De c\u00e2nd se \u015ftie, b\u0103rba\u0163ii au avut o singur\u0103 preocupare: s\u0103 se libidino\u015feasc\u0103 la femei, la c\u00e2t mai multe. \u0102ia mai cretini au asumat faptul c\u0103 vor fi respin\u015fi \u015fi au f\u0103cut-o vulgar \u015fi enervant, s\u0103 se justifice \u00een propriii lor ochi c\u0103 respingerea e de fapt ceea ce voiau \u015fi s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi panseze egoul \u0163\u0103nd\u0103ri, care le spunea c\u0103-s ur\u00e2\u0163i, pro\u015fti \u015fi indezirabili pe toate planurile. \u0102ia mai pu\u0163in cretini au c\u0103utat modalit\u0103\u0163i absconse de a se libidino\u015fi acceptabil social. <\/p>\n
A\u015fa a ap\u0103rut acest obicei transilv\u0103nean infam care se nume\u015fte stropitul. <\/p>\n
Cum se desf\u0103\u015foar\u0103 el? <\/p>\n
Orice posesor de 1 \u00een buletin \u00een\u015ffac\u0103 o sticl\u0103 de parfum – mai scump\u0103 dac\u0103 vrea s\u0103 etaleze ce de bani zac prin buzunarele lui, mai ieftin\u0103 dac\u0103 e un zg\u00e2rc\u0103 lamentabil – \u015fi face turul ora\u015fului natal. Bate la u\u015file cunoscutelor – \u015fi la ale necunoscutelor, dac\u0103 e foarte \u0163\u0103ran – le zice o poezioar\u0103 t\u00e2mpit\u0103, le ejaculeaz\u0103 cu parfumul peste fa\u0163\u0103, p\u0103r, ochi, \u0163\u00e2\u0163e, unde \u00eel macin\u0103 \u015fi pe el feti\u015ful, iar proastele \u00eel omenesc cu bucate (ur\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103\u0103sc termenul “bucate”, geme de danpuricoz\u0103 agravant\u0103), cu p\u0103linc\u0103 \u015fi, de cum iese pe u\u015f\u0103, fac un du\u015f prelung \u015fi ap\u0103sat. <\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 cineva \u00eemi spune c\u0103 stropitul nu e o metafor\u0103 transparent\u0103 pentru pl\u0103cerea masculin\u0103 de a ejacula pe orice parte vizibil\u0103 a corpului femeii, \u00eemi m\u0103n\u00e2nc to\u0163i bocancii. \u015ei am \u015fase perechi. <\/p>\n
Dac\u0103 ascul\u0163i povestea de c\u0103cat folcloric, ea zice c\u0103 femeia e o floare, care trebuie stropit\u0103 de c\u00e2t mai mul\u0163i masculi, s\u0103 nu se ofileasc\u0103. OK, alt\u0103 metafor\u0103 transparent\u0103 pentru po\u015ft\u0103. Pas\u0103mite, pe vremuri, femeia trebuia aburit\u0103 metaforic, se oripila de termeni precum bukkake \u015fi-l invoca instant pe Dumnezeu. <\/p>\n
Din toate aceste motive, din nedorin\u0163a de a fi stropit\u0103 de to\u0163i retarda\u0163ii care treceau pragul casei \u015fi din vulgaritatea absolut\u0103 a obiceiului, am fugit mereu de stropit. Ajungeai invariabil la finalul serii s\u0103 l\u0103crimezi alergic \u015fi s\u0103 pu\u0163i a anestec de chimicale. Zece du\u015furi nu scoteau mirosul \u0103la din tine. \u015ei, pe m\u0103sur\u0103 ce seara \u00eenainta, retarda\u0163ii erau din ce \u00een ce mai be\u0163i, mai incoeren\u0163i \u015fi mai g\u0103l\u0103gio\u015fi. Mi se scoal\u0103 p\u0103rul \u00een cap numai c\u00e2nd \u00eemi amintesc. <\/p>\n
\u00cen adolescen\u0163\u0103, c\u00e2nd \u00eemi inventam mereu drum dracu’ \u015ftie pe unde, s\u0103 nu m\u0103 pomenesc stropit\u0103 de idio\u0163i random, \u00eemi ziceam c\u0103 o s\u0103 cresc mare \u015fi o s\u0103 \u00eenchiriez un loc special pentru ziua stropitului, s\u0103 aleg eu NUMAI tipii care-mi plac \u015fi s\u0103 le dau doar lor adresa secret\u0103. Pentru c\u0103 stropitul n-ar trebui s\u0103 fie un drept al oric\u0103rui imbecil, ci un privilegiu. Un club select cu legitima\u0163ie aurit\u0103, redactat\u0103 cu litere gotice. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
De c\u00e2nd se \u015ftie, b\u0103rba\u0163ii au avut o singur\u0103 preocupare: s\u0103 se libidino\u015feasc\u0103 la femei, la c\u00e2t mai multe. \u0102ia mai cretini au asumat...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9253,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/1608756.jpg?fit=900%2C675&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9252","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9252"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9252\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9254,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9252\/revisions\/9254"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}