{"id":9220,"date":"2015-04-06T05:18:28","date_gmt":"2015-04-06T05:18:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=9220"},"modified":"2015-04-06T06:22:12","modified_gmt":"2015-04-06T06:22:12","slug":"aceste-clisee-ne-dor-toate-femeile-sunt-curve","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/aceste-clisee-ne-dor-toate-femeile-sunt-curve\/","title":{"rendered":"Aceste cli\u015fee ne dor: &#8220;Toate femeile sunt curve&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, c\u00e2te un oligofren vrea s\u0103 dea s\u0103 ne juleasc\u0103. \u00cencordeaz\u0103 musculatura inexistent\u0103 a creierului \u015fi pufne\u015fte: &#8220;Toate femeile sunt curve&#8221;. Apoi, se \u00eentoarce, presupun, la canalul de filme porno cu care a tr\u0103it \u00een dulce concubinaj.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Eu \u00eenc\u0103 nu am v\u0103zut un tip de\u015ftept enun\u0163\u00e2nd aceast\u0103 revolu\u0163ionar\u0103 idee. Absolut nici unul. Nu am v\u0103zut nici m\u0103car pe vreunul suficient iubit s\u0103 enun\u0163e aceast\u0103 idee. Pentru c\u0103 \u00een clipa \u00een care acele curve ordinare \u00ee\u0163i ofer\u0103 suficient din iubirea lor, subit faptul c\u0103 ele sunt curve nu mai reprezint\u0103, \u00een mod miraculos, nici o problem\u0103. Dimpotriv\u0103, parafraz\u00e2ndu-l pe M\u00e2ntuitorul Nostru Iisus Christos carele au \u00eenviat ieri, ca \u00een fiecare an: &#8220;L\u0103sa\u0163i curvele s\u0103 vin\u0103 la mine&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Dar s\u0103 vedem \u00eempreun\u0103 de ce e ridicol s\u0103 enun\u0163i nerozia asta.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>1) Toate femeile sunt curve, iar b\u0103rba\u0163ii sunt&#8230; sfin\u0163i?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>A\u015fa cum nu i-am \u00een\u0163eles niciodat\u0103 pe comentatorii de tip: &#8220;Ejti o zdrean\u0163\u0103 penal\u0103 vac\u0103 scroaf\u0103 muist\u0103 de pul\u0103 \u00een spiral\u0103&#8221; \/ &#8220;Ce-ai, m\u0103, lab\u0103 implacabil de trist\u0103, rage nefuterea \u00een tine?&#8221; \/ &#8220;Uite c\u0103 nu e\u015fti o doamn\u0103 \u015fi vorbe\u015fti nepoliticos&#8221; (adic\u0103, \u0103ia care ofer\u0103 comportament de t\u00e2rl\u0103, dar pretind salon la schimb), nu-i \u00een\u0163eleg pe emiten\u0163ii acestui enun\u0163 dec\u00e2t dac\u0103 sunt c\u0103lug\u0103ri la muntele Athos. Iar c\u0103lug\u0103rii de pe Athos sunt prea ocupa\u0163i cu sf\u00e2nta rug\u0103ciune, culesul de scaie\u0163i comestibili \u015fi \u00eempinsul m\u00e2lului la munte s\u0103 se preocupe de lucruri at\u00e2t de m\u0103runte precum generalizarea la femei.<\/p>\n<p>De obicei, \u00eens\u0103, enun\u0163\u0103torii sunt fie \u00eentr-o rela\u0163ie pasional\u0103 cu ei \u00een\u015fi\u015fi, \u015fi au o palm\u0103 care, dac\u0103 ar fi fost fertil\u0103, ar fi umplut deja p\u0103m\u00e2ntul cu m\u00e2nu\u0163e mici \u015fi juc\u0103u\u015fe, fie tipii \u0103ia v\u00e2n\u0103tori de trofee care au fug\u0103rit, dintre toate femeile, numai curve, s\u0103 se laude la tovar\u0103\u015fi, \u015fi \u00een timp, li s-a golit pu\u015fculi\u0163a.<\/p>\n<p>P\u0103i, bine, cois, \u015fi atunci, noi cu ce suntem de vin\u0103 pentru op\u0163iunile tale de via\u0163\u0103? M\u0103car nu ne acuza pe noi.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2) Cu cine sunt curve femeile?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Except\u00e2nd cazurile c\u00e2nd femeile sunt curve \u00eentre ele (cazuri care nu implic\u0103 sex, din p\u0103cate, ci doar acele \u00eempuns\u0103turi pasiv-agresive care fac du\u015fm\u0103nia cu femei un co\u015fmar, c\u0103 nu po\u0163i nici m\u0103car s\u0103 te cer\u0163i ca lumea, dar nici s\u0103 te \u00eempaci), femeile sunt curve, sexual vorbind, cu doritori de sex masculin.<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei atunci \u00eentreb eu: po\u0163i tu s\u0103-l faci pe Gore un drogat nenorocit, dac\u0103 tu e\u015fti dealerul lui de droguri?<\/p>\n<p>Po\u0163i s\u0103-l faci pe Tase ho\u0163, dac\u0103 tu \u00eei bagi portofele \u00een buzunar?<\/p>\n<p>Po\u0163i s\u0103-l faci pe Nicu mincinos, dup\u0103 ce tu i-ai dat informa\u0163iile eronate?