{"id":8847,"date":"2015-01-22T14:56:36","date_gmt":"2015-01-22T14:56:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.wordpress.com\/?p=8847"},"modified":"2015-01-22T14:56:36","modified_gmt":"2015-01-22T14:56:36","slug":"ravagiile-danpuricozei","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/ravagiile-danpuricozei\/","title":{"rendered":"Ravagiile danpuricozei"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u00centr-o zi, Dan Puric n-a putut s\u0103 se ab\u0163in\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 acas\u0103 \u015fi s-a c\u0103cat \u00eentr-un tufi\u015f.<\/p>\n<p>Firesc, a\u0163i spune voi. Oricare dintre noi am p\u0103\u0163it asta.<\/p>\n<p>Era \u00eens\u0103 o zi de var\u0103 cald\u0103, cu v\u00e2nt slab \u015fi moderat, cer pe alocuri noros \u015fi precipita\u0163ii intense de scurt\u0103 durat\u0103. \u00cen urma condi\u0163iilor meteorologice, solul se p\u0103trunse de substan\u0163a rezultat\u0103 din anusul lui Dan Puric. \u00cent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor, pe dedesubtul respectivului tufi\u015f, trecea o \u0163eav\u0103 important\u0103 care asigura apa potabil\u0103 pentru o bun\u0103 parte din ora\u015f, \u015fi astfel, fecalele lui Dan Puric se infiltrar\u0103 \u00een canalizare.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;A\u015fa, \u015fi?&#8221; se \u00eentreb\u0103 Silvestru, ascult\u00e2nd \u015ftirea, \u00een timp ce-\u015fi punea un pahar de ap\u0103 din bidonul de 5 litri la superofert\u0103. &#8220;Nu e c\u0103catul lui Dan Puric cel mai \u00eengrozitor lucru care a intrat \u00een canalizarea noastr\u0103, nu? \u015ei \u00een fond, noi to\u0163i bem ap\u0103 de la magazin, deci care-i problema?&#8221; se g\u00e2ndi el, sorbind un g\u00e2t din paharul de plastic, r\u0103mas de la ultima petrecere a firmei, unde Silvestru se alesese cu trei pachete de pahare de plastic, \u015fi dou\u0103 de furculi\u0163e de unic\u0103 folosin\u0163\u0103, c\u0103 doar nu era prost s\u0103 le arunce.<\/p>\n<p>\u00cen timp ce medita a\u015fa, se auzir\u0103 b\u0103t\u0103i la u\u015f\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Cine e?&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;Sunt eu, b\u0103iatul vecinului, Giani.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>O furie nou\u0103 puse st\u0103p\u00e2nire pe Silvestru:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Cum s\u0103 te cheme Giani? Ce nume e \u0103sta, c\u00e2nd noi avem echivalent neao\u015f, Ion?&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;Nenea Silvestru, las\u0103 t\u00e2mpeniile, vezi c\u0103 ai uitat apa curg\u00e2nd \u00een du\u015f \u015fi ne inunzi.&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;Dar cum s\u0103 te cheme Giani? Nu e rom\u00e2nesc! E absolut \u00eenfior\u0103tor.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Giani scoase un r\u0103cnet \u015fi c\u0103zu de jos. Din spatele lui, cu un cu\u0163it s\u00e2nger\u00e2nd \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103, ap\u0103ru m\u0103-sa. Ud\u0103 de la apa care curgea \u00een baie, de la inunda\u0163ia cauzat\u0103 de Silvestru:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Sunt o mam\u0103 netrebnic\u0103! r\u0103cni femeia. I-am dat nume p\u0103g\u00e2n, deci a trebuit s\u0103-i curm zilele cu m\u00e2na mea. Eu l-am f\u0103cut, el \u00eel omor, c\u0103 a\u015fa e la noi la rom\u00e2ni.&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;DA, r\u00e2nji Silvestru. Neamul nostru e sf\u00e2nt \u015fi valorile lui trebuie respectate!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Se duse la baie s\u0103 opreasc\u0103 apa \u015fi pe drum, se lovi cu privirea de inscrip\u0163ia Washing Mashine de pe aparatul alb care trona \u00een drumul lui spre robinet.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;U\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103!&#8221; \u00eencepu Silvestru s\u0103 urle, ca apucat de streche. Apoi lu\u0103 m\u0103turoiul, cump\u0103rat de la \u0163\u0103rani din pia\u0163\u0103, deci garantat autentic rom\u00e2nesc \u015fi \u00eencepu s\u0103 dea \u00een ea cu r\u00e2vn\u0103 neao\u015f\u0103. Femeia \u00eencepu s\u0103 aplaude entuziast\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;E\u015fti vajnic ca un dac, voinicule&#8221;, exclam\u0103 ea, privind cum cadranul rotund de sticl\u0103 al ma\u015finii se transforma \u00een cioburi.