Habar nu am ce anume, din tot ce scriu eu, face s\u0103 se umfle periodic t\u0103r\u00e2\u0163a \u00eentr-un num\u0103r oarecare de oligofreni care \u00eencep apoi s\u0103 m\u0103 acuze de diverse imbecilit\u0103\u0163i \u015fi, la final, enun\u0163\u0103 ca verdict: “Vai, dar ce ur\u0103\u015fti b\u0103rba\u0163ii.” <\/p>\n
De unde ai ajuns, b\u0103, la concluzia asta? a\u015f \u00eentreba, dac\u0103 nu mi-a\u015f fi impus \u00een ultima vreme s\u0103 nu pierd vremea \u00een discu\u0163ii cu oligofreni. Doar pentru c\u0103 le-a\u015f da foc, \u00eenseamn\u0103 neap\u0103rat c\u0103-i ur\u0103sc? \ud83d\ude00 <\/p>\n
N-am zis niciodat\u0103 c\u0103 ur\u0103sc b\u0103rba\u0163ii. Dimpotriv\u0103. Sunt b\u0103rba\u0163i cu care m-a\u015f m\u0103rita azi, dac\u0103 m-ar cere. Sunt b\u0103rba\u0163i pe care \u00eei admir, b\u0103rba\u0163i pe care \u00eei plac. \u015ei b\u0103rba\u0163i pe care \u00eei respect. B\u0103rba\u0163i cu care m\u0103 amuz copios la o bere. B\u0103rba\u0163i cu care pot vorbi orice. B\u0103rba\u0163i care sunt sexualitatea ambulant\u0103. Ba chiar sunt b\u0103rba\u0163i care le combin\u0103 pe toate cele de mai sus. <\/p>\n
Dar exact ca Internetul, unde de\u015fteptul tace, prostul e vocal ca sirena mili\u0163iei \u015fi senza\u0163ia de ansamblu e “mam\u0103, ce s-a prostit omenirea”, \u015fi \u00een cazul b\u0103rba\u0163ilor, \u0103ia mi\u015fto vorbesc doar c\u00e2nd au ceva de spus, iar pro\u015ftii \u0163\u0103c\u0103ne cli\u015fee, dobitocenii, tentative penibile de b\u0103gare de seam\u0103 de diminea\u0163a p\u00e2n\u0103 seara. \u015ei impresia de ansamblu e: “Hai s\u0103 ne c\u0103lug\u0103rim, c\u0103 Dumnezeu pare ultimul b\u0103rbat neprost din univers”. <\/p>\n
Punctez: IMPRESIA DE ANSAMBLU. N-am fost niciodat\u0103 sclava impresiilor de ansamblu, am ales mereu s\u0103 a\u015ftept p\u00e2n\u0103 la etapa impresiilor specifice.
\nDar, da, dac\u0103 ur\u0103sc din inim\u0103 ceva, sunt apuc\u0103turile anumitor categorii de b\u0103rba\u0163i, pe care \u00eei numim \u00een cele ce urmeaz\u0103 “pro\u015ftii care merit\u0103 s\u0103 moar\u0103 \u00een chinuri”. \u015ei apuc\u0103turile astea sunt urm\u0103toarele: <\/p>\n
a) Tratamentul femeii ca \u0163int\u0103 <\/strong><\/p>\n “Moam\u0103\u0103\u0103, ce bun\u0103ciune e\u015fti, s\u0103 moar\u0103 mama, \u0103uuuuu!” PE SCURT, CEEA CE AM OBSERVAT MEREU E: B\u0102RBATUL DE\u015eTEPT TRATEAZ\u0102 FEMEIA RESPECTUOS \u015eI NEUTRU. PENTRU C\u0102 \u015eTIE C\u0102 N-A C\u00c2\u015eTIGAT-O LA BELCIUGE. PROSTUL FACE CA BUL\u0102 DIN BANC, O TRECE DIRECT LA FUTUTE. \u015eI NU \u00ceN\u0162ELEGE DE CE \u00ceL UR\u0102SC TOATE CU BULBUCI. <\/p>\n b) Tratamentul cu re\u0163et\u0103 <\/strong><\/p>\n Asta e o subspecie a lui a, de fapt. Printre pro\u015ftii care au impresia c\u0103 femeia care trece prin fa\u0163a lor e un fel de proprietate vorbitoare, pe care nu trebuie dec\u00e2t s-o cumperi, folosind complimente ca moned\u0103 de schimb, exist\u0103 prostul f\u0103cut gr\u0103mad\u0103, care are tactic\u0103 bine stabilit\u0103. Aceea\u015fi pentru toat\u0103 lumea. Se adun\u0103 cinci fete \u015fi r\u00e2d cu lacrimi de robo\u0163el. c) Tratamentul ultra-autoritar<\/strong><\/p>\n Sau prostul care nu suport\u0103 s\u0103 fie contrazis. \u015ei m\u0103 refer la idiotul b\u0103tut \u00een cap c\u0103ruia \u00eei explici cu bl\u00e2nde\u0163e, cu argumente calme \u015fi ra\u0163ionale, c\u0103 n-are dreptate. \u00cei ar\u0103\u0163i de ce gre\u015fe\u015fte \u015fi ce consecin\u0163e are gre\u015feala lui. Nimic! El o \u015ftie pe a lui. Pe \u0103\u015ftia i-a\u015f castra, s\u0103 nu se reproduc\u0103. Tot r\u0103ul din univers a \u00eenceput cu incapacitatea de a g\u00e2ndi o problem\u0103 din mai