<\/p>\n<p>Po\u0163i, desigur, dac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i lipse\u015fte cu des\u0103v\u00e2r\u015fire chestia aia numit\u0103 coloan\u0103 vertebral\u0103. Dar dac\u0103 un om are, s\u0103 zicem, un viciu la care tu e\u015fti p\u0103rta\u015f, cumva nu te califici taman tu s\u0103-l acuzi. Sau asumi vina comun\u0103 sau faci ce ar face un domn: taci dreq&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3) Dai pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 \u0163int\u0103.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Pe tine foarte rar te intereseaz\u0103 &#8220;toate femeile&#8221;, ca turm\u0103. Pe tine te intereseaz\u0103, de obicei, un anumit specimen, care nu-\u0163i r\u0103spunde la telefon. Posibil <a href=\"http:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/?p=9203\">pentru c\u0103 nu i-ai pl\u0103tit cafeaua, c\u00e2nd ai invitat-o<\/a>. \ud83d\ude00 Dar tu voiai s-o chemi \u015fi la alte cafele pe care s\u0103 nu le pl\u0103te\u015fti, te sim\u0163i profund ofuscat c\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i ignor\u0103 personalitatea ravisant\u0103 din cauza unui flecu\u015fte\u0163 cum e zg\u00e2rcenia, \u015fi vrei s-o faci s\u0103 se simt\u0103 prost \u015fi s\u0103 se \u00eentoarc\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u00e2nd la tine. (De unde mitul \u0103sta r\u0103sp\u00e2ndit printre virgini, c\u0103 o femeie insultat\u0103 va c\u0103dea brusc la picioarele \u0103luia care o insult\u0103, cuprins\u0103 de pasiune necontrolat\u0103, \u015fi-i va desface febril fermoarul, s\u0103 \u00eei \u00eenghit\u0103 penisul ca pe ultima suflare?)<\/p>\n<p>Revenind: te-a r\u0103nit Vasilica. Tu vrei s-o pedepse\u015fti verbal. \u015ei enun\u0163i: &#8220;Toate femeile sunt curve, Vasilico!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>P\u0103i, exact \u00een clipa aia, Vasilica o s\u0103 r\u0103sufle u\u015furat\u0103. &#8220;Eu credeam c\u0103 e ceva gre\u015fit \u00een faptul c\u0103-mi place grav pula, preferabil a altuia. Dar dac\u0103 toate suntem curve, \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 e ok&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Dac\u0103 to\u0163i elefan\u0163ii au tromp\u0103, elefantul Silvestru se va sim\u0163i perfect justificat \u015fi relaxat s\u0103 aib\u0103 una. C\u0103 doar e elefant, nu?<\/p>\n<p><strong>4) \u015ei nici nu ob\u0163ii nimic.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u00cenc\u0103 nu am auzit de femei care s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103 insultelor sf\u00e2\u015fiindu-\u015fi chilo\u0163ii frenetic. Dimpotriv\u0103. Reac\u0163ia unanim\u0103 e &#8220;Dispari, b\u0103, jeg oligofren handicapat t\u00e2mpit \u015fi idiot&#8221;. Sau dac\u0103 e genul domni\u015foar\u0103, \u0163ie nu-\u0163i zice nimic \u015fi m\u0103 \u0163ine pe mine, prietena ei, trei sferturi de or\u0103 la telefon s\u0103 mi se vaiete c\u0103 e\u015fti jeg oligofren handicapat t\u00e2mpit \u015fi idiot.<\/p>\n<p>Pe scurt, e util s\u0103 afirmi c\u0103 toate femeile-s curve doar dac\u0103 ai depus jur\u0103m\u00e2nt de virginitate. Caz \u00een care ai respectul meu. \u015ei o factur\u0103 din partea mea, reprezent\u00e2nd echivalentul celor trei sferturi de or\u0103 pe care le-a\u015f fi putut munci superb, dac\u0103 n-ai fi venit tu s-o enervezi pe prietena mea.<\/p>\n<p><em>Not\u0103: Am pus o poz\u0103 cu o femeie. O curv\u0103, dup\u0103 teoria acelora dintre voi care se acoper\u0103 cu cli\u015feul de mai sus.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, c\u00e2te un oligofren vrea s\u0103 dea s\u0103 ne juleasc\u0103. \u00cencordeaz\u0103 musculatura inexistent\u0103 a creierului \u015fi pufne\u015fte: &#8220;Toate femeile sunt curve&#8221;.&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9222,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bitter","category-unde-mergem"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/tilda.jpg?fit=1848%2C1427&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9220","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9220"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9220\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9227,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9220\/revisions\/9227"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9222"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}