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nu mai spune, Savet\u0103&#8221;, r\u00e2nji fioros Silvestru. Apoi o lu\u0103 pe sus pe femeie \u015fi o tr\u00e2nti pe biroul din camer\u0103. Dar, \u00een timp ce smulgea c\u0103ma\u015fa de pe ea, v\u0103zu \u00een col\u0163ul biroului fatala inscrip\u0163ie: VITTSJ\u00d6. \u00cempinse la o parte muierea \u015fi \u00eencepu s\u0103 dea cu m\u0103tura \u00een infamul invadator str\u0103in al spa\u0163iului sacrosanct rom\u00e2nesc neao\u015f autentic.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;A\u015fa, v\u00e2rtosuleee&#8221;, \u0163ip\u0103 \u00eenc\u00e2ntat\u0103 Saveta.<br \/>\n&#8220;\u00ce\u0163i place, Savet\u0103?&#8221; strig\u0103 Silvestru, sim\u0163indu-se ca Andrii Popa cel Voinic peste r\u0103m\u0103\u015fi\u0163ele biroului.<br \/>\n&#8220;Da, fl\u0103c\u0103ule, vino \u015fi rupe tot de pe mine!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei m\u00e2na v\u00e2noas\u0103 \u015fi lacom\u0103 a lui Silvestru grebl\u0103 se f\u0103cu. Apuc\u0103 chilotul femeii \u015fi-l sf\u00e2\u015fie dintr-o smucitur\u0103. Abia atunci ochii lui descoperir\u0103 inscrip\u0163ia: Hoang Wu. Made in China.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Savet\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103, m\u0103 tr\u0103da\u015fi!&#8221; r\u0103cni furios Silvestru.<br \/>\n\u015ei se n\u0103pusti asupra ei cu m\u0103tura. Dar pe drum \u00ee\u015fi aminti ceva.<br \/>\n&#8220;Am de scris urgent, sau \u00eennebunesc. Nu mi\u015fca, c\u0103 vin acu&#8217; s\u0103 te omor pentru tr\u0103darea valorilor rom\u00e2ne\u015fti. Dar m-a p\u0103lit un protest urgent.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei, torturat de tenebrele patriotismului, Silvestru scrise <a href=\"http:\/\/blitzmagazine.ro\/recomandari\/cum-te-cheama-pui-de-dac-richard\">acest articol<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>\u00centre timp, Saveta, resemnat\u0103 ca o miori\u0163\u0103 cu l\u00e2n\u0103 pl\u0103vi\u0163\u0103, \u00ee\u015fi a\u015ftepta ob\u015ftescul sf\u00e2r\u015fit. C\u00e2nd s\u0103 ridice \u00eens\u0103 cu\u0163itul asupra ei, \u00een ochii lui Silvestru str\u0103fulger\u0103 marca acestuia: Abidas Stain Less Steal. Toat\u0103 via\u0163a \u00eei trecu pe dinaintea ochilor.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nu se poate! Am \u00eengurgitat m\u00e2ncare p\u00e2ng\u0103rit\u0103 cu un cu\u0163it de provenien\u0163\u0103 str\u0103in\u0103&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei se preg\u0103ti s\u0103 \u015fi-l \u00eenfig\u0103 \u00een piept.<\/p>\n<p>Deodat\u0103, se auzir\u0103 sunete de bucium. Norii se despicar\u0103 \u015fi ap\u0103ru un zeu \u00een bl\u0103nuri de urs, cu opinci \u00een picioare \u015fi barba p\u00e2n\u0103 dincolo de podea.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Sunt Zamolxes, f\u0103tul meu. Am venit s\u0103-\u0163i spun s\u0103 nu-\u0163i curmi zilele \u015fi s\u0103 nu te m\u00e2nje\u015fti nici cu s\u00e2ngele Savetei, pentru c\u0103 acel cu\u0163it, f\u0103tul meu, e f\u0103cut de doi b\u0103ie\u0163i autentici \u00een spatele blocului. Mai bine ia-o pe Saveta, face\u0163i-v\u0103 un bordei din chirpici \u015fi tr\u0103i\u0163i ferici\u0163i p\u00e2n\u0103 la 40 de ani c\u00e2nd ve\u0163i muri de aceea\u015fi bron\u015fit\u0103, ca dou\u0103 suflete pereche. Eu s\u0103 fiu cu voi, fe\u0163ii mei!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Zamolxes \u00eencepu s\u0103 dispar\u0103 treptat, ultima r\u0103m\u00e2n\u00e2nd barba. Dar, brusc, barba \u00ee\u015fi aminti ceva.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Silvestru, fiule, nici numele t\u0103u nu e suficient de neao\u015f. De aceea \u0163i-l voi schimba. De m\u00e2ine, f\u0103tul meu, o s\u0103 te cheme Achim-Ghenadie. Binecuv\u00e2ntat fie numele meu!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00centr-o zi, Dan Puric n-a putut s\u0103 se ab\u0163in\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 acas\u0103 \u015fi s-a c\u0103cat \u00eentr-un tufi\u015f. Firesc, a\u0163i spune voi. Oricare dintre noi am&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8847","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8847","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8847"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8847\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8847"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8847"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8847"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}