{"id":8437,"date":"2014-08-07T19:38:46","date_gmt":"2014-08-07T19:38:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=8437"},"modified":"2014-08-07T19:38:46","modified_gmt":"2014-08-07T19:38:46","slug":"baga-mi-as","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/baga-mi-as\/","title":{"rendered":"B\u0103ga-mi-a\u015f"},"content":{"rendered":"

Se \u00eentreab\u0103 un prieten de ce femeile \u00ee\u015fi bag\u0103 pula (inexistent\u0103) la sup\u0103rare \u00een obiectul furiei, \u00een loc s\u0103 fac\u0103 ceva specific sexului lor, \u015fi anume s\u0103-\u015fi introduc\u0103 obiectul furiei \u00een pizd\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00centrebarea asta are sens doar dac\u0103 e\u015fti nevasta mutant mar\u0163ian care a picat azi pe P\u0103m\u00e2nt – rolul \u0103la jucat superb de Kim Basinger – \u015fi \u015ftii tehnic care e anatomia b\u0103rbatului, cea a femeii, dar nu \u00een\u0163elegi emo\u0163iile, sentimentele \u015fi modul \u00een care func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 ele.<\/p>\n

B\u0103rba\u0163ii \u00ee\u015fi vizualizeaz\u0103 pula ca pe un buzdugan, cu care pedepsesc, asupresc, atac\u0103, nimicesc pericole. Odat\u0103 pula b\u0103gat\u0103 \u00een ceva, acel ceva se dezintegreaz\u0103 magic \u015fi dispare. B\u0103garea pulii e un act fioros \u015fi ofensiv.<\/p>\n

Femeile \u00ee\u015fi vizualizeaz\u0103 pizda ca pe cel mai pre\u0163ios secret al fiin\u0163ei lor. O epileaz\u0103, o oblojesc cu nu \u015ftiu c\u00e2te creme, are un gel de sp\u0103lare special pentru ea \u015fi orice fat\u0103 v\u0103 va spune c\u0103 are minimum trei perechi de chilo\u0163i mai scumpi dec\u00e2t \u00eentreaga ei \u0163inut\u0103 din momentul \u00een care te \u00eent\u00e2lne\u015fti cu ea pe strad\u0103. A\u015fadar, accesul la pizd\u0103 e select \u015fi rezervat doar unui club exclusivist de VIP members.<\/p>\n

\u00cen nici un caz nu-\u0163i bagi \u00een pizd\u0103 sticla de bere pe care ai sc\u0103pat-o \u015fi s-a f\u0103cut cioburi, exact c\u00e2nd mureai de sete. \u00cen aia-\u0163i bagi pula. \u00cen aia \u015fi \u00een mama fabricantului care a f\u0103cut sticla casabil\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00cen nici un caz nu-\u0163i bagi \u00een pizd\u0103 t\u00e2rlanul care se tot \u00eempingea \u00een tine \u00een autobuz. Hei, ar fi ca \u015fi cum toate mi\u015fc\u0103rile tale gen “oops, te-am nimerit din gre\u015feal\u0103 cu-n genunchi \u00een coaie, scuzeeee” ar fi fost \u00een zadar. \u015ei \u00een \u0103la \u00ee\u0163i bagi pula. Preferabil \u00een g\u00e2t. De jos \u00een sus.<\/p>\n

\u00cen nici un caz nu-\u0163i bagi \u00een pizd\u0103 impozitele, oamenii pro\u015fti, jegul de pe str\u0103zi \u015fi pe Alex Velea. \u00cen fond, pizda e o u\u015f\u0103 spre organismul t\u0103u. Dac\u0103-\u0163i bagi toate astea \u00een pizd\u0103 \u0163i le aduci \u00een tine. \u00cen toate astea \u00ee\u0163i bagi pula. \u00cen speran\u0163a c\u0103 e letal\u0103.<\/p>\n

“Dar femeile n-au pul\u0103!”<\/p>\n

S\u0103 mori tu c\u0103 realismul e caracteristica principalelor \u00eenjur\u0103turi pe care le \u015ftii?<\/p>\n

“Te bag \u00een pizda m\u0103-tii!” <\/strong>
\nS\u0103 ne imagin\u0103m o b\u0103tr\u00e2nic\u0103 cr\u0103cit\u0103, \u015fi pe Ion \u00eendes\u00e2ndu-l pe Gheorghe \u00eentre coapsele ei sub\u0163irele \u015fi ve\u015ftede.<\/p>\n

“\u00ce\u0163i fut mor\u0163ii m\u0103-tii!”<\/strong>
\n Nu \u015ftiu de ce, dac\u0103 e s-o lu\u0103m realist, pare o auto\u00eenjur\u0103tur\u0103. Cine ar vrea s\u0103-\u015fi petreac\u0103 noaptea \u00een cimitir, c\u0103ut\u00e2nd mormintele familiei Popescu, pentru un act sexual incomod \u015fi lipsit de satisfac\u0163ii?<\/p>\n

“S\u0103 m\u0103 pi\u015f pe familia ta!”<\/strong>
\n -Alo, tat\u0103, mam\u0103? Nu veni\u0163i p\u00e2n\u0103 la Bucure\u015fti? Uite, un b\u0103iat cu musta\u0163\u0103 v\u0103 pl\u0103te\u015fte trenul \u015fi dus, \u015fi \u00eentors. Are o surpriz\u0103 pentru voi!”<\/p>\n

Futu-\u0163i ceapa m\u0103-tii!<\/strong>
\nNu se precizeaz\u0103 dac\u0103 ceapa e elementul activ din actul sexual, sau cel pasiv.<\/p>\n

“S\u0103 m\u0103 cac pe crucea m\u0103-tii!”<\/strong>
\n \u015ei-mi imaginez un tinerel coco\u0163at pe o scar\u0103 \u00een form\u0103 de A, deasupra unui morm\u00e2nt, cu pantalonii \u00een vine, ap\u0103s\u00e2nd intens din vintre. “OK, trebuia s\u0103 iau Ciocolax. Dar poate nimeream \u015fi crucea vecinului. Nevermind, \u00eel trecem la victime colaterale”.<\/p>\n

“Sugi o mie de pule!”<\/strong>
\n M\u0103 rog, asta chiar poate fi realist\u0103. Depinde cui i-o adresezi.<\/p>\n

Later edit<\/strong><\/p>\n


\nGhici \u00eenjur\u0103tura mea.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Se \u00eentreab\u0103 un prieten de ce femeile \u00ee\u015fi bag\u0103 pula (inexistent\u0103) la sup\u0103rare \u00een obiectul furiei, \u00een loc s\u0103 fac\u0103 ceva specific sexului lor,...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8437"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8437\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}