multe puncte de vedere. <\/p>\n Tratamentul intruziv<\/strong><\/p>\n Enter prostul b\u0103g\u0103cios. \u0102la pe care-l fute grija de tot ce nu e problema lui. \u0102la care te interogheaz\u0103 ca la poli\u0163ie \u015fi are impresia c\u0103 e loc\u0163iitorul lui Dumnezeu pe probleme de bine \u015fi r\u0103u. Prostul sinistru care n-are o via\u0163\u0103 personal\u0103, c\u0103-i prea ur\u00e2t \u015fi antipatic s\u0103-l tolereze cineva, \u015fi atunci \u00ee\u015fi sublimeaz\u0103 lipsa de ocupa\u0163ie \u00een futere de grij\u0103 fa\u0163\u0103 de tot ce nu-l prive\u015fte. <\/p>\n Tratamentul parad\u0103-de-sine<\/strong><\/p>\n \u0102sta e prostul care, ne\u00eentrebat de nimeni, \u00ee\u0163i poveste\u015fte ce de bani \u015fi rela\u0163ii are. \u015ei ce \u015fmecher e. \u015ei ce realiz\u0103ri are. \u015ei c\u00e2te poate face pentru tine. \u015ei cum e prieten cu (insert list\u0103 de personalit\u0103\u0163i din toate domeniile). \u015ei poate s\u0103-\u0163i fac\u0103 rost de orice, oricum \u015fi oriunde. Habar nu am ce anume, din tot ce scriu eu, face s\u0103 se umfle periodic t\u0103r\u00e2\u0163a \u00eentr-un num\u0103r oarecare de oligofreni care \u00eencep apoi...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9373,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/FACEPALM.png?fit=800%2C486&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9372","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9372"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9372\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9374,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9372\/revisions\/9374"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9373"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9372"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9372"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9372"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nE jignitor cu draci. E jignitor cu draci ca un tip s\u0103 te contabilizeze drept “gaura aia \u00een care vreau eu s\u0103 mi-o \u00eenfig”. E la fel de jignitor ca atunci c\u00e2nd ar veni una picat\u0103 de nic\u0103ieri la voi, s\u0103 v\u0103 spun\u0103 c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103-i pl\u0103ti\u0163i \u00eentre\u0163inerea acum, s\u0103-i lua\u0163i un Lamborghini nou nou\u0163 \u015fi o excursie de shopping la Milano. A\u015fa, hodoronc-tronc, f\u0103r\u0103 acordul vostru prealabil c\u0103 ar exista un interes comun \u00een sensul \u0103sta. <\/p>\n
\nUnii pun problema la fel p\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi la nivel de vr\u0103jeal\u0103. Au complimente despre care cred c\u0103-s foarte eficiente \u015fi le repet\u0103 tuturor.
\nOrice doctor v\u0103 va spune, dragi prostani, c\u0103 nici m\u0103car re\u0163etele reale, cele cu medicamente, nu func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 identic la to\u0163i pacien\u0163ii. \u015ei atunci, c\u00e2t de infinit de oligofren s\u0103 fii, s\u0103 crezi c\u0103 o anumit\u0103 vr\u0103jeal\u0103 \u0163ine la toate femeile?<\/p>\n
\n\u015ei te freac\u0103 la icre, interminabil \u015fi obositor, despre valoarea lui namb\u0103r oan, p\u00e2n\u0103 la momentul fatidic \u00een care, ca s\u0103-l testezi, \u00eei ceri s\u0103 fac\u0103 concret ceva.
\nPfoooa. N-o s\u0103 vezi cascad\u0103 natural\u0103 mai mare dec\u00e2t cea de pretexte pentru care nu poate \u00een clipa aia s\u0103 fac\u0103 nimic.
\n\u015ei eu \u00eentreb: de ce s\u0103 te lauzi cu chestii care nu-\u0163i stau cu putin\u0163\u0103? Nu \u0163i se pare c\u0103 e cea mai clar\u0103 indica\u0163ie c\u0103 nu ai nimic real cu care s\u0103 te lauzi? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"