Ion Popescu f\u0103cea ce face un cet\u0103\u0163ean obi\u015fnuit noaptea. Adic\u0103 dormea cu b\u0103lu\u0163e \u00een col\u0163ul gurii. C\u00e2nd somnul \u00eei fu tulburat de ni\u015fte b\u0103t\u0103i violente \u00een u\u015f\u0103.
\n-Nu cump\u0103r\u0103m nimic, r\u0103cni \u00een semisomn.
\n-Deschideeee\u0163i. \u015etiu c\u0103 sunte\u0163i acas\u0103.
\n-Nu m\u0103 intereseaz\u0103 m\u00e2ntuirea \u015fi calea preacurat\u0103 \u00eentru os\u00e2rdie, \u00ee\u015fi \u00eencerc\u0103 norocul.
\n-Am zis s\u0103 deschide\u0163i, ce n-a\u0163i \u00een\u0163eles!
\nDup\u0103 intensitatea b\u0103t\u0103ilor, Ion Popescu intui c\u0103 e vorba de ceva oficial. Doar statul \u00ee\u0163i intr\u0103 \u00een cas\u0103 cu pa\u015fi grei \u015fi cizme pline de noroi, nu-i a\u015fa? <\/p>\n
Nu mic\u0103-i fu mirarea c\u00e2nd ochii i se \u00eent\u00e2lnir\u0103 cu un individ m\u0103run\u0163el, \u00eendesat, \u00een costum ponosit de stof\u0103, cu alur\u0103 de director al unei \u015fcoli generale dintr-un or\u0103\u015fel mic f\u0103r\u0103 perspective economice sau turistice \u015fi cu femei ur\u00e2te. <\/p>\n
-Bun\u0103 ziua, se uit\u0103 Ion Popescu nedumerit. Credeam c\u0103 voi, martorii lui Iehova, umbla\u0163i c\u00e2te doi \u015fi sunte\u0163i mai pa\u015fnici.
\n-Ce Iehova, domnule! M\u0103 ofensezi!
\nM\u0103run\u0163elul scoase o legitima\u0163ie \u015fi i-o \u00eentinse lui Ion Popescu.
\n-Sunt Hariton Baston, consilier executiv al Comisiei Na\u0163ionale pentru Binele Altuia.
\n-Ce pu…?
\n-F\u0103r\u0103 limbaj vulgar! Consider\u0103m c\u0103 cet\u0103\u0163eanul obi\u015fnuit, a\u015fa ca tine, nu-\u015fi \u015ftie singur binele, a\u015fa c\u0103 e semn de duioas\u0103 preocupare s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i impunem binele t\u0103u prin varii mijloace de coerci\u0163ie.
\n-Aaaah, c\u0103sc\u0103 Ion Popescu. \u015ei nu pute\u0163i s\u0103-mi vre\u0163i binele ziua?
\nM\u0103run\u0163elul \u00eei rase o palm\u0103 lui Ion Popescu, \u00eenc\u00e2t peste p\u00e2cla de somn ap\u0103rur\u0103 subit stele verzi.
\n-Auzi, cet\u0103\u0163ene. Nu ne spui tu nou\u0103 c\u00e2nd s\u0103 ne preocupe binele t\u0103u. Ne preocup\u0103 \u00een limitele programului trasat pe linie de proiecte.
\n-\u0102h\u0103. M-am l\u0103murit, c\u0103sc\u0103 Ion Popescu. Acum, spre binele meu, vreau s\u0103 m\u0103 culc la loc, deci…
\nM\u0103run\u0163elul \u00eei mai arse o palm\u0103 lui Ion Popescu, de-i \u0163iuir\u0103 f\u0103lcile.
\n-Alo, b\u0103iatu’. Te crezi mai calificat \u00een materie de binele t\u0103u dec\u00e2t consilierul executiv al Comisiei Na\u0163ionale pentru Binele Altuia?
\nIon Popescu \u00eencepu s\u0103-\u015fi revin\u0103 din somn \u015fi s\u0103-\u015fi piard\u0103 r\u0103bdarea:
\n-\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, v-a chemat cineva?
\n-Noi nu trebuim chema\u0163i.
\nM\u0103run\u0163elul oft\u0103 a interminabil\u0103 superioritate.
\n-Noi ne autosesiz\u0103m, cet\u0103\u0163ene.
