Specia uman\u0103 e oribil\u0103, \u015ftim cu to\u0163ii. Dar parc\u0103 niciodat\u0103 nu e at\u00e2t de oribil\u0103 ca \u00een momentele acelea p\u0103r\u0103site de Dumnezeu \u015fi batjocorite de soart\u0103 \u00een care \u00ee\u0163i dicteaz\u0103 ce reac\u0163ie ar trebui s\u0103 ai la gesturile ei.<\/p>\n
“R\u00e2zi garantat” e luat de pe un tabloid \u015fi pe refer\u0103 la un film \u00a0embeduit de pe youtube.<\/p>\n
\u015ei dac\u0103 nu r\u00e2d, cum func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 garan\u0163ia? Decont la abonamentul pe Internet, o lun\u0103? Bomboane gratis? Un voucher de cafea \u00eentr-o cafenea cu fi\u0163e?<\/p>\n
“Da, bun, e tabloid, ce dreq vrei?”, \u00eel aud acum pe trollul hater care vine zi de zi s\u0103 m\u0103 urasc\u0103 \u00een loc s\u0103 se duc\u0103 \u00een mor\u0163ii lui s\u0103 caute pe cineva demn de dragoste.<\/p>\n
P\u0103i tocmai. Tabloidul nu e dec\u00e2t reflectarea preocup\u0103rilor, metehnelor \u015fi defectelor omului prost. Tabloidul public\u0103 zvonuri dubioase pe un ton conspirativ pentru c\u0103 asta face \u015fi prostul, seara la o beric\u0103 \u015fi-o s\u0103m\u00e2n\u0163\u0103, preferabil pe un ton superior. Dac\u0103 tabloidul n-are zvonuri dubioase pe ziua \u00een curs, le inventeaz\u0103. Pentru c\u0103 asta face \u015fi prostul, c\u00e2nd n-are ce b\u00e2rfi. Tabloidul public\u0103 b\u00e2rfe de a\u015fternut, prezum\u0163ii legate de onorariile unora \u015fi altora, b\u00e2rfe seriale, de tip “ce-a mai f\u0103cut…” \u015fi ocazional o povestioar\u0103 lacrimogen\u0103. Reflectarea perfect\u0103 a unui creier de prost.<\/p>\n
\u015ei tot creierul de prost are nevoia imperativ\u0103 s\u0103 i se dicteze cum s\u0103 reac\u0163ioneze la o chestie sau alta. C\u0103 e greu s\u0103 iei decizii c\u00e2nd e\u015fti prost. E greu s\u0103 te prinzi la care cotitur\u0103 a pove\u015ftii se r\u00e2de \u015fi la care se pl\u00e2nge. \u015ei da, folosesc diateza reflexiv\u0103 inten\u0163ionat. Pentru c\u0103 prostul nu \u00een\u0163elege ideea de individualitate. “Se r\u00e2de” \u00een turm\u0103, “se pl\u00e2nge” \u00een turm\u0103.<\/p>\n
\u015ei tot creierul de prost simte nevoia s\u0103-\u0163i dicteze \u015fi \u0163ie ce reac\u0163ie ar trebui s\u0103 ai tu la ceea ce spune el.<\/p>\n
“V\u0103 voi spune ceva foarte frumos”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Am \u00eenceput s\u0103 ur\u0103sc discu\u0163iile cu publicul. Pentru c\u0103 \u00een publicul oricui se strecoar\u0103, din cele mai gre\u015fite motive, un anumit num\u0103r de cretini.<\/p>\n La o astfel de discu\u0163ie, se ridic\u0103 la un moment dat o pizd\u0103 n\u0103ucitor de retardat\u0103 \u015fi exclam\u0103: “V\u0103 voi spune acum ceva foarte frumos”. \u015ei spune, cum m\u0103 a\u015fteptam din partea cuiva care dicteaz\u0103 ce trebuie s\u0103 sim\u0163im legat de spusele lui, o banalitate perfect uitabil\u0103.<\/p>\n Nu era mai simplu s\u0103 nu ne am\u0103ge\u015fti cu promisiuni, vaca dracu’, s\u0103 nu ne excit\u0103m de-a valma a\u015ftept\u00e2nd ceva foarte frumos, ca dup\u0103 aia s\u0103 ne dai cu c\u0103r\u0103mida peste din\u0163i? Dac\u0103 promiteai c\u0103 ne spui o banalitate, ne deveneai brusc simpatic\u0103.<\/p>\n “Eu nu te jignesc”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Nimic nu se compar\u0103 \u00een coeficient de detestabilitate cu jegul care face afirma\u0163ii insult\u0103toare legate de tine, apoi declar\u0103 “eu nu te jignesc”.<\/p>\n Insulta o decide receptorul, nu emi\u0163\u0103torul. \u015ei insulta nu e neap\u0103rat “X e o vac\u0103”. Adeseori, complimentele unui prost sunt mai insult\u0103toare dec\u00e2t tachin\u0103rile unui de\u015ftept. \u015ei, da, c\u00e2nd ai \u00een fa\u0163\u0103 un om c\u0103ruia i-ai adresat o replic\u0103 \u015fi, drept r\u0103spuns, \u0103la \u00ee\u0163i ia to\u0163i mor\u0163ii \u00een pul\u0103, e semn c\u0103 ba da, jigne\u015fti. Eventual po\u0163i spune “n-a fost inten\u0163ia mea s\u0103 te jignesc. Eu voiam s\u0103 zic c\u0103…” \u00cen nici un caz “Eu nu te jignesc”. Pentru c\u0103 prin asta \u00eel mai calci \u00een picioare o dat\u0103.<\/p>\n “De ce nu te bucuri c\u00e2nd te sun?”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Ca s\u0103 se mire pro\u015ftii. Sau pentru c\u0103 nu m\u0103 interesezi nici c\u00e2t negru sub unghie \u015fi nu am chef s\u0103 mimez absolut nimic. \u015ei pentru c\u0103 cu c\u00e2t te strofoci s\u0103 \u00eemi dictezi ce reac\u0163ie ar trebui s\u0103 am la ce faci tu, cu at\u00e2t ob\u0163ii opusul acelei reac\u0163ii.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n NU, NU R\u00c2D GARANTAT. Dar dac\u0103 \u00eemi spui gluma pur \u015fi simplu \u015fi o faci a\u015fa cum trebuie, s-ar putea s\u0103 r\u00e2d spontan. F\u0103r\u0103 garan\u0163ie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Specia uman\u0103 e oribil\u0103, \u015ftim cu to\u0163ii. Dar parc\u0103 niciodat\u0103 nu e at\u00e2t de oribil\u0103 ca \u00een momentele acelea p\u0103r\u0103site de Dumnezeu \u015fi batjocorite...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9193,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9192","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bitter"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Inspection_satisfaction_guaranteed.png?fit=310%2C281&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9192","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9192"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9192\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9197,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9192\/revisions\/9197"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9193"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9192"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9192"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9192"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}