{"id":7523,"date":"2014-03-11T18:23:54","date_gmt":"2014-03-11T18:23:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=7523"},"modified":"2014-03-11T18:23:54","modified_gmt":"2014-03-11T18:23:54","slug":"tratat-de-libidinosenie-dezgustatoare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/tratat-de-libidinosenie-dezgustatoare\/","title":{"rendered":"Tratat de libidino\u015fenie dezgust\u0103toare"},"content":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 ceva mai sc\u00e2rbos dec\u00e2t \u0163\u0103ranul m\u00e2rlan? Da. \u0162\u0103ranul m\u00e2rlan \u015eI libidinos. Tocmai de aceea, v\u0103 prezint un guest post fabulos, scris de \u00eens\u0103\u015fi amica mea Andra Ciubotaru<\/a>, o fat\u0103 frumoas\u0103 \u015fi de\u015fteapt\u0103, n\u0103scut\u0103 cu ghinionul c\u0103 multe oribiliciuni masculine o g\u0103sesc atr\u0103g\u0103toare \u015fi, nu \u015ftiu cum se face, oribiliciunile masculine n-au niciodat\u0103 oglind\u0103 acas\u0103.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Dup\u0103 o \u00eent\u00e2lnire de afaceri cu un oarecare domn\u2019 director, iat\u0103 c\u00e2teva sfaturi pentru domnii directori din lumea-ntreag\u0103:<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Dac\u0103 abia facem cuno\u0219tin\u021b\u0103, nu mi te burica la pupat, v\u00e2rtos, pe ambii obraji. Sau, fie, dac\u0103 \u021bii numaidec\u00e2t s\u0103 te bagi \u00een sufletul meu \u0219i s\u0103 m\u0103 pupi, m\u0103car nu m\u0103 adulmeca.<\/em><\/p>\n

2. Nu-mi pupa m\u00e2na. Sau, fie, dac\u0103 \u021bii numaidec\u00e2t s\u0103 mi-o pupi, nu mi-o \u0219tampila prelung, cu buzele\u00a0\u00eemb\u0103late, ca apoi s\u0103 mi-o p\u0103strezi captiv\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 \u021bi-o lipe\u0219ti, tandru, de t\u00e2mpl\u0103, \u00een timp ce eu m\u0103 zbat s\u0103 mi-o trag \u00eenapoi.<\/em><\/p>\n

3. Nu-mi spune: \u201ee\u0219ti foarte bun\u0103 p\u0103 comunicare\u201d, ca apoi s\u0103 repe\u021bi \u0219i s\u0103 accentuezi \u201eFOARTE BUN\u0102\u201d, \u00een timp ce m\u0103 m\u0103sori libidinos din cap p\u00e2n\u0103-n picioare \u0219i-mi faci, complice, cu ochiul.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

4. Nu mi te \u00eenfiin\u021ba la dou\u0103 degete de nasul meu c\u00e2nd \u00eemi vorbe\u0219ti. Nu fi omul \u0103sta:http:\/\/goo.gl\/8URo1M<\/a>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

5. Roag\u0103-m\u0103 s\u0103 te ajut cu orice ai nevoie, dar nu te oferi, \u00een schimb, s\u0103 m\u0103 cinste\u0219ti cu \u201eo mas\u0103 cald\u0103 la restaurantul X, unde un meniu cost\u0103 dec\u00e2t (sic!) 14 lei \u0219i varza c\u0103lit\u0103 e c\u0103lit\u0103 ca la mama acas\u0103, nu doar fiart\u0103\u201d. C\u00e2nd te refuz politicos, nu insista iar, \u0219i iar, \u0219i iar.<\/em><\/p>\n

6. Nu-mi povesti cu lux de am\u0103nunte cum se c\u0103le\u0219te varza. Nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103. Nu-mi povesti nici amintirile tale din copil\u0103rie \u0219i nu mi te l\u0103uda cu realiz\u0103rile tale din liceu \u0219i din facultate. M\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 chiar mai pu\u021bin dec\u00e2t cum se c\u0103le\u0219te varza.<\/em><\/p>\n

7. Nu te purta ur\u00e2t cu angaja\u021bii t\u0103i \u0219i nu-mi spune, de fa\u021b\u0103 cu ei: \u201eVezi? A\u0219a trebuie s\u0103 te por\u021bi cu ei c\u00e2nd e\u0219ti director!\u201d \u2013 \u00een timp ce s\u0103racii oameni stau pironi\u021bi \u00een fa\u021ba ta \u0219i \u00ee\u0219i m\u0103soar\u0103 bombeurile. Nu, nu m\u0103 impresionezi.<\/em><\/p>\n

8. Dac\u0103 nu e\u0219ti capabil s\u0103 pricepi \u0219i s\u0103 re\u021bii ce discut\u0103m, nu m\u0103 pune s\u0103-\u021bi dictez, liter\u0103 cu liter\u0103. Roag\u0103-l pe unul dintre angaja\u021bii t\u0103i s\u0103 ia noti\u021be \u00een timpul \u00eent\u00e2lnirii sau roag\u0103-m\u0103 pe mine s\u0103-\u021bi trimit ideile principale pe mail, dup\u0103.<\/em><\/p>\n

9. C\u00e2nd \u00eemi cer scuze, finu\u021b, c\u0103 sunt obosit\u0103 (se mai \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103), nu glumi grosolan:<\/em>
– Spune drept, te-ai culcat la unu\u2019 azi noapte?!<\/em>
– M-am culcat devreme.<\/em>
– La c\u00e2t?<\/em>
– (eu, pu\u021bin \u00eencurcat\u0103) La zece…<\/em>
– \u0102h\u0103h\u0103\u0103\u0103. Tu nu te joci cu unu\u2019 singur, te culci cu 10 direct!<\/em><\/p>\n

10. Dup\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnire, nu m\u0103 suna de dou\u0103 ori: prima oar\u0103 ca s\u0103-mi spui c\u0103 abia a\u0219tep\u021bi s\u0103 ne mai vedem; a doua oar\u0103 ca s\u0103 m\u0103 anun\u021bi c\u0103 m-ai ad\u0103ugat pe Facebook.<\/em><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exist\u0103 ceva mai sc\u00e2rbos dec\u00e2t \u0163\u0103ranul m\u00e2rlan? Da. \u0162\u0103ranul m\u00e2rlan \u015eI libidinos. Tocmai de aceea, v\u0103 prezint un guest post fabulos, scris de \u00eens\u0103\u015fi...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7523","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7523","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7523"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7523\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7523"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}