…pe tema: “Ce-boi-sunt-americanii-bine-că-suntem-noi-deştepţi-de-rupem”.
(postat iniţial pe Yahoo 360, pe 16 iulie)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it
until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.