\n-A\u015fa.
\n-Noaptea trecut\u0103, ai m\u00e2ncat pizza \u015fi ai f\u0103cut sex cu o cet\u0103\u0163ean\u0103 care s-a culcat nedemachiat\u0103! acuz\u0103 m\u0103run\u0163elul flutur\u00e2nd din deget.
\nIon Popescu tres\u0103ri.
\n-Claudia. Unde e Claudia?
\n-Am arestat-o deja prin balcon \u015fi am deportat-o \u00eentr-un penitenciar special pentru binele femeilor. Se \u015ftie c\u0103 machiajul uitat peste noapte e principala cauz\u0103 a \u00eemb\u0103tr\u00e2nirii tenului.
\n-Eu credeam c\u0103 razele ultraviolete…
\n-IAR ai impresia c\u0103 \u015ftii mai mult dec\u00e2t consilierul executiv al Comisiei Na\u0163ionale pentru Binele Altuia? r\u0103cni omule\u0163ul. Da, \u00een penitenciar e r\u0103coare, iar asta o va feri inclusiv de razele ultraviolete. S\u0103 se \u00eenve\u0163e minte s\u0103 se demachieze seara.
\n-\u00cen fond, d\u0103-o naibii de curv\u0103, oricum Marcela o suge mai bine, d\u0103du Ion Popescu din umeri. Acum merg s\u0103 m\u0103 culc.
\nM\u0103run\u0163elul \u00eei mai arse o palm\u0103 lui Ion Popescu.
\n-Iar \u00ee\u0163i cuno\u015fti binele f\u0103r\u0103 aprobarea Comisiei Na\u0163ionale pentru Binele Altuia?
\nIon Popescu se enerv\u0103. Dar se enerv\u0103 cu adev\u0103rat. Lu\u0103 un neon, \u00eel umezi, \u015fi \u00eencepu s\u0103 dea \u00een m\u0103run\u0163el cu sete.
\n-Futu-\u0163i mor\u0163ii m\u0103-tii de piticanie tupeist\u0103, c\u00e2t pula mea mai crezi c\u0103 faci pe figura autoritar\u0103 cu mine?
\nM\u0103run\u0163elul scoase un device electronic \u015fi ap\u0103s\u0103 pe un buton. Pe u\u015f\u0103 intrar\u0103 doi masca\u0163i.
\n-Aresta\u0163i-l pe delincvent. Contest\u0103 expertiza Comisiei Na\u0163ionale pentru Binele Altuia.
\n-\u015eefu’, \u00eel \u00eentreb\u0103 un mascat, \u00eel eviscer\u0103m \u015fi pe \u0103sta \u015fi-l vindem pe pia\u0163a de organe?
\n-Logic. E spre binele ob\u015ftei s\u0103 salvezi doi bolnavi de rinichi, unul de ciroz\u0103, unul de hemoroizi, un orb, doi surzi \u015fi un lobotomizat, sacrific\u00e2nd un element recalcitrant.
\nSubit, u\u015fa se deschise iar.
\n-Ofi\u0163er Hariton Baston?
\n-Da.
\n-Te cheam\u0103 \u015fefu’. Zice c\u0103 nu \u0163i-ai luat \u00een considerare propriul bine \u015fi c\u0103 ai b\u0103ut ceaiul cu o lingur\u0103 de zah\u0103r \u00een plus. Drept care e\u015fti suspendat pe post o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, cu obliga\u0163ia de a redacta zilnic c\u00e2te un eseu despre alimenta\u0163ia s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103 la om.
\n-\u015ei eu? \u00eentreb\u0103 plin de speran\u0163\u0103 Ion Popescu.
\n-Cu tine r\u0103m\u00e2ne cum s-a stabilit. Pentru binele t\u0103u! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ion Popescu f\u0103cea ce face un cet\u0103\u0163ean obi\u015fnuit noaptea. Adic\u0103 dormea cu b\u0103lu\u0163e \u00een col\u0163ul gurii. C\u00e2nd somnul \u00eei fu tulburat de ni\u015fte b\u0103t\u0103i...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9601","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spicy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/doorknock.jpg?fit=234%2C300&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9601","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9601"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9601\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9606,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9601\/revisions\/9606"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9602"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9601"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9601"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lorenalupu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9601"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}