie \u00een gur\u0103?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 \u00ce\u0163i place c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u0163i bag pula \u00een cur?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 Vrei mai ad\u00e2nc?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da!<br \/>\n\u2014 E\u015fti o c\u0103\u0163ea care vrea pula?<br \/>\n\u2014 Da, sunt!<br \/>\n\u2014 E\u015fti un poponar muist cu gaura larg\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Sunt!<br \/>\n\u2014 Ia-mi toat\u0103 pula!<br \/>\n\u2014 Fute-m\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Curv\u0103 ordinar\u0103 \u015fi muist\u0103 ce e\u015fti!<br \/>\n\u2014 Fute-m\u0103!<br \/>\n\u2014 Aaaaaa!!!<br \/>\n\u2014 Mmmmm!<br \/>\nGemeam \u015fi vorbeam am\u00e2ndoi ca \u015fi cum ar fi fost cea\u00a0mai tare partid\u0103 de sex din via\u0163a noastr\u0103.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gemea cu pula culcat\u0103, iar\u00a0asta mi se pare una dintre cele mai mari dovezi de ipocrizie. M-am g\u00e2ndit c\u0103 n-ar strica o discu\u0163ie \u00een&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7347","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7347","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7347"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7347\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7347"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7347"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7347"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}